"I just don't want Dick to see them anymore, or anybody else for that matter."
"Find your purpose, Carter Mae. And you will find that your scars will heal themselves."
"You're saying there's nothing you can do?"
"Fate has decreed your path. Now it is up to you to follow it."
"And if I don't?"
"It cannot be avoided."
This conversation made me sick to my stomach. It was bad enough he couldn't give me what I wanted, but to insinuate that the best parts of my life weren't good for me either? This past year has been the most tame period of my life, and now some asshole in a helmet is trying to negate all of that.
"I want to leave."
Fate's voice rang throughout the entire room, surrounding me from every corner. "Very well."
I blinked and found that I was outside again in the same field Zatanna had brought me to. Only a couple hours must have passed because she was gone, the cold was biting at my skin, and the sun had fully set.
Blüdhaven
June 14, 00:00 EDT
"Recognized: Jade, B-08."
"The Team freed Blue Beetle and Green Beetle from Reach control," Dick told me. "How'd your meeting with Fate go?"
"It didn't really..." My confusion began to grow. "I thought you guys weren't deploying for that mission until tomorrow."
"Uh... it was tomorrow, yesterday."
"But Zatanna and I just..." I trailed off. "How'd you know I was with Fate?"
"Because Zatanna told me this morning after you didn't come home." Now it was his turn to look confused. "Is everything okay?"
As a former professional assassin and world-class martial artist, I'd like to think I'm slow to shock. But coming to the realization that I'd been in that tower for over twenty four hours made my heart drop. "I thought I was gone for a few hours at the most."
"Well, that's okay." He approached me, grabbing my arms to provide me a calm foundation. "It's the weekend, you didn't miss any skating." He glanced down at my arms. "And it looks like your trip was worth it."
"What?" I followed his gaze, staring at my bare arms. What was he looking at them for? There was nothing on my bare skin—wait. There is nothing on my bare skin. The scars... they're gone. Instantly, I grabbed at the side of my shirt, lifting it to find that the scars were missing from my stomach too.
"I'm not really used to seeing you this thrown off." Dick was finding my confusion a lot more amusing than I was. "And can I just clarify, I like you with or without the scars."
I didn't have an answer, because I still didn't fully get it. If I was really gone for over twenty four hours listening to Fate say he couldn't heal me, then why are they gone? Was Zatanna right? Did I just wear him down enough that when I left, he last minute agreed?
"I'm glad you're back, though." Dick turned back to his monitor to show me a thorough mission briefing. "The Light's summit is coming up and I wanted to talk to you about it."
"What about it?"
"Full invasion by the team, old and new." He was smiling, clearly more excited than I was. "You being part of the old, of course."
"I'm not old."
"In this case," he grinned, "Yes. Yes, you are."
I looked through the briefing despite already knowing my answer. "You don't need me there."
"I want you there, though."
"I'm retired."
"So is Wally, but he's going." He was whining like a child. "Artemis will be there too."
"Hm. Is she going to reveal to all her friends that she didn't actually die?"
His smile fell. "I'm going to tell the team the truth before the mission. And I'm counting on them being just as upset as you were, which means I'd really like some support that doesn't hate me on the mission."
"Dick." I tried to spell it out slowly for him. "I'm. Retired."
"I know, but it's just for this summit."
Before that it was to just rescue the team. Then, just a training session. Just a League meeting. Now, it's just a summit. "I don't want to change my mind."
"I'm not telling you to." His gloved fingers were starting to play with each other. "I'm just having a hard time doing this by myself. Barbara was helping a lot, but after she found out about the Artemis thing, she still won't really talk to me."
I knew it wasn't what he was trying to imply, but the focus of my argument couldn't help but shift towards her. "I'm not a Red substitute."
"I'm not trying to substitute you for her," he defended. "I just meant it's easier when someone who understands is here to help clear my head, like you or Barbara, or even Wally."
"Clear your head or your conscience?"
"I don't know. Both?" I could see the guilt spread across his face. "Look, Kaldur is going to come back after the summit, which means I won't be leading the team anymore. Once that's settled, you can retire and I can come home before four in the morning."
Honestly, that was all I really wanted. If I had to punch my way through one more lousy mission to get that, I could deal. "Can you come home before four tonight?"
His arms grabbed my hips, pushing my back towards the zeta tube. "Yes," he kissed my forehead, "I," then, my nose, "Can," until we were standing at the zeta tube, listening to our designations being read out while our lips were locked.
By the time we were both in bed, neither of us could fall asleep. We lied down, facing one another; brilliant blue eyes staring into cold grey ones. My finger was outlining the features of his face slowly, almost as if drawing him could immortalize the way he looked right now. "Do you think we're good for each other?"
Sometimes I wondered if he had super hearing always being able to make out my quiet words. Sometimes I couldn't even hear myself. "Of course I do."
Each time the tip of my finger ran down a part of his face, I'd come to a new realization about the way it looked. How there was a bump in the bridge of his nose that I hadn't noticed before. How his beautiful jaw angled differently from the way I'd remembered it to. "Why?"
"We make each other better." He started to mimic me, dragging his finger along the bridge of my nose, bringing it down to outline my lips. "I'm at my best when I'm with you, and I'd like to think that you're at your best when you're with me." Then he traced along my jaw, before reaching to outline my eyes. "But if you're asking if we're compatible, I'd just tell you that there isn't anyone else I'd want lay in bed with and stare at for hours."
I smiled at him. I never knew how to do that until we met. "I just don't want us to run out of things to say. Or do," I thought. "I don't want you to wake up one day and realize you're tired of me." I never knew how to express my deepest fears until I met him either. But he's seen me at my lowest and loved me regardless; all I could do now was beg for him to let that feeling stick around.
"How could I ever get tired of you?"
I shrugged. "Maybe I'm not as exciting now that I've retired."
"Right, because now you're just a professional ice skater, training for the Olympics," he laughed. "How boring of you."
I flicked at his hand playfully. "You know what I mean." But I ended up grabbing onto it for comfort. "We've never known each other at a time when I wasn't fighting." I've never even known myself at a time when I wasn't fighting. Sometimes I'm convinced I don't really exist without it.
"I didn't fall in love with you because you knew how to fight."
It was just hard for me to imagine what he saw beyond that, though. He was the reason I could exist as Carter Mae; that she was even introduced to the world in the first place.
"All I'm saying is, even if we ended up being bored together, I want to be bored with you."
"Even if I'm retired?"
He kissed my nose again. "Especially when you're retired."
Santa Prisca
June 19, 00:00 ECT
"I don't see why I need to wear this." I dragged the unconscious and nearly naked Shadow into the corner, now wearing their black combat suit. Tim, Cassie, and Bart did the same.
Red was basking in my dissatisfaction. "You four will flank Nightwing, Kid Flash, and I from the left.
"Could've done it in my own clothes," I muttered, dropping the Shadow that I had lugged far enough.
"I still don't see why you need to be here," Red stood toe to toe with me, hands on hips. All I could think was that I could have her on the floor, choking on her own blood within twenty seconds. But I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.
"Because," Nightwing stepped between us, trying to use a soothing tone, "Jade's the only one who knows how to break Shadow ranks, which she did." Obviously. How else would we have gotten these four Shadow suits without raising any alarm, just so Red could stand here and gloat. "And she's the only one who can lead members of our team in safely, without alerting any members of the summit."
"Still," Red huffed, crossing her arms. "She could have just briefed us on it."
"You want the suit?" My voice came out dull. "Take it. I dare you." I wanted nothing more than for Red to start a fight. Maybe she wouldn't feel the need to share all her useless opinions once she sees how quickly I'd end it.
Dick put his hands on my shoulders, blocking my view of Red completely. "Let's just prep for the mission," he said lightly. "We still need to fasten the four of you into your grapple lines."
A feature of Shadow combat that I always found absurd. Every time we wanted to make an entrance, they'd swing us around on grapple lines like we were monkeys. Not to mention, I wasn't done tousling with Red. My gloved hands were balled up into tight fists, my jaw was clenched so hard that my teeth might shatter.
But Dick kissed me and I felt calm again. "I love you," he whispered.
"Could we save that for later?" Wally cut in. "Artemis is still inside with a whole bunch of crazies."
I took a breath, "I'll fasten them in," and walked away.
Bart, Cassie, Tim, and I all had our hips secured to a line that would lower us in once Kaldur gave our cue. We were all watching the scene break out lower in the cave.
I thought the whole special effects thing with Kaldur and Artemis getting shot was a bit over the top. I guess that's why I don't plan the missions. Nevertheless, if they wanted to divide the Reach and the Light, they did a hell of a job doing so.
"For we value our true friends, and unlike you we're not short on them."
Our time to go was getting closer by the second. I pulled the Shadow mask over my head, staring out at the cave that was now tinted in red. I'd never worn one of these before. The Shadows specially created a suit and goggles for me; the same way they gifted Shiva with special garb. To think, how many times had I nearly killed the people who put on these masks. How many times I'd worked with them.
"Hey there, Vandy! You miss me?"
"Well played. Well planned, but the Light always has contingencies."
That contingency was the militia of Shadows that we'd already infiltrated. They sprang out from every corner, sais and swords in hand. It felt odd to be standing in their ranks again.
"I've had my fill of your interference. Do not expect to survive. Kill them all," Savage ordered. "Superboy may present a problem, but we'll deal with him when the other children lie bleeding on the ground."
"Still you refer to us as children. No wonder our successes mount. You consistently underestimate us."
Yeah, yeah. I get it, Savage is dumb, so are the rest. When can the fight start?
The second group that I'd broken into Shadow ranks came in from the other side. Blue, La'gaan, and Beast Boy were all draped in Shadow gear making the first attack. Thank god they did. I'd been itching the entire time for the fight to start.
From the line of Shadows to my left, I pivoted out, grabbing each of them limb by limb. Bones cracked, the lenses to their masks shattered, but I was so content in what I was doing. I barely noticed the smoke that was enveloping the cave. I was too busy jumping between Shadows, kicking them at all the different spots they left open. Gosh, they just don't know how to make a good assassin these days.
I'd circled round catching sight of Dick fighting too. He head butted a shadow from below, before grabbing the back of his neck to pull him face first into his knee. Then, he threw him off with a big kick to finish it.
I finally pulled the mask off, staring at him like it were entertainment. "Hey, I taught you that."
"But I do it so much better," he smirked.
I pulled my goggles on, cracking my knuckles for the real fun to start.
"Cowardly meat!"
"No, Vandal has the right idea. This battle is pointless." Ra's Al Ghul. How long had it been since I'd seen him in the flesh. "Do not resist. The heroes have no jurisdiction here."
"Meaning every piece of meat on the Light is a coward."
My eyes widened, spotting a scythe run through Ra's chest. Ubu ran to his side within minutes, while I was dashing towards them from the other direction.
"I have you master." He shot a line up to the cave's opening. "Ubu will keep you safe."
Without warning, I launched myself off of Artemis's shoulders from behind. In a desperate final leap, I tried to end the thousand year chain of command that ruined lives like my own; like Eden's. But as if I was nothing more than a fly, Ubu kicked outward and sent me hurtling back towards the floor.
"The Master will be resurrected."
For fucks sake, I almost had him.
Dick caught me. "We'll save killing the Demon's Head for another time." He lowered me back down as a new horde of Shadows surrounded us.
"I'm. Retired."
"Pretty spry for a retired girl."
"Wait until were home." I stood back to back with him, fists already up. "You'll see how spry this retired girl can really be."
"Is that a promise?"
I moved forward first, unable to stop myself from waiting on the fight. But, to my dismay, it didn't last very long, and before I knew it Dick's hand crept under the holsters on my waist, using them to pull me in. His gloved hands found the sides of my face, kissing me despite everyone there to see.
"Now you can take off your suit."
Gotham
June 20, 11:20 EDT
It's only been about twenty four hours, but, so far, promises have been half well kept. Dick handed command of the team back to Kaldur immediately, like he said he would. But he also hasn't been home since the summit.
I was upset at first, wondering if he couldn't hold true to his end of the deal. But when I got in the car to head to practice this morning, I started to think it might have something to do with the thunderstorm in the middle of June.
Cissie and I were trying to go on with practice as normal, but every so often the ground of the rink would shake, the lights overhead would flicker, and that sick feeling in my stomach that Dick was still out there would come back.
"Have you guys seen the news?" Miles called out from the edge of the rink.
"Miles, not now," Cissie tried to shoo him away. "We're busy working on Carter's quad."
"The quad's not gonna matter because the Earth's about to blow up!" He waved his phone around all manic like.
"What do you mean the Earth's going to blow up?" We skated over to his side, and Cissie immediately ripped the phone from his hand, turning up the volume of a news broadcast.
"Disasters continue to spread as alien devices have sprout up all over the world." All they showed were different shots of tornadoes, tsunamis, and worse happening. That would explain the earthquakes and thunder... "We have reports, though, that the Justice League has deployed a full unit force to disarm the alien tech. All we can hope is that they can save us in time."
Yeah, and not get killed in the process.
I felt utterly useless, sitting in the rink staring at Miles phone with the rest of them. Every time the reporter made an update I'd hold my breath. I'd wait for her to describe some kind of tragedy I could do nothing about. To say that the casualties included a hero...
Even after the news claimed that the crisis had been averted, I sat in our kitchen anxiously fiddling with my hands. I hadn't moved from this spot since the moment I got home, staring at the door. Please... please come home.
Sometime past four, the sound of a key in the lock arrived. I shot up from my seat, desperately pulling the door open. The sight of Dick in one piece nearly brought me to tears, but my smile slowly faded as I studied the look on his face.
He walked right past me, tossing all his things on the dining table. Every ounce of his body language told me that the crisis wasn't really averted. If anything, he was angry. He leaned his hands onto the table, fists gripping the edges tightly.
"Dick..?"
"Wally's dead."