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• 3 months earlier •
Slowly rolling out of bed, which these days had been harder than usual, I opened up my bedroom door. Someone's loud knocking woke me out my sleep, which I wasn't getting much of lately. Whoever decided to bother me this early in the morning better have a good fucking reason.
As I made my way to the door I could already feel the stiffness settling into my neck from all the long nights I spent bent over my desk sorting through pack files.
I could easily have my beta sort through half the files but it have me something to keep my mind occupied just enough to not think about that night. The night that had been haunting me for the last five years.
Opening the door I laid eyes on my Beta, Neema which would be the only reason I wouldn't kill her for waking me up.
We had been friends since I was a pup, and she was probably one of the only wolves I trusted in my pack. I was starting to think she was using my sod spot for her to get away with shit that she knew pissed me off.
As I made eye contact with her, I could feel the a deep pain slipping through out bond. She might've been good with masking her emotions but our bond would always give her away.
"Neema what's wrong and don't tell me nothing because I feel it through our bond. What is bothering you?"
And just like that she cracked. Her body froze up of only for a split second. He shoulders more rigid than usual and she was doing that thing with her fingers, drawing circles in her palms when she was nervous or on edge.
As I met her eyes again, a sharp pain finally made its way through the bond. One that I knew all too well. I already knew what her unspoken words would hold. What her body language was already telling me.
My once slow beating heart came to a complete stop.
I knew what those eyes meant. I knew tha sickly familiar pain that was now evident in our bond. I knew it all too well. There was only one thing That had that unmistakable effect on anyone no matter what species or title. That sick feeling that infested you from the inside slowly eating away at your core.
Death.
I took several slow steps back, which became frantic as I tried to escape the inevitable truth I knew was waiting for me.
"Amara I-" she started, but I quickly cut her off.
"NO" I shouted almost in a plea, "She's okay". I whispered. "I know she's okay", I said but more of to myself. "She- she- has to be".
My wolf was now pacing in my head, full of concern and anxiousness. She was on edge. Usually she could tell if someone in our pack had died because of the inevitable pain from the broken pack bond, but this time was different.
When pack bonds were severed it was a pain worse the closer you were to the person, especially if it was a family bond. But this particular instance was different. You had to have a wolf to have a bond, but If your wolf died are became mute your bonds with your pack, family, or mate would wither into nothing.
Usually my wolf never shared her emotions or thoughts with me.The most I had gotten from her since my first shift was huffs and snarls of disapproval of everything I did. So If she wasn't blocking our bond it must've been really bad.
I could hear my voice cracking, and the hard facade I had been trying to keep up all these years was cracking with it. "Amara..." Neema started, almost as if she was testing the waters, whether or not to keep going.
"She doesn't have much time left, you need to see her now before it's too late".
The hard truth was hitting me all at once. A truth deep down I knew would eventually come to surface.
My mother was dying. She had been for a couple of years now.
Diagnosed with a unfamiliar cancer that no doctor in any surrounding packs got miles had heard of. But she wasn't the first to die, her wolf was. That day I saw the light leave her eyes. It was almost as if half of her soul was already gone.
Year after year of trying new treatments, medicines and potions we still weren't anywhere closer to finding a cure.
I even went as far as bidding witches out of enemy cells in hope they knew something about my mothers condition that the endless amount of pack doctors might've missed.
all my efforts had been proven futile till My mother, our Luna forbid me from searching for any more cures. She didn't want her last couple of months on earth watching me run myself mad, trying to stop the inevitable. And as much as I hated it, I knew she was right.
There was nothing I could do. No more potions to try, no more witches to hunt down. I had ran out of options and time.
Since 2 months ago when I finalky accepted it all I did was work. I thought that if I busied myself with work, spending long nights nose deep in paper work, and fixing pack problems, that somehow I could escape reality.
I even went as far as to convince myself that I was just getting ready to take on both Luna and Alpha roles of the pack. Anything to keep my mind sane.
Quickly wiping my tears with the back of my hand and trying to pull myself together, at least enough to face my pack, I stood up.
"Let's go". It didn't come out as strong as I hoped, but it would have to do for now.
Swiftly passing Neema, I made my way to the pack doctor, which was on the other side of our pack territory. I made sure to avoid the path that I knew Lina and her pack mates occasionally played on. I knew I couldn't face her yet.
How was I suppose to look her in her eyes and tell her our mother was dying, and she was stuck with a sorry excuse of a sister. She was to young to lose her mother, and I was too fucked up to even come close to replacing her, but I would try my best. Goddess knew she at least deserved that.
As we got closer, each step became heavier and heavier. I felt Neema put her hand on the small of my back, drawing circles with her thumb, in a comforting manner, giving me the best smile she could muster up.
Her comfort was probably the only thing keeping my legs from buckling from under me right now, though I'd never tell her that. She had enough problems of her own to worry about her Alpha. I wouldn't add any of my baggage to her problems.
As we walked up, I saw the pack doctor Tris, standing in front of the door. She wore a sympathetic expression, as she moved aside to let me in.
The same expression of been getting from all my pack members for the last couple of weeks. The "We all know Luna doesn't have much time left" pitiful expressions. I knew they were genuine but it didn't make it anymore unbearable.
"She's in the last room all the way to the back on the right. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more Alpha, but I've done everything I could to make her comfortable." She said, and I didn't fail to miss the slight pain in her shaky voice.
I wasn't the only that would be mourning my mothers death. He whole pack would feel this one harshly.
I slightly nodded as I walked past her not wanting to meet her eyes and see that all too familiar look of pity, one I had been avoiding since my mothers health deteriorated. Just another sign that this was all real. Not a bad dream, not my mind playing sick games with me.
My mind was spiraling, as I let my legs carry me to the room.
"I'll wait outside Alpha" Neema said, while squeezing my hand.
Neema and my other higher ranked wolves only used my title when in a serious situation or around other pack leaders. They knew I didn't really care for the pack formalities made by pride high male Alphas who liked to have their ego stroked as much as their dick.
The whole thing had always been stupid to me and I didn't think I needed a title to gain respect from my pack. Something my dad made very clear to me growing up.
"Thanks Neema but I need you to get things ready for tomorrow. After news spreads about Luna's death, I'll have to make the announcement tomorrow. Something to give the pack hope and lift spirits up" I said, while reluctantly pulling back my hand.
I tried to disregard the flash of pain that flickered through our bond, as well as her eyes, leaving as fast as it appeared, as I pulled back.
Slowly, I began turning the knob, too knowing of what lied on the other side. I opened the door and her scent hit me. A mix of lilac, and honey.
Of course It was different this time. The smell of death lingered over her scent, waiting to consume any trace of life she had so dearly clinched on to.
I began making my way into the room, moving towards the right of her bed.
I could hear her shallow breathes, as her rib cage shook, trying to fill her lungs with any air that could get past her lips.
Even so, still in her sleep she was beautiful. Beauty was something even death couldn't take away my mother. Not in this lifetime or the next.
Her once deep ginger locs that snaked down her body, where now black and lifeless. Her skin that as a pup I swore shimmered when the sun hit it, was now a pale chestnut brown.
Fadilah. I always loved her name.
As a pup I promised her one day I'd name my daughter after her. As I grew and the reality of never finding my mate slowly crushed me, I knew that would be a promise I could never keep.
Slowly as she stirred awake, flickering her eyes open, meeting my already awaiting gaze. Those big brown eyes that always made me feel safe, now with only half the glimmer.
"Amar-" she tried to cough out. Wheezing and trying to regain her breathe.
"shhh" I whispered, while caressing her hair, wanting her to preserve any of the energy she had left.
Finally, taking a seat at the edge of her bed, I noticed the dry blood that coated her chapped lips. "Don't use all your energy on me." I whispered, while somehow mustering up a smile.
Even facing death, she still was able to crack a small smirk, except this one didn't meet her eyes.
Unknowingly, tears were starting to well up in my eyes and pour over onto my cheeks, and before I realized it, with a shaking hand she was reaching to wipe them away. Just like she had done for every tear I shed growing up. When I fell from trees trying to be adventurous to when we lost everything in one night. There she was to wipe away all my fallen tears. Even the ones I didn't want her to see.
"Amara my little rose, don't cry for me." She said with a weak voice barely above a whisper. "The goddess will favor you like she has me" she nodded almost knowingly.
The goddess. The same goddess that had watched my mother slip away for years. Watched as her wolf died and she lay heart broken in her bed for weeks. Watched my farther and half our pack be wiped out. Yet here she was till her last breathe with not a faltering thought that the moon goddess would soon favor me.
"Favor me?" I spit back, with more venom in my voice then I attended. "How is taking away one of the only people that I love in this world a favor? How is taking away everything that I love slowly a favor? Where was she when she watched dad drop dead with half our pack members? I was sobbing at this point, making no moves to conceal my tears.
Tears now filled her eyes, as she reached to intertwine her fingers with mine as she smiled again.
"Your chosen by the goddess herself.
You already have all the characteristics of a warrior. Strong, compassionate, smart. , and resilient. The Moon goddess hasn't abandoned you. All will come to the light in due time, just be patient my sweet child. Don't forget who you are Amara, and whatever you do, protect your sister at all costs. She's the key—"
she took a pause to catch her breathe, as her breathing increasingly became more eradic and unsteady.
"She's the key to finding him. You must find him." A shaky breathe escaped her lips, her breathing shortening.
"Mom please, what are you talking about? The key to finding who?" I was sobbing now, holding on to her like my touch would keep her from slipping away.
"Your sister.. she'll lead you to your ma-" and with her final breathe her grip loosened from mine.
"Please mom, you can't leave me" I was screaming now, still sobbing uncontrollably.
"I can't do this without you, how am I suppose to protect Lina? She needs you not me. I can't replace you."
Holding onto her, I cried. I cried long and hard. Harder than I ever had since the day my farther died. I never thought I could break more than how broke I was now, but I did. The pieces of my heart, broken time after time, badly glued back together were somehow breaking even farther.
Smaller pieces that felt impossible to fix this time; not that they were ever fully fixed after the first time. This time I didn't know how I would pick these pieces off the ground, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore, because the things that did seemed to matter, were deprived off oxygen and suffocated. Snuffed out like a bad apple.
I could feel someone's grip slowly ripping me from her arms, as I felt my body being lifted from my mothers bedside. The pain of losing the only hope I had left for this world quickly turned to anger as I felt y self being ripped from my moms dead cold hands.
"LET ME GO" I roared, fighting, scratching, and hitting at the strong grip I had found myself in. I knew this grip. It was familiar, and strong but I was too far one to even figure out or care who it was that was holding me.
I needed to get back to my mother, I needed to tell her how much I loved her just one more time, even if she wouldn't be able to hear me.
"LET GO" I growled out snarling and snapping at the intruder. As I began turning around so I could see who dared to put their hands on their Alpha.
My movements were abruptly stopped. Something pricked the side of my neck and before I could finish my protest, a sharp pain shot through my neck.
my body went limp, and even my wolf couldn't fight off whatever they had injected me with, as her whimpers in my head began to silence.
As my body began shutting down, and my vision began fading in and out, all I could see was my beta standing above me.
"I'm sorry Alpha, but this is for your own sake", and with that my conscious faded, until nothing but black plagued my vision, and my mothers last words were all that encompassed my mind.
• • •
AUTHORS NOTE:
Hey guys This is my very first book. I hope you guys like it so far. I will be trying to do editing as I go so bare with me lol. I'm going to try and do weekly edits also, depending on how good this book does. If your not feeling it yet please bare with it, I promise the story is about to get crazy lol. Please feel free to like and comment your opinions. (Pls be nice, once again this is my first book lol)
with that being staid I wish you all well, until next time ❤️❤️❤️
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