Never in his life, had Phayu been so scared. When he received that phone call, it's like his whole world had collapsed. He knew the minute Rain didn't answer his texts that something had happened, but to have the confirmation that he was indeed in danger, in the hands of Stop and his men, tied to a chair, unable to move or defend himself, was like an arrow directly shot inside his heart. His bones, his brain, his mind, were only working because of the adrenaline rushing through his veins.
The minute he arrived in that dirty room, he promised himself that he would save his lover, whatever it takes. When Stop asked him to kneel, he did it, when Stop started punching him in the face, he didn't fight back. He didn't fight back neither when his enemy's foot reached his hand, nor when he felt his ribs being aggressively hit, again and again. Nothing for him was as painful as to hear the screams of his boyfriend, pleading for help, pleading for the threatening man to make it stop. He took every punch and every insult so that his younger lover could be safe. It was all that mattered, he would die for it.
The sense of relief when they were finally found and freed was nothing compared to the comforting touch of Rain's hand on his face. Tearful Rain, apologizing in his arms for letting Phayu get hurt.
"It's not your fault" was his lover's answer. He smiled at Rain, a smile to tell him that he was ok, that the nightmare was over. But was it really?
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"You should have stayed at the hospital, like the doctor told you." They were lying on Phayu's bed, Rain keeping his distance with his boyfriend, too scared to hurt him. Objectively, Phayu knew that he should have indeed gotten a complete checkup at the hospital, and stay the night there, in case anything happened. But the only thing he wanted after they were finally both safe was to come back home and to rest. He refused to stay more than a few minutes at the hospital, refused to have X-rays, and he purposely hid a few injuries. Yes, his body was screaming inside. Yes, his bones were hurting as if millions of small knives were stabbing him. And yes, maybe he was tired, more than he should have been. But it was nothing that couldn't get better after two or three days of sleep.
"And missing the chance to be taken care of by my lovely boyfriend?" he answered, trying to light up the mood.
"P'Phayu, I don't -" Rain couldn't finish his sentence.
"It's nothing more than a few bruises and a broken finger, I promise, I'll be fine" Rain was still looking at him in disbelief. But there was nothing he could do against his very stubborn boyfriend. "I'll not be fine, though, if you don't come and kiss me" was all Phayu managed to say before he flinched while trying to move his arm. Anticipating Rain's reaction, he said : "It's ok, I'm just sore".
But lifting one arm shouldn't be that painful, even with a sore body.
"At least, if you want to stay home, please don't move. Please, let me be your arms, your hands or your legs for the next few days".
"Rain baby, I didn't know you could be so romantic". Phayu was looking at his lover with intensity, that gaze he often uses with him, and which – he knows it – makes Rain weak and soft.
"If you think your doe eyes are going to work with me right now, you are wrong. No flirting, I will only focus on your recovery. Until then, I'm not going to fall for your games, mister"
"I thought I would be rewarded after what happened", Phayu regretted what he said almost immediately. It was just a joke, once again to light up the mood. But as soon as he pronounced his words, he saw Rain's face turning darker, his cute smile leaving him and tears already welling up in his eyes.
"Hey", Phayu said. Damn his injured arm or the pain in his ribs, this time, he didn't stop and lift it to softly caress Rain's hair. "I'm sorry, it was just a bad joke". Rain was unable to look at his boyfriend, closing his eyes to calm his emotions. Guilt was all he could think about. He felt so guilty for what happened, for being unable to defend himself. He was ashamed that he needed his boyfriend to save him, as if he was a damsel in distress.
"Hey Rain" – his eyes were still closed.
"Rain, honey, look at me". He finally caught Rain's attention, tracing the bones of his face with his fingers. Softly, he started with his forehead, then his nose, his lips, his neck. Then, he calmly lift up his chin, so that he could directly stare at him. "Never, at any moment, did I regret what I did. None of this is your fault. I'd do it again. If you fall, I'll always catch you". Phayu gently wiped Rain's tears, and tentatively started to move his upper body to come closer to him.
"You're going to get hurt, don't move"
"I'm fine, please kiss me"
They stayed in silent with their foreheads touching each other for a few seconds, after sharing some light kisses, nothing too big, but enough for both of them to feel the comfort of the other.
"I wouldn't mind if you wear a nurse costume, while you take care of me". This time, Phayu's joke did work on Rain. His cute bunny smile, his blushing ears, that's the Rain Phayu always wanted to see. The happy carefree one. The one with no trauma, with no heartbreak.
"Can your nurse do something for you?" Rain was playful. If it took all Phayu's energy to make him smile, then, he would gladly do it. "Are you hungry? I can ask Saifah to buy some food, anything you want."
"I'm not really hungry..." In fact, he was far from hungry. Phayu was feeling nauseous. The idea of eating something was making it even worse. But he knew he also needed to at least have some drink, to make his boyfriend less worry. "... Maybe I could just have a glass of water".
"What about I make you some tea, I think it's better for you to have something warm in your organism. Or, what about some soup?"
"Yeah... soup is great". His voice was only a whisper. His eyes were so heavy right now. "Maybe we could just sleep for a little while, and then I'll eat if you feed me". Mischievous Phayu, thought Rain. The younger didn't say anything more. It was obvious his boyfriend needed to rest.
He helped him getting comfortable in his bed, wrapped him inside the soft blanket, making sure his head was on the best pillows the house had. And he watched him fall asleep, caressing his hair in silence, looking at him with pure adoration. What did he do to be so lucky to have such a strong and handsome boyfriend?
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A few hours passed, with Rain never allowing himself to sleep, in case his lover needed something. He was expecting Phayu to wake up and feel at least a little better. But when the older man opened his eyes, he wasn't greeted with his beautiful seductive gaze. Instead, his eyes were puffy, red, the dark circles were worse than before his nap.
"P'Phayu", Rain said. But his boyfriend was not alert. His body was here but his gaze was unfocused. It didn't take him long to see that Phayu was burning up. "Shit, shit, shit", was all he managed to say.
"P'Phayu, can you hear me?"
"Mmmmm", no words, but at least, that was an answer.
"You are burning up, we need to call a doctor"
"No..." his voice had never been that weak. "No doctor... ... ... please"
"P'Phayu, you have fever, you didn't eat since we came back, we have to call a doctor"
Their tensed conversation was cut by Saifah, who entered the room with a plate of food and a glass of water. He was expecting to find the two lovers being all cuddly as usual, not to find his brother's boyfriend crying in front of his very lifeless brother.
"What's happening?" he asked, rushing to the side of their bed.
"He is burning up but he doesn't want me to call a doctor", said Rain, in a defeated voice, hoping that if he couldn't not convince his boyfriend, at least maybe his brother would be able to do it.
"Bro", Saifah said tentatively. "Can you hear me?"
"Mmmmm"
"Where does it hurt?"
Everywhere, Phayu wanted to answer. It hurts everywhere. Please help me. But as much as he wanted to scream for help, his brain refused to let him talk. Maybe not staying at the hospital had actually not been his smartest idea.
He really thought a nap would make him feel better. But he felt ten times worse than before. Breathing was painful, the headache he had was painful, listening to people's voice was painful. Yet, stubborn as ever, he still didn't want to see a doctor. Why? Because he couldn't bear seeing the guilt on Rain's face one more time. If his condition right now would not kill him, Rain's pain would.
He was so lost in his thought that he didn't realize someone was moving him. Rain and his brother must have seen his confused look because both of them started talking.
"Your clothes are soaked in sweat. I'm going to undress you, if that's ok ?"
Rain didn't know why he was asking, he had undressed his boyfriend so many times in the past. But this time, Rain was unsure of everything. What should he do to make his boyfriend feel better? Not waiting for an answer, he started unbuttoning his shirt, then proceed to take off his pants. With a wet towel, he gently wiped his body.
It felt good, Phayu thought. It felt so good on his burning body. And Rain was being so careful not to hurt any of his injuries. Half asleep – or rather fighting to not lose consciousness -, he heard his lover whispering in his ears. "You'll be fine very soon my love". Comforting words from his boyfriend was all he needed, really.
Then, he heard Saifah talk to Rain. "It will be here soon".
What will be here soon? Phayu started panicking. His agitated state was not doing anything good to his painful bones. He didn't even know why he was panicking. He was safe in his lover's arms, at home, with his brother. What was he scared of? His already difficult breathing was now so painful Phayu contemplated the idea of just letting everything go. His head was about to explode, his body was shivering.
Was it from the fever, or from the pain?
His mind was unfocused. One minute, he was in his bed, the other one, he was back in that dirty dark room, with Rain being tied to the chair. But this time, Phayu couldn't save him. This time, the body of his lover was lying in a pool of blood, with Stop laughing next to him. Now, not only his breathing was frantic, but his heart was threatening to leave his chest. He needed air.
He was screaming. Screaming because he was so sure that Rain was dead. He was, wasn't he? He just saw it. "Rain" he screamed, and screamed again. "I'm sorry", he said. "Please don't leave me".
He could feel his body being wrapped tightly. Who was touching him? Where was he? Why was everything around him so dark suddenly? He was not in the dark room anymore, he was alone in a space with no walls, no floor, only darkness. He was suffocating. To get some hair, he tried to remove his clothes, but he didn't find any shirt, only his skin. Why was he naked ?
"P'Phayu please". Rain was crying, crying so hard it broke Saifah's heart.
The older men explained that his brother was probably hallucinating because of the fever. But knowing this didn't make any of them feel better. Seeing the usually strong man in such distress was something both of them would never forget. Rain was hugging him tightly, letting him just enough space to catch his breath. He was trying to calm his lover, to tell him that he was here, next to him, that soon, everything will get better. He told him that his brother had called an ambulance and that it would be here soon.
"Please, stay with me for a little while, just a few minute", Rain pleaded. "The ambulance will be here soon, then, you'll be able to rest. But please, for now, just stay awake", he asked brokenly.
Phayu, alone in his dark space, could hear people talk to him. He tried to focus. Whose voice was this? Focus please, he told himself. That's when he heard someone singing. Oh, it felt good. Someone was singing to him. Was it Rain singing the same song Phayu once sang to him in the kitchen? Oh yes, it was definitely Rain. Lost in this dark empty place, only his lover's lullaby was able to calm his racing heart. It felt so good. So good he decided that it was the right time to close his eyes. No more pain, no more dirty room, no more weird empty dark space.
"P'Phayu !" Rain, on the contrary, was panicking. The man in his arms was lifeless. He was not moving anymore, the grip he had on Rain's shirt was lost. "P'Phayu wake up!" – nothing. "Wake up please" – nothing. "P'Phayu, my love, please open your eyes" – nothing.
When the paramedics arrived, he refused to let him go. It took Saifah everything he could to detached the two lovers. Rain and him watched with tears in their eyes the paramedics taking care of Phayu. They were in a rush. Everything happened so fast.
"Quicker, we don't have time", Rain heard one man saying to his colleague.
And then, in a few minutes, he was gone, put inside the ambulance on the road to this hospital.
Phayu went there with his brother, the only one able to take any quick decision for him if something happened. Rain was left alone in the room, looking at the empty bed where his lover was lying a few hours ago.
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Rain knew he needed to go to the hospital, to join Saifah. But he was unable to move, sitting on the floor, his knees up to his face.
He heard a voice. "Rain?" Someone was gently rubbing his back. He raised his head to see that Sky and Prapai were here.
"Oh Rain", Sky said when he saw the puffy face of his best friend. He didn't wait a minute to take him in his arms, letting him cry on his shoulders. Tears that broke Sky's heart. His always joyful friend looked so fragile and broken.
"I don't know what happened", Rain told him, between two hiccups. "We went home and he was fine. Then he took a nap and now I don't even know if he is still alive", he continued. Saying out loud that he could lose his boyfriend made him cry even harder and made Sky wrapped him even tighter. "Shhhhh, it's ok Rain, he is strong, and he is stubborn, he won't abandon you here alone".
Prapai, on the back, was not saying anything. When Saifah called him to ask him to go to his house to take Rain to the hospital, he hadn't realized that the situation was so bad. All Saifah had told him was that his brother was sick and needed to see a doctor. But after seeing Rain on the floor, after hearing the sound of his screaming voice, his own heart broke. Phayu was his best friend. He didn't know what he would do without him today. He was an example for him, after his troubled past. And he would never say it out loud, but seeing how openly in love Phayu was with Rain, it gave him the strength to fight for Sky.
Prapai slowly approached his boyfriend who was still hugging Rain. "Rain", he softly said with a voice usually only made for Sky to hear. "Rain, we are here to take you to the hospital to see Phayu. Do you think you can get up?"
Rain let go of Sky's embrace and looked at his two friends. "I'm sorry", he said, touching Sky's shirt, that was now wet with his tears.
"Hey, it's ok, it's ok", Sky answered with a comforting smile. "Ok, I'm going to help you get up", he continued before turning to his boyfriend. "And Prapai will bring you a glass of water, then, we are going to get your jacket and we'll go inside Prapai's car to the hospital".
Sky was explaining every step they were going to take, not risking anything with his fragile friend. He knew more than anyone else how it felt to be broken. He knew how to deal with this. It made Prapai so proud, to see his strong lover taking care of his best friend like this.
---------------------------
The road to the hospital felt like it lasted forever to Rain. While Prapai was driving, he was sat in the back with Sky who never let go of his right hand. His left hand was holding his phone, in case Saifah would call him to give him any news. But he didn't get any update about his boyfriend's condition.
When the three of them arrived at the hospital, they were told where to go. In the corridor, they found Saifah, sitting alone on a chair, his face in his hands. Rain ran to him, his heart almost stopping at the thought of the older man crying, imagining that the worse could have happened. Phayu's brother must have heard his steps because he raised his head, waiting for Rain to approach.
"Saifah?", Rain asked. "How is..." He couldn't finish his sentence, his throat too tight to go further.
"In the ambulance... his...", Saifah was trying to say something and Rain could see how worried and shocked he was.
"What? What happened in the ambulance?" Rain asked, kneeling in front of him, encouraging him to continue. But did he really want to hear what was coming?
"His heart... it stopped" Rain flinched, lost his balance. Thankfully, Sky was behind him quickly, avoiding him to fall completely.
"Is he... ?" Words that Rain would have never thought to pronounce one day. "Dead?" Tears were all over his face, his body started shaking. It couldn't be real. He couldn't lose the man of his life because of some stupid motor race.
"Saifah ! He is dead ?!" he asked this time, louder, anger rushing through his veins. "Is he fucking dead?!" he asked again, even strongly, cursing even if his lover hated when he did it. But who would scold him, if he was not there anymore.
"No, they managed to restart his heart. Then, I don't know, we arrived here, and they took him and now I don't know anything else", he answered, shaking, obviously in shock.
"Rain, he is my twin brother... I don't know what I'd do if..." Rain was so focused on his own pain and worries that it didn't occur him how hard it must be for Saihfa. He hugged him, he was not alone in this. "He'll be fine, he is strong, he'll be fine" he said, not knowing if he was trying to comfort the older man or convince himself.
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After a few hour with no news, despite asking every nurses and doctors who walked in the corridor, someone finally came. He introduced himself, saying he was one of the doctor in charge of Phayu.
Not knowing who the three other men with Saifah were, he only talked to the brother, the only official family member here. "Your brother is alive", he started, knowing that it was for now the only thing everyone needed to hear. "From what I understand, he got injuries after being attacked right?", he asked and Saifah only nodded, waiting for what was coming next. "One of the broken rib he had punctured one of his organs, causing an internal bleeding. That's why we needed to operate him quickly, to prevent any more damage. I know you are all in shock after what happened so I'm going to keep all the details for later if that's ok for you. What I can tell you is that the internal bleeding caused the very high fever he got, which made him even weaker. The strong reaction he had back in your house, it was his body's reaction. To put it simple, his body was screaming for help. I'm not going to lie to you, young men, it was very close. For now he is stable. We gave him very strong sedatives so he'll be asleep for the next days. When he feels that he'll be able to handle his body and the pain, he'll wake up. What we can do for now is only making his injuries less painful. We are also going to monitor him closely to make sure he didn't catch any infection, you will be able to see him in a few hours".
It was a lot of information to take all at once. But what caught Rain's attention was that he indeed almost lost his P'Phayu. He almost lost him because he needed to be saved, because he is too weak to take care of himself.
"Hey, don't say that", It was Saifah's voice. Did Rain said this out loud? Apparently yes. "Don't blame yourself. I was there when Phayu was looking for you, and I know my brother, nothing could have stopped him to go find you. I can assure you that this is maybe the one decision in his life he will never regret".
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It took five days for Phayu to wake up. Five days for him to open his eyes and find his lover, asleep next to him, his head resting on the side of his hospital bed. Phayu moved his fingers, which immediately alerted Rain. Shocked, Rain didn't move. Was the nightmare finally over? Was Phayu really alive and awake?
"Hey", said Phayu weakly, with hoarse voice. Rain burst into tears. He couldn't talk, couldn't move. The only think he could do was crying, hugging his lover lightly not to hurt him. Phayu lifted his arm, slowly, painfully, to caress Rain's hair. They stayed in silent for a few minutes, humming each other, skin touching to make sure they were both alive.
"P'Phayu", Rain started, his face still full of tears. Happy tears this time. "Thank you", he continued. Seeing Phayu's confusion, he explained : "Thank you for coming back to me, to us. Thank you for waking up. Thank you for being alive."
Phayu smiled softly, his eyes already too heavy to stay open longer.
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Next time he woke up, he was a little more alert. This time, he was greeted by his brother's wide smile. "You sure know how to make us worry, big bro". It made them laugh together. "Here, have some water", he continued, helping Phayu with his glass.
"How are you?" he asked. And knowing his brother, he immediately added: "I sent Rain home so he can take a shower and bring some of your stuff, so be honest and don't bullshit me while trying to be heroic or whatever. How are you for real?"
Phayu couldn't help but smile at his brother. It was good to be back. But laughing reminded Phayu's that his ribs were indeed broken and that something has naturel as breathing was taking him all his energy.
"Honestly?", he started, catching his breath slowly before he could continue. "I feel like shit".
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Phayu and Rain didn't really discuss what happened. Rain was too focused on taking care of his lover. Making sure he was hydrated, that he was warm enough, that his hair was detangled, that his bruises were healing. It took them a few days to finally have the conversation both of them had been avoiding.
Rain was sat next to Phayu's hospital bed. Despite the older man imploring the student to lie next to him on the bed, Rain categorically refused, too scared to hurt him more than he already was. Both of them were watching TV in a comfortable silence, when Phayu finally talked.
"I'm sorry", he said.
Rain was surprised at the sudden admission.
"I'm sorry that I made you so worry. That's exactly what I was trying to avoid"
Seeing that Rain was not speaking, and only staring at his boyfriend, Phayu kept going. Catching his breath, remembering the techniques the nurses told him so that his bones could hurt less for a few seconds.
"When we went back home after the whole thing with Stop, I tried so much to pretend that I was fine so you wouldn't be worried, that I didn't see how bad my condition was. I didn't do it on purpose. But in the end, I hurt you even more. I made you go through hell, and I'm sorry".
Phayu didn't know if it was because he was tired, or just overwhelmed, but he started crying. As soon as the first tears were seen on his face, Rain wiped them with his thumb.
"P'Phayu, no one could have imagined what was going to happen. You told me not to feel guilty after the attack, so please, please, I can't bear you feeling guilty now. I want you to recover without being worried for me. You saved me back then, let me take care of you now. You don't need to always be strong for me. I promise you I am able to handle it. What I can't handle is you suffering because you are scared to worry me. I need you to always be honest with me if you are hurt. And I promise you I'll do the same".
"I promise you", Phayu whispered, closing his eyes ready once again to fall asleep. But then, he remembered something.
"Hey, Rain my love"
"Yes P'Phayu, do you need anything? Wait, let me make sure the pillows are good enough, I can go find new ones if you want, I can ask the nurses, I think they are found of you, you are lucky I am not jealous"
"Rain-"
"Sorry, what were you going to say?"
"Did you sing for me?"
"Huh?"
"When we were at home, before the hospital and all of this, I think I heard you singing to me, you know, like a lullaby"
Rain didn't answer.
"Saifah told me I had high fever back then and that I was hallucinating, or something like that. I remember how lost and unfocused I was. I was so scared Rain. I thought I was dying. But then, I heard your voice singing to me and - "
Rain approached Phayu slowly, and he kissed him, his emotions all over his face. Sad to remember the horror that they went through, but relieved to learn that what he did back then – his best – to calm his lover, did work. He did hear him. And he did calm him.
"It was not an hallucination", he smiled, kissing Phayu on the lips, watching the man of his life fall asleep, this time, peacefully and safe. "You can sleep, I'll be here when you wake up".
And he started singing, like a whisper, in his lover's ear.
THE END.
Note : I hope you liked it ! Please let me know what you thought about this one-shot. It's my first time ever, writing about this couple <3