Adidev's POV
On my way back home all I could think about was Meera. I know I should talk to her. But how...? Yesterday when she hid that diary from me, I felt bad but then I thought, what a hypocrite I am. Saahil was right . It is not about my feelings now . My focus should be only Meera.
It was rather late by the time I reached home. I saw Meera sleeping on the couch as I entered the room. It has really become difficult for me to see her without feeling a gut wrenching regret .
After freshening up, I carried her to bed and made her comfortable then had the dinner that she had kept on the side. So many thoughts swirling in my mind was making it difficult for me to lie down.
When we went on that trip, I was thinking I was being the bigger person. I had a confidence which now I am recognizing it as my arrogance. The truth has shattered my confidence. I am not able to find the strength to be in front of her ,talking is a long shot.
What if I had talked to her earlier?
What if I had let bygones be bygones?
What if I had met her before marriage?
What if I had listened to my heart which was screaming Meera's innocence?
What if.... What if... What if....
I am going mad with these what ifs. Everyone is asking me to talk to her but it is not easy as they think. I also thought that our relation will become more easier once everything is cleared out but it feels like as one end unraveled ,the other end got twisted more.
I know Anaant wanted to give us a chance to be together when he asked me to help her but what's funny is she didn't understand that. Once in our room , she politely told me that I needn't involve myself and she can do it by herself. It was a real slap on my face. I know she didn't do that to hurt me or to get back at me. It was just that she has been doing it alone till now and didn't expect more or maybe don't want to expect more...
" Papa...Papa.."
I woke up hearing Devu. I looked around realizing last night I slept off in the balcony itself
" Why are you sleeping here?" Anshu asked looking at me suspiciously
I looked up to see even Meera watching me.
" Nothing... I just sat here for sometime. Didn't realize when I slept off ?" I replied smiling at him.
But he was still looking at me very suspiciously.
" Ok kids, its time for school . Go and start getting ready. I am coming " saying this Meera shooed the kids to their room
" You called them here , didn't you" I asked her
She looked at me surprised
" You always gets up early but today you didn't and on top of that you slept off in the balcony. Thats why...."
" Why didn't YOU wake me up?" I asked with my heart in my mouth
" You don't like ME waking YOU up, so how could I ? " she asked me so innocently that if she had taken a dagger to heart,it would not have hurt me that much. That is the moment I start to realize the damage we had done and I knew this was just the tip of the ice berg.
" Meera, you also sit and have breakfast" Mom said
" Its ok Mom, I will have it later and anyways I have to give Anshu and Devu their breakfast too" Meera said but stealing her eyes away from all of us. After that breakfast was a quiet affair. Anaant tried to keep up the atmosphere with his teasing but one glare from me was enough to shut his mouth.
Later when I was strolling in the garden, he came up to me
" Bhai..."
" Hmmm...."
" Are you okay? "
I looked at him to see concern etched on his face
" No ... "
I released a deep sigh and continued,
" It is not easy as we think, her hurt runs too deep.
" But Bhai, Bhabhi told us that she has forgiven us so....."
" She may have forgiven us but it is not that easy to forget. If it was days, weeks or even months, she may have got over it but it's years we are talking. "
" Seeing Bhabhi talking and smiling, I thought everything would be fine"
" When did she ever stop talking to us, whatever may be she always had a smile. Its just us who didn't recognize her efforts, her care and love. "
" Now we can show her , Bhai"
" Do you know the irony, Anaant. Earlier we closed off our hearts to her and now she has closed hers off and the biggest of all is she is not even aware of it "
I looked at Anaant who was looking miserable
" Maybe it is MY retribution for her pain. "