Obi-Wan Kenobi
"You could always help, you know," Aniya mutters, as she and Anakin continue their useless attempt at cutting through the doors sealing us into crystal safe.
"Patience," I advise lightly, smirking at their irritation, even if I'm feeling anything but patient right now. The droids will come back, though, and when they do, we'll be ready for a fight. I simply don't see any other way out.
"Patience?" Anakin repeats, turning around, "We're trapped on Krell's ship, and he knows you're free by now. Where do you think he's going to come?"
"And we're outnumbered about five hundred to one in droids," Aniya supplies.
"Summarizing the situation to make a point doesn't help," I retort.
"You do that all the time," Anakin protests.
"Only to come up with a plan."
"Really?" Aniya says dubiously, "So what's your plan this time?"
"We wait for the droids to come back."
"And for Krell to show up?"
"You aren't making it through that door very quickly,"
"I don't see you helping," Aniya calls back, waving her hands.
"Because I know when using my lightsaber on everything is pointless."
"There was this time on Vanquor –" Anakin begins cheerfully, and thankfully, the doors start to open before he can finish. "They want the crystal. Let's give it to them," he finishes instead, as the battle droids cry in alarm and prepare to fire. Good thinking. We shove the crystal forwards, and it barrels right through, leveling all of them.
We take off down the hall, pushing the crystal ahead of us, through several more groups of battle droids, before a spider droid steps around the corner and fires. The blast misses us, striking the crystal instead. The energy ripples through it, and one look at how brightly it's glowing tells me to get down instantly, not that Anakin wasn't already yanking me to cover on the floor.
A blast of energy bursts outwards from it, disintegrating the droid and leaving nothing but a smoking hole in the wall on the far end.
We don't get much farther before I catch sight of a far too familiar figure. Krell is coming towards us, and he's coming fast.
We pick up the pace, shoving the crystal into the hangar. Destroyer droids instantly roll up and open fire, and we duck behind the crystal as the blasts strike it. But the blasts tear through the devices keeping it up, and it abruptly crashes to the floor.
"We won't be going anywhere with this now," Aniya remarks.
"Then we have to destroy it," Anakin declares, "We can't let Krell have it!"
I throw a quick glance around the hangar, spotting several large tanks, all positioned in this direction. And for once, maybe taking a page out of Anakin's book and improvising on the spot with an undoubtedly really stupid, reckless plan is a good idea. "We can use the tanks to destroy the crystal and the whole ship," I suggest, "I'll deal with that. You handle the shuttle."
Which of course is right when Krell strides into the hangar.
"Come on," Anakin calls, jumping to his feet and bolting. We're close behind as we cut our way past the droids, crossing the hangar as fast as we can. I only wish we had been able to figure out what the Sith want with this crystal. I don't know what kind of weapon they could be planning to build for one that big. The most concerning part is that if they're able to get one like this once, they might again.
Krell stops near the entrance as the battle droids shoot at us, giving me the opportunity to get to the tanks. I jump into the first one, hastily setting in on automatic firing mode straight at the crystal before jumping out, moving on to the next one. We're running out of time, and fast. If we don't get off the ship on time, we're going to go with it.
I jump out of the second tank, to see Krell charging across the hangar, heading straight my direction. Well, clearly he figured it out.
"Shut down those tanks!" he snarls at the droids.
They'll be too late, though. The crystal is already starting to glow dangerously, and I don't stick around to watch, quickly finish setting the last of the tanks to keep firing on the crystal.
Krell has almost reached us now when the shuttle with the twins flies above me, and I jump onto the ramp, already racing for the cockpit as it closes. A blast of energy bursts outwards from the crystal, and Krell dives aside barely in time. Any droids even attempting to reach the tanks now are being totally disintegrated. He's left with no choice but to retreat – which, of course, he does. He scrambles for his nearby fighter, rapidly taking flight after us.
Unfortunately.
I was really hoping he'd go down with the ship, but he's a Sith. He's not stupid. He knows when to run, just like he did before on Umbara.
A deafening explosion suddenly rings out from somewhere behind us, smoke and flames filling the air from the direction we came. The explosion is rapidly spreading outwards, consuming the entire ship. I don't suppress a smirk as I watch the destruction. Just as planned. At the very least, we did some damage, even if Krell survived. It's just a normal battle like the ones we fight every day now.
We streak into the welcoming darkness of space only seconds before the entire half of the Separatist flips explodes into flames. The blast expanded outwards, disintegrating almost the entire thing in seconds. It even takes down many of the pursuing vulture droids. I don't see Krell's ship, but that means nothing. It's unlikely he was caught in that explosion.
It makes me wonder for a moment, though, if this has some connection to what they were planning to do with the crystal. It would be an extremely powerful if weapon if it could be controlled and contained, utilized in the correct manner. I can only be grateful we never had to see it.
Anakin Skywalker
We don't have the chance to return to Coruscant, of course. We never do anymore, but we're in a Council meeting over hologram. "It is unfortunate you were unable to acquire the crystal," Master Windu declares. "We may never know what plans General Krell had for it."
"Not Krell," Yoda corrects. "The Lord of the Sith."
"I've never seen a kyber crystal like this before," Obi-Wan replies. "Did the Council know of it?"
Yoda remains silent, though he seems... thoughtful.
"Master Yoda?" Windu inquires.
"Long ago, in forgotten times when the Jedi and Sith fought, weapon of unimaginable power there were. Always at its center, a kyber crystal was. Similar to what you described."
"I thought those were children's stories," Aniya replies incredulously. "Fairy tales. I didn't know there was truth to them." Of course, I've heard of it too, but I never thought much of them. I always assumed they were just that – stories children were told.
"In legends, a certain truth there usually is," Yoda replies gravely, "A warning, this is. Powerful, the Sith Lord has become, with great plans for our destruction. If one he can find, another he will have."
"Then we must hope he doesn't find one," I murmur. But somehow, I don't think we're going to be that fortunate. Where there's one, more can always be found. We can only hope we'll find out and be able to stop them in time. I don't know what the Sith have planned for it, but hopefully we'll never have to find out.
At least, right after the Council meeting is done, Aniya and I manage to steal a few minutes to contact Padme and Jaufre, to let them know we're alright before being shipped off on our next mission. "How are you?" Jaufre asks us first, slightly anxious.
"We're fine," I reply, "But we don't have long."
"This is better than nothing," Padme says.
"We ran into Krell again," Aniya answers, "But we're okay."
"Since you haven't announced any good news yet, I'll assume you didn't... take care of him," Jaufre deduces.
"Unfortunately, no," Aniya sighs. "He always knows when to escape. I don't know how easy it'll be to stop him, honestly."
"I hope it won't be long," Jaufre tells us. "We have a little something to tell you when it's secure."
I can sense his eagerness, and it's... not something I remember feeling from him before this strongly. It's mixed with nervousness too, though both emotions are stronger in Padme. It makes me wonder what this could be, and it makes me even more irritated that we have to wait so long. It's worse because we don't have a specific point in the future to look forwards to.
"Can you tell us anything about it?" I query, hopefully.
The siblings exchange glances. "Not here," Padme replies, finally, "Besides, I want to do it in person."
"I think there's this strange saying about how curiosity killed the tooka?" Aniya asks.
Jaufre snickers. "Well if you die of curiosity, you'll never find out."
Fair point, but I really want to know what this could be. I quite frankly can't think of anything that could be this... significant. "We'll be back as soon as we can be," I promise, not as if that wasn't obvious.
"This better not be a prank," Aniya warns, though she sounds amused.
"Now why would we do that?" Jaufre grins, in a way that almost makes me wonder for a moment. But no, the emotions they feel about this are very real.
"Now you're really making me wonder," Aniya huffs.
"You know he always looks guiltier when he's innocent," I remind.
"And innocent when he's guilty," she grumbles.
"Well, I can assure you this isn't a prank," Padme says, amused, "I hope you'll be back soon. But stay safe, Ani."
"We will," I promise. "We always do."
Aniya Skywalker
Of course, the time I actually get to spend with Anakin or Obi-Wan is short-lived. The Outer Rim Sieges only seem to be getting worse, and the Jedi are spread out as thinly as they can be to try and keep up with the Separatist forces. I can only be glad that most of the time when more than one Jedi and clone force is needed, I get sent with Anakin or Obi-Wan, or on a rare occasion, we might all be together.
But with the war going on constantly like this, I hardly have room to breathe or think about anything. Maybe it's for the best, because there's so many times I'll wake up out on the battlefield, still expecting to see Alema next to me. Because apparently, I can't truly accept that she left me.
No, that the Council took her from me, and no matter what happens, I'll never forgive them for that. Anakin is trying to accept it, but I don't think that's something I can ever do. Anakin has always been more... passive and accepting than I have, and that will never change.
They didn't trust me even when all I did was blindly serve them, and my child took the worst of it because of them.
Is she alright? Is Ahsoka alright? Padme and Jaufre had said they stopped by there briefly before going off planet. Anything could have happened to them in that time. I know we trained them well, but with the war going on, it's hard to say if they're alright.
Sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is the constant destruction, because it lets out my anger at everything. Or at least temporarily, because it always comes back.
"It's going to take a while to break through those lines," Apoo comments, looking through a pair of macrobinoculars into the darkness around us. The Separatist forces are holding their position not far ahead, and we've stopped to take a short break before advancing on their position.
I pull out my own pair, scanning the positions in front of us. "Yes," I agree grimly, "But we still have the resources to do it." For now. So long as the fighting doesn't drag out longer than expected like it has this entire time. We're running low on everything, but we have to make it last. I look around one more time, then settle onto the ground behind some thicker trees, to help shield us from sight. "You should get some rest while you can."
"Yes, ma'am," Appo replies, settling next to me. I know he's exhausted, but he still looks thoughtful, as though he has too much on his mind to consider sleeping right now. Not that I'm surprised. I do too. I'm fairly confident we can pull this off, but still, there's a lot at stake here.
"I doubt we'll be getting back to the cruiser by tomorrow either," I comment.
"It will be the second time that you..." Appo trails off.
"I'm surprised that you remember," I tell him, dryly.
"How could I forget, when you always want me to watch, and come up with a good excuse for where you went?" Appo replies, smirking faintly for a moment.
I shrug, giving him a half smile. I have to schedule conversations with Jaufre, so that our schedules will line up enough for us to be able to talk. Which sometimes complicates things, because it can happen right when I'm in the middle of something. If it's not too urgent, I can usually leave Appo to handle whatever it is, or to stand watch while I make the call quickly.
Apoo had... found out by accident one time, when the conversation had drug out for a little too long, and he'd come into the room looking for me. I'd had to explain to him a few things about it. Of course, he would never tell anyone, and I doubt any of the other boys would either, if they knew, but we still need to keep anyone else from hearing about it. Even if I trust the boys... people talk.
Anakin has a similar arrangement with Rex.
It's the second pre-set appointment that I've missed with Jaufre now, but that tends to happen frequently these days. I hardly have time to make a call when we're out here fighting constantly.
I miss him, but I miss everyone at this point. I hardly remember what it was like not to miss someone constantly, to feel an emptiness inside of me that rarely goes away, except maybe when I'm with my twin for a while.
As frustrating as it is, the only person constantly with me now is Appo. And we're... close, but I'm his superior, and that affects everything. We can't be as close as I sometimes wish we could be, simply for that reason.
Silence settles between us, and I roll over, stretching out on the ground, closing my eyes. Sleep comes quickly, once I let it, but I'm jolting awake again what feels like almost no time later – it might've been a few hours, though – when the scouts get back to deliver their report.
Which is a great deal worse than I was hoping, because apparently, the Separatists have a lot of armored tanks in there, and it's going to be hard to get through them all with what we have left.
"Do you think the boys can pull this off?" I query, glancing to Appo.
"Yes, ma'am," he says determinedly, though I can see his tension, "We have to."
I nod, hand resting on my lightsaber. "It would be easier with reinforcements, but I don't think we can count on getting any."
"Or another Jedi," Appo comments, and the words feel like a lightsaber through my chest again, though I know he hadn't intended to refer to Alema. The comment came out as a mere observation, not a reminder.
A look of understanding, and suppressed pain and anger flashes across Appo's face. "I –"
"I know what you meant," I interject, "But yes, it would also be easier if – if she was still here."
If not for the Council.
I know how much this hurts Appo too, even if he shows it little. I can feel his anger, his growing distrust towards the Council and Jedi as a whole. The only ones he really trusts are me and Anakin, and honestly, that's probably for the best.
I can't trust anyone else except Obi-Wan, either.
I don't feel like I belong in the Order anymore – then again, did I ever? They always seemed to do their utmost to make sure we felt out of place – and I doubt I ever will again.
***
This happens even more rarely than our calls with anyone else, but I'm more than a little happy when Anakin and I find ourselves on a private, short call with Palpatine. "It has been far too long since you were last on Coruscant," he remarks. "I do hope the war will not keep you away for much longer."
"I hope so too, Your Excellency," I say.
"It is only growing worse," Anakin replies, "I don't think we'll be called back for a while." If we are at all until the war is over. I decide not to add that part.
"That's enough about the war," Palpatine decides, "We have had far too little time to talk recently. How have you been? Is there anything you would like to speak with me about?"
Not in particular right now, but his concern is always touching. It's more genuine than any shred of caring the Council has shown for our welfare. "No, we've been fine," I reply. "Thank you for your concern."
"We do not have much time for anything other than the war right now," Anakin adds. "We don't need to take up your time."
"Nonsense. I can always make a little time for you," he insists. I always used to wonder why it seemed like we were so important to him, but I've stopped questioning it over the years. Especially right now, when he's the last person I can really look up to like this. He cares because he does. I don't need to question why. "It is relieving to hear that you are alright. I imagine it is more difficult without... your padawans."
I barely manage to conceal a flinch. "Yes," I answer, a bit curtly. Why does it seem like everything leads back to them? Maybe it would be easier to let go – if such a thing was possible – if everything and everyone didn't keep reminding me of them. Sometimes, I wish that would stop happening, but I feel bad for wishing it a moment later. They're my sisters. Of course, everything leads back to them.
"It's taking time," Anakin says quietly, looking down.
"Of course," Palpatine replies, "You raised them for years. I know it must be hard to have to keep fighting without them. I should not have brought this up." He sounds genuinely apologetic at the end.
"It's alright," Anakin assures, though I can feel his pain, and it makes mine worse.
"I wish I knew what happened to them," I blurt. "I don't know if they're safe or –" Anything, really.
"Perhaps you can find them, once the war is over," he suggests.
"Maybe," Anakin says, quietly. I hope we can. But at the same time, I don't know if they want to see us. Alema probably would, but I'm not sure about Ahsoka. She left because she wanted time to sort it out, and...
It makes me wonder, not for the first time, what I will do once the war is over – even though that point in the future feels like a dream. Like it will never happen. I can't imagine going back to being a Jedi like how were before the war. And now that I think about it, I don't even know what that would be like. We've been at war since before I was a Knight. But still, I can't imagine it. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life in an Order that doesn't want me in the first place. "I don't know what we'll do once the war is over."
Anakin throws a sideways questioning glance at me. I've mentioned this to him before, but I suppose, never so openly or to anyone else.
"What do you mean?" asks Palpatine.
"I often feel like – like we don't belong here," I confess.
"You will always be different than the rest of the Jedi," Palpatine replies, "You have more power than they will ever understand. You care more deeply than they do. Your path cannot be exactly the same as theirs."
"Then what is?" Anakin asks rhetorically, almost helplessly. We can be different than the Jedi, the way Qui-Gon is, but I don't think that's what I want either.
"Trust your instincts," he urges, "I know you have always wanted... a life of greater significance than that which ordinary Jedi have."
It's the truth, and I can't deny that. I used to try hard to be a good Jedi, but I've long since accepted that I never will be. I don't know why, but I've stopped caring to try. I just know what I am without that identity, though.
And my instincts say nothing to answer that. Or maybe they do but I'm not listening to them. Whatever that might mean. Only time will tell.
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