MAGIC
"Thank you. We are Bandalism. Good night people!" sabi ng vocalist ng banda na si Nelson.
Masigarbong palakpakan naman ang pinukaw ng mga tao sa restobar. Pati ako nakipalakpak rin. Haaaaay.. Nelson Costelo. Ang pinaka-gwapong nilalang na nakita ko sa talam-buhay ko.
Mahabang ilong. Matangkad. Nakakaakit na labi. Magagandang mata. Mahabang pilik mata. Kayumanggi ang balat. Walang pimples, o ni pores ka na makikita. Matalino. Mabait. Gentleman. Syempre, talented. At isa pa. Mahal na mahal ko..
Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula e. It just hit me nung time na nakita ko na may humalik kay Nelson sa pisnge. Ang malanding 'yon! I wanna sprang free the beast that's inside me that time.
Gusto kong manampal at sumugod. Gusto kong sumabunot ng buhok. Alam kong iba na kaagad ang tingin ko kay Nelson sa simula palang, but I opted to ignore it sa dahilang ayaw ko masira ang friendship namin. It was hard. Definitely hard. Trying to ignore every butterflies I felt in my belly whenever he smiles. Denying every electrifying feeling every time our skins touched. Every frozen moment when we are together. But above all, that heart stopping gaze of his that made me fall even harder..
Nagsibabaan na ang grupo at tinanhak nila ang direksiyon papunta dito sa lamesa ko ng nakangiti.
"Okay ba, Gwen?" tanong ni Nelson pagkatapos ay tumabi saakin. Sa oras na nagdikit ang braso namin ay kaagad akong natuyuan ng laway at pati balahibo ko ay mistulang nagsitayuan. The Nelson Costello Impacts again.
I smiled at him warmly, "Super." tapos nag thumbs-up pa ako.
He messed my hair lightly, "Yan ang gusto ko sa 'yo eh." tapos tumawa siya. Lumabas tuloy yung cute na cute na dimples niya.
I chuckled as I pinched his cheeks, "Ang panget mo." pero alam naman nating lahat na sinungaling lang 'yon. Nakatitig lang ako sa mata niya ng magsalita si Brenan sa gilid ko, ang drummer ng grupo, kung kaya't napaiwas ako ng tingin. Sht. Kumakarera na naman ang puso ko.
"Oh tama na ang lambingan!" ani Brenan.
"Selos ka pre? Gusto mo maglampungan din tayo?" natatawang sabi ni Mike, ang keyboardist.
Umakto naman si Brenan na parang nasusuka. "Sht tol. Walang ganyanan. Alam kong gwapo ako but the affection you're feeling towards me is too much already! Nakakakilabot na. Sabog ka ba?"
Tawa lang kami ng tawa ng magsalita si Cyrus, ang bass guitarist. "Tayo nalang, Mike. Kj ni Brenan eh Hahahaha!"
"Ano ba!" naiiling na tawa ni Nelson. "Nandito si Gwen dude oh. Konting hiya naman sa babae." tapos nakita ko ang pagkamot niya sa batok niya. I find it so cute kaya hindi ko na namang mapigilang mapatitig.
"Asus! Hala Gwen oh! Alam mo ba 'yang si Nelson may--ammph!" hindi natuloy ni Cyrus ang sinabi dahil tinakpan kaagad ang bibig nito gamit ang kamay ni Mike.
"Anong-ano si Nelson, Cy?" nagtatakang tanong ko habang nakataas ang kilay. Hindi ko kasi mapigilang magtaka. Tungkol kay Nelson na iyan oh! Talagang maiintriga ako!
Umiling si Mike habang hinihila patayo si Cyrus na siyang inaalalayan naman kaagad ni Brenan.
"We'll catch up with you later. Cyrus, my man, needs to learn some few lessons." Brenan smirked as he winked at me. Nagpaikot nalang ako ng mata, trying to suppressed my curiosities. Pero bago pa sila makaalis narinig ko pa ang pag 'tsk-ed' ni Mike sabay sabing, "Panira ka talaga, Cy."
Okay?
What was that all about?
"Okay ka lang, Gwen?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Nelson. Tumango ako. "Gago talaga sina Cyrus."
Napahagikhik ako ng tawa, "Sus. Nakakatawa nga eh. You're lucky you have some friends like them."
"But I'm lucky more.." tumigil siya tapos napatingin sa 'kin, "No. Infact, I am blessed.."
Hindi ko mapigilang kabahan. That stare again.
"B-bakit?" Shucks! Ba't kailangan ngayon talaga ako ma-utal? Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng mga pisngi ko. Naman Nelson! Wala ka namang ginagawa pero iba na kaagad ang epekto mo sa 'kin!
Ngumiti muna siya ng dahan-dahan bago hinawakan ang kamay ko. Hindi ko mapigilang mamula.
"Watch me perform." iyan lang ang huling sinabi niya bago pumunta sa stage. Hindi ko nga namalayang naka-ready na pala ang kabanda niya sa mini platform ng restobar eh. Nandoon na sina Cyrus, Brenan at Mike hawak-hawak ang kanikanilang instrumento na halatang si Nelson nalang ang hinihintay.
Umakyat si Nelson ng nakangiti. Ayan na naman ang malakas at nakakabinging tilian ng mga babae at hiyawan ng mga tao. Tss. Ba't ba kasi sobrang lakas ng kamandag niya sa mga babae?
"Hi." nahihiyang ani niya, "Uh.. My name is Nelson Costelo---"
"ALAM NA NAMIN IYANNN!!" kinikilig na sabat ng isang bading sa katabing lamesa namin. Naghiyawan na naman ang mga tao. Ngumiti nalang ako at nakihiyaw na rin.
"GO GUYSSS!!! WOOO!!"
"Ah.. Eh.." halatang pinagpapawisan na siya.
Ano ba naman kasing gimik 'to? Hindi naman kasali sa performance nila ang ganitong set-up eh. Tutugtog lang sila ng kanta, introduction kung anong title, sasabihin kung anong pangalan ng banda nila tapos break na kaagad o uuwi na. First time to ah. Anong meyron?
"Hmm.. Actually this performance of ours was out of impulsive decision." he smiles, "But hey, this song's called Magic by 1D. Enjoy." tapos biglang nagstrum na si Nelson sa hawak niyang electric guitar. Kasabay ng bawat strum niya ang siya namang paghuhuramentado ng puso ko.
B-b-b-baby come on over
I don't care if people find out,
They say that we're no good together
And it's never gonna work out
But baby you, got me moving too fast
'Cause I know you wanna be bad
And girl, when you're lookin' like that
Ngumiti muna si Nelson bago nagpatuloy kumanta. Dahilan para lumabas ang dimples niya. Nakikisabay rin ata ang pulso ko sa malakas na hiyawan ng tao.
I can't hold back
'Cause you, you've got this spell on me
I don't know what to believe
Kiss you once now I can't leave
'Cause everything you do is magic
But everything you do is magic
And I was there. Smiling like crap. Hiyaw ng hiyaw. Looks like I've got his attention that's why he winked at me. Tumigil ako sa paghiyaw dahil nararamdaman ko na naman ang lakas ng pagtibok ng puso ko. Mas malakas pa ata 'to sa sigawan ng mga tao dito.
Napasapo ko ang dibdib ko habang nakatitig sa mga mata niyang parang black hole na sumisipsip sa kaluluwa ko.
"The Nelson Costelo impacts." I breathed.
Everything you do is magic
Is it just me? Or parang sa akin talaga siya nakatingin?
Crap. I can feel my heart shaking like a 10.9 magnitude earthquake! Oh, Nelson..
But everything you do is magic.
"I LOVE YOU BABE!" sigaw mula sa likod. Sobrang pamilyar ng tinig kaya't napalingon ako sa likod ko.
And that moment I regret I did.
There, I saw Lissa, his ex, smiling as she cheers for Nelson's name. Todo ngiti naman si Nelson.
I automatically snorted.
Ha! Great. Nagkabalikan na pala sila? Hindi ako updated ah. Ha- haha. Dammit what am I doing...
Tinitigan ko ang dalawa as they exchange their sweetest smiles. Dun na ako natigilan. I felt a pang of pain in my chest. Yung puso ko na tumatalbog at naghuhuramentado kanina ay tumigil na sa kabaliwan niya. I should've saw this one coming. Kaibigan lang naman ako eh. Ang tanga ko lang sigurong maniwala na baka may pag-asa talaga. Ha-ha-ha what was I even thinking? Na may mangyayari sa amin ni Nelson? Na baka nagugustohan din niya ako? Na para bang magic? Ha! Bullcrap. Ang sakit. Sobra. Ang sakit sakit na gusto ko na lang kunin mula sa dibdib ko ang puso ko at nagbabasakaling.. baka kahit paano.. mawala.. malimutan ko ang sakit.
Kinuha ko sa upuan ang bag ko, tumayo at nagmamadaling umalis sa bar. May mainit akong bagay na nararamdaman sa pisnge ko kaya hinawakan ko ito.
Napangiti ako ng mapakla.
Of course.
It was obviously tears.
Bakit nga ba ako umiiyak eh sa simula pa lang ng gyerang ito ay wala na akong bala? Stupid, stupid, Gwen.
Nakarinig ako ng kalabog. Napatingala ako sa itaas at naramdaman ang mabilis ng pag lapat ng patak ng ulan sa mga balat ko. I smiled bitterly again. At least, pareho kami ng nararamdaman ng langit..
I cried.
"GWENNNNN!!!!"
Napalingon ako sa tumawag. Laking gulat ko ng makita ko si Nelson tumatakbo papunta sa kinaroroonan ko. Pinahid ko ang luha ko habang nanlalaki ang mata.
"N-Nelson?" I stammered. "A-anong---"
My mind went haywire when he hugged me.
"Please.." he breathed. "Please don't leave me like that again. You scared the sht out of me..."
With trembling fingers, I managed to hugged him back. Even tighter. I closed my eyes. Kahit na alam kong friendly gestures lang ito, still, I was this dumb as pooh na vinivisualize parin na hindi lamang ito pagkakaibigan.
God, I don't wanna wake up. Please, don't wake me up. Even for a bit..
"I already told you to watch me perform, didn't I?" mahimbing na tanong niya pero binalewala ko iyon dahil nanginginig na ako sa ginaw. Si Nelson ang inaalala ko. Umuulan pa! Mababasa siya dito ng tuluyan!
"P-pero--" I tried reasoning with him but it was no use. He cutted me off.
"Didn't I?" pagbabalik tanong niya. I gently nodded. "Then why did you leave?" I felt him took a step back, dahilan ng kumalas siya sa yakap.
I was disappointed. I wanted more of him. I wanted more of that hug. But I had to let go. Like my feelings for him. I did not dare look at his eyes. Baka mag breakdown lang ako ng tuluyan. I can't let him see me in that state. Ayaw ko silang guluhin ni Lissa. Me, being in my utmost misery is already enough. I don't want want him getting involved in any mishaps of mine. Kahit na ako nalang ang maghirap at malunod sa problema 'wag lang siya. Iyon ang hinding hindi ko makakaya.
Sa simpleng paghanga hanggang sa naging crush ko nalaman ang ibang bagay. It's damn painful to not get reciprocated by your feelings but know what's more shattering? Letting him go for his happiness. Knowing his happiness will never be you. Just ouch.
"Why, Gwen? Why did you leave?" tanong na naman niya.
It's because you have Lissa already. Damn it!
This time napatingin na ako ng tuluyan sa mga mata niya. His eyes were different. It was lonely. It was screaming in pain. Tumulo na naman ang luha ko. Nasasaktan akong makita siyang ganyan. He already had his Lissa, why is he in pain?
"I... I....." I was lost for words. "N-Nelson.."
"Gwen.." he sighed. "I don't care about your reasons anymore. Screw it! Gwen naman! You haven't let me finish my song yet. You witch!"
I was dumbfounded. Taena. Parang sampal lang. Hindi ko alam na mas masakit palang sabihan ka ng ganyan ng mahal mo, harap-harapan. Hindi ako makapaniwalang kaya niya akong pagsalitaan ng ganyan. Mas masakit pa 'to sa nakita ko kanina. I felt the watering in my eyelids. Bumalik ang nakakabinging ingay ng pagbagsak ng salamin sa dibdib ko. Nakaka-suffocate.
"Putcha naman, Nelson! May Lissa ka na oh! Okay lang naman na magmahal ka ng iba eh! Pero damn it! Nakaka----ugh!!!!!"
I sighed as I turned my back against him. I'm hurting. I'm in pain. I'm frustrated. Depressed. I'm soaked. I'm fvcking wet. And I'm broken. Too broken. The hell is this life!
I figured I had to walk away away and so I did. Perobago pa man ako makagawa ng habang, hinagkan na niya ako mula sa likod na siyang nagpatigil sa lahat ng sistema ko.
Mahigpit ang yakap niya. Mahigpit na mahigpit ngunit.. komportable.. na nakakaiyak dahil sa init ng yapos niya na siyang dahilan kung ba't nangungumbalik ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya.
I should just get over him but I couldn't. I'm trying. But I can't. I want to. But it'll never happen. I keep on denying, but I end up hurting myself..
Nelson Costelo will definitely be the death of me.
"Please..." he cried. "Y-You're leaving again.." I heard him sniff. God, is he crying?
"It was meant for you, Gwen.. You. The song! All of it was meant for you! Not Lissa! The moment you walked into my life I already felt odd about you. I figured you're a witch. You cast a spell on me that I'm willing to live with."
Napahikbi na ako ng tuluyan. God, Nelson, why are you doing this?
"You're a religion I'm devoted to! Can't you see, Gwen? I-I'm in love with you.. too much in love with you.. too damn much! And I don't like it! I hate being in love.. it makes me selfish. A-And I don't do selfish.. You make me insane. You keep me intact. You're the cause of my destruction but heck, you're also my lifeline! Being with you is suicidal. Being without you is torture.. You're bad for me. But I intend to stay it that way. I like it that way. I prefer it that way so long that it'll be you I'm crazy with.."
I can feel him panting in my neck. I can hear his breathing patterns, hardly. Pinaharap niya ako sa kanya at sinapo ang mukha ko gamit ang palad niya. I nearly died just by looking in his eyes.
"Mahal kita, Gwen.." he kissed my forehead, "Wala na akong pakialam kung hindi mo man ako mahal. I'll make you fall for me then. At hinding-hindi ako titigil hangga't hindi mo ako mamahalin ng sagad na sagad.."
All of my reasons came flying out of the window when he kissed me. It was no french kiss but it was enough for my beating heart to jump out of my chest if that's even possible.
"Gwen..." he breathed. Pinagsandal niya ang mga noo namin habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. I can now feel myself hyperventilating as a stroke of tear trickled down my eyes. I don't know what to feel..
Di he just confessed his feelings to me?
"N-Nel---"
"Shhh. This time, I do the talking..." he said horsely, "I am no angel, Gwen, that's true. I can be tempted and often I sin. If loving you is a sin, then call me a sinner. If you're the temptation, fvck it, Gwen, I'm willing to be tempted for as long as I live! I'll dwell living with sin if that's what it takes to make you mine. If you already love someone else, I don't really care! If I had to steal you away from him, I'll do so! I'm willing play the bad guy and rot in hell just to feel heaven with you. Truth is, you didn't do anything for me to feel this way. I just... Well, I'm just Nelson Costelo. A man who's soaked himself wet under the rain with the girl he loves. And I, Nelson Costelo is deeply, madly, irrevocably, head over heels for this amazing girl named Gweneth Grayson... I love you, Gwen..."
Yeah. Fairytales don't exist. And I knew this will last, but...
"Geez, Nelson. Are you courting me?" Nakangiti kong tanong.
Nakita ko ang unti-unting pag ngiti niya, "No, I'm marking you mine. I don't do courting, Gwen." Napalunok ako ng hapitin niya ako sa bewang. "But for you, I will. I can guarantee you every second that we're together, and even you'll say yes, every nanosecond with me will be all about me courting you, and me loving you."
Hinanap niya ang kamay ko at pinagsikop ang mga daliri namin. Hinalikan niya ito ng nakangiti.
"God, this feels good." Aniya.
Napatawa ako, "What makes you think, Mr. Conselo, that I won't dumped you?"
He smiled merrily, revealing those dimples again. "Because I'm sure as hell I can make you feel lost.." hinanap niya ang mata ko at tiningnan ito. Damn right, you could.
"I could make you feel tenced.." he breathe as he pulled me in for his chest. Naririnig ko ang heartbeat ko, it's racing fast again.
"And I could make you fall for me over and over..." bulong niya habang nilalapit ang mukha niya sa mukha ko.
Our nose touched
And I got lost, tenced, and I found myself falling for him over and over..
"Yes, Nelson."