( TW!! there is mention of rape and talk
about self harm within this chapter. please
feel free to skip if the topics effect you in
any way. + a little reminder that you
are loved. <3 )
After arriving at her therapy session a few minutes after it had begun, Adalyn adjusted the sleeves of the hoodie which originally belonged to her boyfriend while she took a seat on the lounge across the Dakota, and receiving a small comforting smile from her therapist.
"How have you been?"
"mh," Adalyn shrugged as she lightly folded her arms over stomach. "I've been better.."
"Can I ask why you say that?" she questioned, a small frown on her face as she slightly tilted her head. "Let's go over what's happened since the last time I saw you, hey? Did you get your baby's dress that your friend made."
"Yeah, it's really cute, she's so talented," she said with a small smile. "And I brought baby a Gucci dress as well- and I know she's gonna grow out of it in like a day but that just means we need to have another kid."
"Do you want more than one kid?"
"mhm, I've always wanted three," Adalyn nodded. "But I'm gonna convince my boyfriend to do the IVF where you can choose the gender so I can have a boy so the dress won't be used again anyway."
"Is there a reason why you want a boy so bad?" the other asked to keep a conversation going. "Is it because you're already having a girl?"
"I guess."
"You can say your answer, I'm not going to judge you," Dakota reassured her.
"I just want a boy."
"Okay," she nodded. "What else have you been up to over the past week?"
"uh.. I had a girls night at my place like you suggested."
"How did that go?"
"It was alright," the younger shrugged. "I think they enjoyed it more than I did cause the whole time I just wanted to drink cause I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me and it's the only way I know how to deal with things."
"Did something happen between you and him?"
"I called him, the girl he's on tour with answer and things just sound like they were doing stuff together but apparently she taking advantage of him."
"Can I ask you why you added apparently to that?" Dakota softly furrowed.
"I don't know if I believe him.." she admitted, softly sniffling. "But I sorta have to.."
"Why do you obligated to believe him?" she continued to look at the girl who was sat there in silences with a confused expression.
"Well I cheated on him like only a few months ago and he forgave me. And also like.. I don't fuckin' know, like if someone tells you they've been raped, you can't just turn around and go 'I don't believe you', you know?" she rhetorically asked.
"And like I trust him with my whole heart, like I love that boy and I don't think he's lying about something like that when he's publicly been accused of raping his ex.. but still part of me just doesn't believe him."
"Why don't you believe him then?" Dakota questioned. "Morals aside, just be honest about how you feel about the situation."
"I only date one type of guy and.." she groaned as she struggled for words. "Every guy- I sorta associate the look that my boyfriend has as them being a dick and bad for me. And I know for a fact that both my exes would be willing to say some shit about someone taking advantage of them to get away with cheating."
"Could you please remind me how long have you known your current boyfriend for?"
"um.. like a year and a half I guess.."
"Okay, so you know the type of guy that your boyfriend is.. would you say that he is how you had just described?"
"Not at all," she quickly shook her head. "I've been staying since I met him that he's nothing like my exes- which originally I didn't mean it in a good way but I've realise that he's basically everything that I want in a relationship."
"From what you've told me throughout our sessions, your current boyfriend sounds like he's good for you," Dakota smiled. "I think that you might just need to accept that your boyfriend isn't your exes, and sort of disassociate his physical appearance from other's personalities."
"mh.."
"Would you like to go over ways to do so?" she asked, her eyes staying on the girl as she started fanning herself with her hand. "Are you okay?"
"Do you have air conditioning in here?" Adalyn asked as she grabbed her water bottle, taking a sip. "I feel really hot."
"The air conditioning's on," Dakota nodded. "Do you want to take off your hoodie? Or do you not have a shirt on underneath?"
"I don't want to.." she mumbled, gently pressing under her eyes to avoid any tears.
"Are you comfortable sharing why?"
"I.." Adalyn gaze trailed down to her arms while took a breath in and letting an inaudible sigh out, as she searched for words. "I hurt myself.."
"Was it an accident?" Dakota watched her hesitantly shake her head and wipe away a tear from her cheek. "It's okay. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing that with me. Do you want to take your hoodie off or even push the sleeves up so you don't overheat?"
"okay.." she sniffled as she lent forward slightly and removed her hoodie, fixing the hem of her tee as she placed the hoodie beside her.
"When did you start hurting yourself? Remember you only have to answer what you're comfortable answering.."
"on the weekend.."
"Have you ever done it before then?" she received another head shake. "Has it even been a thought?"
"no.."
"Do you think there's a reason you've started doing it?"
"it's gonna sound stupid.."
"Nothing is stupid," Dakota reassured her. "Whatever reason you have is valid."
"I'm starting to not like the way I look.. and so now.. now when I look at my body in the mirror I like see the cuts instead of how fat I am.."
"Okay.. Can I ask what parts of your body you don't like?"
"my thighs.. and my stomach.."
"Could I come over there and see them?" she asked pointing at the lounge beside her, watching the other hesitantly nod.
"I guess.."
"Are you comfortable with me seeing them?"
"I think if I let you see them.. it might get me to- I don't know.."
"Is this something you want to stop or are you not ready for that step yet?" Dakota politely asked as she got up and made her way over to the girl. "Remember it's okay if you're not."
"I don't want people to find out.."
"Your boyfriend?"
"No," Adalyn quickly shook her head. "He already knows I'm not doing okay, I don't want to stress him out more."
"When are you seeing your boyfriend again?"
"I'm meant to leave next weekend.. but I think he might be coming home before then because he doesn't want to be on tour," she explained. "So I don't know what I'm going to do."
"And you don't want to tell him at all?"
"I think he might already know.. I made him stay on the phone with me yesterday cause I didn't want to be alone.."
"Does having company help you not want to hurt yourself?"
"well I was staying at my friends place.. and the first night was fine but then.. Tuesday night- well it was like five am on Wednesday and I.. I couldn't sleep and I know she was sleep and wasn't going to walk it so.. so I had gone to the bathroom and added.."
"Can I see these cuts?"
"mh.." she lent back slightly as she pushed up her shorts, one side at a time, revealing the few on each of her thighs. "and then I have a few on my stomach.. and I started doing it on my arms because I like the feeling.."
"I'm not judging you and I'm not trying to worry you.. but I want you to be careful if you continue, because the last thing you want is to cut too deep or for one to get infected and for it to harm your baby."
"I don't care.."
"I know you're not very excited at the moment but I'm sure the last thing you want is for something to happen," Dakota received a small nod. "Did having your boyfriend on the phone help stop the urge?"
"We both slept for most of the call but it was nice when I woke up and he was there.. I miss having him around.."
"Is there any chance you could go to Europe early?" she more so suggested, watching the girl shrug. "I think you should talk to him, you don't have to mention this, but you should mention how having him around helps.."
"mh.."
[ ₊✧ 💋 ∘* ☁️ ⋆ 🍒 ༉˚ ]
A/N
:((