I can't stop thinking about her and how much of a piece of shit I am. I know it was the right thing to do. She doesn't need the regret she would have had waking up the next morning. She was drunk, I knew better. That doesn't even take into account that I still don't know where she got that bruise from. Yet here I am feeling guilty.
"Yo Taylor, what happened to you Saturday night?" Matt says, coming up beside me as we make our way into the arena for practice.
"Dipped out early, wasn't feeling it." I shrug. I avoided all the guys Sunday needing space to think, which only made me come to a conclusion. Am I an asshole? Yes. Is the situation salvageable? Debatable.
"Ya, and it had nothing to do with the tight little brunette you were glued to?" He waggling his brows at me.
I shove his shoulder, and he just laughs. Of course, they were going to chirp about that.
"Hey, we all saw her. The boys wouldn't shut up about her, I think Carter blew a load in his pants just watching her." He claps his hand on my shoulder suddenly, making me feel dirty. It's not like we haven't talked like this about other girls, but when it comes to Tillie, my hackles start to go up.
I just clench my jaw, not responding, pushing the door to the locker room open and walking in.
I messed up, I should have stayed. She didn't even listen to me when I tried to explain why I stopped. It's not like she didn't feel incredible on top of me because she did. I know she felt my cock pressed against her. So attraction isn't the issue. I know how good it felt to have her hand gripping my hair, how smooth her skin was under my hands. Great now I'm rocking a mid. Fuck.
In any other situation like that I go through the motions, foreplay, sex, an orgasm or two for her, one for me. Wham bam thank you ma'am. Somethings wrong with me. For the first time I just wanted to talk to a girl, get to know her.
Instead I hurt her, I saw the look in her eyes, the rejection she felt and I have no idea how to fix that.
So, instead, I head out onto the ice.
----
Coach Harris is punishing me. I know I slacked off in the game on Saturday, but we still won, not like I cost us the God damn game with my head focused on a certain drop dead gorgeous girl in the stands. Yet here I am skating laps with the fucking parachute. I hate resistance training.
I hear the whistle blow and let out a loud sigh of relief. Thank fuck. If I had to do another lap I was going to skate right into the boards just to put myself put of my misery.
"Alright gentlemen, I think we got the idea. No more slacking off in games, either your head is in the game or don't bother getting on the ice." The words were said to all of us but they were aimed directly at me. Message received.
I look up only to get a tight sideways smile from coach. Weird. Actually really weird. Does he know something I don't and is relishing the idea or maybe he is just in a mood to punish me. I cock my head at him and he only laughs.
All the guys are already off the ice and heading straight for the showers.
The second my skates hit the hallway to our change room a velvetly smooth voice stops me in my tracks.
"I can see why she is interested." I look around to find a blonde with green eyes eyeing me up like she wants to make a damn meal of me. It takes me a second to recognize Gemma Harris, her reputation is unmatched in this arena. I almost vomit in my mouth at the idea of her touching me. No offense to Coach Harris.
"Excuse me?" I ask taking off my helmet.
"Tillie? I can see why she's interested in you. It's nice to see her tastes improve. I was starting to get worried." She offers nothing else before shoving her body away from the railing, winking at me, then climbing down the stairs and walking towards the coaches office.
Gemma and Tillie... Tillie is becoming this rabbit hole that threatens to pull me under, I just want to know more about her. Yet, no one seems to know anything, or they won't tell me. Hell, even her roommate wouldn't give me an inch. I've never felt so desperate.
I throw open the door to the change room. "Hey Matt, do you remember Gemma Harris?"
He snorts, "Dude, who can forget her?" I mean fair, she banged her way through almost the entire team two years ago before finally being shipped off to rehab from what I heard.
"Do you remember who she used to hang out with?"
"Nah bro, I don't think she had friends besides Chomps." I shudder at the mention of Chomps, who got her nickname after almost chomping off a chunk of Beau Hartman's dick during a blow job in her first year. "Why do you want to know, I know she's at the rink today and I swear to fucking God if you tap that I will smack you."
He pauses in thought then looks at me, "wait she has a sister too."
"Coach has two daughters?"
"Yeah dude, I don't know the other one. Apparently she's super private or some shit." He finishes sliding his foot into his boot and stands up. "I want food so hurry the fuck up."
Tillie's last name on her socials wasn't Harris though, and she doesn't look like Gemma either. Now that I think about it though she does look a hell of a lot like Coach Harris. If she's super private that explains the different last names.
Why wouldn't she just say who she is?
All I know is I have more questions about the girl then I have answers for. When I get back to the house and back to my room I stare at my laundry basket starting to fill and have never been so grateful that Matt can't keep his dick to himself.
-----
It's Thursday, I have been to this shitty laundromat for the past two nights hoping to find Tillie tucked into the back corner folding her roommates crap. I struck out both times and felt like a total stalker when Delores just gave me a look when I didn't stay to do laundry either time. Lucky for her tonight I actually have a load to do.
I pull open the door and am greeted by the annoying jingle of the bell attached to the top of the door and the musky smell of I think mildew. Fucking gross. Delores makes her way out of a small room and looks at me, then looks at the laundry basket in my hand and raises a brow.
"So you're actually here for laundry tonight? Not looking for a certain girl?" She doesn't offer me a free detergent this time, I came armed with extra change to get a pod from the dispenser on the wall.
"Is this certain girl due to come in anytime soon?" I ask while looking sideways at Delores.
"If she was, I wouldn't tell you. It's much more fun watching you come in every night like some love struck fool."
"Uncool Delores, and here I was thinking we could be friends." I move over to the first machine and stare. This is why I should think more with one head than the other. I can not remember what she told me.
Clothes in, pod in, money in, start.
Clink.clink
Fuck.
Money in, dial, start.
Success! Not as stupid as I look, folks.
The hair on my neck stands up. Someone else is here. I didn't see anyone when I first came in either.
I place my laundry basket on top of the machine and make my way to the back of the laundromat only to find a dorky brunette crouching under the folding table.
A smile tugs at my lips, seeing Tillie hiding under the table.
"You're hiding skills could really use some work. I bet you lost every game of hide and seek growing up." I watch as she pulls herself out from under the table and wipes her knees off as she stands.
"Honestly, I was hoping you weren't staying." Her lips are pressed together in an awkward forced grin as she looks anywhere but at my face. It's cute how nervous she is.
"So you're avoiding me?" Her eyes quickly shift to mine before looking down again.
She puffs air into her top lip, inflating it for a second, then sighs. "Yes. I was hoping to continue it for as long as possible. Clearly, that approach didn't work."
She turns her whole body away from me and reaches for a shirt on the table.
"Can we talk about Saturday night?" I watch as her whole body tenses.
"How about no? How about we pretend that I didn't make an absolute idiot out of myself and basically throw myself at you? Okay? Awesome." Then she starts folding again. What the fuck.
"Or, and here me out, we still talk about it and we don't pretend it didn't happen." I'm not letting her drop this. There's something here and we both know it.
"Look, Devon. You seem like a nice guy, I'm actually glad you stopped things when you did." She looks up at me with a half-cracked weak smile that says she is in fact not happy I stopped it but wants to pretend otherwise. Then she adds, "I'm not in a place to be starting anything with anyone."
I don't believe her, her eyes still shift towards my lips as she talked. She still wants this. "I think it was already started Till."
I take a step towards her and run my fingers up her arm, watching as a trail of goosebumps is left behind. She sucks in her breath, doing her damned hardest to appear otherwise unaffected by my touch, that is, until I reach her up and tuck a tendril of hair behind her ear. She shivers, and the vibration of it almost carries through our touch, sending bolts of heat through my body. I slide my hand down her right side causing her to flinch. I'm reminded.
This is it, that moment you hear about where the guy either fucks the whole thing up or becomes the guy people root for. And I'm pretty sure I am about to fuck it all up.
"Till, I need to ask you something." My voice is low and I'm doing my best to do this gently. Her eyes shoot to mine and I can see the fear and unease like waves crashing on shore in her blue eyes.
"You're going to ask about the bruise aren't you?" There's no anger in her voice, just... defeat. As if she doesn't want to answer but she knows she has to.
"Who hurt you Tillie? You didn't get that from falling down the stairs." I reach for where her bruise started on her side and she pulls away sharply.
"How the fuck would you know Devon? You weren't there." Her eyes have narrowed, her nostrils are flared and she's breathing heavily like she's ready to charge me like a bull. "Mind your own business Devon."
Yup, I fucked it up.
"My dad abused my mom, it wasn't the first time I have seen a bruise like that." I grit my teeth after spitting out the words. I fucking hate talking about it, but if anyone needs to know I understand it's Tillie.
I just hope she is willing to listen.