June 1995
Things were starting to get more tense at the Calvin household. Charlie hadn't been allowed to come over since spring, which was hard on both Dad and me. Laura and Neal allowed me to come visit him still, but were still wary, and tried to stay in the room. I did all I could to convince them that I was completely normal, but they could sense that something was off about me. Maybe it was my new found love of peppermint or the way ornaments would suddenly appear on any house plant they owned as soon as I looked at it. I tried everything to keep these new changes under wraps, but it was becoming harder by the day. Something told me that greater measures were about to be taken, and I was doing everything to try and avoid things coming to them.
I was worried that Laura and Neal were going to legally take Dad's custody away. I would see them muttering anxiously through the window anytime they saw me pull up in his car, worried that it was him. I was worried about what would happen if they did decide to do that. Would I still be able to visit Charlie? I knew it would always have to be a place other than home, and he wouldn't be able to stay overnight with us any longer.
I would find Dad downstairs most mornings, asleep in the piles of lists that have yet to be finished. To be fair, he had made his way through about half of them, but the "checking it twice." part was not going to be fun for him.
Most of my days consisted of training with Bernard, and that was about it. I was let go from my job as a warehouse restocker when they realized that I could no longer reach the shelves. They didn't act weird, considering that I was at one point able, but now could not. They simply saw this as the current fact, which I was glad about, as I wouldn't be sure how to explain anything. I left my choir group too, much to my dismay. Training was taking all my energy and our late night practices were getting harder and harder for me to stay awake for. I decided that when I did get to the pole, maybe I'd establish some music department in the elf schools... if that was a thing.
Since March, Bernard and I continued working on different elf magic training. Most of our training time was dedicated to teleporting. I was finally able to teleport from room to room, and he wanted to see if I could go from one destination to another. We mastered present wrapping, ornament painting and we even started on some toy making. But when Bernard showed up that day, I had already decided that training was not going to be on the schedule.
"You want me to do what?" Bernard showed up in his usual attire. It made sense, the North Pole was always cold, even in the middle of June, but here it was about 89 degrees out.
"Come to the amusement park with us!" I urged the grumpy-looking elf with his arms crossed tightly. "I told Charlie that I would take him this year. Whether you come or not that is what I'm doing today." I added, seeing his frown.
"No, we have too much we have to do, we can't miss a day of training!" Bernard shook his head adamantly, his black curls bouncing dramatically. "You know I have your next 188 days planned out in the calendar."
"We've been training practically every day for the last six months, we can take one day to relax!" I argued back, firmly standing my ground.
"We had a day off, remember, I took you shopping," Bernard answered smartly giving me a proud know-it-all smirk.
"No, no, no. That does "not" count! We weren't even practicing magic then! Besides, when is the last time you actually experienced something fun?"
"An amusement park does not sound like fun. It sounds like crowds of people trampling each other."
"Have you even ever gone to one?"
Bernard looked down, "No..." He said quietly, "But it sounds like a horrible idea." He stated again as if proving a point.
"But Charlie will love it. You don't even know where we are going yet, don't worry so much about it. I chose somewhere you might actually like." I smiled sweetly, just because he was not looking happy at all. "Charlie really likes you, he'd love to hang out."
Dad walked into the living room where we were arguing. "Oh hey, Bartholomew." His new game was finding new names to call Bernard, more points for the names he responded more negatively to.
Bernard just shot him a look. "Santa, do you really think it is a good idea for Angel to miss a training practice just to go to a some fair? We do not have enough time to mess around-"
"Amusement park." I corrected.
"Um, yeah I think you could take a chill pill and relax for a day," Dad said with an amused grin. "Maybe if you unwind you wouldn't be so uptight about me gaining weight."
"We can't have a skinny Santa-"
"I liked being skinny!" Dad snapped. He was mostly annoyed with Bernard since finding out that he was part of the reason he wasn't able to keep his old look. "I used to be a ladies' man, and now I'm just... some lady's grandpa."
"Can we get back on point? I told Charlie that I would take him today. Laura and Neal already agreed to let me have him for the day, and I'm not going to waste my day listening to you two squabble." I was growing impatient. Sure, I was just arguing with Bernard a few moments ago, but that was different.
"Go to the Amusement Park," Dad commanded. His eyes softened at the mention of Charlie, and it was obvious that he wanted out of this conversation now. "I'm going to work on my list."
"Don't forget to check it twice," Bernard added, if not only to piss him off further.
"You can check it twice up my-"
"Okay HAVE fun!" I yelled over his comment. "Come on, we have to get you in some better clothes." I started up the stairs and turned the corner into my room.
"I already told you before, I don't like wearing human clothes. They're itchy and always have weird holes in them."
"You can't wear a long sleeve and pants to an amusement park during summer. What are you, a vampire?" I laughed, sorting through some of his clothes as I waited for him to come upstairs.
"No, vampires are far worse." He answered seriously, which made me both aware that vampires are now a thing that apparently I had to worry about, and freeze momentarily.
"Okayy..." I raised my eyebrows. "My old clothes weren't too weird. I had a couple of pairs of shorts that were guys's clothes anyways, they would probably fit you."
"I'm not going to wear your old clothes, that's weird."
"You know I could say a lot of things about you are weird, but I hold off on it because I am a polite person." I gave Bernard a look from my doorframe. "Upstairs, now! And don't teleport away on me, I will find a way to teleport to the North Pole today if you do."
He reluctantly went up the steps to my room.
"Here, look. These are nice knee-length shorts, nice and modest eh? What do you think?" They were a pair of long light blue jean shorts. I had found them a while ago in the attic in a box of my dad's old childhood clothes. They were a bit bigger than Charlie's clothes and seemed to fit me well.
"I'd be half naked."
"You are being a drama queen." I pulled out one of Dad's old t-shirts that he had put in a box for me after outgrowing them since he knew I liked to sleep in them. "Plain black t-shirt, simple, plain, you will look like you blend right in."
Bernard made a face. "Remind me again, why I got roped into going along with you?"
"Because I like to see you suffer." He seemed concerned so I quickly added, "Because Charlie has a lot of questions he has been trying to ask me, and I don't know how to answer them half the time." I sighed, "I thought this would be a good opportunity for him to talk about some of this stuff so he can get it out of his system. I am hoping that if he is able to talk to someone, he might not talk as much about it at Laura and Neal's place."
Bernard exhaled a long breath. "Fine!" He said after thinking for a long moment. "But I get to keep my hat."
"I was thinking you could wear a ball cap." I was really enjoying myself, it was like playing dress-up dolls with a real live doll.
"What is wrong with my hat?"
"It's velvet, probably designed to keep your head warm, right? You are going to die of sweat." I walked over and plucked it off his head, he tried to snatch it back, but I teleported a few feet away so that he couldn't grab it. I placed it on top of my head. "What do you think? Does it suit me?" I gave a fancy curtsey.
Bernard just crossed his arms and gave me an unamused look. He had nice features though, without the hat you could really see how soft and round his eyes were. I also couldn't see his pointed ears most of the time, as they were hidden under the hat. He had nice cheekbones too, very pronounced and-
I realized that I was totally checking Bernard's face out and had to clear the thought immediately from my mind before I gagged in front of him. I felt my cheeks heat up a little, mostly from the outright shame I assumed, so I turned and started digging in my closet. I threw down an old ballcap from a shelf, a washed-out red denim hat.
"How is that for an outfit?" I asked, laying the three items out on the bed. "You can borrow my old converse too."
"Well, I'd look like a human if that is what you are going for." Bernard frowned at the outfit I had laid out for him.
"That's exactly what I was going for. Now get dressed."
"Hold on, I want to wear this," He walked back into my closet and snatched a red and white floral Hawaiian shirt off of one of the hangers. It was absolutely hideous, but if that's what it took for him to go, I suppose it would work just fine.
While he was getting ready, I went downstairs to see how Dad was doing.
"Hey kid," He said, looking up from the list he was marking. "Nice hat."
I almost forgot that still had Bernard's hat on. "Oh yes," I made an angry face. "Can you guess who I am?" I asked in my best Bernard impression.
"Benjamin? Where did you come from?!" Dad asked in a sarcastic surprised voice at my impersonation. The two of us suddenly looked back.
"Are you two mocking me?" At that moment Bernard came down the stairs in his new outfit. Both Dad and I turned to look. Bernard looked very annoyed, his arms were crossed tightly and he had a big frown etched on his face. "I look ridiculous."
"No, you-" I just stared. He actually looked very nice in human clothes. Everything fit him very well. Bernard held the red cap in his hands, without a hat pushing his curls down, they were more springy and relaxed.
"You look nice Barnaby." Dad smiled, looking carefully between the two of us as if he thought we were going to start "going at it" any second since he was wearing something other than head-to-toe-covered elf clothing.
"Just relax a little!" I laughed, he was very stiff, not moving a lot.
"Can we just get this day over with?"
The two of us left for the car. Dad gave me a look before we left, which was really weird considering Santa was concerned about my dating life.
What, just because I could mentally admit that Bernard looked nice in human clothes did not mean that suddenly I was going to fall head over heels for him. There was no way I would ever go in that direction, we were hardly friends at this point. Besides, if elves really do live practically forever, it probably takes much longer to develop relationships. I'd probably be single until I was at least 2,000 and even then, I still think the two of us would remain petty friends at best.
I rolled my eyes at Dad and shut the door behind me.
"What was that about?" Bernard asked, sitting in the passenger seat. I pushed the driver seat all the way up and forwards so I could see, and worked on angling all the mirrors just right.
"You don't want to know."
We pulled up to Neal's house and I parked.
"I'm going to go get Charlie, you stay in here."
Of course, Bernard did not listen and followed me anyway, but I couldn't make a scene about it because I saw Laura watching us from the window.
I rang the doorbell and she answered. "Well hello, Angie," She smiled.
Charlie ran over to us with an excited grin. "Angie, Bernard!" He beamed.
"Hey, sport." Bernard smiled at him as he ran up and hugged him, and then me.
"Oh, so this is the famous Bernard?" Laura raised an eyebrow at us. "Is this your new boyfriend, Angie?"
Bernard and I looked at each other then back at Laura and both quickly shook our heads.
"No-"
"No way," I responded quickly. "He's just an old friend visiting from out of town."
"Literally old," I thought
Laura gave us the same look my Dad did, a disbelieving smirk that read that she was thinking the complete opposite of what we were saying. I did not understand why.
"Okay, well you kids have fun. I packed Charlie a swimsuit and towel in his bag. Make sure he drinks enough water, I don't want him getting heat stroke!"
"Mom, I'll be fine!" Charlie said as she hugged him tightly. "I'm nine now! I can take care of myself!"
"Just- be safe. All three of you." Laura leaned in and looked closer at me studying my face. "You changed your hair, didn't you? Did you cut it?"
"No, but you're not the first to ask." I laughed. Technically my hair did change, it had grown from my chin to past my shoulders now, and it always appeared more strawberry than blonde in the summers. Today, I had it braided back in two braids though, so It did appear like it normally would. It was always surprising that they would bring up my hair, and not the fact that now I was only hardly taller than Charlie.
Laura shrugged. "Hm, well it looks very pretty. Have fun, and make sure you bring Charlie back on time, I'd prefer if he didn't have to stay..." She waved her hand out, "You know what, never mind that now. Just give me a call when you guys are heading back."
When we got back to the car, Charlie finally asked the question I knew he was wanting to. "Bernard, where are your elf clothes? Why do you look like a cool guy?"
"You don't think I'm cool normally?" He looked back in his seat, his arm leaning on the shoulder rest. "Ask your sister about the clothes, I told her it was a bad idea."
"I think these clothes look cool on you! You are like a spy going undercover." Charlie beamed and pulled out the notebook he hid in his backpack. "Where are we going today?"
"It's called Santa's Village." I answered, "It's close by and I thought it sounded like somewhere you would like."
"Oh cool!" Charlie liked the idea of this, "Is there real reindeer there, you think?"
Bernard looked at me like he was curious as well.
"Uh... I don't know. I just saw an ad for it in the paper." I answered the two of them looking at me. "It's about a thirty-minute drive, why don't you start asking questions to keep yourself entertained, Charlie?" I merged onto the highway, and a big truck honked at me.
I noticed Bernards hands were gripped tightly on the edges of his seat, his knuckles completely white.
"Okay," Charlie looked at Bernard, "Do elves get married?" He asked, "Like are there families of elves living at the North Pole? Are there baby elves? Since elves live so long do they stay babies for years and years?"
"Well elves had to come from somewhere," Bernard was obviously trying to avoid the "sugar plum fairies and the candy canes" conversation with Charlie. "Yes, there are baby elves, just like there are baby humans." He said, "Elf children grow up just like normal kids, we don't stop aging for a long time until we reach our late teens. So if you were an elf, you would be exactly your age. When you turn about 16, you stay that age physically for a long time, until you are about 900, when we would say that you've had enough life experience to be considered an adult."
"That's so weird," I shook my head. "How many babies can one elf have then?"
Bernard chuckled, "Well most still have average-sized families, but there are a few elf families that really love babies, and have had about one a year for the last thousand years."
I grimaced. I couldn't even imagine doing that. A thousand children? A thousand mouths to feed? Heck no.
"Since you live so long, do elves know their great great great grandpas and grandmas?" Charlie moved to the next question in his book.
"Sometimes," Bernard shrugged, "It depends really, but it is pretty common."
"When is an elf considered old? Do elves ever get old and wrinkly?"
Bernard thought for a while about this one, "You aren't considered old until you start looking old. Most elves show signs of aging at about 4,000 years old, which would put you in middle age. The oldest elf alive at the pole today is nearly 10,000 and she still gets around great. Usually, elves will retire around then, usually, they will move from the pole and travel around."
"Have you ever actually seen an elf die?" I looked at him curiously, "Of old age I mean,"
Bernard thought, "There are elves that after they are alive for 8 or more thousand years want to experience the world as humans do. Elves can choose at any time to give up their long lives, and they will eventually pass away in a normal human amount of time. At the pole, I have never seen an elf die. I think that something about the happiness and magic there helps, but when elves have moved out, even without giving up their partial immortality they will age slightly faster. It's really a curious thing, magic really is a thing that keeps us alive."
Charlie's eyes were really wide, and he looked a little scared.
"Don't worry kid, nobody is going to die around here anytime soon."
"Are there population problems at the North Pole? Since you live so long and there can be so many elf babies?" All this talk was bringing more concerning questions to mind.
Bernard shook his head and laughed, "Angie, it's the North Pole. A magical place where everything always somehow works out. There is no such thing as population problems there. Don't ask me how, It's just one of those things."
Psycho-murder elves came to mind again, mass culling and population control, but then I did really have to consider happy jolly magic as a reason. That didn't seem very Christmassy.
"Bernard, since you are spending time outside the North Pole, does that mean you are technically dying then?" Charlie was still hung up about the elf death thing.
"No, no, no! Don't you worry about me, kid. A little earth vacation isn't enough to make me go away." Bernard waved his hands in the air, this seemed to comfort Charlie a little bit.
"Oh, so it's a vacation hanging out with me then? I'm honored." I teased him.
"No, I was talking to Charlie, not you."
A/N:
So I've been watching Numb3rs while writing this because I'm trying hard not to exhaust my hyper fixation on The Santa Clause, and I feel like I should add that I imagine Bernard at the age of Charlie (in Numb3rs, not Charlie Calvin), rather than a little 16-year-old boy. Just a short little elf man. Anyway, I know that's not relevant, but I thought I'd mention it. I'm imagining almost all the elves looking more like adults with "a youthful glow" rather than straight-up children too. Maybe it's like humans don't realize, but to magical creatures, it's obvious how old another species is? Idk I'm making up my own headcanons as I go.