Chapter 21
I felt like as far as being consistent for someone na busy sa business niya, Pablo was being consistent. It was so weird tho when one morning, I received a bouquet of flower. May nakalagay lang na note na Have a good day. Walang nakalagay kung galing kanino.
'Was the flowers from you?'
'Yes. Who else would send it?'
'Paul?'
'Ah. My English version.'
Napaawang ang labi ko. Wow. Such audacity.
'Or... you're his Tagalog version.'
'No. I'm older. I was here first.'
I bit my lower lip para hindi ako matawa but he was being ridiculous...ly cute. Ugh. I hated how easy it was for him na patawanin ako. Kahit siguro sobrang corny niya, matatawa pa rin ako.
I took a deep breath and calmed myself. No. Kalma lang tayo, Cerise. You've been here before. You made it too easy for him—time to take a step back and let him do the chasing. I mean, I wouldn't let him chase me as in chase me. I felt like matanda na kami. He already told me that he likes me and hindi naman ako magsisinungaling pa sa sarili ko. I do like him. It's just that I needed more now as compared to before na tignan niya lang ako ay okay na.
Consistency.
I needed him to be consistent this time.
No more push and pull.
No more games gaya ng sinabi niya before na parang hindi naman totoo.
'Have a nice lunch,' he messaged nung hindi ako naka-reply sa last message niya because I had to work on something. Instead of replying, I just reacted with a thumbs up sa message niya.
While I was having my lunch, napunta ako sa profile niya. It was empty. Like literally. Walang profile picture. Walang posted photos. Walang followers, but naka-follow sa akin.
Really, the bar is in hell dahil bakit kahit ganito lang ay kinikilig na ako?
'Hey, Paul. Saw your dad earlier. He weirdly complimented me. Thought maybe you had something to do with that.'
Hindi ko alam kung tama ba na nag-message ako kay Paul, but I really thought about him when I saw his dad earlier. Sobrang stingy kasi nun sa praise, as in, which in hindsight, medyo okay rin naman. It makes you want to work harder para maka-receive ng compliment from him. And so far sa tagal ko sa company na 'to, ngayon lang ako naka-receive ng compliment sa kanya.
"So... ano kayo ngayon?" Jana asked when we met that night. Pablo asked me if I have dinner plans. The energy it took from me to say no to him. Of course gusto ko siyang makasama mag-dinner, but also, I needed to be firm when I told myself that I shouldn't make myself always readily available for him. I have a life. I have friends. Hindi siya kasama sa priority list ko... well, at least for now.
"Ano'ng ano kami ngayon?" I asked innocently kahit na alam ko naman kung ano ang gustong itanong ni Jana. Wala lang. Minsan, gusto ko lang siyang inisin.
She rolled her eyes, as expected.
"Definitely not friends," I said.
"Friends with benefits?"
I scoffed. "What benefits?"
"You just said na binigyan ka niya ng flowers!"
"So? Kaya ko rin bumili nun?"
She groaned. "Duh!"
Natawa ako. Sarap asarin nito kasi mabilis ma-frustrate, e.
"Hindi ko alam din kasi. Hindi kami friends; hindi rin naman kami together. Ewan ko. Naguusap kami, ganon. Pwede ba 'yon?"
"Pwede na," she said. "But... nakakakilig na gumawa siya ng Instagram account for you! Kahit ang weird niyong dalawa bakit hindi na lang kayo sa number niyo magusap."
I nodded. "I know, right? But then again, ayokong hingin iyong number niya."
"Hindi ba niya hiningi?"
I shook my head. "But it's fine. I'm just trying to match his energy, you know? I feel like before kasi, sobrang obvious na gusto ko siya. I mean, I still like him naman, but I'll be more... chill now. Magrereply lang ako sa texts niya. I will not initiate conversation."
Napailing si Jana at uminom. "Ang high school, but go, I support. Malakas ang feeling ko na kayo magkakatuluyan niyan. I can just feel it."
Natawa ako. "I'm... still kinda talking to Paul, though."
Halos mabulunan si Jana sa iniinom niya. Tawang-tawa ako habang inaabutan ko siya ng tissue.
"What? How? When? I have so many questions!" sabi niya na sunud-sunod kahit kaka-recover pa lang niya sa almost death niya from choking.
"Wala," I replied and then nagkwento lang ako sa kanya kung paano napapayag ako ni Paul sa dinner and how it turned out to be okay naman. Hindi ko lang sinabi kay Jana before because I thought it would turn out to be a bust, but I enjoyed, surprisingly.
"Huh... Akalain mo nga naman."
"I know," I commented. "Speak of the devil," I continued dahil nag-reply na sa akin bigla si Paul.
'No, not at all. I wanted to, but that's your professional life and I felt like it would've been overstepping boundaries. If he praised you, it's all you. Well-deserved for sure.'
Ano ba 'yan. Mas na-feel bad tuloy ako.
"Bakit ganyan mukha mo? Ano'ng sinabi sa 'yo ni Paul?" she asked and I showed her iyong message ni Paul. "In fairness, ha. Akala ko airhead si Paul, may substance naman pala."
I nodded. "I know... Nakaka-guilty tuloy."
"Why?"
"Because... I know naman na si Pablo ang gusto ko yet kinakausap ko pa rin si Paul. I feel like I'm stringing him along—e nung feel ko nga ginawa sa akin ni Pablo, na-bwisit ako tapos as it turned out, gagawin ko rin pala 'yon kay Paul? I feel like a hypocrite."
Hindi agad nagsalita si Jana. She finished her glass and then she looked at me and shrugged.
"Well... Based sa kwento mo, alam naman nila iyong presence ng isa't-isa. Hindi ka rin naman committed sa kanila. So, I guess in this case, the best man wins?"
I groaned. "Obviously si Pablo mananalo."
"Grabe, sure na agad?"
I shrugged. "I just know myself."
"I thought sobrang inconsistent niya with you?"
"Consistent na siya now."
"Gagang 'to, pinadalhan lang ng flowers, e. Bubuyog ka, girl?"
Umirap ako sa kanya. "Not that but like if you think about it, medyo weird naman kasi talaga iyong simula namin. But since sinabi niya na gusto niya ako, clear na lahat."
"How about iyong issue niya kay Leo?"
Natigilan ako. Oo nga pala. Hindi ko rin gets kung bakit lagi niyang pinagpipilitan na rebound ko siya or placeholder siya. Sino ba kasi ang nanakit sa tao na 'yon at parang ang laki ng baggage niya sa ganon? Sobrang minahal niya ba iyong babae na hanggang ngayon ay issue at mukhang dealbreaker niya pa rin iyon?
I tried to talk to Pablo about his thing with being a rebound, but I didn't know how to insert it in a conversation. Ayoko naman na magmukhang iniinterrogate ko siya. I wanted him to open up about it, but knowing what I know about it, mas maganda na tanungin ko siya directly. Mukhang hindi siya iyong tipo na biglang magkukwento in detail tungkol sa past relationships niya.
"This is weird."
"How so?" Pablo asked.
We were in a formal restaurant. We were having a nice dinner. He asked me last night kung free ba ako ngayon. It's a Friday night. I was free. I thought I'd give him my usual busy ako spiel but I thought na baka masanay siya na ganon ang sagot ko at hindi niya na ako tanungin ulit.
I shrugged. "I don't know."
"Is it weird that we're on a date?"
"So, this is a date?"
"I would suppose it is," sagot niya sa akin. "You have been on dates before, right?" he asked in a playful tone.
I eyed him. "I have been—the most recent one, you were there being annoying, remember?"
He gave me a nod, which for some reason felt cocky. Iba talaga 'tong tao na 'to—iyon bang kahit simpleng galaw niya lang, parang kaya niyang bigyan ng something. It's such a talent.
"Right... That was a date, apparently."
"You were on a date, as well," sabi ko habang nakatingin sa mga mata niya. I didn't directly ask him kung sino ang kasama niya. I didn't have the right to ask dahil hindi naman kami exclusive. Besides, what right did I have kung nasa date din naman ako nung gabing 'yon?"
"Jealous?" he asked.
I scoffed. "You wish."
He nodded but he was half-grinning. I hated how hot he looked whenever he's doing that!
"No, that was my sister."
"Right."
He gave a crisp laugh that made me cross my legs, goddamnit.
"She is," he replied. "Took her out on a proper date, so she'd know how she should be treated by the guys she meet—just setting the standard," he so casually and confidently said.
Oh, my god.
All the shit he put me through.
Wala na.
Ang hina ko.
Hindi ako nagsalita dahil ayoko na makita niya kung gaano ako ka-impressed sa sinabi niya... and how much I admired him more dahil sa kung paano niya tina-trato iyong kapatid niya. Ewan ko. Hindi kami ganyan ni Therese, but we used to be like that. Sometimes, I still think about pa rin sa kung gaano kami ka-close...
I hated that we ended up where we were, but I didn't ask for this.
She started this, but I would finish this.
"So, is the standard to listen to other people's conversation while you're on a date?"
Natawa siya. "Right... No," sabi niya na umiling. "I explained later, though. She asked questions."
"About what?"
"You," sagot niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. Mabuti na lang at wala akong iniinom dahil pakiramdam ko ay mabubulunan ako dahil sa paraan ng pagtingin niya at pagsagot niya na para bang siguradong-sigurado siya sa sinabi niya.
"What about me?" I asked as calmly as I could. He shrugged. "Siniraan mo siguro ako sa kapatid mo, noh?"
Natawa siya. "No, why would I? You'll meet her soon anyway, so might as well let you two figure things out."
Again, mabuti na lang na wala akong hawak na kung anuman o iniinom. I hated how good he was with this. Dati kasi nasasabi ko pa sa sarili ko na kumalma dahil ginagawa lang niya 'yon dahil nagpapanggap kami... pero ngayon? Damn.
"Maybe," I said. "Maybe not."
"Really," sagot niya habang diretsong nakatingin sa mga mata ko.
I nodded. "I mean, I'm also seeing Paul."
"The English counterpart."
Umirap ako. "So arrogant."
"Just not threatened, love," sabi niya.
"I'm not your love," sagot ko kahit sa totoo lang ay napa-krus na naman ang mga binti ko sa lecheng love na 'yan.
"What do you want me to call you?"
"Cerise. My name."
"Alright, Cerise."
Fuck.
You know it's so bad kapag kahit pangalan mo na normal mong naririnig ay nagiiba kapag siya ang nagsasabi.
"But seriously, I don't like that you're seeing him, but also, it's not like I can tell you what you can and can't do. And I also don't want to—you're your own person. You decide on your own."
Tumingin ako sa kanya.
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"As I said, I don't like it, but it is what it is."
"If you say so."
"May the best man win."
"Sure."
"And you know that I'm the best."
I rolled my eyes. "So arrogant."
"Confident, love—I mean, Cerise."
I bit my the inside of my mouth to stop myself from smiling because damn it, arrogance looks so good on him, damn him.
"What's your dream date?" he asked.
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Curious."
"Will you give me my dream date?"
"Who knows?" sagot niya.
So, we spent the night talking about my dream date. He let me talk but also asked me questions. It was a great night, actually. Hinatid niya ako sa may condo ko.
"Thanks," I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
"Pleasure is all mine," he replied, as gentleman as ever.
Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Will you kiss me goodnight?" tanong ko—probably because at this point, I had five glass of wine. Pablo just let me drink. He only had water.
"No."
I pouted. "Why not?"
He gave out a crisp laugh. "Good night, Cerise," he said instead and gave me that look that I made it so hard for me to get out of the car and walk back to my unit.
Damn... he really just knows how to get to me—fucking sorcery.
**
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