"Dr Shepherd" A squeaky voice came from behind her.
"I don't work here what do you want?" Luna snapped back at the young intern.
"I need to give these to Dr Grey" The intern muttered.
"Then give them to her," Luna said rolling her eyes.
She looked at the intern seeing all the things that Luna missed about her internship year or even her residency.
"Dr Wilson?" Luna asked looking at the Intern.
"Gonna miss your stupidity," Luna said joking.
"When are you going back?" Meredith asked.
"Leaving as soon as 5 o'clock has gone," Luna said staring at her watch.
"Did you see the experimental surgery I sent you?" Meredith said.
"I saw you sent it but I've not looked at it. I need to concentrate on my fellowship and not some stupid accident okay" Luna angrily said before walking away.
"You've got to wait until she asks you," Bailey said looking at the hurt in Meredith's eyes.
"I know. I just wished she would" Meredith said looking at where Luna stood.
"Has she seen Mark yet?" Bailey asked.
"Not sure," Meredith said.
________________________________________________
"I'm thinking of changing their treatment maybe trying out a more modern method? No that's stupid I'll stick to the way you've done it" Jackson said thinking out loud while talking to Mark.
Mark was still in a coma and the whole hospital was hoping he'd wake up before 5 o'clock but there was barely any hope left.
"He'd be laughing at you," Luna said after watching Jackson talk to Mark for a few minutes.
"Thought I was gonna pick you up from the airport?" Jackson said upset.
"You couldn't have done that because I drove here," Luna said walking into the room.
Jackson looked at Luna with such empathy. He didn't know what it was like for her, but he tried to be the best he could be for her.
"Heard Karev is sleeping with half the Interns," Luna said drawing away from the obvious emotional conversation they could have.
"Yeah. He's 'saying goodbye'. He's slept with five today alone" Jackson answered.
"You know that Mark would be so impressed someone's taken on his whore duties," Luna said jokingly.
"Mmm, I don't know. He'd turned over a new leaf since Sofia" Jackson uttered.
Luna stood in shock, knowing that once again a precious child would be without a parent.
"Mark the um had an idea for a surgery. It's in here. If you could have a look please?" Luna said pulling a folder out of her bag and passing it to Jackson.
"Yeah sure. Who's the patient?" Jackson asked looking into Luna's eyes and seeing the tears slowly forming once again.
"You'll see. I'm going to go see Callie" She said abruptly leaving.
Jackson opened the folder to see a name.
The only name he said he'd never operate on.
Shepherd, Luna.
Now for Jackson, he had been very vocal about not operating on Luna and she knew this. Yet she still wanted him to.
"If you stare at that for any longer your gonna burn a hole through it," Derek said.
Jackson looked up to see Derek standing at the entrance to the room.
"Yeah...I can go if you want to say goodbye" Jackson said quickly.
"No no, it's fine. I saw Luna leave, didn't know if she'd said goodbye" Derek whispered feeling embarrassed he was asking.
"No, she didn't. I'm afraid she won't. She's pretending like none of this happened" Jackson sighed.
"She runs," Derek said walking more into the room.
"What?" Jackson snapped back.
"When she can't deal with something or life gets too hard she runs. She can't express herself when she's emotional. I and Mark brought her back before, but I can't bring her back this time. She has to do that on her own" Derek said wiping his nose.
"She drove all the way here," Jackson said.
"Really?" Derek asked.
"I was meant to pick her up from the airport but she didn't get on the plane. I don't know how to help her and it's killing me"
"It sounds bad but you can't. You can't keep on hoping the old Luna comes back because she won't. She's losing one of the only people who truly loved her, who knew her and cared for her. If she can't say goodbye to him then I'm afraid to say that she will get worse" Derek said looking at Jackson trying not to scare him.
"I love her. Mark made me promise I wouldn't let her go" Jackson said hoping Derek wouldn't get annoyed or anything.
"Then don't satisfy her, treat her as if the accident didn't happen. Treat her as if she was a normal person. That's how you make sure she's fine" Derek said.
"I'll be back in a bit," Jackson said getting up out of the chair.
The room was left with just Derek and Mark and the beeping of the machines and all the folders spread across the bed.
"What's she gonna do without you?" Derek whispered.
_____________________________________________________
"So you can just operate through bone now?" Luna said laughing and drinking a coffee with Callie.
"Well not through a bone but I can repair and attach nerve to a broken bone," Callie said laughing.
"I operated on a baby in a women's stomach last week. Like in the stomach. It was crazy. It was a 14-hour surgery and I was able to stand with no pain at all" Luna said seriously like it was a real victory for her.
"I'm so proud and you doing so well. When can I visit?" Callie asked.
"Whenever I've got a spare room in my apartment so you and Sofia can stay and Arizona if she's willing to come. But I'll ask Adam if it's okay" Luna said smiling.
"When do I get to meet Adam?" Callie asked.
"When I figure out what's going on with me and Jackson," Luna said.
"You two are so confusing," Callie said throwing a sweet into her mouth.
"He's coddling me. I don't like it. It's like he's trying to be Mark in some weird way and it's annoying"
"Have you seen Mark yet?" Callie asked.
"Yeah he was asleep," Luna said laughing.
"You have to say goodbye you know that right?" Callie answered back.
Luna looked at Callie almost in shock as everyone had been nice to her all day apart from that one comment.
"He's gonna wake up. He promised" Luna said.
"Luna you can't keep pretending what is happening isn't happening. You will regret it. I can go with you" Callie said reaching out her hand.
"Look he promised and he's the only one who's ever kept a promise. And he said he would never leave me" Luna said starting to cry.
"Oh, Lu," Callie said bringing her into a hug.
"He deserves to live. He deserves to live more than me. He deserved to make a family with Lexie and watch Sofia grow up. I wish it was me" Luna said hyperventilating.
Luna said leaning into Callies warm arms letting every emotion and thought pour out. It was something she was too afraid to do because she didn't know if she'd be able to stop.
Callie reached into her bag and grabbed something.
"Mark gave this to me. When he was awake. He told me where it was in his apartment. It was in a box of stuff you can have too but he told me to give it to you when I thought you needed it so here" Callie said wiping her tears.
Luna looked down at the piece of paper that Callie had handed her.
"I think I'm ready to see him now" Luna whispered.
____________________________________________________________________________
Luna walked hand in hand with Callie to the ICU room to make sure that she didn't bail out or go and find another distraction.
"Can we have the room?" Callie asked walking in and seeing Meredith, Derek and Jackson sitting in there.
"Sure" Meredith answered, Jackson and Derek, followed her out.
"I'll let you have some time, I'll just be out here" Callie whispered before kissing her forehead.
Callie went and stood with the others who were standing by the nurse's station looking into the room.
"How did you get her to see him?" Meredith asked.
"I told her the truth. She's gonna regret it if she doesn't. Look guys you need to stop treating her like she's fragile. Treat like Luna. She's badass surgeon who by the way did surgery the other day standing up so quit mothering her" Callie snapped at them before walking away.
"Stop gawking too. Give her some space" Callie shouted back.
The three surgeons all stood together watching and hoping that Luna could finally process what was happening but also show her they were there for her too.
____________________________________________
Luna didn't know what to say or even how to talk to Mark. He was already dead was all she could think. Our death certificates were signed the moment the plane crashed was her most prominent thought.
"Callie just gave me this stupid letter you wrote and I can't even read it. I don't think I can." Luna started talking before the tears in her eyes began to stream down her face.
"I need you. You make me brave. Loving you was a scary but effortless thing. Oh damn, I hate this. You'd start laughing at me. I haven't even been able to sleep, I can hear just screams repeatedly and they were my screams...This is so stupid" Lina said to herself.
Luna's thoughts were overcrowding what she wanted to say.
"Jackson I love him, but I feel like we can't be together because he's constantly trying to fix me. God, I haven't had sex in months and truthfully that's all I want" Luna said laughing knowing he would've loved that.
"Meredith and Derek are trying to be there for me but I can't help but feel guilty. She lost her sister and Derek lost his brother and well to put it harshly I just lost an ex-boyfriend, and the father of my dead child" Luna said.
This was the first time Luna had said alive the thoughts that were eating her alive, she didn't realise that's what she needed. To hear herself say it.
"When you were awake, I truly thought the last time we spoke wouldn't be our last and now look at us. God, we didn't even speak before I was half-death. I wish I could hear one of your stupid jokes again or feel your warm arms around my shoulders" Luna said starting to cry.
"I always blamed you for the death of our child. If I had just been more open then maybe we would've had more time. I've started seeing a therapist his name is Adam and he's kind of living with me at the moment. And no he's not my boyfriend , He's a friend and a good one. It's weird to live with my therapist I know but I have trouble sleeping I've already said that. Anyway, I'm getting better. It's a long road but I'm gonna do it for you and Lexie. God, I miss Lexie. You'd tell me to stop being stupid about Jackson and tell him" Luna whispered feeling tears fall on her hands that shed wrapped around Marks.
"Well what I wanted to say was see you later and I love you" Luna whispered before kissing his forehead.
Turning around to see all of the doctors standing outside her room she knew at that moment how many of them were there for her and she needed to stop pushing them away.
"I can't believe it, Derek," Luna said walking into Derek's arms full of tears.
Soon Luna felt so many arms on her which meant one thing everyone had joined in and at last she felt like she could breathe again.
"What's the time?" Luna asked wiping her tears as everyone pulled away from her.
"It's 4 o'clock," Meredith said checking the time.
"Where is Jackson?" Luna asked noticing he wasn't there.
"He went to think that's what he told us," Callie said.
Luan knew exactly where he went.
___________________________________________________________________________
The cold Seattle air hit her skin almost like it was her first time outside.
"We've got to stop meeting as this Avery" Luna said sarcastically.
Jackson looked at her smiling, but it soon felt like he was in deep thought.
"What's wrong?" Luna asked walking over to him.
Jackson didn't answer just smiled at her again.
"Sloan said something to me when he was awake, If you love someone you tell them," Jackson said back in a deep voice.
"He got wise in his last breaths," Luna said standing next to Jackson and grabbing his hand to hold.
"I Love you, Luna, I don't want to mess around anymore or not be together because of distance. I love you. I want to make little yous and get ice cream on Sundays or tell them about uncle mark" Jackson said looking at Luna.
"You can't keep treating me like I'm broken then. I am well and truly smashed in bits but I don't want you to see me as something you need to fix" Luna said laughing.
"Okay I will stop doing that but you've got to get surgery for your leg," Jackson said gazing into Luna's eyes.
"Jackson I'm getting surgery, It's booked Im just waiting for the surgeon," Luna said pointing at Jackson.
"I'm not operating on you," Jackson said sternly.
"Mark has been training you for this and it won't just be you. Callie is on it too and Meredith. They've sent me all the research. Look without you I wouldn't be able to hear right now. And I believe you can fix my leg" Luna said trying to persuade him.
"Okay fine, but it's gonna be performed here. And you have to stay a week before and until you are fully healed?" Jackson told her.
"Deal," Luna said smiling.
Jackson looked down at his watch turning his smile into a frown. Because for those moments they'd both forgotten who was downstairs and what was going to happen.
"It's nearly 5," Jackson said looking up at Luna.
"Do you want to go down?" Luna asked.
Jackson nodded before bringing her into a hug.
____________________________________
Seeing Mark for the last time was probably more sad and damaging than she ever thought.
All of the surgeons were sitting outside the room clock-watching, but people were missing. This was the first time that there had been a very obvious absence. Lexie wasn't there, neither was Cristina. And then Mark he was in a bed having his final moments of life.
"Luna, do you want to come in?" Derek asked reaching out his hand.
Luna nodded and took his hand, she knew she needed Derek more than ever now.
Sitting in that room and watching the last breath come out of Mark's chest was the push she needed. Mark loved her. He wanted her to live not to be hauled up in a residency Programme in another state away from her family. She didn't cry, she didn't need the peace she finally felt after all the pain was still there but not as heavy anymore in her chest or her heart.
"It's okay you can go" Luna whispered kissing Mark on the head for the last time.
Derek was the last one to leave his room even after they removed his body. Derek stayed just staring at the space his body once was. They were brothers and they were with each other until the end.
"Where's Hunt?" Luna asked everyone sat in the waiting area.
"Not sure, his office?" Jackson responded.
"Okay," Luna said before heading that way.
"Luna, what do you need to ask Hunt?" Jackson asked worryingly.
"Nothing I'll be back in a minute," Luna said kissing him on the lips before heading in the direction of the elevator.
"You two spoke?" Derek said with a smile on his face.
"I took your advice," Jackson said with a smirk.
________________________________________________________________________________
"Hunt" Luna said knocking on the door.
Luna entered his office to see him with a bag.
"You leaving? Because I was going to ask a favour" Luna joked.
"Oh um going to get something," Hunt said mysteriously.
"Okay. I want the Peds fellowship here" Luna demanded.
"It's all yours," Hunt said back.
"Wait really?" Luna said surprised.
"Yeah, I've been trying to get this hospital to how it was before and I can't without the people so you can have whatever fellowship you want here," Hunt said.
"I just want the Peds one, I know I'm a double board certified but I just want to feel like me again which is being here," Luna said sounding so sure of herself.
"Then I will see you on Monday?" Hunt said before heading out the door.
Ever since the crash something never felt right with Luna and she never knew what it was maybe because she lost some of her family or herself but she needed to be here not in a different state.
notes -
sorry for the long chapter, I couldn't stop writing.
also sorry for the weeks between chapters I've been going through dropping out of school so not had time to write this.
hope you enjoy :)