"Whatever, Cia. Magpalit ka na ng damit. Darating na si Pocholo later on like you said."
"He won't." may halong inis na talaga ang sagot niya. "That man is so busy he will only come back when we are going back to Manila. He texted me a while ago."
"And so?"
She looks annoyed right now. Sa pakiramdam ko ay nanggigigil na siya at gusto na akong sabunutan o kaya ay sipain sa loob-loob niya ngunit hindi niya magawa.
"Naiinis ako." she said. "Sa inyong dalawa ni Pocholo."
"What the fuck? Bakit kasama ako? Hindi naman ako ang boyfriend mong hindi uuwi, 'di ba?" tumawa pa ako. "Wala kang dahilan para magalit sa akin."
"For your information, mayroon. You do not want to fuck with me."
Napalingon ako sa paligid nang sabihin niya iyon. Mabuti na lang at walang masyadong tao at kung mayroon man, it is either they are walking or minding their own businesses. Mabuti nga at hindi rin ganoon kalakas ang pagkakasabi ni Cia noon. It is not that I do not want to let people hear it, but it is just weird if you think about it. These kinds of conversations should be private.
"Cia,"
"Bakit ba kasi ayaw mo? Maliban sa emotional attachment na sinasabi mo, wala naman nang ibang dahilan pa. Single ka naman ah saka wala naman akong masasaktan. Tss. Parang duwag. Masarap naman ako eh. Nag-enjoy ka nga-"
"Cia,"
"E totoo nam-"
Hindi ko na siya pinatapos sa pagsasalita at tinabunan ko na ang bibig niya gamit ang kamay ko. Masama ang tingin niya sa akin habang ginagawa ko iyon. I kept on looking around me hoping we are not getting attention. Medyo tumaas na ang boses ni Cia sa huli niyang pagsasalita.
"Enough."
We stared at each other for a minute. Her being mad at what I am doing, not letting her speak, and me intimidating her to stop. After quite some time, I finally let go of my hand on her mouth.
"I don't have time to play. You're welcome for what I did back there. Now, please stop talking about that one-time thing. Ikaw mismo ang nagsabi noon, hindi ba?"
"Yes."
"Yes. Thank you."
Iyon lamang at saka ko na siya nginitian. Matapos iyon ay nag-umpisa na akong maglakad para umalis at iwan ko na siyang tahimik but then I saw the man still nearby still looking at us, so I do not have any choice but to get to her again. I grabbed her hand not too hard.
"Okay. Kunyari lang 'to hanggang lubayan tayo ng tingin ng lalaking sinubukan mong landiin."
---
The walk ended up in my hotel room. Nakakainis mang isipin pero nawala na ako sa kontrol. Sa kakaiwas niya sa lalaking iyon ay dito kami napadpad kahit labag sa loob ko. As much as possible, since we both know what exactly each of us wants, I don't want to be alone with her in the same room. Malinaw naman na sex ang gusto niya sa akin but I want to court her even though it seems so fast.
"Your sister and I talked," si Cia na ngayon ay nakaupo na sa kama at nakade-kuwatro pa. Nakacross arms na rin. Binigyan ko rin siya ng robe para suotin niya dahil kanina ay nakaswimsuit lang siya. "Bago ko makalimutan. She doesn’t like me. I don't like her either."
"What did she tell you?" medyo natawa naman ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ako naupo sa kama o lumapit man lang sa kaniya bagkus ay nagtungo ako sa may bintana at doon sumandal. "She did not tell me what. Nakita ko na lang iyong time ng tawag ninyong dalawa."
"Your sister is petty. Actually dumadaan-daan siya sa feed ko minsan. She's got fame, right? Youtuber and content creator ang kapatid mo. I'm really shocked you aren't one because typically pilots and cabin crews tend to record their lives and their travels then share it to the world. You two look the same, 'no? She is your younger female version."
"What did she tell you? Mahaba ang usapan ninyo."
"We fought, actually. Masyado kasi siyang mataray e mataray din ako. Pinatulan ko. I am not sorry about that. She triggered me."
"What did you say to her? Hindi 'yon nagmamaldita kung mabait ka."
"She told me that Emerald is prettier than me."
Napa-oh ako sa sinabi niya. Napakagat siya sa labi niya matapos niya iyong sabihin. There is nothing wrong about what she said but if you would have to think about it, it seems weird.
"Maganda naman talaga si Esmeralda,"
"Mas maganda sa akin?"
"Yeah. Why?"
Napatango nang marahan si Cia sa akin. Naningkit pa nga ang mata na para bang kinikilatis ako sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Mukhang kung ano-ano na ang iniisip ng isang ito. She even shook her head gently.
"Why did you say that you wanted to court me when you're in love with someone else?"
I laughed. "Kanino?"
"Emerald. It's obvious."
"Pati rin ikaw iyon ang tingin." umiling pa ako. "Well, we cannot blame everybody who thinks the same way. Mukha nga naman kaming in love sa isa't isa but trust me when I say we love each other as best of friends. We both believe that we are soulmates."
"Sinungaling."
"I will not ruin a very beautiful friendship, Cia. At kung dumating naman siguro iyong panahong main-love kami sa isa't isa more than just best friends, I think we will find it somehow and make it work but we both know, falling in love romantically with each other is not impossible but have a low chance of happening right now. Patay na patay pa rin ang isang iyon sa ex niyang ikakasal na habang ako, heto at ni-reject mo."
She chuckled on my last sentence before I continued talking to her.
"Even our parents thinks that we are lovers lalo na at nakatira kami sa iisang bahay. It is not that hard to believe that we are in love. It is harder not to believe that we are just friends. She is my safety wife, to be honest."
"Safety wife? You mean kapag nagturn ka na in a specific age tapos parehas kayong walang girlfriend or boyfriend, ikakasal kayo?"
"Mismo."
"What age?"
"29."
"What? E 28 ka na, hindi ba?"
"Yeah. Why?" I asked confused. I did not even get so surprised when she remembered how old I am. "Masama ba iyon? I think it is okay. If we are meant to be best friends lang, God will make a way pero I am telling you, right now, walang ganoong romance."
"Can you see her being your wife? Like bearing your children?"
I shook my head.
"Actually no. It is weird to think about."
"Ang gulo mo. Mukha kang in love tapos parang hindi. Gosh. You are so confusing, Lucas." pagrereklamo niya saka ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama. Umunat-unat pa nga na para bang kaniya ang higaan ko sa ngayon. "I am actually mad at Pocholo right now. Kagabi while we are fucking, he called me by another name. Shiela. Mukha bang pangalan ko ay Shiela? Putangina niya."
Medyo naintriga ako sa sinasabi ni Cia sa ngayon. She is not looking at me but on the ceiling but I can feel her sharp eyes.
"It was the first time that happened. Hindi naman siya ilang sa akin o iyong masasabi mong nanlalamig. We fucked good as always but then who the fuck is Shiela? Is he cheating on me?"
I chuckled. "Actually, nalilito ako sa relasyon ninyong dalawa, e. So, I really do not know what cheating is for you. Hindi ko alam ang boundaries n'yo masyado to agree on something and label it as cheating. Kasi sa akin ang simpleng paghalik sa iba, cheating na. Sa inyo, you can have sex with other people pero hindi pa rin iyon cheating."
"My intuitions are telling me that he was imagining another girl while fucking me." she madly continued. "I mean that is fine if they already fucked but his attention is not on me the whole time. He promised to be here this afternoon pero may emergency daw. I don't know. Baka may kinakalikot siya today."
"Is that making you jealous?"
"No. Puwede silang magsex kahit ilang beses pa but then, his attention should be mine."
"What?" mas lalo pa akong naguluhan. "E hindi ba e technically when you're fucking multiple times, both your attention are being put into each other? I mean, paano? Hindi ko maintindihan."
"Tss. Huwag na nga lang. By the way pala, may mga pasa 'yong puwetan ko. May dalawang malaki. Hindi pa ganoon ka-dark iyong kulay but I am pretty sure this will darken as days pass by. Gawa mo 'to, e. Tss. You spanked me so hard."
"Tss. Huwag mong iniiba ang usapan, Cia. Gulong-gulo ako sa'yo, promise. Can you explain to me how did you and Pocholo met and why did you two settles on this kind of relationship?"
Napabangon si Cia at muling bumalik sa kaparehas niyang puwesto kanina. Nakadekwatro at nakacross arms. Tiningnan niya rin ako na para bang gustong mainis pero hindi itinuloy.
"We met when I was 16. Basically, he was grooming me." proud pa niyang pag-uumpisa. "Baklang-bakla pa ako noon and we met on an event where he was a guest. Twenty-five na siya noon. He has a girlfriend that time but she was like you. Ayaw nang may makikisawsaw at makikihati pero he really loves sex. He broke up with her. Sa pagkakaalam ko, she is now married so dapat siyang magpasalamat sa akin kasi dumating ako para sirain ang love life niya noon. See? Now she is happier."
"Wow. Ganda ng logic mo ah."
"Anyway, tanggap ako ni Pocholo. Na bakla ako noon. He never really judged me even for a bit. He accepted me as me. He was the first one to accept and choose me for who I am. Mayaman na siya noon pa lang so it is a bonus point. Hindi naman siya pangit but he just really needs someone to be stable with him. Someone who will stay even though what he wants includes sexing up with other people. Noong una, it was weird for me until I started discovering and experimenting sexually. Ang sarap pala ng sex so why just stick to one fuck buddy when you can taste a lot more, right? I know that is toxic and not normal but yeah. He started asking me if I want this, I want that…"
"You do not feel controlled?"
"No. I am actually more of myself when I am with him. Malaya akong maging ako kapag kasama ko siya. That is one thing I never felt when I was just growing up."
"Mahal na mahal mo si Pocholo e, 'no?"
"Of course. Ikakamatay ko kapag nawala sa akin ang lalaking iyon." he chuckled. "Pero nakakainis talaga. Who the fuck is Shiela?"
I sighed. I obviously cannot answer her questions.
"Maybe his lover. I don't know."
"See? Pati ikaw ang nasa isip mo agad may kabit siya, e." she sighed. "Nakakainis talaga. Parang may something talaga."
"Ask him. Hindi mo naman malalaman kung hindi mo itatanong. I saw him yesterday and he seems like a good guy. You also deserve the clarity so the next good thing to do is ask him."
"Ayaw ko. Magtatampo muna ako para suyuin niya ako and then we can spend more quality time." she giggled on the idea of what she just said. "Si Emerald ba nagtatampo sa'yo minsan?"
"Bakit lagi mong isinisingit si Emerald?"
"Just because! Palagi mong isinisingit si Pocholo and I am not asking you about it. Just answer me."
"Oo, palagi."
"Ow? Really? What do you do para suyuin siya?"
"Wala. Ano, uhm, iinom lang kami. Si Pocholo ba?"
"Wala rin. We'll fuck."
Natawa ako nang hindi ko namamalayan. She looks annoyed yet there's no denying that she loves her boyfriend so much. Now, I am stuck. Hindi ko alam kung tama bang sabihin ko sa kaniya na gusto ko siya when I can see that she is so in love. Hindi ko rin alam kung tama bang gawin ko na lang siyang kaibigan at ipagpatuloy ang pakikisama sa kaniya.
"Do you want to meet Esmeralda?" I asked. "Date kayo."