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This chap is affectionately dedicated to -
YogeshKanwar6🖤✨
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"I've had so many knives stuck into me, when they hand me a flower I can't quite make out what it is.................... It takes time."
Husband's family always had edge over the wife's family. Though, it couldn't be generalized. And Manjiri was aware of it but still her thoughts were messing up with her sanity.
Was it wrong for a girl to be defensive for her family?
Was it wrong if she, once in a while, chose to give more importance to her family rather than her husband or his family?
Till date, whether willing or unwilling, she tried to give her best in meeting with the expectations of his family and it's relations. She attempted to fulfil every relation with all her heart. But what did she earn in return from him?
Not that she was wanting any repay or something. She wasn't demanding anything from his end, but the minimum she expected him to give some respect, acknowledgement to her family and her relations as well.
Manjiri was not just feeling sad or dejected, she was feeling guilty too. Maybe, she had disappointed him too much.
She sure was wrong but not completely. It wasn't that she secretly had gone to meet her uncle and cousin. She had gone with Ved. And only because she really wanted to.
She sure felt sorry for disappointing him but not for meeting her family.
Ved had asked Jai to bring his father to their city for once in order to consult a renowned hepatologist of their town, who happened to be Ved's friend's brother. Their visit was indeed kept secret at Mohan Villa all because of Adishri's delicate condition.
Adishri sure was not in a condition to undergo such stress. And obviously Ved too wasn't wanting to take any chance. He had initially planned to not inform anyone at his home but when Jai himself informed Manjiri about his arrival via phone, at then Ved couldn't say no to her. He had to tag Manjiri along.
Things weren't easy but Manjiri's heart was at rest with the fact that her uncle's health was improving. She couldn't forget that moment in which her uncle lovingly caressed her head when she had met him. He didn't say much to her, he wasn't even able to meet her eyes properly. Maybe it was his guilt or maybe it was his medical condition. But Manjiri was quite certain that an apology was crystal clear in his look, touch and tone; even though his words weren't many. And that was enough for her.
Manjiri was instantaneously brought back to the present with the tootling ringtone of Shaurya's phone. He was seated at his desk before his laptop. And she was a little far from him, on the bed with a few books and registers around her.
She sighed focussing on her eyes on her assignment. She had barely wrote anything in last half an hour. She was unable to concentrate. His ignorance had a weight under which her heart was getting brutally crushed.
She couldn't forget the way he looked at her when she came back in the afternoon after meeting Jai and her uncle. She definitely was expecting his scolding, but on the contrary he didn't even speak anything about it. He behaved unusually, totally not withstanding with his normal behaviour.
She recalled that awkward situation on returning home in the afternoon,
"You're home."
She exclaimed with astonishment as soon as her eyes fell on him as she entered the room after turning the door's knob. He looked unsettled. And she subconsciously knew why? He didn't have to tell her in words, his eyes already told her.
"Why didn't you pick my calls?"
"My phone was on silent."
She muttered in a low voice keeping her bag at it's right place. Nervousness was evident in the way she spoke. He sighed heavily.
"No wonder!"
She could constantly feel his gaze on herself as she got rid of her jacket and socks. And before she could excuse herself to use the washroom, he called her name in a stern tone.
"Manjiri..." She stopped walking. Him calling her by her name meant that he was clearly upto something profound. "...there is no restriction on your coming and going. But it would be better if you inform before going somewhere. I just hate it when I receive news about you from others and not you."
After that apart from a few curt responses in sheer clipped tone, she didn't receive anything from his side since afternoon. Even at the dinner table, when all were having a great time whilst discussing over next day's function of Adishri's baby shower, he happily joined others but only remained closed off to her. His mood was surely sour because of her. And she was disliking herself for it.
But she intentionally did not let him down. Maybe she should have informed him. However, her fear and second thoughts didn't allow her to do that.
What if he had said no? She obviously didn't have courage to hear that. And especially from him.
She didn't want his reputation to get tarnished in her eyes. She just couldn't take that chance. She didn't want to come out of the bubble that her emotions were protected, respected and valued by him and only him.
She had seen her dear ones playing with her emotions in the name of caring for her. She had seen her dear ones taking major decisions of her life in the name of protecting her.
And now that she had started to consider him very dear to her, she didn't want his image to get changed ever in her eyes. She always wanted to cherish him in the way she knew him or was seeing him as.
Call her fool or coward or whatever, but she was literally turned into that kind of a Manjiri.
Amidst all those thoughts, she didn't realise him getting done with his work and climbing on the bed until she felt the other side of the bed being pushed down gently. He was offering her a cold shoulder since afternoon, so sparing him a glance was of no use. She wordlessly kept on dragging her hand on the blank file pages sprawled before her.
She had an assignment to submit the next day. She didn't get any chance to complete it in the whole day. Courtesy to next day's function's planning and arrangements, long hours dancing rehearsals with Shreya, Sameeksha and Dev for the same. Surprise visits from her family and then her husband's purposeless exasperation for the same reason. And then her infamous habit of overthinking. Nothing helped her with her assignment.
"How much will you study?"
She heard him ask her in an exhausted tone. She responded, not meeting his eyes and making proper space for him to lie down comfortably on the bed.
"I'm not done yet."
"Enough for today. Finish it off tomorrow. It's time to switch off the lights and sleep."
He instructed closing the book which she was referring in copying down it's content on a blank sheet.
She finally spared him an irritated glance at that. She hated whenever he does that. He had this annoying habit of irritating her that way.
Was he in a mood to pick up a fight? Or was he trying to dissipate the uneasiness in between them?
But much to her dismay, she didn't even find a single mark of playfulness on his face. His expressions were rather cold. As cold as they were in the afternoon. She meekly murmured opening back her book,
"You sleep. I'll too when I'll be done with this."
"Ok. Whatever you wish."
Uttering that he didn't even take a second in going beneath the blanket and calling it a night.
Manjiri let out an inaudible sharp exhale as she noticed his all covered up self with sadness pooling up in her eyes.
He was literally behaving as if she had committed a serious crime.
If listening to your heart's voice was a crime, then she was very proud to be called as a criminal. But since it was not, she felt miserable.
The thing which was bothering her more was his absolute silence. Couldn't he just scold her as much as he want to and get back to normal?
She actually had expected him to get mad at her, just like he always does whenever his frustration level hit it's peek. But on the contrary, he didn't even bring any topic relating to that meeting in between them. He surprisingly didn't ask her on anything. He should have at least asked her on how her uncle was doing, at very least for the sake of the quality of being humane.
Within an hour, she anyhow finished up her assignment and then hurriedly massaged some oil into her hair and scalp to leave it on for overnight. She had to shampoo her tresses the next day for the function, so oiling of hair was must.
Switching off the lights, she quietly slipped inside the same blanket. Careful enough to not disturb his sleep.
In a reflex, on feeling her near himself, his arm automatically reached out to her. He dragged her to himself until her back did not get pasted to his chest.
She knew he was still in deep sleep. His soft snores were enough to inform her that. She turned around in his arms and snuggled her face against his chest, a little glad that he at least doesn't discriminate whilst sleeping soundly.
"It's never enough, is it?
We always think we have so much of it, but when it really counts, we don't have enough at all............................"
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"It hurts knowing you did your best and know it still isn't good enough.........................."
A lot of commotion was coming from downstairs. Shaurya tried to ignore it by pressing a pillow over his ear. He wasn't unaware of what all the commotion was about. He actually wondered if the ladies of his house were preparing breakfast or just banging the utensils aimlessly. And then their incessant session of talks and giggles was cherry on the top.
And then they openly quizzed him on why he preferred staying in Chandigarh more for so many days.
He reluctantly opened his eyes and turned to his right.
Would his wife ever learn to close the door behind her after walking out of the room?
Shaking his head at her carelessness, he reached out to his phone kept on the nightstand. His gaze stopped, like one long glimpse, on the time and date displaying on the lock screen. It was 6th January. And time was 7:34 a.m.
He realised it was Arsh's wedding the next day and Priyal's engagement on 10th.
Time was literally flying by. In no time, his elder cousin brother Ved would welcome his first born. And his younger cousin brother would get hitched.
With Dev's wedding, Shaurya caught on the fact that he too would complete a year of togetherness with Manjiri on 1st March. Though, there were still two months for it at then.
10 months with her, and he still was struggling in deciphering how her brain actually worked. There were so many layers of her, all complicated and extremely tangled.
As he pondered more, the events of the previous day came rushing back into his brain one after the other.
He obviously had never expected her to behave in such an odd way.
Not that he was complaining or maybe he was, but he really didn't feel right when he got to know that she overlooked him over her cousin brother and uncle.
Even if he wanted, he wouldn't have stopped her from meeting them. Cause the last thing he wanted to do was make her feel compelled. But the least she could do was to inform him. What did she try to mask by not telling him?
Was he so unapproachable that she feared sharing her prospective plans with him?
Was he so untrustworthy that his own wife feared trusting him with her thoughts?
He had begun to believe that he eventually had earned her trust. But seemingly, it was what was inside that counted.
She was yet to entrust him with everything. Her those relations which once ill-treated her were still 'primary' for her. Whereas he was perhaps just 'secondary' or perhaps nothing at all.
He trusted her but not being trusted back by her immensely bothered him.
Her not filling him with things concerning her bothered him.
Her meeting those people bothered him. Yeah, it definitely did.
He wouldn't deny in admitting that he wasn't that forgiving as her. In his opinion, she for sure was unaware of the unfair world around her despite enduring such misconduct. That same misconduct which actually injured her spirits to no extent.
His heart had ached on seeing her breaking down on her birthday that night. He still felt suffocated on remembering her state of that night. The way she broke down, the way she vented out her frustrated emotions, he could never forget that. And perhaps he could never forgive those people who caused her such pain.
He didn't want her to endure such pain ever again. He knew he couldn't delete the existence of those people from her life and he even didn't want to do that. He just was not wanting their involvement in her life anymore. Cause he firmly believed that an ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure. And he too believed that she should follow it too.
He could have literally lashed out at her, as per his usual mode of dealing with his frustration. But he did not. It took him a sincere effort to be easy with his words and not ill-treat her heart with them.
How he wished she too could think with her brain and not with heart.
Exhaling deeply he got up from the bed and marched towards the washroom to finally begin his day.
No sooner did he enter the washroom then he was warmly greeted by the faint fragrance of her shampoo and hair conditioner. That fragrance effortlessly enveloped him, thus forcing him to erase those lines of fret off his forehead in an instant. The steamed shower walls indicated him that she took a shower not so long ago.
"What I feel for you can't be conveyed in phrasal combinations; It either screams out loud or stays painfully silent but I promise-it beats words. It beats worlds......................."
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"Hugs are actually so underrated especially those hugs that are so tight that you can literally feel the other person's heartbeat and for a moment everything feels so calm and safe like nothing can hurt you.............................."
"Good morning!"
Manjiri greeted softly on entering the room when Shaurya was busy dressing his hair in front of the mirror. He just offered her a plain look through his reflection in the mirror.
Taking a soft but tired sigh, she walked over to him in anticipation.
"I said good morning."
"Morning!"
He greeted back without even sparing a glance at her.
"You still don't want to face me?"
"As far as I know I didn't do any such thing that I shouldn't be able to face you."
Providing her that pointed response, he placed down the comb and started adjusting the collar of his shirt. Manjiri couldn't help but simply look at him like a fool.
Was he indirectly intending that she did something that she shouldn't be able to face him? Did she actually commit a crime? Did he actually think like that?
What a mess she'd invited over for herself!
Training her eyes on his reflection in the mirror, she asked softly.
"Why are you not talking to me?"
"What should I talk to you about?"
Instead of answering, he instantly posed a question whilst sparing her a glance through the mirror. She whispered staring back at him, trying not to sound like an unwell soul.
"Please, quit behaving like this... Don't be mad at me."
In a swift action, he turned around surprising her.
"I'm not mad at you. The way I can forget to talk to you by being busy with my work, in the same way you can avoid me too by being busy with your priorities. No big deal!" Muttering that he stepped aside to walk away. However, his path was blocked by her immediately. He huffed staring at her, "Now please move aside otherwise I might get late for work."
She held his hand in between both her hands. Looking into his eyes, she voiced meekly.
"You slept angry with me, but at least don't go to your work like this..."
Interjecting her in between, he vocalising pulling back his hand.
"Manjiri, I'm not angry with you..."
"Then why are you making me feel so distant?"
Unable to handle his impassiveness anymore, she kind of yelled at him irritably. And that was it, he too shouted back at her the very next moment.
"Cause you too had made me feel the same yesterday, damn it."
Her gaze lowered a little. Not only his pitch but also his words were pointed. Mustering up some courage, she finally attempted to confess.
"I'm sorry. I just thought that you could get annoyed if I'd told you. Therefore, I was scared..."
She stopped speaking. She couldn't say that she was scared to hear a no from him. That she was scared that he too would choose to decide for herself in place of her.
He looked at her in silence, waiting for her to continue. But when she didn't. He asked in a polite manner.
"And now you're not scared in telling this, huh? I can still get annoyed. Get scared now too."
Hearing him say that she upped her lashes to meet his eyes. His eyes seemed to test her. Before he could utter anything more difficult, she gently stepped closer and closed her arms around him. Perhaps in high hopes that he got reminded of their hinted pact. And when he did get reminded, he gave in. The moment she felt him locking his arms around her frame, she started whispering to him in all honesty.
"I still am scared, Shaurya. But I can't get going with my day with your displeasure towards me anymore. I had enough of it now. Get done with whatever you wish to but just quit behaving this way. Only I know how I spent the night by carrying the weight of your ignorance and anger on myself."
Shaurya didn't quite understand of how he should behave. At one moment very disquieting feelings were erupting within him, like if she really took him as a controlling husband of whom she was afraid.
And at next moment, very reassuring emotions were surfacing within him on sensing how tight was her hold on him, like he was her anchor when things turned out to be very difficult for her.
Before he could think of anything to respond her, he heard his mother calling out for his wife from downstairs.
Getting alarmed with her mother-in-law's voice, she pulled back unwillingly.
"Maa is calling you." He muttered and she nodded. He gave her a careful glance. "God! Look at your eyes." Rubbing the pad of his thumb over her eyes, he added, "These just need a reason to get misty."
She didn't say anything, just stared at him. All lost in thoughts.
"You're attending college today?"
He asked on taking a note of her clothes. They were not the clothes which she usually wore at home. Her being neatly dressed up meant she was going out. But wasn't she taking a leave for the evening's function?
"Got an assignment to submit. Will come back early." She informed him and then asked him hesitantly, "At what time will you return?"
"I'll return before you. Not much work is there today because of the strike. But then there's a meeting scheduled with..." His words were interrupted with his mother's voice. She was calling out for Manjiri yet again. "You better go."
Manjiri nodded and began walking towards the door. But hardly had she reached the door when Shaurya's voice invaded her ears.
"Silly Head..." She reflexively turned around to look at him. She literally missed him calling her with that name which only he addressed her by. Her actual name from his voice sounded too formal. "I can't get going with my day with the image of your this face. So smile."
Sinking in his words, she shot him a slow but genuine grin that only widened when she caught him already softly smiling at her.
"My name with the sound of ur voice >>..................."
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[An invitation from Mohan Family!]
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This is it for now. Hope you liked it. I am sorry for the mistakes.
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