Fourteen
"What would we even do?" I asked. I was still sitting on Caden's lap, my head resting on his chest. I couldn't believe that I actually agreed to go on a date with him. Where would we go? It's not like we could walk around openly, hand in hand, without somebody seeing us. This city was too small to avoid my classmates or any faculty members.
"Let me worry about that. You get dressed."
He kissed the top of my head and then lifted me from his lap. Standing up, he made his way to the door and left me without another word. I groaned and dragged my feet over to the bedroom, unsure of what to wear because I had no idea what Caden was planning. Regardless of the event, I knew I had to wear something with short sleeves. My entire body felt hot as I paced the room. Why did I agree? I had no business dating Caden. What would we talk about? The stock market? My nonexistant credit history? Mortgages and the unemployment rate?
I decided to wear a black top with spaghetti straps and a sweetheart neckline. The material was silky but loose enough on my torso to remain comfortable. I coupled it with a pair of mom jeans that had large rips along my knees and right thigh. I was too lazy to do anything with my hair so I let my waves fall past my shoulders. I dedicated the rest of my time to my makeup. I normally didn't wear much around Caden because I never had the energy to wake up earlier in the morning, but tonight I decided to apply my foundation and concealer. I kept my eyeshadow simple by applying nude as my base and a golden brown around the edges. I completed the look with light-pink lipstick.
An hour had passed before Caden came back. He wore a white dress shirt with a couple of his buttons undone. I rolled my eyes, grumbling to myself as I wrapped my bracelet around my wrist. I had just spent an hour getting ready and he still looked better without having to try.
"You look beautiful, Diem."
"You, too."
He smiled and grabbed a cloth from his back pocket. "Come here." I titled my head to the side, eyeing the cloth, but stepped toward him. "Turn around."
I turned and felt him step closer. His chest was against my back, and his arms circled around me. He brought the cloth over my eyes and tightened its hold to keep it from falling.
"Are we role playing?" I asked. I extended my arms out, holding my wrists together, and waited for him to tie my hands, too. Everything around me was dark, forcing me to focus on my breathing and Caden's movements. I could feel him step closer, and I jumped when I felt his mouth near my ear.
"Maybe later," he whispered.
He stepped away and led me through the front door and into the elevator. I matched my breathing to the controlled beeping of the elevator. You can do this Diem. You're going to probably have a pleasant conversation over a paid meal. Talking and eating are two things you've mastered over the years, and dinner with Caden will be no different.
There was a ding and then a hand on the small of my back. That small contact made me nervous all over again and the blindfold didn't help. I began to turn to the right, knowing that the exit was down that hall, but Caden turned me in the other direction and nudged me forward. After a few steps, I realized that I was climbing up a flight of steps. Caden pulled open a door at the top and I felt the wind brush against my skin.
He untied the blindfold and told me to open my eyes. I stood there gaping at my surroundings. Instead of going down in the elevator we went all the way up and were now on the rooftop of the building. The roof was mostly empty except for a circular table near one of the ledges. A single candle sat between plates of food and lit the small area.
I turned to Caden, my eyes wide. "You did all of this?"
He nodded and guided me toward my chair, "I don't do things half-assed."
"Good. I'll accept only your best," I said, winking.
In all honesty, this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. The food must have been ordered because there was no way he could set this entire area up and plan a meal in an hour. I felt my mouth grow dry at his sweet gesture and reached for my glass of water.
Caden was too good for me. I had said it already but was prepared to say it until he understood. His efforts should go to someone who deserved them, not someone who would let them go to waste.
I pushed the thought away and uncovered our dinner to find a full plate of chinese food. I was tempted to lift my plate and tilt it downward so that all the food would slide into my mouth at once, but I took a deep breath and waited for Caden to make the first move.
In between moutfuls of rice and sesame chicken, we talked about school and our fathers. Caden's dad was just as busy as mine, but this was his first trip out of town in a long time. He almost didn't leave, but he knew the firm needed another experienced attorney to help with the case in such short notice.
"You never talk about your mom," he said. He wiped at his mouth with a napkin and took a sip of water as he waited for me to respond. He was right. I avoided her in the same way politicians attempted to avoid scandals during an election year. They always seemed to come out though, and when they did, they ruined everything.
"She's never given me something to talk about. Nothing good at least."
"That bad?"
I stared at him for a while, considering whether I should tell him any more. I didn't like talking about my mother with anyone. It always seemed to change the way people looked at me. Mothers were known for staying. They were known for loving their children so much that they'd lay their life on the line for them, and then there was my mother who never seemed to care about mine. I could almost see the question flash across a person's eyes when I told them she was absent: How bad could you be to make her leave?
I asked myself the same question in the beginning. I was convinced that something had to be wrong with me for her to never want me. A part of me still feels that way. After all, she could have left my father but chose to leave the both of us. Now I think that if I never came into the picture, she would have loved him still.
"I don't think she ever loved me. She left us a couple months ago and I haven't spoken to her since."
"I doubt she didn't love you, Diem."
"You don't know my mother."
"But I know you, and you'd be hard not to love."
I lifted my eyes to meet his and considered what he said. The only person in my life who had loved me properly was my father. He had always been there, always patient and understanding. He never tried to change a single piece of me, even the bad parts that maybe needed replacement. I guess he understood that replacing any part of me meant that I was no longer myself. My inappropriate sense of humor, loud mouth, and trust issues were on full display for him, and they were there to stay.
What my mother and Dustin did could never be considered love, and if it was, then I didn't want any part of it.
"I don't need her to love me or for you to try and make me feel better."
I could feel the air between us grow thick as Caden attempted to find something to say. My mother was not going to ruin this night like she ruined everything else in her path.
"Tell me about your family," I said.
"Well you already met Jackson," he said, smiling.
"Did I ever," I said, winking. Caden didn't seem to find my comment funny so I rolled my lips into my mouth and bit back my smile.
"I also have a sister who's two years older than me. She's real bossy, kind of like you, always wanting to be in control of everything and refusing the help she desperately needs."
"Hey!"
"She married her high school sweetheart a couple of years ago. It really put the pressure on Jackson and me."
"From your parents?"
"My mom, mostly. Dad understands that we're still young."
"And your mom doesn't?"
It was as if my question had drained all the color out of his eyes. I hit a sore spot, and there was nothing I could do to take it back. Even if I wanted to pluck my question from the air and toss it far away from us, it had already reached his ears and changed the atmosphere around us.
"She just wants some grandchildren," he said, forcing a laugh.
"Well, you'll have that taken care of in no time. With a girl over every other night, something's gotta stick."
"My sister had a baby a year ago so she won't be as disappointed."
He was concentrated on the table cloth now, using his palm to flatten out the wrinkles that covered the surface. He hadn't met my gaze in a while, and I wasn't sure if I should say anything else. After several pauses, he looked up and sighed, and frown lines resembling the table cloth etched across his forehead.
"It's breast cancer. Stage four and her second time around. Doctor says it's a losing battle."
"How long does she have?"
He shrugged his shoulders, smiling lightly. "A couple of months maybe, but she's a fighter. I know she can make it out of this."
I resisted the urge to cry. My mother had never been around, but she was perfectly healthy. If she were to leave this world permanently, I would never notice, and then there was Caden who had a mother who loved him. He needed her here, but the universe had other plans for her. It was all so unfair.
"I wish things were different," I said.
"There's always something we wish was different, even when we're perfectly happy." He smiled and cleared the dinner table.
I leaned over the table, my elbows resting against it, and smirked. "If you were perfectly happy, there's nothing you'd want to change."
"I'll be perfectly happy soon." I raised my eyebrow and watched as he ducked underneath the table and pulled out a small cooler. I rested my chin against my palm and watched as he pulled out a small box from the cooler.
"What's that?"
"Dessert." He opened up the cooler and reached inside.
"I thought I was dessert?" I asked.
Caden paused, his eyes lifting up to mine. He scanned me over slowly, taking long pauses on my lips, neck, and chest, before looking back at me. "I'm saving you for last."
I ignored the butterflies in my stomach and watched as he pulled out a small box. He ripped it open to reveal six small pink balls that seemed to be covered in a white powder.
"It's mochi with strawberry ice cream, my favorite, and I want you to try it."
He took one of them into his hand and motioned for me to do the same. I reached for one, surprised at how squishy it was. I took a bite out of it, not getting any of the filling, and chewed slowly. It felt sticky on my fingers and in my mouth, and I took another bite, now getting the strawberry, and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, Caden was smiling at me.
"I can see why it's your favorite."
"I have good taste."
"Hm, debatable."
He smiled again and gave me another. "I'm visiting my mom this weekend if you want to come. No pressure."
I took a bite and tilted my head to the side, "Just as long as she doesn't think I'm having your baby."
"You're no fun."
After dinner, we went back to the apartment and prepared for bed. Caden's nighttime routine was fairly short. He would brush his teeth (always flossing), rinse his face with some water, and change into a pair of sweatpants. I, on the other hand, had to wash my face, moisturize, do something about my hair so it wouldn't be a complete mess the next morning, and prepare my outfit for the next day.
While I was finishing, Caden was grading our homework in bed. I watched him from the doorframe, smiling, before my eyes scanned his bare chest. He was easily the most attractive man I had ever seen and I got to share a bed with him every night. Cassie was right about one thing: I was incredibly stupid for never making a move.
I walked out of the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt that covered my hips and the panties underneath. Caden was still on his side of the bed, the comforter covering his long legs but leaving his bare chest exposed. I stayed still and admired him for a moment. His perfectly-shaped brows were bunched together as his green eyes scanned the papers in his hands.
He was goddamn perfect.
I slowly walked over to him and stopped at the foot of the bed. Instead of going to my side, I kneeled onto the mattress and brought one of my legs over both of his, straddling him by his feet. My hands massaged his calves, and Caden looked up from his papers with a raised brow.
"What are you doing?"
"You promised me some role play, Mr. Livingston."
He smiled and tossed his papers to the side. "Is that so, Ms. Reynolds?"
He reached down and grabbed me the front of my shirt, pulling me upward so that I was sitting in his lap. His strong hands gripped my thighs as his thumbs slid against my skin. The thin layer of my panties left me acutely aware of what was underneath me, and my breath caught in my throat for a moment. Caden's hands inched upward, pushing the hem of my shirt higher to reveal part of the lace underneath. His eyes were focused on where our bodies connected, and I watched his jaw clench as he caught sight of the flimsy material.
"I think I'm having trouble focusing in class," I told him.
"Why's that?" he murmured, his voice low, and his eyes still below.
I pushed myself deeper into his lap, eliciting a groan from Caden, and brought my mouth to his ear. My hand slid down his stomach and settled on the band of his sweatpants. "I keep picturing you bending me over your desk and fucking me in your classroom."
He cursed, his fingers digging deeper into my legs as he attempted to pull me closer to him. One hand circled around my body and slipped underneath my shirt, settling on the middle of my back. I pulled away from him, meeting his gaze, and ignored the butterflies settling in my stomach as I caught sight of his dark eyes.
"What do you think of that, Mr. Livingston?"
His fingers reached out to play with a stray hair that fell against my temple, twisting it around and eventually letting go. His hand went down my neck and across the collar of my shirt, his gaze following the path. He lightly tugged at the collar and smiled to himself.
His hand went back to my face and traced the lining of my lips, his eyes following the movement. "I think this fucking mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble."
I nodded, rolling my bottom lip into my mouth. My hand slipped underneath his sweatpants and brushed against his cock straining in his boxers. Caden closed his eyes for a moment and rested his head against the headboard. A consistent ache had settled between my legs, needing immediate attention, but I pushed the feeling aside, focusing on him instead, and slipped my hand underneath his boxers.
"Maybe you should teach me my lesson."
Caden hummed in agreement and rolled his bottom lip into his mouth as the palm of my hand pressed against his length, running along it and squeezing slightly. I pushed his legs apart and settled between them, bowing my head down to brush my lips against the thick fabric of his sweats.
"Is this where you want me, sir?"
He nodded, bringing his hand to my neck, and guided me to the waistband of his sweats. I smiled to myself and dipped my fingers underneath, pulling them down along with his boxers to free him. My hand hesitated for a moment as I took all of him in.
I wrapped my fingers around him, earning a small groan from Caden, and moved my palm up and down. My eyes lifted to find his already on me, giving me a look that I had never seen before. His eyes were dark, brows pulled together, and his jaw clenched. I lowered my head, never breaking our gaze, and ran my tongue along the underside of his cock, leaving it with a kiss when I reached the tip.
His hand tightened around my neck in what was probably an inadvertant response, but I didn't mind. My hand continued to move along him as I watched his eyes glaze over with pleasure that matched my own. He was sending me over the edge without having to touch me at all. In fact, touching him alone and watching him enjoy it was enough to have me hot all over.
"Open your mouth," he gritted out. His hand tapped my cheek lightly but with authority.
His fingers laced through my hair and guided my lips to him again. "Wider," he gritted out as he pushed his cock against my lips.
I wrapped my lips around him and let him fill my throat for a moment before pulling him out. "Like that?" I asked, looking up at him with innocent eyes.
"Oh, fuck," he groaned, pushing his hips upward. I lifted my eyes and stared at him as he fucked my mouth. He controlled the movement and speed of my head, filling my throat completely and then freeing me for air when my eyes began to water, and then he repeated the cycle. I brought my hand between my legs and slipped it in my panties. My fingers were immediately coated in my desire for him, and it wasn't long before the rubbing of my clit began to push me to my own climax.
I would make both of us come tonight, my fingers moving in the same motion as my tongue on his head. He would finish in my mouth, and I would finish against my hand, and it was the greatest way to finish our date.
***
Sounds of clothes shuffling and drawers closing filled the bedroom. I opened my eyes slowly, ready to kill Caden for waking me earlier than necessary. I knew I had more time to sleep without even looking at the alarm clock. I turned my head to find Caden pulling on a T-shirt. He had a fitness band around his wrist and was about to place headphones in his ears.
"What are you doing?" I asked, rubbing my eyes with my fingertips. Caden jumped in response, dropping his phone and headphones to the ground and turning towards me.
"Damn it Diem you almost gave me a heart!" He exclaimed clutching his chest and I laughed. "And I'm going for a run."
"You run?"
"Yes, I run. Every morning."
I looked over at the clock to see that it was only four in the morning. "Another reason to hate you."
He walked over to the bed with a raised eyebrow and leaned forward. A small smile was on display, causing me to roll my eyes for a moment before I sat up and gave him a kiss.
"Can I come?" I asked.
"You want to go running at four in the morning?"
"No, I just asked for shits and giggles."
He gave me warning look but gestured with his hand for me to get out of bed. I pulled the covers off and rushed toward the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair quickly to keep him from waiting long.
I thought about last night during my entire run. It was hard not to when Caden was sweaty and panting beside me as we jogged through the empty streets. I had to credit him for having incredible self-control and stopping before anything else happened. It wouldn't have been smart to go any further. It's hard to keep emotions under control when you go all in, sexually or in general. Giving everything to the other person leaves you with nothing to hold onto, and I needed something to control again.
After we got back, Caden and I fought over who could shower first. He made the valid argument that it was his apartment to which I responded that I was his guest. When he turned around, I decided to sprint for it and locked the door before realized what happened.
Deciding to be nice, I showered quickly and then left for school before Caden walked out of the bathroom.
Cassie and I were walking towards first period when she stopped in the middle of the hall and forced me into one of the corners. Apparently I must have had cocksucker written on my forehead because she was able to tell that something happened last night.
"Spill. Now."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dee, I know something went down. Call it pussy-telepathy or whatever you want."
I laughed and shook my head. "I don't kiss and tell."
"Bullshit. I don't know when you thought you could be a whore in peace, but as your best friend, I'm here to tell you that's not the case."
I groaned and lowered my voice, giving her a quick overview of last night. Cassie's eyes widened as the story progressed and her mouth popped open. At some point, she had stopped breathing, which was honestly better than the hot and heavy breaths she was blowing across my neck at the beginning of my story. She desperately needed to get laid for both of our sakes.
"Fina-fucking-ly. I thought his dick would shrivel up and die before you gathered the courage to make a move."
"Fuck you. I don't see you making moves on anyone."
She paused in the hall again. "Rude. Not all of us have godly boyfriends."
"He's not my boyfriend, Cass."
"Not yet."
"Not ever."
"Why the hell not?"
"Because she's obviously still in love with me."
I jumped at the sudden contact. I didn't need to turn around or hear the voice to know that Dustin was behind me. His lips brushing against my ear and hands touching my waist gave it away. I stepped away from his touch and turned around to face him. Coffee-colored eyes, hot enough to leave a burn, settled on me.
"How much of that did you hear?" I asked.
"Enough to make me gag."
And hopefully choke.
"That asshole's treating you well, I guess."
I could feel Cassie's curious gaze on the side of my head, but I couldn't turn toward her. Dustin lifted a brow and smirked, but his eyes remained furious.
He thought I was dating Jackson. I could have fought the assumption, but he wouldn't have believed me anyway, and a part of me hoped that my fake boyfriend would push my ex boyfriend further away.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked. It came out as a question, but his hand made it a command, wrapping around my forearm and pulling me toward one end of the wall. I looked over my shoulder and gave Cassie a small smile, waiving her off so she wouldn't be late to class.
Dustin pushed me toward the lockers. I yanked my arm away from him and stepped back, leaving space between us. Dustin rolled his eyes and laughed. His eyes scanned the hall for a moment before finding mine again.
"What do you want?" I bit out.
"Careful, Dee."
"You're going to make me late for class."
"I need you to do something for me."
"No."
"I wasn't asking."
"I know, Dustin. You don't have the capacity to ask nicely."
He took a deep breath and leaned against the wall nearby. His hands ran over his face, rubbing circles into his eyelids.
"I need you to come over for dinner. My mom's been asking about you."
"You haven't told them?"
"No."
"That's not my problem."
"I'll tell them eventually. Come for dinner and I promise I'll leave you alone."
He wouldn't tell them. He'd keep it from them with the hope that we would end up back together, and that wasn't going to happen.
So I needed to do it instead.
Dinner and freedom. That's what was waiting for me tonight.
"Fine."