It felt weird to be back at Bainbridge Military Academy, wearing the uniform that had once felt comfortable and familiar around the creases and edges of Ralph's body. As he stared in the bathroom mirror on the student dorm floor he used to call home, he noticed how the uniform that once fit him to a T was now a little loose around his arms, waist, and legs. He'd never realized that he had lost weight on the island. Naturally, it made sense. They'd had rather nutritional and balanced diets at the academy, and finding food at all had been a struggle on the island. Especially towards the end, Ralph had gone days without eating a damn thing.
As he pushed the bathroom door open to leave after getting changed into the uniform, he found himself face to face with Simon's old friend, Dylan Mirren.
"Ralph" the younger boy said in a simple and gentle yet surprised tone.
"Hi Dylan. How—are.. are you doing alright?" Ralph struggled to phrase the question.
"I think so, given the circumstances" Dylan responded softly. Ralph wondered how much Dylan knew, and if he might possibly blame Ralph even a little for what happened to his friend. "How have you been? You know, since you been home?"
"I'm getting by, or at least trying to" Ralph admitted honestly. "Some days are better than others."
"Yeah, of course" Dylan agreed. "I can't imagine what you guys went through. You look good though" he added as he scanned Ralph up and down.
"Thanks" Ralph smiled weakly. "I still have a lot of strength to regain. Physically, I mean."
"I talked to the twins. It looked like they were going through that too a little. I guess there probably wasn't loads to eat out there" Dylan assumed curiously.
"It was easier at the beginning. I didn't have a lot of resources towards the end. It's not like I'm not eating now or anything like that" Ralph worried about what Dylan was thinking of him. Ralph began to comprehend that he and Piggy had practically been starved out towards the end, and it worsened for Ralph after Piggy was gone. Ralph hadn't really realized it before now, but he was probably bone thin looking compared to what he was when Dylan last saw him the night they left for England.
"I wasn't thinking that" Dylan assured him.
Ralph gave the boy another weak smile before he moved to step around him and go find his parents.
"Ralph?"
Ralph turned around to meet Dylan's eyes again.
"Were you there? When Simon died?" Dylan found himself asking.
"I was" Ralph turned back around to face him, but kept the distance between them.
"Is it true that they went after him? The other boys? I heard they thought he was someone else or something... I just need to know the truth" Dylan struggled painfully through the words.
Ralph sighed a heavy sigh as he felt the sweat begin to swell in his palms. "It was really dark. They thought he was an animal or a beast of some sort. They didn't know. They didn't mean to hurt 'im."
Dylan nodded silently. "Simon was really smart. Like an old soul. But sometimes, his sense of spacial awareness would run away from him, y'know? When he was really determined, he'd lose sight of the factors that might get in his way. Like one time back in Grade 3, he wanted to show me that he could hang upside down from the monkey bars. It was a cloudy day, rained the night before. When he climbed up there, hanging upside down by the bend in his knees, he slipped right off the second he let his hands go. Got a concussion and dislocated his shoulder. He was in a sling for weeks. He was so determined, y'know, he forgot to realize that the bars would be wet. And it costed him" Dylan finished.
Ralph nodded silently as he tried to hold the tears in his eyes, to keep them from rolling down his cheeks right here in the hallway, in front of Dylan. Ralph thought about the glowstick, the darkness of that night, what the other boys were turning into, the fear of the alleged monster. Simon must've recognized all that, but perhaps not from where the others had been standing.
"A warm welcome is in order to you, our Bainbridge Military Academy community. We are proud and grateful to see so many cadets, staff, community members, families, and supporters here with us in the assembly hall today. The reason we are gathered here is a devastating one; one that will forever remain part of Bainbridge Military Academy's story. The eighteen cadets we lost, alongside our very own, Captain Johnathan Benson, are on the hearts of our school community today, tomorrow, and always. We are here to remember those we lost, and honor the footprints and legacies they've left behind. To the families out there who are mourning the losses of their beloved sons; our hearts are here with you, aching with you, and mourning with you. Every cadet we lost to this horrible tragedy was valued, loved, and respected. Each of them were a piece of the puzzle that came together to make our Bainbridge Military Academy school community what it was. I cannot begin to imagine the loss the parents of these children are experiencing, but we want you to know that your boys were part of our Bainbridge family, and that we are mourning them alongside you."
As Head Officer Ronald Bailey spoke out into the intensely large crowd, Ralph's father wrapped his arm around his son's shoulder and squeezed him tightly. Ralph knew that for the parents of the 22 cadets who had been rescued, this ceremony was a reminder of what could've been. It could've been Ralph's parents here, without their son. It could've been Sam and Eric's. It could've been any of them. How randomly selective and cruel life could be.
On the giant projector screen behind the stage where Officer Bailey spoke, the photos of the 16 cadets who died in the plane crash appeared side by side. Ralph scanned the photos until his eyes found the pictures of Simon and then Piggy among the other 16. At the top, Captain Benson's military photo was pictured. Ralph couldn't get the image of the man lying on the sand, a bloody bandage wrapped around his damaged head, moaning and groaning, tossing and turning out of his head. The photo on the projector was unrecognizeable to Ralph, despite the fact that that was the way Ralph had known the man for 3 years before the island.
As Officer Bailey spoke about Captain Benson and the 18 former cadets pictured on screen, Ralph couldn't stop looking back and fourth from Simon to Piggy. They were shuffled in the middle of the rest of the photos. Ralph recognized all 18 cadets from their photos, and struggled to even comprehend that the rest of them were even dead. Ralph had blocked it out on the island, when he found himself tredding water, both living and dead members of his squadron around him. His eyes found those who were dead, those who had landed nearby in the crash, only for a moment. "Dead" he'd realized rather quickly, and failed to give it another thought. Until now.
He couldn't stop seeing Piggy laying on the ground, his lifeless eyes staring up at nothing, blood dripping down the side of his head in excessive amounts. He couldn't stop seeing the distant sight of Simon's lifeless body, covered in blood and stab wounds in the dark, being gently tossed around by the waves crashing on shore. He felt like he was going to throw up.
And then he did.
Everyone within earshot of Ralph turned to look at him as he stood there, covered in his own vomit. His parents were on either side of him. They were in the middle of the assembly hall, having sat in a row closer to the back but it was still the middle. Officer Bailey and the other staff on stage didn't seem to notice and continued with the service.
"Ralph, sweetie, come on, come 'ere" his mom whispered to him in a gentle panic as she wrapped her arms around him. The others in their row stepped back, forward, or out of the row to let Ralph and his mom out. Everyone was staring. Jeffery followed behind them, politely excusing them and apologizing quietly as he stepped through the aisle.
Laurie quickly ushered her son out of the assembly hall. Jeffery was in tow behind them.
"Where's the nearest bathroom, honey?" Laurie asked her son, who was struggling to hold back tears of embarrassment. He pointed down a hallway, and she continued to practically drag Ralph as they walked.
"Jeffery, hon, grab some paper towel and go clean up where we're sitting" his wife requested as she pulled some paper towel from the dispenser and pushed it into his arms. Knowing better than to argue with his wife when she unlocked overprotective mama bear mode, he obeyed without a word.
"It's okay, sweetie" Laurie cooed softly as she ran paper towel under the sink and began dabbing at the stains on Ralph's uniform.
Ralph continued to fight the tears welling behind his eyes as his mom cleaned him up. All of a sudden, Ralph started sobbing. His mom put the paper towel down and pulled her son tightly to her chest as he cried. "It's okay, baby, it's okay" she whispered gently, rubbing his back for comfort.
When Jeffery returned a few minutes later, he stopped in tracks at the sight of his wife holding their son while he cried in a nearly hysterical manner. He was shaking in her arms, his face buried tightly in her shoulder. Jeffery realized that perhaps he was being too hard on Ralph. Maybe Laurie was right, and he did need time to recover. He'd been bottling all this up, his father realized, and Jeffery became angry with himself for forgetting that Ralph's education came second to... well, all this.
Laurie turned her head a little and spotted her husband out of the corner of her eye. She extended her arm out to invite him into the embrace. Ralph turned as he felt his mom's arm leave his back. Seeing his dad, Ralph pulled his arm out from behind his mom and both of them brought Jeffery into their embrace.
The ceremony had concluded, and Ralph had softly cried a few more times in the assembly hall, as did many others. Shortly after, Ralph found himself dabbing his eyes with paper towel in the dining hall bathroom. He knew it was important that he had come, but he didn't realize how hard it was going to be.
"Oh, sorry" a voice came from the bathroom doorway. "I didn't know anyone was in here."
Ralph turned to the speaker of the familiar voice. He was surprised to see Jack Merridew standing in the doorway. He didn't expect Jack to be at the academy today at all. But there he was, standing in his Bainbridge Military Academy uniform, his face free of war paint, his blond hair sparkly clean.
"What are you doing here?" Ralph asked as he tried to remember the last time he saw Jack. It was at the hospital, the day they were rescued a couple weeks back. He'd shared his fruit with the older boy.
"Same thing as everyone else" Jack said simply.
Ralph could barely process that Jack was really here, standing in front of him. He couldn't get the dirty, branded, savage look Jack used to embody out of his mind. He had forgotten Jack had ever looked like anything else; like he did right now.
Not knowing what else to say, he turned back to the mirror and continued dabbing his face. Jack joined him at the row of sinks, their reflections side by side in the large mirror.
Ralph noticed Jack's eyes shift from his face to the damp stains on his uniform. Jack hadn't been sitting anywhere near Ralph in the assembly when he threw up. Thank god, the younger boy thought to himself.
"What happened to you?" Jack asked as he kept his eyes on Ralph's stained clothes in his reflection. "You spill something on yourself?"
"Something like that" Ralph answered dismissively.
They could hear the chatter of the crowd outside in the dining hall, gathered around tables where Bainbridge was having the buffet now that the ceremony had ended.
"I never took you to be clumsy" Jack responded as he turned the tap on, holding his hands over the running water. Ralph turned his head to watch the water fall over Jack's pale, thin hands. He felt heat rising inside him, his heart rate picked up seemingly unprovoked. He forgot that Jack had just spoken.
"I threw up" Ralph found himself admitting as he continued to stare down at Jack's hands in the water.
Jack turned his head to look at Ralph's face. He waited for Ralph to lift his head too. It took a moment longer than it should've.
"You threw up?" Jack questioned. "At your table?"
"During the ceremony" Ralph admitted. He had no idea why he was even telling Jack this, or when he'd even made the decision to do so.
"Oh, so that's— ... oh" Jack said as he awkwardly turned away to turn off the running water. Ralph continued to stare as the other pulled paper towel out of the dispenser and used it to dry his hands.
"I-I don't know why I just told—"
"Don't worry about it" Jack interrupted him. He tossed the paper towel into the trash bin beside the sink as he approached the door. "Hope you feel better" he added.
"You do?" Ralph questioned just as Jack had opened the door, and was halfway out.
Jack smiled awkwardly and weakly before he let the door go behind him, leaving Ralph alone again.