Luke
Twisting myself free of the covers, I opened my eyes with difficulty. The light hung low in the room creating tall, elongated shadows out of the tiniest objects. The mornings were taking longer to arrive, something my cat, Charlie, didn't seem to understand. I called her Charlie because she took a liking to Prince Charles when she saw on the TV. Couldn't get her away from the screen.
She bounded on top of me, making biscuits on my abdomen while simultaneously staring at me with I'm sure were adorable eyes, but in this light, he looked like he'd been at the catnip a little too much.
"Mmm" I groaned, rubbing my eyes to see through the fog. Charlie didn't take to kindly to not being seen, head butting my chin with his head. It's softness almost pushing back into sleep.
"I-I'm not ignoring you, buddy. How could I ignore that Bastet like face?" I tickled under his chin as his purring grew louder.
I sleepily reached for my water on my bedside cabinet, feeling around blindly as I was too lazy to fully open my eyes. The glass was warm, but I sipped it anyway, only to spit it out and scare Charlie away in the process. I sat up swiftly in bed; now I was fully awake. Why did it taste so awful?
Looking down I realised it was the glass that I used to clean my paint brushes in. Delicious!
Once I was up, I dressed for work before heading for the door. Hesitantly I looked back.
I sighed before seeing the carnage that was my room. Papers and paint strewn about the floor, a window that only had one curtain, mould on the skirting boards, clothes slumped on my sofa bed in what I'm assuming Charlie called his bed last night. Did I live like this? Did everything on this room contribute to my entire life?
This attic room was what I'd always had, grown up in. I imagined that if these walls could talk, they wouldn't say much. Not anything happy, anyway. Just sorrowful words relating to the painful, agonising moments that played out here. Either that or a protracted silence with me at the centre. No friends; no fun; no midnight chats; no giggling at movies; no botched kisses with girls. The precious years of my life, I'd spent alone. To tell you the truth, the only laughter I recall hearing in here was that of my sister whenever she'd play with me after school or my parents coming to see what I was painting. Whether or not Kerry had been told to play with me by my parents, or if she genuinely wanted to, I'm not sure.
I walked into the kitchen, Charlie behind me where the kids were up eating breakfast, unusually early for a Saturday. Kerry fed Tony, while Connor sat patiently eating his toast. Stephy, as was expected was circling the table twirling a long piece of ribbon high above her head. Charlie seeming to prefer the ribbon to breakfast.
"Morning, everyone" I walked in exceptionally slowly, quietly opening the cupboard for a mug.
"Good morning" Connor beamed, brandishing his toast at me "Mummy said I would have chips again wext weekend if I eat my Bweakfast all up today. Wook, I'm almost finished!" He grinned.
"Good job. B-but you also have e-eat your tea at Nan Nans, tonight" I stated, pouring water from the kettle. Connors face contorted into one of horror. On weekends the kids usually spend it with Ian's parents. A jovial woman with a pale blue knitted cardigan, who frequently smelt of cotton wool.
"Not Gweens! I hate Gween food!! Billy says that they're snot fwom a dogs nose! They poison you!!"
"They aren't made from dog snot. Not a-all green food tastes as bad a-as it looks. You like green pop rocks, don't you?" I asked him, stirring my tea. He nodded slowly, arguably suspicious of where I was going with this.
"We'll, when you go to Nan Nans, and she gives you a-a plate of green stuff, just remember that they are not made from dog snot. Now, Brussels sprouts, they're made from dog snot!"
"They are?!" As he looked up at me, his little face turned white as a sheet.
"Hmmm, yeah. O-other green foods are very good for you. Nan Nan would really love it I-if you ate them all up"
"If I eat them all, could I have some pop rocks?!" He jumped up and down in his seat.
"Your mum might buy you some. I-it is Saturday, after all" we both smiled at each other.
"Mum, can I have some? Can I? Can I?!"
"Like your uncle said, if you're good for Nana" Kerry didn't take her eyes off Tony. Her monotone reply caught me off guard, and when I looked at her aggrieved expression and tight jaw, thoughts of last night came thick and fast. Connor mustn't have noticed; her acquiescence to his question being a good enough response.
My mouth opened, but words wouldn't form. I tried again, but still nothing. Please look at me. Please look at me without me having to say it!
"Well, I'll be eating all my vegetables. Mrs Armstrong said that even the dinosaurs ate their greens. And if you eat them all, you'll grow to the size of a T-Rex!" Stephy lowered her ribbon, before standing beside me, looking up proudly.
"R-really?" I eventually spoke, although strained as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. My eyes reluctantly pulled away from Kerry " Well, don't eat too much, o-otherwise you'll be t-too tall to fit through the front door. W-we'll have to feed you from the upstairs window" I feigned shock, raising my brows as I knelt down beside her.
"I'll be that tall?!!" She thought for a moment, rubbing her chin inquisitively "I-I don't think I want to be a T-Rex anymore. Too much commitment" she looked dejected, unconsciously fiddling with the end of her ribbon.
"I don't want you to be a T-Rex, either" I said softly.
"Because you'd have to feed me out of the window" she stated ambivalently.
"No" I giggled, stroking her cheek "Because I love you the way are" Looking at me once, she began to play with my lanyard, staring cheekily at my ID then back at my face.
In that moment, she looked younger than her years. Almost too youthful. Moments like this, I'm reminded of how she's still so young.
"Can I do your job instead of being a dinosaur?"
"I think you're still too little"
To this, Kerry looked up. She gazed softly at Stephy, before in one swift motion of her eyes, looked calmly at me.
"I could tell everyone where to go. Stop people getting lost. I'm good at geography" Stephy continued.
"Maybe one day I-I could take you. Show you around. B-but first, you have to ready for Nan Nans" standing up, I stroked her cheek once more.
"Yes, come on. Luke has to go to work. You still haven't packed your stuff. Go on, take Connor with you" Kerry ordered, cleaning up Tony's chin in tandem "be ready in 15 minutes" she added.
Both kids ran up out of the kitchen, Stephys ribbon being the last thing I saw round the door frame like the end of a fishes tail.
Quiet reigned once again. The wooden floor the only thing to protest as I pulled out a chair and sat down. Steam billowed from my tea, which I hadn't even tasted yet.
"Do you umm...do you begin with that exhibition today?" Kerry says, carefully, snapping the silence in two.
"I-I-it doesn't start for another month. W-we're just...helping along" I stutter, simply.
"Look, Luke...last night...I'm sorry I-I only said all of those things because I care. And I understand that that was uncalled for and unfair, and too much pressure...too much for you to take after all that's happened..." her limbs swung around animatedly, like some instinct to correct the tension from last night suddenly lit up within her.
"No, no, n-no you...it's not your fault. Don't apologise" I halted, my words becoming stuck. Trying to release them, I gulped before starting again. Kerry watched me patiently "I get it, you...you only want what's best for me. A-a-and I know I haven't made it easy, easy for our family. My reactions t-to things that have happened, I know are taking longer than everyone else to g-get over" my hands fell limply into my lap. I couldn't even bare to look up, not wanting Kerry to see my pathetic face.
"No! I mean yeah that's part of it, but it's not all of it" she said, rationally. I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, as she could see by my expression when I finally looked up.
"Everything we've been through, all the big stuff that came upon us so quickly...I didn't mean that part when I told you stand up for yourself at work. I didn't mean mum and dad" tilting her head to the left slightly, she seemed to ruminate, search inside her minds eye, a bit like Stephy when she looks within. Her eyes creased at the sides as we locked eyes for a long while.
Kitchen light reflected off of my glasses so I wasn't sure if she could me properly. If she did, she probably saw me blink several times a minute. Thick unruly hair hanging down to hide the rest of me.
"I wasn't having a go at you. And I didn't mean to devalue your feelings. I just wanted to get through to you about those...pricks at work. If it felt like an attack, I'm sorry. Like you said, I do and always will wants best for you" she gave me a thin smile.
Tentatively a raised my hand from lap and clutched my mug with my right. Steam still billowed from it despite my still having drank it. Maybe that sort of resilience could be replicated in a human? To still burn with life even when life tries to douse you in water to put you out.
"I know...I know" I said, looking at her, eyes still blinking incessantly.
"So, would you? Try, I mean?" I ceased blinking at this question, instead staring my agape, my mouth suddenly becoming try.
"Just...speak with Mr Fields. Tell him about how they've been treating you, about that obnoxious little kid. You won't get in any trouble. People like that quit after they've had a good telling off from the boss. Trust me. Remember that perv down the road I sucker punched that one time? Couldn't even have a pint without him harassing me! One complaint, never heard from him again after that!" She smiled proudly at that. I offered a partial smile, biting the inside of my lip.
"I will. I-I-I'll do it today. I-I'll tell him. I promise" I nodded slowly.
"Good. I'm pleased to hear it" leaning over the table, she took my left hand in hers, the warmth of her palm making me nod more vigorously. My neck felt like it dislodged from my spine from the speed of my nodding. However much I nodded, nothing could push the sheer terror that rose up in my throat back down into the darkest parts of myself, the place where each worry repeatedly attempts to break free, but continue to be caged to keep Kerry off my back. Care free.
Being a decade older, Kerry was the one constant of my childhood. Of course I understood her concern. But if she thinks I'm telling them off today! I will do it, I promised I would, but it could wait. If she's asks, I'll just say it went fine. No animosity whatsoever. We're all best friends now. Job done.
"You better get some food down you. And that tea won't stay hot much longer. Get it drank" as she laughed, she motioned with her head to the mug I still clutched. My fingers more than likely moulded to its shape.
As she took Tony into the living room, I pulled my eyes shut, all of a sudden aware of the ticking of the clock above the door. However much I wanted to close the cage door behind me, nestle amongst my monsters as they cooed me to sleep with their sibilant whispers, I had to at least be seen willing to change. This very day. Kerry would obviously get suspicious if I dropped the entire promise right here at the kitchen table.
Keeping up appearances, I made my self some cereal, eating it reluctantly to the backing track of the kids running around upstairs. Anything was better than the clanging of metal keys that swung in front of an open cage door, beckoning me with its embrace.
I willed the kids to run faster and louder.