There was just darkness and the pain stabbing her like fire that she couldn't escape.
Time lost meaningless until something changed. The fire was extinguished and her body struggled to recover.
She couldn't know how much time passed when the fog in her mind started to vanish.
Nothing had a meaning, not a name, not a memory.
Then she recalled little things of what happened. She felt she should be dead, but she didn't feel painless enough to call it death.
Breathing wasn't comfortable, her heart was hammering in her chest.
No, she wasn't dead, but she couldn't tell where she was.
When her eyes opened weakly she saw light, then shadows started to take shape around her.
She was lying on her back, no more broken.
She was in a warm room.
"Welcome back, sleeping beauty" a voice said next to her.
For a moment she believed she was lost in a dream.
A shadow moved to stare down at her, a warm touch holding her numb hand.
She blinked until she saw a face in that shadow and ot squeezed her heart.
"Griff?" she was surprised by her own voice, but the joy blossoming in her gave her enough strength to speak "Is that really you?".
Her older brother grinned "Yes, little sister. We were worried sick for you".
Another man stepped in her view.
"Never do that to us again, Lou" Rhys sat by her bed and pulled her into a careful hug, joined by Griff.
Luthien started to remember how to cry, but spotting some armed guards by the door made her uncomfortable.
"I don't understand. Why have I been taken as a prisoner?" she asked feebly.
Griff let her go to follow her gaze.
"Just a misunderstanding" he said quickly, then ordered the guards to leave.
"I thought I was going to die" she recalled "I fell...".
"Shh" Griff said closing his eyes "Don't break our heart again. We saved you just in time. I've never run nor riden that fast in my whole life. The elvish cures barely snatched you from the claws of death".
Luthien felt her heart sinking "Elvish cures?".
"Don't worry about that now. You just need to rest" Rhys handed her a cup "We'll be still here when you wake up. And we will talk. But now take some sleep".
Luthien knew that whatever was in the cup would knock her unconscious again. And although she didn't want to sleep because she wanted to understand what happened, she wasn't strong enough to reject the liquid that was poured on her lips.
When she woke up, it was darker.
Her brothers were still there as they promised, but another man joined them.
Isildur was another man she didn't expect to see again.
She sat up and he pulled her into an awkward hug.
"Are we in Pelargir?" she asked, expecting to see more familiar faces visiting her, but the sad look on her brothers's faces killed her hope.
"No, we are far from home" Griff sighed heavily and sat by her side "We need to talk to you about something that might make you upset".
She shuddered "Are we prisoners of the elves?".
"There are no prisoners here" he said nervously "The elves are our allies".
Luthien froze, floods of words needed to leave her lips, but she felt speechless. She needed to warn them.
"We need to talk about you and the one you were traveling with".
"Halbrand?" she asked, wondering why he didn't dare to say his name.
Weren't they fighting all on the same side?
Luthien feared she was going to regret waking up at all.
"The creature you are travelling with..." Griff looked around to seek some support, but the other two men were petrified by the tension that gathered in the room. Griff had no choice but to cross again his sister's waiting eyes "He is Sauron".
Luthien held her breath, then she felt the need to laugh, but just a scoff left her parted lips.
"Sorry, what? Halbrand?" she snapped, looking around, hoping it was just a joke. They all knew him. That situation was just absurd.
"I was incredulous too. But why would the elves lie to us?" Rhys intervened, trying to grab her hand, but she avoided his touch, rejecting the truth they wanted her to believe.
"Listen, he told me what the elves are planning" she hissed in a conspiratorial way to Griff "They want to rule Middle Earth. We are trying to stop them".
He held her gaze and slowly shook his head "It's Sauron who wants to conquer Middle Earth".
"Sauron was defeated" she recalled harshly "He's gone. Surely he's not a vulnerable man...".
Her confidence cracked like thin ice on a cold lake. Because deep inside, she knew it could explain so many things she had always been too afraid to doubt. Because she preferred to blindly trust Halbrand, rather than questioning how he faced the orcs and killed Adar on his own, how a simple man could fascinate all nations of dwarves and men alike, with promises of power.
That power that she was meant to despise.
Her mind struggled to prevent that drop of doubt from sinking in. Because she knew that she would never be able to forgive herself nor to trust anyone again.
"Sauron can disguise himself. He chose to hide disguised as a wanderer man" Rhys said rigidly.
"No. I can't believe it" she snapped, desperately trying not to drown in that nightmare "I've been travelling with him for months now. I saw what he's fighting for".
"For creating rings of power to offer to people and dwarves power and wealth. And then he will control all those rings" Griff concluded for her.
She tried to breathe through the anger and the sorrow that filled her heart "No. It can't be".
Her brother hugged her but it wasn't enough to comfort her "I'm sorry, Lou. He lied to all of us. If even elves couldn't recognize him, we can't expect you to see through his disguise".
She shivered and freed herself "Is that why I'm taken captive? Because you think I'm a slave of Sauron?".
"We feared he bewitched you. How can we know what he did to you, to your mind, to make you follow him?" Rhys leaned to see her better on her face.
She glared at him "I followed him on my free will. He saved my life, I owed him".
"Do you still owe him, even if he's Sauron?" Isildur asker shyly.
"You have nothing to be ashamed, Lou" Griff intervened "You come home. Nobody will blame you. We missed you. But you are safe. We'll take care of you. This is all that matters".
Luthien looked down, even crying and sobbing seemed a luxury. The sorrow was strangling her slowly and she didn't know how to handle it.
Because a betrayal like that was just too much for her.
The silence was becoming heavy, but none of the men dared to break it, keeping their heads down like sharing the same burden, the guilt of having fallen for the same mistake.
"No. If it's true, he will seek you" she realized, after trying to see things as they claimed they were.
Griff pulled her closer "We won't let him hurt you".
"And you think you can stop him?" she snapped at him.
"Lou, you are not her" Rhys said strongly "You have no responsibilities. We think that he got attached to you as a way to revenge the one who defeated him".
She frowned, rejecting the idea "It doesn't make a sense. If I were Sauron and I met someone called Luthien, I'd just torture her to death. Halbrand..." she choked on his name "He never disrespected me. He took care of me in all these months".
The men seemed speechless and again silence heavied on them.
"Who are we to guess how Sauron would act?" Griff said weakly "Enough letting dark talks in his room. You are safe here with us, Lou. Forget the wars out there until you are fully recovered".
She clenched her jaw and struggled to breathe properly.
All the adventures and the beautiful memories she had collected in the last months were now stained.
She wished to talk to Halbrand, to hear what he said about it all.
But she wasn't sure she could fully trust him again.
Although she gave him all her heart and her soul.
Her brothers left the room when some noises distracted them.
Someone was arguing behind the door.
"What are you doing? She should be in a cell".
Luthien recognized Galadriel's voice and spotted her in the corridor, her beauty striking her.
"My sister almost died" Griff hissed.
"Your sister is gone. She's a pawn of Sauron now. And you ruined our plan for her?".
Luthien held her breath, ignoring how Isildur tried to distract her from that unpleasant discussion.
"She was thrown from the walls. We saved her just in time and we needed your medicine" Griff said raising his tone.
"We were so close to trap him and you preferred saving her, instead of saving the whole Middle Earth!".
"Enough, Elf" he barked "You might be the Commander, but I'm not going to lose my sister again".
"I need to speak to her. So she's alive for a reason".
"No. You leave her alone. She's still weak and confused".
"She didn't know she was travelling with Sauron? Then I can open her eyes once and for all".
"You're warned. If you overstep, you won't have our support anymore".
Luthien was so rigid that when Isildur shook her shoulder to distract her, she felt like a building falling to rubbles.
"You need to leave, to be far away from here" he said with urgency "If you marry me, you can go to Numenor and my family will protect you".
Her mind rejected that plan.
"What about you all?" she asked in a choked voice.
"We have to fight. We can't let our enemies steal our home".
Her brothers stepped back in.
"You don't know what you're fighting" she looked at the three of them with anguish, recalling her worst nightmares, seeing her brothers and friends dead in a war "Not even an alliance with Numenor and all the elves can give us any advantage. But maybe I can".
"Lou, what do we need to do to persuade you that you're not her?" Griff snarled.
"But I mean something to him. If he kept me with him for all this time without hurting me" she said sternly "Maybe I can be a spy for you, I can help prevent this war from destroying us all. If you send me to Numenor, he will kill you all and then destroy also Numenor. If you let me negotiate with him, manipulate his next moves, maybe I can be our only hope".
"If he finds out that you know, that you're spying for us..." her brother's voice trailed off "We can't let you do that. We love you too much. We already thought that we lost you".
She shook her head "We will lose everything if we put our feelings before what's the right thing to save our people. I'd rather be the first one to fall than seeing you all dead, knowing that I could have done something to prevent it".
"Cursed the day that those ships brought the enemy in our home. No offence, Numenorean".
Isildur just shrugged.
"Or blessed it" she corrected "If something that we can't understand brought me close to the enemy. If something happens here, don't fight it. I should be leaving this place to keep the enemies away, but I have no idea what's their next plan".
"We haven't been followed. The elves are guarding this land. We rely on their skills".
Luthien saw reflected on their faces how she felt. Endlessly helpless.
She demanded to be left alone with her thoughts.
How could she deal with that nightmare?
What could she do?
She didn't expect anyone to come to save her. Save her from what? Her being reunited with her own brothers?
If Halbrand was Sauron, why would he risk to save her?
Haeva was right. She was useless.
She was right to push her off the wall.
Trying to escape the emotions that were choking her, she paced on the balcony, dealing with the fear of the emptiness beyond the railing. The flight from the fortress wall had been really awful, but she just fell into a worse nightmare.
Never she had felt that lonely, so small and insignificant in a world where great forces acted.
Night fell and she searched the dark sky for some comfort, but no lights shone up there. No hope.
She heard her name whispered in the dark, then a shadow jumped on her.
She almost screamed but she recognised the grinning face hidden under a cloak.
"Calandir?".
"Hello, my Lady" he pulled her closer "Hold yourself to me".
His arms wrapped around her and she couldn't tell if he jumped or what happened, but suddenly she wasn't on the balcony anymore but on the grass of the garden below.
"Let's go" he encouraged her, grabbing her hand and guiding her out of there.
A mayhem started around them as they ran and ran, until she spotted a horse waiting for them.
And in front of them stood Halbrand.
Calandir pushed her towards him and let her go, turning to face the chasers.
Halbrand helped her jump on the horse and climbed behind her, make the animal gallop.
They kept racing and she heard the sound of horses chasing them.
Halbrand zigzagged through the trees of a wood.
She closed her eyes, fearing that by mistake they would crash against a tree or the horse would strumble and throw them to the ground.
But none of that happened and when she opened her eyes they were in a glade and she didn't hear noises chasing them anymore.
Halbrand halted the horse and helped her down.
She felt so sore that almost collapsed to the ground, but his strong arms held her up.
"Luthien, are you alright?" he asked, leaning to look better on her face.
Conflicting feelings tore her heart as she looked back at him, at that beloved face, at the intense gaze he laid on her.
She just nodded and he guided her to a camp near a big river.
"Are you wounded or something?" he looked down to her light dress, inspecting her to search for wounds or bruises.
She shook her head and stood still as he fussed around to offer her some food and drink and clean clothes.
She moved to exchange only when he left the tent, feeling confused and clueless.
Everything about him felt simply normal. He was the Halbrand that she always knew, that she always admired.
And he cared to go to save her.
Some noises distracted her and she recognized Calandir's voice as he spoke with Halbrand, not too far from the tent so she could hear.
"How is she?" Calandir asked.
"She's alright. She's just shaken for what happened. I need you to warn our allies. We can't afford to get caught by surprise again".
"Considered it done. Is it wise to camp here? The silvan elves could bring trouble".
"She is too tired to keep travelling. We'll move south in a couple of days".
Luthien retreated, his words itching her. As if he cared of how she felt.
Feeling dizzy she laid on the unrolled bed, but she still felt sick.
Some time later, she heard Halbrand approaching the tent and abruptly sat up, but she wasn't quick enough to jump on her feet.
"I didn't mean to disturb" he halted as she kept her head down, avoiding to look at him "I just brought some more water if you want to wash".
He placed down the bucket. Why would he care of serving her like that?
She felt broken, knowing that she couldn't pretend that everything was alright. She wished she could be useful, to be a spy for her family, but nobody understood how much she grew fond of Halbrand, how she felt incapable of lying to him.
He took some steps towards her and she stiffened, her reaction being noticed.
"Luthien, you're safe. I'm here. This is not a dream".
He sat next to her and she hated how the bed bent, almot making her fall towards him.
She avoided looking at him, even if he searched for her eyes.
"Luthien..." his hand touched her shoulder delicately "What makes you so silent?".
"I'm just tired" she mumbled dismissively.
"Luthien" he insisted.
She froze, hating how her heart wanted to melt in the way he said her name.
"You know you can tell me anything. If they hurt you...".
"They told me things..." she let out before she could stop herself. She clenched her jaw, not knowing what to expect next.
The silence felt too long to her before he asked calmly.
"And you believed them?".
"They say that you are Sauron" she whispered, that hateful name stealing her breath.
Again, he seemed linger a little too longer.
"Me?".
She looked up, fighting the tears that stung her eyes.
There was no amusement nor surprise in his expression. And it felt so wrong.
"They say you are back to have your revenge. That you want to control the whole Middle Earth".
He didn't react as she expected. He just looked back at her, his eyes burning so bright, yet so unreadable.
"And what do you think?".
She couldn't believe he asked that. She didn't know what to answer. She was so confused and she just wanted the truth. The bare truth.
"Why don't you deny it?" she snapped, tears escaping her eyes as they begged him to tell that it's all a lie.
He lowered his eyes, touching her hand that was grabbing the blanket so tightly that her knuckles turned white.
"I think you're too weary. After all you've been through, it's understandable. Take some rest".
Her conflicting emotions left her speechless.
His touch felt so warm, so human. Would Sauron know how to be that delicate and gentle?
When he stood up and left, she felt cold.
She cried silently, until she was so tired that she fell asleep. A dark, dreamless rest.
When she woke up, she cringed realizing that she wasn't alone.
"What are you doing here?".
He straightened on the chair he was sitting on "I watched over you. You seem still confused and it didn't feel safe to leave you alone".
"You didn't sleep?" she wondered how many hours passed. How long she was that vulnerable, at the mercy of...
"I took a nap" he dismissed "How do you feel?".
She wriggled against the blanket to get out of the bed.
Reacting to it, he stood up but didn't move closer.
"I don't know" she admitted "I need to understand".
He lowered his head "Do you?".
A bitter disappointment gnawed at her. Was she still hoping that he would deny, when he did nothing to persuade her that the rumours were wrong?
"How could you do this to me?" she whispered, feeling so impotent but irreparably offended "Why taking me with you? To use me?".
His eyes shot up at her "And how did I use you?".
She peered at him, trying to see beyond that mask, but all she saw was what she always wanted to see.
A hero, possibly her Beren.
"My name helped you gain the trust of the kings we met" she said, realizing it after some long brooding over their adventures.
That explanation made quite sense, as she recalled how nations were welcoming when they heard her name. While he needed to hide behind Annatar's mask. How many masks did he wear?
"Is your name that powerful?" he asked, almost teasing.
"To you it is" she retorted "Isn't why you chose me?".
He tilted his head "Luthien. I really don't want to argue over this".
"You can't ask me to ignore it" she raised her voice "Your silence is confirming what they said. I would have believed you, if you told me they were just lies".
"I don't want to lie to you" he said softly.
"But that's what you've done for all this time. I trusted you!" she clenched her fists, struggling to fight back the tears itching her eyes.
He took a dangerous step towards her "And you can't trust my intentions to be good? Do you think that what I'm doing isn't for the good of Middle Earth?".
"You're doing it for yourself!" she spat.
Too quick for her to react, he grabbed her face and pressed his lips on hers.
The shock killed her voice in her throat.
For how long she had craved for a kiss from Halbrand?
From Halbrand, not Sauron.
Disgust and shame started to strangle her as he quickly let her go and whispered "I'm doing this for us".
Luthien didn't move, still paralyzed for the shock.
His fingers traced her face.
"You have nothing to fear from me if you don't oppose me" he added softly "Next to me, you won't know decay nor death".
She swallowed hard, pushing her voice out.
"And my family?".
"They are safe too, if they won't challenge me".
He sounded sincere, but no way she was going to trust him again.
He leaned closer again, pressing a soft kiss on her cheek and then whispered to her ear.
"I can make you Queen of Men".
Then he left, not expecting an answer from her.
A small part of her craved to just surrender to him, to let him do whatever he wanted, to serve him, Halbrand or whatever name he wanted to wear.
But she couldn't forget what's good or right, she couldn't ignore all the battles and sacrifices to fight evil. What chances did she have to be a spy to help her family? If Halbrand was Sauron, she couldn't pretend with him. He would punish her by hurting her family and friends, wiping away her home like it's just dust.
She stood hidden in the tent, trying to sort her confused thoughts. But the memory of that kiss, a normal, apparently human touch, the smell of him still lingering in that narrow place became unbearable. She needed to get out.
She stepped out and found nobody around.
Nobody was watching her.
She was no prisoner.
A small part of her teased her again, making her grateful for that trust.
But what if he simply didn't care much? What if he believed she was just going to behave and stay there?
Luthien left the camp, unstopped.
She walked to the river, her beloved river Anduin, whose waters were increased by some recent heavy rains.
She wished those stormy waters could drag her torments away from her weary mind, leaving just the old good memories.
She recalled all the many times she danced through the trees, letting the gentle sound of the river guide her, imagining to be the famous Elf Princess.
That river had seen her growing up with her dreams leading her steps.
She took some uncertain steps into the river.
The running water was strong enough to pull her away. She hoped it would carry her back home.
She didn't know how far she was from Pelargir, but the waters would take her straight there.
Driven by desperation, she moved forward, until her feet couldn't touch the bottom anymore.
The water swallowed her and for a moment she panicked, reliving the day when the world burned.
Then she recalled what she was running from. The Lord of those burned lands who wanted to rule all over Middle Earth.
The pain in her heart was worse than what she felt in her body as she surrendered to the river, too brokenhearted and desperate for fighting.
A/N
Saturday 7th January 2023
Finally, also poor Luthien knows the truth about Halbrand's real identity 😢💔
This chapter was heartbreaking to write because it reminded me of how shocked I was when it was revealed that Halbrand is Sauron, after praying for the whole season that he was just a hero like Aragorn 😅
The final scene was inspired by the first part of the "Breaking of the Fellowship" music theme 🎶
If Sam almost drowned to follow the Ring (or was he following Frodo? 😂), Luthien hoped that the river would save her from Sauron's schemes... as if he would let her drown 😏
Truth is a river and you need to learn to swim 😂
But can he have other reasons for having chosen her?
Is her name so meaningful and powerful that he would care of making her Queen of Men? 👀
So far he didn't appear dangerous nor cruel, let's not make him cry because seeing him with tears in his eyes is my weakness 🥺😂