Chapter 4* Words in the wind
oOoOoOo
"Why didn't you answer any of my letters, Peter?"
"What letters?"
Silence.
Once again.
It was as if Peter and Lovia could never escape from it. There was simply too much unsaid. Too many secrets none of them thought they had carried.
"What letters, Lovia?" Peter pressed once again. He had a faint premonition of what was going on. As soon as she said the word letters. A cold shudder went through him as the possibilities of what she meant raced through his head. It couldn't be- She couldn't have-
"I wrote you letters, Peter." There. Lovia said it. The one thing that had burdened her heart for the majority of the past years. The burden of no sewer, uncertainty and sadness. All because of ink on paper.
Peter couldn't answer. He didn't know how. His brain simply couldn't comprehend what was happening. He stayed silent.
As Peter did not seem to have an answer for her, Lovia decided to continue. "I wrote many letters. In the beginning every week. Then every month. And after months without a reply I wrote on every year. Only once."
On your birthday.
The words were unsaid but Peter heard them anyway. Of course, he thought. Lovia had written him a letter on every of his birthdays that they shared together. No matter how much she knew. No matter if her parents helped her. Or if one was unable to read the crooked letter of ink. She always wrote the letter.
"Lovia-" Peter started, desperately trying to break his silence and answer Lovia in any way possible, however, he was interrupted.
"I simply want to know why, Peter. What kept you from writing back? Even if it was simply one word or a paper on which you stated that you didn't want my letters. I would've taken anything. No matter what. Just one answer. What kept you from giving it to me?" Tears were sparkling her eyes as Lovia kept rambling, letting all the silent questions in her head spill over the rim of her lips. The questions that she couldn't ask for the past years. The questions that were never answered.
"Lovia-" Peter started once again. And this time Lovia was not able to interrupt. "I hate to have to say this right now. And I cannot bear the thought of this actually happening but I never got a letter. Not one. Not a single one of the letters. I did not get any. Nothing."
And looking up at him, Lovia knew that it was the truth. The shock in his eyes. The sadness and loss and the regret of something he didn't control. He did not get my letter, it broke down on her. He did not get the letters. He didn't get my letters. None of my letters. He didn't read my letters. He did not know I sent him letters.
As the tears started to spill from her eyes, Peter couldn't help but feel a little teardrop run down his check as well which he quickly knew to wipe away. This was so fucked up. It was an absolute mess. They both were.
"How? Why? Why didn't they-" She tried. Lovia tried so hard to get the words out but she couldn't. Her body wouldn't listen. More and more tears spilled and her mouth quivered.
Peter was quick to wrap his arms around her and pull her close to his body. Shielding her. Trying to save her from drowning in her tears. And as he felt her arms strongly wrapping around his body, he lifter his head and ran his fingers through her hair. He couldn't help himself. And Lovia didn't seem to mind anyway as she leaned into his touch even further.
She seemed to still after some minutes, taking in his breath and just enjoying the moment. And he did too. However, Peter knew that she deserved an answer. And so did he.
"We moved too, Lovia." His voice was soft and calm. But as she felt the vibrations going through his chest Lovia felt the need to look at him. To see his face. "Not three days after you moved away the housekeepers of both our houses decided they wanted our house for their own family too. They had a newborn back then and the grandparents didn't want to miss a step of his life for the time they had left. And how could we go against this wish? So we moved out within few days. It want that hard. You know how small the house was. It was enough though. And in the end, the one thing that would've kept me right where I was had left too."
Her. She was the one thing. The person that would've make him fight for staying. But without her he gave up without a word. Because there was nothing it was worth fighting for.
"The name on the door of the house obviously changed. Maybe that's why the letters never found it's way to me either way. The housekeepers had our new address but how should the postman have known that he was at the right address when there was a different name on the door. They probably got thrown away as no one knew where to bring them too."
This layed heavy in her stomach. He's probably right, Lovia knew. He's always been such a smart boy. Still, the realization that her letters never found their way to Peter, let alone that he never read them was almost paralyzing. He didn't even know she wrote to him. No wonder he didn't get in touch. He must have thought she'd just left him without looking back.
Oh, he couldn't be farther from the truth.
oOoOoOo
"Okay, I am just gonna ask right away-" James started, as him, Sirius and Remus stepped into their room.
They had just gotten back from the dinner that their friend and his mysterious friend had bailed on. And to be honest, none of them had really introduced this topic to this second but after this weird moment in the great hall it was like James couldn't hold himself together anymore. And so, as Sirius walked right to the drawer beside his bed and took a comb to brush his voluminous hair, James let himself fall into his bed lazily. Remus had just started folding his sweaters and socks to put back into the wardrobe that they shared. The boys always told him "You know there's magic for that, don't you, Moony?" but Remus liked doing things the muggle way still. It was how his parents had raised him.
And now, as they had stayed in silence for once James wanted it to break. "Does any of you have the slightest idea what the fuck is going on today? Who is the girl that has just appeared to know Peter and why is he acting so bloody weird?"
Sirius just shrugged his shoulders and gave James a thoughtful look. "No idea, mate. It's all quite weird."
Remus stayed quiet. He didn't actually know anything specific, however, in all the time of knowing Peter, Remus felt as though a little pert of his story was missing. A little detail that changed the whole storyline if it was revealed. Peter was a fun boy. Always had been. But there were these moments in which he appeared to be somewhere entirely different. A place that was unknown to anyone but him. A darker place that was like a shadow on his being. But it only came out in some quiet moments. In seconds of loneliness. And if he went into this other world it took him at least hours to come back. Sometimes even days.
And now, as this whole new person comes out of nowhere that doesn't appear to be new to Peter, Remus thought that maybe she was the key to all of this. Maybe she was the missing piece to the dark corners of Peter's life. It sounded huge right this second, dramatic almost. But Remus had seen the look that Peter wore when he realized who was right in front of him. It was unlike anything he'd ever seen on Peter. A mix of shock, sadness, comfort and love. Old love. Love that has once bloomed but lost the water to grow further. A love that could not be lived to this day. Maybe not even acknowledged.
Still, Remus' silence didn't go unnoticed. By neither of his friends.
"What about you, Moony?" Sirius asked, sitting down on his bed after pulling his typical leather jacket from his body.
"No idea who she is. But I feel like she was quite important to Peter. Still is."
James definitely agreed in his mind. Curiosity caught him. "Did he tell you something?"
"No. Never mentioned her name or a girl in particular. But he has never talked a lot about his childhood, has he? Only a bit about the few days after moving."
"True." Sirius said after a moment of silence. They truly knew few about Peter's years as a child. About his life before Hogwarts. "He always sorta waved it off."
Remus was quick to break off this gossip. He didn't want any crazy ideas or rumors to be created now that would only lead Peter into further irritation. He did not need this right now. He didn't seem like he could handle. "Let's not get ahead of anything now, guys. Wouldn't want to make up anything now, would we? Let's just wait 'till Pete comes back and see what he says."
And to his surprise this was the last words being said about this topic. Now they had to wait.
oOoOoOo
Peter let out a big sigh as he took the steps up to the room he shared with the guys. This was an eventful evening. His life seemed to have taken a turn in the last 12 hours and Peter did not know what to do with that.
On the one hand he was glad. He had finally got back the friend that he lost all those years ago. The loss of Lovia due to her moving has been a shadow on his life ever since it happened. Peter was aware of that. He knew just how much she had meant to him. However, what type of love he had felt for her was only revealed to him after she was gone. With her being back now and being a witch as well, they might have a chance. The chance to a new start as equals. A chance for them to find back to each other. But no matter hat they might end up being, to Peter only one thing mattered. They had a chance. There was a chance now. And that was something that he had searched for for the time being in vain. Lovia was back with the same abilities that he had. And that gave him hope.
And with that there's the other side. The side of him that trembles in fear at the thought of her being back. There was one danger of this chance to be with her again. This chance is not a guarantee. It is no promise. With the chance of her staying there is also the chance of her leaving all over again. Maybe she didn't even want to get back in contact with him. Maybe this is all just because she was in shock as well. She did want answers for the matter of her letters and Peter truly understood that. He was still complexed about her writing to him for all these months and him not getting a single one of those letters. But what if this meant that she now had no longer interest in him? In whatever way possible. What if she didn't want anything to do with him after not having spoken one word in nine years? And most importantly: What if she did not miss him at all? What if all of this was just in his head? What if he was ending up alone all over again.
Peter was certain he couldn't handle that. His heart has already been shattered and unbalanced since he thought Lovia had left him for good. If she now came back to him and then decided not to want him. Peter didn't know what would happen to him but he knew that it would be fatal.
And there he went up the stairs with a little shake in his legs, knowing he would now have to explain to his friends how he knew Lovia and what they discussed. He could only imagine how Sirius and James were waiting behind the door, curious of what Peter would decide to tell them.
And it was only the second he stepped into the room that he knew himself.