Jo
BREAKFAST ON SATURDAY is as cold and frigid as ice. Friday could be considered as dormant because mum had an early shift and I spent most of my day at the bookstore since we had a Black Friday sales. But this morning, we're all gathered in the dining room for breakfast and the tension is so thick that I could cut it with a knife. Everyone except grandma by the way, who's still sleeping in her room after having a particular long day knitting thanksgiving sweaters for the kids in the neighborhood.
I take a bite out of the bacon and eggs and it feels cold. Maybe it's the weather or maybe it's me. Or maybe it's mum who probably got carried away while preparing it this morning. I can't tell.
When I look up at her, the stress lines on her forehead have multiplied and grey hairs I've never noticed before, shoot out of her messy bun. Drew on the other hand, looks unaffected by whatever it is that's going on. He's even shaved his beard and even though his hair is still unkempt, he looks better. Somehow, that makes me both annoyed and relieved.
I pour more milk into my coffee and narrow my eyes at him. "When do you leave? Thanksgiving was two days ago."
Mum clears her throat and speaks for him instead. "Actually, your brother is going to be staying home for a while. His dorm fees have been long due and his friends have kicked him out. He'll be going to school from here until I've sorted out his fees."
I scoff and give him a nasty glance. So he wasn't just here to steal money after all? He had nowhere else to stay. "Hopefully, you get a fucking job and pay me my money back."
Mum massages her temples with a look of fatigue on her face. "Language," she weakly says and grabs a cup of coffee.
"I'm the older one, Jo. Don't talk to me like that." Drew says with a firm look on his face. If I scoffed before, it isn't as loud as I do now.
"Maybe I'd learn to respect you more if you didn't go around stealing your younger sister's money."
His hands ball into a fist and he points a fork at me. "Fucking brat."
"Pathetic thief."
"Enough." Mum says harshly and glares at both of us. "Can't we just enjoy a normal breakfast as a family without you two bickering around all the time?"
"Not until she stops being a brat."
"Not until he pays me back." We say at the same time.
Mum sighs, clearly exasperated and goes back to her pancakes. I get to my feet after a long glaring contest with Drew and throw one of my new novels into my tote bag.
I round the table and kiss mum on the forehead. "Bye mum," I say, shooting daggers at my brother. He gives me the finger and I stick mine into my mouth when she's not looking and return it to him. "I'm off to work."
She nods and stirs some sugar into her freshly made coffee. She's had about three within this short breakfast period. When I turn around and start to leave, I hear mum say, "Your sister's right. You should get a job."
I turn around with a derisive smirk on my face and nod. "Tell him."
"Alright, alright, off to work now." Mum waves me off.
When I turn around, I almost trip over King's food tray and I grab the back of the couch for support.
"You okay there?" Drew taunts and when I look at him, he's returning my earlier smirk. "That's what happens when you don't mind your business."
I give him the finger and he returns it with joy.
"I'm right here." Mum says and I head for the door
before slamming it shut.
∞
"I NEVER THOUGHT I would live to see this day." Otis beams as he unboxes the bookshop's new printer and photocopier.
"Stop being so dramatic." Eloise says, rolling her eyes. "That printer was the OG printer since this store was opened for business."
"It was one hell of a printer though," I say amusedly.
"See," Otis points his hand to me, like he agrees. "Might as well be the first to handle this bad boy before I leave."
Right. Otis leaves for Appleton after Christmas.
"I keep forgetting you're leaving soon," I say. I glance at Eloise and see her looking back to the register on the counter.
He shrugs and rips off the tapes plastered to the device. "It's a bordering town." He says. "I can always drop by and say hi."
"That reminds me," Eloise chimes in. "We should start setting up the decorations soon. Christmas is less than a month from now."
"So we all agree that Jo is Santa this year, right?"
My mouth falls open. "What?"
Just then, the door swooshes open and Flynn walks right in. Our eyes meet and the color that rises to my cheeks is instantaneous and that's probably because I haven't seen him since Thursday/Friday night at the lake. He didn't show up at the store yesterday and for some reason, we didn't speak or text on the phone either.
"Hey," he says to me, regardless of the fact that Otis and Eloise are right next to us and I straighten and murmur a weak 'hi' in response.
"Whoa," Eloise grins. "Whoa."
"This isn't over." I say to both of them, concerning the Santa mascot before turning on my heel and marching to the inventory office.
"Crap," I mutter under my breath and place a hand on my chest. My heart is racing. He didn't say more than one word to me and yet my heart is racing as if he told me to take off my clothes.
"Crap."
A knock raps on the door and I jump slightly. Shit.
"Hey." He says. "Can I come in?" Fuck.
What do we say to each other now? Do we talk about it? Do we not? Does this change anything? Does he actually like me?
I take a deep breath and open the door. I look up at him and find him already looking at me. "Well? Can I come in?"
I open the door a little bit wider and step aside. "Sure. Why not?"
Behind him, Eloise and Otis are silently goofing around and making lewd gestures with their fingers at us and I narrow my eyes at them even though my face is slowly heating up. Flynn breezes past me, his cologne following him as he walks in. Quickly, I shoot Eloise and Otis the finger before slamming the door shut.
I give myself a three-second pep talk before turning around and leaning against the door. He's leaning on my table while his hands fist the edges.
"So what's up?" I start, hoping I sound calm and collected.
"Come here." He demands.
Of course, one of the most popular boys in school is occupying the same enclosed space with me and commanding me and of course, I'm whipped enough to drag myself from the door and walk towards him.
But I don't stand too close. Instead, in a bid to preserve whatever dignity I have left, I fold my arms and give him a stern look. "What?"
He sighs. "You didn't text me yesterday."
"Neither did you."
He scratches his brow. "I wasn't sure of what to say or start with. So I ended up hoping you would."
"A simple 'hey' would have been fine."
"Could say the same about you."
Okay, so maybe he has a point there but it doesn't matter now, anyway. I decide to change the topic after that. I clear my throat and move around the table until I lean down and grab the bouquet of flowers I'd bought on my way here.
"Fresh peonies," I say as I drop it on the table. "She mentioned she loved it in one of her videos."
He nods and looks from the flowers to me. "True." Then he stands properly and nods at the door. "I'll be in the car."
And that's it. He turns around and leaves.
I blink once and then I pick up my tote and carry the bouquet in one hand. So maybe we aren't going to talk about it. Who cares? What's in a kiss anyway?
I swallow and close the door behind me before giving Eloise and her accomplice a warning stare.
"Have fun you two," she says to me and I sigh.
"It's not a date."
"Famous last words," Otis says dramatically. "Just make sure you use protection. Please."
My finger must be sore from the number of fuck yous I've given today. I open the door and make my way towards his car. When I take a seat and shut the door, he gives me a little grin before reversing and hitting the road. As usual, there's a bottle of orange juice sitting in the console and it smells delightful. Just like him.
"Carter told me you have a phobia for public speaking." I say. He turns to look at me. "Glossophobia."
"Right."
"And that's why you joined the club."
"Correct."
"And here I was thinking you joined the club just to watch me suffer."
"Actually," he smiles. "That was an added advantage. It was a win-win situation."
My lips lift a little. "I don't think it's embarrassing." I say, remembering our conversation at the field.
"I wasn't going to do anything about it." He says. "I joined the club because of Ellie. When her cancer came back, she was convinced she'd—she just wanted me to prepare a funeral speech just in case. And I can't do that if I'm a wimp in front of a crowd."
"I hope you won't have to." I tell him and he nods.
"Yeah. Me too."
After that, he tells me about the clinical trial that somehow made her cancer-free for a while before coming back. He tells me that she's going through it again and he tells me how he got good at making cards. It was because they'd use it to while away time while she was receiving chemotherapy. And by the time, we get to the hospital, he's told me so much about her to the extent that I feel like we've met already.
We take the elevator up and amidst the doctors and nurses, he leads me to a private room on the top floor. When he opens the door, the smell of lavender hits me like a breath of fresh air.
"You're late." Her familiar voice snipes immediately Flynn walks in and he nods.
"Fashionably." He says and she snorts before I walk in.
The room is decorated in the most girlish theme I've ever seen. Pinks and purples are everywhere and cards are scattered around the table and floor. She's sitting upright on the bed and a couple of hospital equipments surround it while some are attached to her arm. A tube passes out of her stomach and is connected to bag with liquid food next to her bed and her dark brown hair peeks out of the scarf tied around her head. I look away from her stomach and back to her face because the sight almost makes me want to cry but that would be the wrong thing to do now. Her big, green eyes widen in surprise when they see me and she sits up straighter.
"Ellie, this is—"
"Josephine." She says or more of squeals actually. "Hi. Wow, Trissy. You didn't tell me she was coming."
Flynn goes to take a seat beside her and lifts a brow. God, they look so alike. The resemblance is uncanny. "I swear to God, the next time you call me—"
"It's so nice to finally get to meet you." She ignores him and says excitedly.
I smile genuinely and take a seat next to Flynn. "It's nice to meet you too."
"My brother talks about you a lot." She says. "A lot."
Flynn gets to his feet instantly and I'm positive he's blushing. "I need a drink. Do you need a drink?"
"I guess."
"Great." He heads towards the door. "I'll leave you two to chat a little." He gives Ellie a warning glance and she responds with a sweet smile before he leaves.
"You have a crush on him." She says.
I sigh and hand her the flowers. "It's that obvious?"
"It depends on who's seeing it." She brings it to her nose and inhale even though there's a nasal cannula around it. "This is so thoughtful of you. I love peonies."
"It's nothing. I subscribed to your channel."
She blushes as she reaches over to place them in a jar of fresh water. "You're a fan."
"Your biggest."
She laughs and then we talk. We talk about a lot of things and the more we get to talk, the more I find her way too mature for her age. Flynn doesn't come back as early as I expected him to but it doesn't matter because Ellie is incredibly interesting to be with. She struggles sometimes when she speaks. Sometimes, when she rushes a sentence, she relaxes and takes a deep breath before starting again. She says her chest burns when she talks too much so she excuses herself every now and then.
"He's not going to college because of me." She sighs and I give her hand a warm squeeze.
"It's not your fault, Ellie. He lost his scholarship."
"It doesn't matter. He could still apply to somewhere else but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to do anything anymore. He doesn't want to swim. He doesn't want to make more friends. I just feel like he's going to end up stuck here without anything to show for it and somehow, I feel it's my fault." She looks at me and sniffles. "I just want him to focus on himself for once in his life and stop worrying about me."
"You're his sister," I say. "It's natural he worries."
She closes her eyes and her lips spread into a little sad smile. "What's the point?"
Before I can ask her what she means, the door opens and Flynn walks in with two juice boxes in his hands. "A long queue, a broken vending machine and an excruciatingly slow saleswoman. Miss me?"
"No." Ellie frowns. "We were having a moment. You ruined it."
Flynn tosses a box at me and looks down at his watch. "We should get going. There's a game tonight."
"Right." I get to my feet and give Ellie a one-sided hug. "This was fun."
"You should visit more often." She beams and I nod in agreement. Definitely.
"I'm cutting my hair tomorrow. Or what's left of it rather." She grumbles and Flynn raises his brows.
"You don't have to if you don't want to."
"I know. I want to. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."
"I think you'll look good with a buzz cut." I say and she shrugs, even though her lips are lifting.
"Hear that?" Flynn says. He imitates a cut with his fingers as scissors and shoots her a grin before kissing her on the forehead. "Mum's coming over tonight with your favorite chicken casserole."
"Finally, some good news. And gross." She says, playfully pushing him aside and then she waves at me before we leave.
"Thank you for bringing me here." I say as we get into the elevator. Just as the doors start to close, an old white lady steps in and stands right in front of us. All my imaginations fly out the window. I read too many romance novels.
"You're welcome." He says, leaning against the wall.
"And for two nights ago." I say, blushing. "That was mind blowing."
"What was?"
The woman in front of us gives us a suspicious glance at the mirror before narrowing her eyes at us.
I clear my throat. "Um, the gift. It was cool."
He briefly looks at my lips and looks back at my eyes. "You're welcome."
I look away and blow out my cheeks before spending the rest of the ride down the elevator in silence. The car ride home is also in silence and it makes me antsy. By the time, my porch comes into view, I almost want to jump out of the car.
"I'm picking you up by 6." He says and I nod and hold my bag to my chest.
"It's going to be below 10 degrees out there."
"I can wear a jacket." I say and he hums noncommittally before reaching behind and grabbing a red hoodie. He drops it on my lap.
"Or you could wear that."
I lift the cloth and stare at the front and the back. His surname is written in big, white block letters at the back and I turn to give him a look.
"It's got your name on it."
"It's not a Jersey since I'm not on the football team but it's something. It should do."
"Why am I going to wear a hoodie with your name on it?"
"Because everyone thinks you're mine." He says, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "It's a game. Everyone likes to show off." Then he looks at me. "Just think about it."
But it's not real. None of this is.
We should break up soon or end whatever this is soon because what's the point anyway? Craig hasn't bothered me in a while and Daniel has clearly showed interest in me even though I don't like him as much as I used to. Plus, it's obvious Semia wants Flynn so why are we still doing this? What for?
Yet, I nod and force a smile. "I'll think about it. See you by 6." Even if it's just one last time.
I get out of the car and close the door before heading inside. Drew is lounging on the couch when I walk in and I ignore him before moving up the stairs.
"Who was that?" He asks, without taking his eyes off the TV. "Your boyfriend?"
"It's none of your business."
"It's the same car that brought you to my school."
"Again," I say, climbing the stairs two at a time. "None of your business." And then I slam the door to my room shut.