Warning's:
-Mentions of depression
-Mentions of self loathing
(Not feeling good enough)
-Mentions of violence/blood
-Mentions of panic attacks
Nahoya Kawata: "I Really Tried To Win"
~~~
"Number 7! Our Ace, Y/N L/N, is really putting in a lot of work to bring her team to the championships but will it be enough?"
The announcers words rang through your head as sweat rolled down your forehead, his words had only put more pressure on you. It was like the weight of the world was resting on your shoulders and time wouldn't slow down fast enough.
Your whole team was counting on you, you were their captain and as their captain.....it's important for you to lead them to victory.
There was nothing that you couldn't do if you had just put your mind to it, everything would work out for you in the end if you just relaxed.
"GO!"
"Is Y/N okay?" The younger Kawata twin questioned as he watched her worriedly, it was easy for someone who actually knew you to know that you weren't doing your best on the court. "She's just nervous, this is the championship game after all but don't worry! I know that Y/N will be able to do it, she's amazing" Nahoya chirped as he continued to watch his girlfriend run around the court.
Souya smiled at how much faith his brother had in his girlfriend, he found their relationship to be adorable.
Especially considering how easily annoyed Y/N could get, it was always such a funny sight to see whenever the two of them were in public.
You ran towards the corner of the court when you saw a clear shot for their wing spiker to spike the ball. You couldn't let that happen or else the game would've been over for you guys, you couldn't let your team down.
You've all worked so hard for this, as the captain, you should be able to give your team the best possible outcome.
You were about to jump up before losing your footing, your eyes went wide as you nearly slid back but you managed to catch yourself.
'What the hell-'
*THUD*
Your mind went numb and your body went limp as you heard the sound of the volleyball hitting the ground besides you. The entire gym was dead silent before the home team began cheering loudly, the points were no longer close.
They had beaten you.
For some reason, your body went cold and you no longer felt the heat from the humid gym or the sweat streaming down your face.
All you felt was the coldness that suddenly lingered in the air after the sound of the ball hitting the ground had finally ceased.
Your team sent short glances at one another before your libero slowly walked over to you with a small smile on your face. "It's alright.....did you lose your footing? We shouldn't have put all of that pressure on you, someone else should've been running towards the ball as well"
Her words were being left on deaf ears as you began to tune all of the noise around you out, you slowly removed her hand away from your shoulder before running out of the gym.
Your team sent worried glances your way before frowning at one another, losing was upsetting but seeing their captain this way had hurt a lot more.
Tripping up like that had probably been embarrassing for you, it wasn't like you. "How did Y/N slip up anyways.....?" Your libero questioned quietly as one of the middle blockers shrugged their shoulders. "Maybe she's just wearing the wrong kind of shoes"
Your libero stared at the area that you had slipped with a small frown on her face. "Yeah right.....as if our captain would ever do something so ridiculous"
Nahoya watched you race out of the gym with your head held low and Souya's frown had deepened. "Are you going to go after h-" Souya cut himself off, shock filling his eyes when he saw that his brothers eyes were opened now. "I noticed something" he mumbled as he watched the volleyball captain for the opposite team high-fiving some guy, probably her boyfriend.
"Doesn't the area that Y/N slipped in look odd?" He questioned quietly as Souya glanced back onto the court and he raised a brow, "It's pretty shiny over there, but I think that's just the lighting-"
Nahoya cut his brother off with a large grin, "Stay here! I just want to say congratulations to the winning team" he mused as he began walking across the bleachers with his hands stuffed inside of his pockets.
You pushed open the door to the women's bathroom and immediately let your tears fall. "I lost.....all because of a mistake as simple as that" you hiccuped as your heart began beating even faster, your senses began to shift at the thought of your whole team blaming you while you sobbed your heart out in the bathroom.
'I failed.....I failed.....I failed'
'I couldn't even balance myself correctly'
'They were all counting on me and I failed them'
'This is all my fault'
You fell to your knees as you began to hyperventilate, the thought of anyone walking in on you right now was enough for you to at least try and keep yourself quiet while you cried. "Failed.....I failed" you continued to mumble in between sobs and your head began to spin.
'They all hate me'
'I hate myself too'
'How could I let this happen?'
Your mind had almost completely blanked to the point where you had forgotten where you were, you screamed and hit the wall with your fist causing splotches of blood to form on the white walls.
Your knuckles began to bruise as you slowly leaned your head against the wall, breathing still irregular as you attempted to pick yourself up but you failed.
You failed.
"I really tried to win....."
"I'm sorry" You sobbed out as you heard the sound of the door creaking open before you were suddenly wrapped up in a warm embrace. "You're okay" Nahoya's voice whispered softly as he began to gentle caress the side of your face. "Just breath" he mumbled as he placed his head in the crook of your neck.
Your breathing had slowed down immensely as you slowly wrapped your arms around the peach haired twin. "Nahoya....?" You questioned quietly and he hummed "You did great out there, you know I always love watching you play"
You clenched your eyes shut tightly, "I failed everyone....." you whispered as tears continued to silently stream down your cheeks and Nahoya's grip on you had tightened, hiding his own bruised knuckles as he stared at the smudged blood on the wall. "What happened, pretty?"
He pulled a bit away from you as he held your hands in his own, he brushed his thumbs across your bloodied knuckles and you winced in pain. "Let me take you to the school nurse, yeah?"
He turned around and kneeled in front of you. "Hop on" he said and you did as he said, wrapping your arms around his neck as he hoisted you onto his back. "What happened to your hands?" you questioned quietly when you noticed the small bruises beginning to form on his own knuckles. "Don't worry about it! Anyways I've got some news to tell you once your hands are all wrapped up"
"News.....?"
He turned his head so that you could see his signature grin causing your worries to leave your mind, if only for a moment.
A big part of you had felt as if you had disappointed him the most, he had missed a meeting with Toman in order to come to your game and he even brought his twin brother along with him.
Just for you to lose it all.
You knew that you could've stopped the spike if only you could've kept your balance, you didn't understand why you had slid. You thought that your shoes were perfect for the court, they had never messed you up before. "I'm sorry.....for losing" you whispered causing him to stop walking for a moment. "I have no idea what you're talking about"
Your eyes widened slightly as he began walking once more, not quite understanding what he was talking about. "I screwed up....." you mumbled before slowly shaking your head, "I always screw up"
"Let's get some ice cream after this, there's a new place down the street from here that me and Angry have been dying to try" he mused, completely ignoring your self loathing as if you hadn't said anything at all.
Nahoya opened up the door to the nurses office and you were shocked to see the opposing captains boyfriend sitting in one of the chairs with bruises littering his chin and a bloodied nose.
The boys head quickly shot up as soon as Nahoya opened the door and he immediately turned pale as he grabbed his stuff before sprinting out of the room. "What's wrong with him.....?" you questioned as Nahoya placed you down in one of the chairs. "Probably feels guilty"
"Guilty?"
Nahoya glanced around for the nurse, "Guess she's taking a break or something, oh well" he mumbled to himself as he grabbed a bandage wrap before walking over to you and gently taking your injured hand in his own. "We'll clean it properly after we get our ice cream, sound good?"
"Why are we getting ice cream?"
"To celebrate, of course!"
You looked away. "There's nothing to celebrate, I lost" you whispered as he tied up the end of the wrap to keep it from falling off. "Let's head back to the gym" he said while patting you on the head before grabbing your uninjured hand.
He pulled you out of the nurses office as he basically dragged you back into the direction of the gym. "I don't think I can face my team again.....and the crowd is probably still roaring with cheers of their victory" you whispered and Nahoya shrugged, "Don't think you'll have to worry about that"
Nahoya pushed the gym door open and your teams eyes lit up when they saw you, sprinting over to you as they wrapped you up in a group hug. "There you are!"
Your eyes went wide, "What.....?"
Your Libero grinned, "We're going to the championships!" she squealed causing a look of confusion to cross your features. "What are you talking about? We lost" you stated and the setter stepped forward. "Actually the opposing team was disqualified for tampering with the court, that's how you ended up slipping" she continued "They had it all planned out from the start"
The libero patted you on the back. "So don't look so glum! We all know that you wouldn't have lost if you didn't slip and it wasn't even your fault! You're the greatest captain that we could've possibly asked for" she said as she stepped forward while handing you the volleyball. "You don't always have to blame yourself, we want to take the blame for anything bad that happens out on the court as well! We're a team after all, so the burden will always fall onto us all"
You grabbed it from her hands and let out a small sigh, the weight had suddenly been lifted off of your shoulders as you replayed her words inside of your head a couple of times.
The burden was everyone's on the team to share.
That's what made you guys a team.
Although-
You turned your head to see that Nahoya was simply waiting for you by the gym door with Souya by his side. "I'll be right back" you said to your team as you ran over to them. "Did you know about this?"
Nahoya raised a brow "I have no clue what you're talking about" he said as he opened up the gym door. "Now can we go and get that ice cream or what?"
"Mhm!"
You hadn't even noticed the slight bruising on Nahoya's knuckles as he guided you down the hallway with his hand on the small of your back.
Fin.
~~~
A/N: Did you guys enjoy this oneshot?
Anyways, if you have some more requests for prompts then please feel free to comment on my messaging board (I honestly will forget about any comment requests so it would be better if you requested on my messaging board so that i'll read them)<3