I had run until my legs had given out under me. I crashed down against the soft soil of the forest, unable to move, to breathe, to do anything at all.
My stomach was churning - and I wished I could rid myself of my memories and throw them up. But the acidic feeling that lingered in my throat only reminded me of every horrid thing that had just happened.
My entire world had come crashing down ever since I had set foot in this sunburned town again. It still succeeded in taking all good things away. The town was truly cursed.
Or perhaps I was. Benjamin had said the night I was born, our Moon acted strangely. A lot of people - Beckett included - seemed to take that as a sign that had something to do with me.
Perhaps this was it. Maybe I was doomed to live a miserable life, filled with nothing but death, pain, and betrayal.
Was there no escaping this ruin that my life had played out to be?
Everyone around me had lied to me - Jerr, Benjamin, my parents, Lotta. I hadn't thought I'd be grateful for it, but the pain that Aven's brutal honesty sometimes caused, was nothing in comparison to this.
My chest was on fire, burning with every breath I drew. I wanted to stop breathing, to stop this aching, but my body insisted on keeping torturing my lungs.
Even here in this forest, I was surrounded by nothing but death.
Dead wolves lay scattered around me, having left this world in their beastly forms. I hadn't come across any shifted wolves in the town - but by the looks of it, their heavy fighting had been here.
All over, piles of brown and grey fur lay here, smudged with red and unmoving.
I tried to distract myself, to think of anything but this sunburned war, while my legs were still unable to move.
I tried to get my eyes to stop seeing that venomous green all around me - but the alternative of the dead and bloodied wolves wasn't much better.
I tried to make myself feel anything but this hollowing sensation - but there was a gape inside me that I couldn't close.
So I listened, to make my ears stop tormenting me with those I love you's and Jerr screaming my name after me.
But the forest was eerily quiet. All the killing had chased away all life here - the birds had fled, or were at the very least hiding and not making any sound.
I could hear some rats scurrying about, biting away at the carcasses. The rodents seemed to be the only creatures willing to face the forest at this moment, but the aftermath of what had happened here was as unsettling as all the rest.
So much death.
And I couldn't help but feel that now, Jerr was responsible for that, too. He had played the game - lead this pack into war, a war he knew we couldn't win.
And for what? While I had seen Aven do horrid things in my time in Rahas - none of them had been without reason. He had never even touched me, and he had been upset about Willis' death. So why would he kill a family of innocents, just to get Jerr?
What did that mean? That he wasn't a single hair better than Beckett? That Jerr's family somehow wasn't innocent?
It seemed our Moons never intended to bless me with a peaceful life.
I forced my eyes to shut, feeling tears burning behind them, and my lips trembling as I pinched them together - the only thing I could do right now to not completely fall apart.
I listened to the wind, gently blowing and caressing me, comforting me with its softness.
Or mocking me with it, proving that even a kind gesture like that, didn't do me any good.
I listened to the leaves it carried, flurrying in the air before they safely landed down.
Though most of the trees began greening again - but just the thought of green made my heart shatter again, and again, and again.
But the wind carried something else, too.
My eyes shot open at the sound of a soft, but pained whimpering. I turned on the spot, hoping to see one of the wolves' chests move, but none around did.
And there that whimpering was again - it came from further away.
My legs found new strength while I went looking for the stranger. I was trembling when I saw him in the distance, a large pile of light grey fur, covered with red streaks.
It wasn't until I reached the wolf that I realized this might not be an allied wolf. I didn't reek of any rotten scent that belonged to Spitta, and the wolf never growled at me when I crouched down next to him - he was one of my pack.
The wolf couldn't lift his head anymore - but his eye followed me when I scanned his body, trying to find the source of his bleeding.
But there were too many wounds. And they were deep. I didn't know if there was anything I could do to help, and I felt my insides tightening at the thought.
His lungs were moving fast - too fast, and the motions were too small. His breaths were pained, and the wolf still whimpered through practically all of them.
His largest wound seemed to be around the neck. A large puddle of blood pooled out of it, staining the ground and taking away every bit of innocence this forest still possessed.
Maybe I could-
I grabbed his neck with trembling hands, forcing the edges of the wound together. "Please, heal yourself," I muttered, tears staining my face again. "Please. I can't do more than this."
The wolf's eyes scurried toward me but soon turned back to stare straight ahead.
"No," I mumbled.
But the wolf's chest stopped its rapid movements. The chased panting made room for an occasional, pained breath. It was after the second one that I removed my hands from his neck and whispered, "Nidhatos."
A third breath followed, but a fourth never came.
His eyes glazed as he stared into nothingness, his blood staining his surroundings the last thing he ever saw.
His blood was all over me, drenching my hands, and my clothes. I was entirely covered in that sunburned crimson, sticking to my skin and covering me with ache.
The last time I had seen blood here, it had been my own. My mangled back was still a painful reminder - one I couldn't get rid of.
I needed to get out of these woods. But where could I go?
Rahas? I wasn't sure I still had a place there. Now that Aven was gone-
Aven! He walked right into Beckett's trap.
But if Beckett had killed him already, he would have made a feist out of it. He'd parade his head around the town - yet all I heard in the distance, was the continuous fighting.
Maybe I could still warn him about Jerr. Maybe there was still time.
There probably wasn't, but I wouldn't be able to live in a constant what-if - so I decided to change that into a definite answer.
My body seemed to have decided before my mind had caught on, and I found myself already running back to that dreaded town, sneaking into the slums and finding my way to Benjamin's apartment.
It was fairly easy to reach. I ignored the dead people laying around, stepping over them as if they were but a bump in the road, something the workers would have to fix tomorrow.
I could walk in through the building's main door, now. This part of town had been sacked - there was no one left here.
I made my way to the basement, pulled that wooden panel away, and made my way down into those dreaded tunnels.
I knew where to go.
I imagined the map of my town, trying to constantly visualize where I was. What tunnel would lead to what part of town - and which intersection would lead me away from the Central Building.
But I felt it, too.
It was like a tugging feeling, one that grew stronger the closer I got to the Central Building.
I never doubted that feeling. Because I knew wherever that tug would lead me, my faith would be awaiting me.
That pull was still there when I exited the tunnel, and found myself in a dark hallway, somewhere in Beckett's home.
I disappeared into the wall as soon as I could, keeping Loic's instructions in mind.
I passed a few dead bodies, some wolves I recognized from Rahas, but there was no sign of Jerr, or Aven.
He had to still be alive.
But this building was so empty - no one was here. I wasn't even sure if I needed to hide myself.
I had never been in here before. The furthest I had gotten was that little square in front of the Central Building, the place where my parents had lost their lives.
I assumed I was in his basement or dungeons, or wherever it was where the sunlight didn't reach.
And I knew exactly where to go, even though I had absolutely no idea where I was.
Hallway after hallway, this maze was beginning to feel as if it was trapping me - forcing me to walk around in circles, but not letting me catch on so I'd be stuck here for an eternity. This area couldn't cover just the Central Building. It was a big construction, yes, but not this big. It felt like there was an entire cave system somehow buried beneath it, and it reached way further than the edges of the dreaded house.
I was growing more and more sure I would never find my way out again.
Until I reached another hallway, one that had only one wooden door in its center.
A door where I saw some orange and red light flickering through the cracks - torches.
It was here. They would be here.
My heart was pounding like crazy as I sneaked up to the door, making as little sound as I could so I wouldn't alarm the people inside.
But I didn't hear a single sound coming from behind that heavy door - the room seemed empty.
So with a heavy heart, I dared push it open, cursing the creak that followed. Surely, if anyone was near, now they would know I was, too.
And then the door fully opened and I stepped into the strange room, and my heart immediately sank to my feet, as my legs almost gave out from under me again.
I was too late.