"No, Andres Bonifacio deserves to be recognized as someone trustworthy and ultimately a national hero because of the intent of every action he made inside the Katipunan—to free the Filipinos," I said before turning to the timer.
I was in the middle of a debate. I joined another organization this second term to distract myself from my parents' harsh words directed at me. I couldn't let my focus get lost along the way to reaching my goal. So, I tried to busy my mind with debates.
"Jose Rizal proved to us that you can fight for liberty without the need for guns and arms. So, were Andres Bonifacio's actions really something necessary at that time? He acted with violence, impulsively. His actions weren't meticulous unlike Rizal's, unlike a person who is our national hero. Additionally, he made his own movement without consulting the president of the Katipunan..."
For an hour, we spoke and debated with each other. The judges were some professors of the Liberal Arts Department of the school. Two were social science teachers while three were history teachers. The president of our club tallied the scores and announced the winner afterward.
"Team B!" everyone clapped including me, even though my group didn't win.
It was a good debate. The arguments of the opposition were quite intriguing. But my belief stands on one edge still—Andres Bonifacio acted, he didn't just spit out words. He created an actual effort to fight for our freedom, and for our lives during the late 1800s. I still consider him a national hero. Yes, Rizal was a magnificent writer who exposed the Spaniards for their exploitation of the Filipinos, but Bonifacio moved and spread the awareness he had about the Spaniards merely using the Filipinos as pets and slaves.
"You were great for a first-timer," our president told me before winking. He was a LegMa student and a senior. "Thanks,"
"Are you free after this? Want to grab lunch with me?" umiling ako agad. "I have plans with someone."
"Oh... I thought you were single?" again, I nodded. "I am, but I'm dating someone." Momentarily, our president stayed quiet, as if he was trying to remember something.
"Right! You're dating Abad," I didn't deny. Alam naman na ng halos lahat ng taong kilala si River, e. So, no point if I denied.
"Well, if it doesn't work out, call me." Then, our president left me.
He wasn't the first to say those words to me. And it was cringe whenever I heard it. It was like a line from a drama. I wasn't the biggest fan of cliche things.
Right now, it had been a week since Alexis and the student rep tried to make me a pageant candidate. They got another girl from Biology to join. And none of our batchmates won. For a whole day, Alexis made me feel like it was my fault. We fought because of that. After a day, she came to the realization that blaming me was wrong, so she apologized. I then asked her why she was so adamant about letting me join. 'Yon pala, sumali siya sa committe na nag-ayos ng pageant dahil gusto niya raw ng mga beauty queen things—I was apparently beauty queen material for her.
"How was your debate?" River asked me as he put his things on the seat beside his. "We lost, but it was a ton of fun."
We were at McDo near school right now. Some people glanced at him because of his... height and get-up, I'm guessing. Nakasuot lang kasi siya ng old jersey, e. Halatang varsity student.
"Wish I could've watched you," I smiled. "Next time. Let's order na, I'm super hungry."
He asked me what I wanted and lined up. Someone asked him for a photo when I was staring at him. Then, we talked for a few minutes again. When our food arrived, mabilis akong ngumuya dahil may klase pa ako ng 1:15 pm. On the other hand, River had training after this since he had a game on Friday, Valentine's day.
"Can you leave your Friday morning free, please?" River said as he wiped his lips with a tissue. "I can't, we have a meeting and event on Friday."
He protruded his lips and stared at me. I took out my hair tie and compiled every strand of hair I had.
"Then, on Saturday?" he watched my hands. "Sure, Saturday," I answered as I tied my hair.
"I'll watch you on Friday, don't worry." I added. Widely, he showed a smile. "Nice, wear green."
"Hmm, I want to wear blue, actually." Agad na napalitan ng simangot ang ngiti niya. I chuckled. "Of course, I'll wear green."
"Good... You should've told me you'd go on Friday, I could've given you a ticket."
"I wanted to surprise you,"
"Next time, tell me earlier so that I can get you tickets,"
"No need, you already always pay for our food."
"E, I want to buy you tickets. Just tell me,"
We stood up and began to put our bags on our shoulders. I fixed my lanyard while I walked out. Then, I saw a hand fixing the collar of my polo shirt. I didn't notice it was a mess until River touched it.
"Thanks," I uttered before looking at the bright sky.
When I looked at River, he was looking at my collar still. So, my fingers went there. It was fine already.
"What?" I questioned him. I saw his eyes slowly move to look at me directly. Wow. He's dreamy and hot.
"Nothing, come on," he took my hand and we walked to the school's gates. Binawi ko ang kamay ko at kinawayan siya.
I entered the campus and went to my next class. Alexis was on a different block in this subject, so I usually sat in front since I wasn't super close with others. It was why I had a hard time choosing a group when three different people asked me. I wasn't sure about their group attitudes, so I stuck with my gut and got grouped with the one that only had me as a girl. The other groups were purely girls and mixed, but I... felt like those groups weren't serious with the subject because I heard them say it was 'easy.'
"Hi, Anjel." Tim greeted me when I entered the cold room. "Hello," I took out my cardigan and put it on.
"Have you eaten lunch?" tumango ako. "You?"
"Not yet, my last class was literally before this." Napatango ako.
"After this, eat ka. Next time, you should bring a sandwich or other food so that you could munch something before this sub. Our prof isn't early naman, e. 'Di ba, he usually arrives after 15 minutes?"
"Wow, caring, ah? Madiskarte ka rin, kaya crush kita, e." Awkwardly, I laughed.
"Huy, don't be shy around me. Happy crush lang naman kita, ang lambing mo kasi makipag-usap, tapos ngayon nalaman kong caring din."
"Malambing ba ako? This is how I normally speak, though."
"I guess 'yong tono lang ng pananalita mo pati boses mo, naturally sweet pakinggan."
"I'm not intentionally being sweet,"
"Grabe! That hurts!" natatawang hinawakan ni Tim ang dibdib niya. "I know that, I've already noticed so many things about you. I know you aren't trying to be sweet. It was why my hopes of you liking me back died. Kahit kanino kasi, ganito ka makipag-usap."
"Did I unintentionally make you think I romantically like you?"
"I guess so? But not biggie, it wasn't serious naman, Anjel."
Our other block mates arrived, so Tim's attention on me vanished. Some guys greeted me while the girls smiled and waved. May ilang, pakiramdam ko, hindi ako gusto. I didn't know why, though. Those people were... all girls. I wasn't expecting everyone would like me, but I never expected that people who I barely had interactions with were the ones who, I felt like, didn't like me. It's a gut feeling, and they say to trust your gut. And I trusted mine on this occasion. I could really see their frowns for me behind their smiles. I wasn't delusional, and I wasn't dense.
Pagdating ng prof, he began to discuss what I had read beforehand last week. He incorporated a lesson we were taught in PoliGov—how Plato gravely disliked democracy. Our professor further proved how democracy affected a nation.
"When an uneducated person decides to go into a classroom and take five minutes of his time to vote, the results will be... nerve-racking" Our prof walked into the middle of the classroom as we watched him.
"It's because when you choose a person who will lead for the next six years while only thinking about the propaganda they showed before election day, there is a huge possibility that you will choose self-interested and incompetent candidates. You dig your own grave."
"So, are you saying the society is to blame for the current situation of our government system, sir?" a classmate of mine suddenly asked.
"I cannot say that for sure. All I know is that the past is never forgotten because it keeps on living in the present. You aren't supposed to forget the past, but you're also not supposed to relive it."
I nodded in agreement with our professor's words. It was enlightening. I remembered the jeepney driver who talked about the 'lagay' issue of the traffic jam. That driver told the passenger he was talking to, at that time, that he never finished high school... I can't help but think that he's one of the crucially affected persons of the low standard of our education system. Knowing or learning more usually made a person choose better decisions. He might have voted for self-aggrandizing politicians because of the flowery words he heard. He might be regretful now because the people he voted for couldn't help him with the traffic jam he faced every day.
There was a part of me that thinks maybe society really is to blame for the disappointing political landscape we had right now. But then, I think to myself, they were merely people who yearned for better lives. They may be ignorant, but they surely didn't wish for more hardships after electing politicians. No, they thought the opposite.
The poverty of the country was a serious matter that hadn't been dealt with utter sincerity because people who were in power... simply didn't give a damn. Poverty was the reason why people like that specific jeepney driver had to work and disregard school. It was ironic, the national budget usually indicated that the education sector had most of the money—yet, there were a ton of drop outs.
These thoughts pushed me to further do something for others. Hindi pa ako nakapag-i-inquire sa kahit anong NGO simula nung napag-usapan namin ni River ang tungkol do'n. Iyon na lang ang gagawin ko pag-uwi.
After two more classes, I went to Tim Hortons to buy coffee before going to my condo. I saw fellow Lasallians there as I paid for my drink. Some were using their gadgets, probably studying, while some were just eating and talking.
I checked my phone to look at the time, and I saw Mommy's message, so I opened it.
Mommy: go home on Friday, your grandmother arranged dinner with us
I replied and sat down for a bit.
Me: i have to do some org work on Friday, mom. I'm also going to watch uaap
After sending, I heard my name being called, so I took my order and left. When I arrived at home, I saw I missed a call from Mommy. I called back.
"Your grandmother especially requested you on the dinner, Anjel. And since when did you have an org? Is that what has been taking your time rather than your studies?"
"I have an event po on Friday, Mom."
"Para riya'n sa org na 'yan?"
It took me a few seconds to say yes.
"Opo,"
"Is this the reason why you weren't in first honors?"
Is there a fucking answer for a question like this?
It was the equivalent of why weren't my efforts enough.
I was falling apart on a good day. This is the power she holds over me. This is how strong my parents' words affected me.
"Anjel, I'm asking you."
"No, Mommy..."
"From the way I see it, that org is the reason. Why did you never tell us you joined an extracurricular? I took you off gymnastics because I wanted you to focus on school, yet you return on it during college."
"It isn't affecting my grade negatively, Mommy."
"When you were in high school, wala kang inatupag kundi school works, nanatili kang top sa klase. Now that you have other things to think about, you failed to be on top. Tell me, do you still think this org of yours isn't impacting your grades negatively?"
Hindi na ako nag-attempt sumagot dahil palagi namang masusunod si Mommy, e. Kung hindi siya, si Daddy. Lalo akong na-guilty dahil hindi ko naabot ang kanilang expectations para sa akin. I felt frightened right now. If I didn't stop being a part of the student council and debate team, I might... get transferred in a different school to pursue a science program. I'd be trapped in my parents' hands so tightly again.
Sumunod ako sa gusto nila, I sent an email to my two organizations to ask for permission to leave. I made up an excuse just to not be questioned. The student council sent a message back and let me leave, but they did request to talk to me tomorrow quickly. Maybe... they'll ask why I decided to unexpectedly leave.
After a while, I was feeling all sorts of gloomy emotions again. And I needed to talk to someone.
I tried to call my friends, but they weren't available. I messaged River, but I knew he was still in school, getting ready for his game. Nagpasiya akong puntahan siya at hintayin.
I dressed up, wore a white tank top and denim skirt then walked to school. I messaged River to tell me if he was finished. Sana mabasa niya agad, baka mamaya kasi makauwi na siya saka niya makita.
I brought my laptop and did some homework while waiting in the library. Wala akong ganang kumain ng dinner, so I just drank water for three hours.
My phone lit up and I saw River's reply. He was finished and was asking where I was. I told him to meet me in Amphi so that we could leave this place after. Maybe stay at mine for a while... to talk. I wanted to hold him, I wanted to feel reassured. I was never able to relax by myself when I felt down. I always needed someone near. It sounds... desperate, but it's the truth.
I sat on a free seat in Amphi and stared around. The sky was dark now, but there were still a ton of students around. I saw a couple of students filming something, they might be students from Benilde. I watched them as they acted and shot.
A whisper of my name made me face the other way. Smiling so cutely, River waved at me.
"Hi," malambing na sabi ko habang inilalapit ang sarili sa kanya. "Hey, have you eaten dinner?"
"Not yet... I'm not hungry, but... are you? If you are, can you just order and stay at my place?"
River's smile slowly faded when he heard what I said. I was confused, was he not in the mood to talk...?
"Sure... But... are you sure?"
More confused, I didn't answer.
"Yeah, I just... I want to talk to someone right now."
River's mouth slowly closed and nodded. What reaction was that...