MC's POV:
I took my time in the shower, letting my thoughts wash over me. I tie my hair back into a loose braid that runs down my back. He bought some jeans and a low-cut black t-shirt that hugs my curves just right. The outfit is simple, but it fits me like a glove. I took one last look in the mirror and went out to meet my love.
I sprint straight to him and wrap my arms around him in the beariest of bear hugs I could manage.
"What was that for?" He asks, still holding me close.
"Well, I missed you and I am so thankful to you, thankful for you."
He kisses me on the top of my head and quickly returns to his kitchen duties. I set the table, trying to stay busy.
"You really can't keep spoiling me like his. I am going to start expecting it."
"Why can't I spoil you? Why shouldn't you expect it? You should always be taken care of." He pauses. "Do you feel better after the shower?"
"Yes. I didn't realize how much I needed it. Thank you again for all of the things and these clothes."
"I'm glad they fit. I found your size on the wet clothes from last night. I was still a little nervous about it."
"They fit perfectly."
"Yes. They do. You look beautiful." His eyes travel over my body but he is a gentleman and turns away quickly.
"Our grilled cheeses are ready, can you grab the pickles out of the refrigerator?" He asks from one side of the marble island that doubles the size of the kitchen. The kitchen, is by far, the most impressive part of the cabin. It has been used well, but the space is ample and organized. The cabinets rise full stop to the ceiling and require the use of a ladder to gather all ingredients. His mother must have loved to cook. I wish I could have met her.
"Already done, I remembered," I answered, "grilled cheese, but always with pickles."
"Why would I ever doubt you?" he asks.
I shrugged, "I remember all of the things you tell me. You are important."
The look that crossed his face was one of astonishment. He shouldn't be astonished. He should be considered and loved. I will work to make him feel as cherished as he makes me feel.
"Should we finish our questions while we eat? I still have five more." He asks.
"Sure." I say, but now that I am going to want to hold his hand and stare int his eyes.
Our feet touch under the table and we leave them there. Constant touch seems to be necessary for both of us. Will it always be this way? I hope so.
"Ok, I was on sixteen...Would you ever give up coffee?"
"That is a horrible thought, but if I was pregnant or if you asked me to I would. I don't think there would be any other reason for me to avoid it. By the way, this grilled cheese is really delicious."
"I would never ask you to give up coffee. I am afraid of you without caffeine. Thanks about the grilled cheese, it is a secret recipe." He winks, but I think he is serious.
"Oooh. What is the secret? We shouldn't have secrets." I am testing his reserve.
"When we share the same last name, I will tell you. The only secrets I keep until then will have to do with food and surprises." He looks at me sternly, but I know he is teasing.
I won't pry. Darn it. He is a man of his word.
Wait, did he say when we share the same last name? He did and I smile getting lost in thought. He reaches for my hand, even thought we are sitting side by side. I take it and we sit in quiet for the next few moments. It isn't uncomfortable, we are just there, in the exact place we want to be.
"Seventeen. Do you want domestic bliss, a family and all that?"
I had to think for a minute and then the answer hit me. " Yes. I wouldn't have always thought so. I would have said I was ok on my own, that love was hard and not worth the effort. You changed my heart and the last couple of days have shown me what a shared life can be like. Children would be good when the time is right. I can picture it and I never could before. I like your idea of adoption. I guess I should have just said that I would love domestic bliss if it is with you."
A huge smile takes control of his face.
"Eighteen. Where would be your dream place to live?"
"Anywhere with you. I've lived lots of places. The location isn't what makes a home. But, if I had to absolutely say a place I love. I love Switzerland or California."
"I have two more questions. Nineteen. What is your best childhood memory?"
"I was about eight, something like that, and my twin sister and I were at this park. We went walking as it was a new town and we wanted to get to know the place. We were somewhere in Switzerland, maybe Vienna. My sister Elle and I were going toward a lake when Elle yelled for me to follow her. I did. As soon as caught up with her I saw an old gate. We went inside, of course. In the middle of this park, in the name of a town that I can't remember, was the most beautiful garden. It was full of every kind of flower you can imagine, but what struck me at that moment was my sister. She had the biggest smile on her face. She was surrounded by peonies that were so big they seemed to swallow her and she danced among them. She was beautiful. Raindrops began to fall, slow, but steady. I joined her. We didn't stop dancing until our mom found us. We were soaked, but couldn't stop laughing. Mom was so mad. There is something about being a twin that allows you to fully understand them and feel their joy and their pain. Watching her in that moment of pure joy and sharing it with her, definitely was my best childhood memory."
I pause. Thinking of my sister brought pain, sharing this memory with him made it heal a little.
He squeezes my hand and watches my expressions closely, making sure I am ok. He gives me the freedom to feel the way that I choose to.
Seeing little sadness, he continues, "Twenty. What is your biggest fear?"
"That's tough, literally or figuratively?"
"Both?"
"Ok, you're cheating, but I'll let it pass. I am literally scared of two things: clowns and spiders. Figuratively, I am afraid that the people I love, my friends and you, will need me and I won't be there or be qualified to help them. Like the day at the mines. I like to be prepared and have a plan, even if I seem to act impulsively sometimes. I try to be ready for all occasions. If I'm not, and things go awry, I hold myself to blame. Richy is my fault. I didn't say the right things to him and even now Jessy is hurting and there is nothing that I can do except hold her when she cries. Even now, all of these months later, she is devastated. I completely understand that. I would have been inconsolable had you not been ok. I need you to be in my life. I need you to always be ok."
He gets up from the table, lifts me up with him, and holds me tight. Rubbing my back, he speaks into my ear as I wrap my arms around him. "First of all, nothing Richy did was your fault. He made his own choices. He is to blame." His voice is firm, his body tense." I want you to understand that. The only thing that he did right from my perspective was to get you involved in all of this. That is selfish. I only think that because meeting you changed my life. I am a little biased. I needed you then and I need you now. Any ounce of sympathy that I have for that man comes from knowing that he led me to you. Richy is to blame for all of the sufferings, Jessica's as well. She is suffering because of his actions." He has a lot to say. It is what I need to hear from someone that I trust.
"Secondly, a true friend, no matter how much they care for someone, cannot save them from pain. Life is full of it. Life will drag us all around from time to time. A true friend is there to help you pick up the pieces, hold you until there are no tears left, and love you without words or judgment. You are a true friend to Jessy. You are a true friend to all of us."
He looks at me intently and holds my chin in his hand, "...and three, I am sorry that you worried about me that day. I am sorry to have caused you even a moment of pain, but I need you in my life and I want you in my life. I will do everything I can to stay by your side for whatever number of days we are alotted."
He releases a sigh and I feel his body lighten. He hand begins to play with the end of my braid. His voice softens. "Love, you are not in control of everyone's choices or the outcomes of their consequences. You are enough for all of us. If we have you in our lives, we know how lucky we are. You don't have to prove anything to us, but you also can't save us. You just have to be there to hold our hand and stand by our side."
He kisses my forehead and then walks us to the back porch, grabbing a blanket on the way. He wraps it around me and we step outside. It is still raining, but lightly. We are dry under the deck. The air smells dusky and wet, woodsy and full. He holds me from behind, the only sound is the falling rain. I feel so calm in his arms. I heard what he said and know he is right, but my heart needs time to understand.
"Feel any better? Did the fresh air help?" He asks after a few minutes.
I nod. These feelings will come back and I will deal with them, but here, with him, I know that I will be ok. Jake is strong enough to carry me when I can't carry myself.
His breath on my ear is distracting. He isn't doing it on purpose, just resting his head on my shoulder. It is a good distraction, but it tickles and makes me shiver.
"We better get inside, you're freezing."
"I'm not cold. Can we stay out a bit longer?"I beg. I wasn't ready to leave this peaceful moment yet.
"But you are shivering." he argues.
"You make me shiver, not the weather. You were breathing on my ear. It makes me feel...alive." I have no adequate words to describe what he makes me feel."
He catches on to what I am saying and leans in closer, whispering in that same ear in that same low voice, covered in velvet and dripping in honey, "Then I'll have to do it more often."
We stand outside long enough for the rain to stop. The sky opens and a turquoise sky starts to peek out. Though the sky remains dusky, the trees are vibrant and full of the life the rain has provided them. I hear birds coming out of their hiding spots, and squirrels rushing around the treetops. I smell the rain, and Jake... soap and sage and something that is just uniquely him.
I am in awe of this moment, of him, of this place.
We remain silent and content. My heart, my soul, and my body are home. This is where I belong and I will do everything I can to protect it and treasure it for as long as he and the fates allow.
Moving around to face me, He lifts my chin so my eyes can meet his.
"I know that it has been a long day, but there is something that I have been waiting to do with you for a long time. Would you indulge me?"
Right now, as I look into his eyes, deep sapphire and full of love, I know that whatever he asks of me I will comply.
I nod slowly without losing the connection between the two of us.
"Wait one moment," he asks holding up a finger. "Don't move. I will be right back. " He turns around again, smiling "Please, don't move. You are perfect, just like that." He sprints to the back room. In his hands, I see something I haven't seen since I arrived here – his cell phone. He quickly punches some buttons and throws the phone on the couch. For someone so dependent on electronics, that says a lot. He returns to me and locks his hands on my hips. How wonderful it felt to be with him in this way. Warmth begins where his hands are and that warmth spreads throughout my body.
Music began playing from the speakers in the house.
He removes one hand from my waist and holds it out for mine. "May I have this dance?"
I take his hand. My heart leaps. He tightens his other arm around my waist and holds me tight. I nuzzle up next to him and wrap my arms around his neck. The music is soft and low, just loud enough to hear. We sway in complete unison. The outdoor lights turn on and make each surface glow, like the feeling in my heart. The space around us glistens as the rain still hangs on the tree branches, and covers the deck.
"My heart doesn't always have a way to speak, I can't always say what I feeI," Jake says. "I meant what I said at the mine and it is just as true today. I love you now and I will for all of my days. My heart will never let you go. You make me open up and find joy. My life had been full of rain. I was always running from the storm. You burst into my life like the sunshine burst through those clouds. You told me that you were helpless at the mine, but I want you to know that your love kept me alive. I pushed through for you and for us. For the possibility that someone like me had a chance with someone like you made me want to survive. I pushed through the pain so I could see you, hold you, dance with you, belong to you."
"One day, I found this song. To me, it was beautiful because it expressed everything that I was feeling. During my recovery, I would close my eyes and imagine us together, yet, even in my dreams, I couldn't imagine how wonderful you are and how incredible it is to be in this moment.
As we sway to the music, I cling to him and listen to the words.
"When my hands are heavy and your words are slow,
Kiss my lips and tell me you won't let me go.
And with every single heartbeat I have left,
I'll make it known you are my world and nothing less."
He slowly tilts his head back and looks into my eyes. I push myself up on my toes, gently holding his face in place, his eyes burning into mine. I kiss him softly on the cheek. Before I can remove my hand, he reaches for it and kisses the back of it. He lets it drop and I return my arms around his shoulders, one of his hands rests on my hip and the other lightly brushes my arm..
"Cause all I really want
is just to hold you for a while and be your man."
Thank you, Mahri, my best friend, my love, for showing me what true happiness can look like. You have taught me how to trust someone completely. It only took a couple of days for me to know that I can't have a home without you in it. There isn't a future that I can't see you being a part of." He pauses, the music fading as my heart beats faster. "I know this is fast and my heart is moving faster than my brain, I just...."
He stops, cradles my face in his hands, and moves quickly, kissing me. His soft lips collide with mine and fire blazes in my belly, he keeps kissing me deeply, but not demanding. His kiss is as tender and full of love as his words. I understand him without needing him to speak. He pulls me into him by the waist and shows me all of the love that he holds for me. I bring his lips closer to mine and kiss him back. He tastes like mint and vanilla.
All I can see is our forever, all I can imagine is right here, all that I can dream of is him.
The sky begins to close and the rain returns. The clouds roll in over us like the blanket wrapped around my shoulders. Neither of us tries to stop dancing, insisting we stay in each other's arms. Our lips still seek each other, the pull so strong, we can't break it.
The joy I felt on the best day of my childhood, that complete connection to another person, the freedom to dance in the rain, was surpassed at this moment, bringing me full circle to the place my heart belongs. It had been lost for so long. In his arms, I have been found.
Song credit: "Dance With Me" by Phillip Phillips