TW: *self-harm and mention of suicide*
A FEW DAYS LATER
Everyone had officially started school by now, and was getting into the swing of things. Of course, Will had to spring for more challenging courses, because he wanted to feel 'accomplished'. It may not have been the best idea though considering he already had a good amount of homework after the first week.
Will still thought he was right about Alex, because they hung out and nothing happened. Whenever Will said that, Mike would add on a quiet little "yet" at the end. He would still claim that Alex liked him. Luke and Lucas of course, were the only ones who knew that it was true, but they didn't want to go and start anything by saying something. Will told Mike that if he was so worried, they could just flat out tell Alex that they were together. Mike insisted that if Will was so right, they wouldn't tell her upright. He thought that not telling her, would be playing with her feelings. So Will planned on saying something today, just in case he was actually wrong.
Will was just getting out of his Art lecture, which was the final one of the day, and started on his way back to his room when Lisa and Alex ran into him.
"Hi Will!" The pair greeted in unison.
"Hey." Will smiled. "What's up?"
"Me and Lisa were thinking about going to the bar again tonight, and we want you to come with us." Alex explained excitedly.
"Oh, uh not tonight guys. I'm sorry." He frowned.
"Aw come on!" Alex wrapped her arms around one of Will's. "It'll be fun, just the three of us! Why don't you wanna go?" She pouted.
His breathing hitched. He didn't want to be rude and push her off though. "I just have a lot of homework to do this weekend. I wanna get started now."
"Please Will?" She dragged out the please.
"Uh- I- I'll think about it." He weakly smiled. "See you."
"Hey Luke." Will greeted, walking into their shared dorm room.
"Hey, how was class? What'd ya draw?" He looked up from his book.
"Nothing today. But he gave us a stupid project though. I have to metaphorically draw the thing that's most important in my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do for this." He slumped onto his bed.
The door suddenly opened slowly.
"Heyyy" Mike grinned.
"MIKE!" Will yelled. We've been over this! You have to knock! What the actual hell man?!"
Mike gasped. "Did you just call me man? Me? The guy who's literally boning you?"
"UH- Guys, I'm still here!" Luke dramatically gagged.
"I just wanted to get a reaction out of you." Will giggled. "But seriously Mike, knock."
"What am I gonna see? You two got something going on that I should be worried about?" He laid next to Will.
"What if I'm not in the room, but Luke is? And he needs like privacy or something?"
Mike didn't say anything.
"Exactly." Will said all high and mighty.
"Exactly." Mike mocked in a squeaky voice.
"I hate you." Will frowned. "Nah, you love me." Mike draped his legs over Will's. "I guess I kinda do." He giggled.
"You two are nauseating." Luke scoffed, getting up from his bed. "I'll be back later, lovebirds." He left the room.
"See Mike, this is why I didn't wanna act like this in front of him." Will said disappointedly. "He's uncomfortable."
"Will, you've gotta be joking. I mean come on, he wasn't being serious! He was just complaining to complain." Mike tried to reason.
"Whatever." Will pushed Mike's legs off, and got up.
"Ok when you say whatever, that means you're still mad. I don't want you to be mad." Mike got up and followed him.
"I'm not. I'm just getting my homework."
"Babe-"
"You wanna help me draw what's most important to me for my art class?" He interrupted him.
Mike rolled his eyes in return. "Can we do that after you cuddle me?"
"Well, I wanted to start on my homework and stuff now cause I think I might go out later?" Will said in a question.
"Go out where?" Mike sat at Will's desk and turned the chair to face Will.
"Alex and Lisa want me to go with them back to the place we went last week."
"Just the three of you?" Mike questioned.
"Mhm. I think it'll be fun." Will suggested.
"I don't. Last time, you got drunk and Alex kept trying to get you to drink even more. It's not a good idea, baby."
"But Mike, I never get to hang out with anyone other than you. Have you ever thought about that? Like- when's the last time I did something with friends?"
"I don't know? You act like I stopped you from hanging out with Max before we left."
"That's not what I mean. It's like anytime I wanna do anything, you find a way to make me stay with you Mike."
"No I don't! You always convince YOURSELF to not go anywhere. Will, what is with this? Every time we have a decent moment together, it turns into an argument. I just wanted to spend some time with you, and it's gotta be a fight."
"Why are you acting like I'm pulling this out of my ass? There's a reason for this Mike. When you act all controlling, which you tend to do sometimes, I want to say something. Don't fucking do that. Don't make me out to be unreasonable and crazy."
"But why do you pick the worst times to say something? You're happy and touchy one minute, and the next you're yelling at me and telling me everything you hate about me. How do you think it makes me feel?" Mike deviated from his usual screaming voice, and tried to speak calmly. "I can't do anything right with you, can I? Because every time I feel like we're having a good moment together, and I'm making you happy, you're upset with me again."
Will bit his lip and started to shake his head. "Stop it Mike. Stop talking down to me like that." His voice started to shake.
"Baby I'm not trying to speak down to you." He told him cautiously.
Shit- maybe he was.
"YES YOU FUCKING ARE!"
Mike was so confused as to where that outburst came from. Why was Will so upset? What happened to him within the last 5 minutes?
"Will, what's wrong? Why are you yelling?" Mike tried to get closer.
"You're treating me like I'm insane!"
"Will, I never said that!" Mike was starting to think that this was all just some intense mood swing. He was acting really, really weird and there was no other way to explain it. But Mike had to admit, they haven't been doing anything to help Will's mental health, considering he was diagnosed with bpd a while ago.
"You basically did!"
"Will! Hey, do you remember what your therapist said about handling mood swings? You have to remember that you're in control right?"
"It's not a fucking mood swing, Mike!" Will yelled before taking a deep breath in. "I think I want you to go for a while." He looked down.
"Will, I can't leave you like this."
"I don't need you treating me like this right now! This is exactly why I'm going with them tonight, because they don't act like I'm fragile and belong in a mental institution!"
"You're not going with them." Mike scoffed.
"Get out."
"Will."
"Mike, please." He pled.
"I'm not leaving."
"GO!" Will pushed Mike away from him.
"Will, quit it."
"Get out Mike. GET OUT!" He screamed and pushed Mike harder.
"Ok! I'm leaving!" Mike turned to the door. "Please, please don't do anything stupid Will." He opened it. "I love you."
As Mike walked out of the room, he immediate thought was to get Will help. Something similar had happened a few times throughout senior year. The most serious one was when started to throw things around his room, and broke some things. That was when Mike had finally suggested that he did regular therapy sessions to get him to be able to control his emotions. It was also when he was diagnosed, and the doctors wanted to give him medication. Maybe he should've told Will to go through with it. It could have prevented some things.
Now that he really thought about it... Why wouldn't they have done a psych evaluation when Will woke up in the hospital? He was literally suicidal, and in a coma because he tried to commit. Where was the psychiatric help then?
He tried not to question it for too long, but he'd definitely have to circle back. What he was worried about now, was Will's outburst. He didn't want to call it 'violent', but Will did push him, which was definitely out of character. Even when he got mad normally, he would never hit anyone in anyway. All he wanted to do was talk to Will; to calm him down a bit. Something he'd learned from the research he did on borderline personality was that a mood swing could be commonly caused by different things such as rejection or disagreements. And Mike and Will disagree... a lot. But they always make up, because they don't like being apart.
Meanwhile, back with Will, he still isn't thinking rationally, and starts to get dressed to go to the bar with Alex and Lisa. Just then, Alex came through the door.
"Will! Hi! You're coming with us?" She asked excitedly.
"Um-"
What was he doing? Is it really a good idea to go there by himself? He barely knows these girls. Is he really going to go to a secret, illegal bar with them? He doesn't even know how to handle his alcohol yet. Maybe Mike was right. Wait- no. Mike is way too controlling and overprotective, and Will could do whatever he wants. What he kind of wants to do right now is not go... Maybe get started on some of that homework like he planned?
"Will? Come on!"
"Actually um- I don't think I'm gonna go tonight." He said sadly.
"What? But you're dressed already, why not?" She whined.
"I don't- I just..." He sighed, sitting on the bed
Alex decided to test her boundaries and sit next to him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just don't think I'm in the mood to go out, and see people, and stuff."
She scooted uncomfortably closer. "Oh. Well I was just thinking that after we went out, we could come back across the hall, since Lisa is gonna be somewhere..."
"Uh- I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much." Will said, not making eye contact.
"What?" Alex asked aggressively.
Will started to get teary eyed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I just assumed that you knew already." He still didn't look at her.
"YOU'RE GAY? YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?"
Will went quiet.
Hold on, how couldn't she have put two and two together this entire time?
"It's Mike, isn't it?"
Will slowly nodded his head.
Alex finally stood up. "God, how could I be so stupid?" She smiled except it wasn't out of joy, but rather defeat. "This is a new low, even for me." She walked further away from Will.
"Alex, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I didn't know that you were interested in me." Will pled.
"How!? How could you not!? I've been all over you, and I was wondering what I was doing wrong, why you wouldn't pay attention to me just for you to be gay this whole fucking time? You knew, Will. You knew." That was the last thing she said before walking out, and slamming the door.
Will stared at the door in silence for a while. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions at once. The only thing he could do was scream. He yanked a pillow off of his bed, as he buried his face into it, and screamed to the top of his lungs.
He collapsed onto his bed.
"always fucking ruining something." He whispered to himself. "this is exactly why you can't make friends, and the only person who likes you is your boyfriend. he probably doesn't even love you anymore cause you act like such a bitch all the time. He cried, and cried, and cried.
Will quickly got up from his bed, and went over to his desk. He yanked open a drawer and pulled out a pair of scissors, before stopping in his tracks. What the hell was he doing? He's been clean for so long; he couldn't ruin that now.
Will- still shaking- slowly put the scissors down on the desk. He backed away step by step, and retreated back into his bed.
If he couldn't hurt himself, all he could do was cry.
...
Mike ended up going down to the common room to sit in his thoughts. Will was Mike's entire world, and he hated to see his world crumble.
"Mike? Hey." Luke said, sitting down next to him with a book and juice box. "What are you doing down here? Please don't tell me you two had sex up there again." He shook his head as he chuckled.
But Mike didn't say anything.
"Mike?" He asked again.
No answer.
"Hellooo? Mike?" Luke snapped his fingers in front of Mike's eyes.
"What? Huh?" Mike slightly jumped out of his thoughts.
"Where's Will?" Luke asked.
"Uh- He might still be upstairs. I don't know."
"Ha, you don't know? Since when do you not have tabs on Will at all times?" Luke giggled.
"What? I don't always have tabs on Will. He's an adult; he can handle himself."
"Oh please! If Will's not in class, or in the dorm, or with his lips attached to yours, you go crazy. And he ends up being in like- the shower or something the whole time!"
"I don't 'go crazy'. I just want to make sure he's ok." Mike scoffed. He was already getting annoyed by the conversation.
"Yeah... Well, I'll let you know if he's in our room, cause that's where I'm headed." Luke patted Mike's shoulder as he got up. "See ya, Will's protector!" He laughed.
"Fuck off." Mike muttered. To be honest, Mike was extremely worried. He didn't want Will to go out with those girls in the first place, and especially not in his current state. But Will wanted him gone, and he was serious about it too.
And it wasn't a bad thing that Mike was always looking out for him the way he did. Yeah, he loves him, and that's just how you are with the people you love. It was normal, right? Right?
Mike was trying to convince himself, but in the end, maybe he was a little overprotective of Will...
...
Luke made his way back to his shared dorm room where he was probably going to stay for the rest of the night.
He walked into the room to find Will on his bed, with a bloody ankle.
"Shit!" He quickly pulled his sock back up.
"Will, what happened!?" Luke ran over to him.
"No- I just uh- scratched myself on the side of the bed." Will scrambled.
"What? How? It looks really bad! H-" Luke cut himself off abruptly, after his eyes fell to the scissors on Will's bed.
Will took notice, quickly snatching them and shoving them under his pillow.
"Holy shit, Will." Luke's eyes widened. "What did you do?"
"Nothing! I swear!" He yelped.
"Why'd you do that to yourself?" Luke asked in disbelief.
"Luke, please don't tell anyone! I'm literally begging you."
"But I- shouldn't I go tell Mike or something?"
"NO! Don't tell Mike please. Especially not Mike. He doesn't need to know about it!" Will cried.
"But you're hurt?" Luke looked at the boy in confusion with a hint of horror. "I'm sure you want Mike to help you."
"No, please Luke. He can't know!"
"Will..."
"Luke. I'm asking you, I'm begging you to promise me that you won't tell him. Please don't tell him?"
"I- Ok. Fine." Luke finally caved in.
"Thank you. So, so much."
Luke just slowly nodded his head in return.
"I think I'm gonna go to bed." He said quietly, not making eye contact with Will.
"Ok... night."
"Night."
...
The next morning Mike decided to come by Will's dorm to slip in a note that he wrote him. His Friday lecture was earlier than Will's so he assumed he must have been sleeping.
Luke didn't have any classes on Friday, so he woke up about an hour later and noticed the note.
Wait a minute... shouldn't Will be gone right now? It's 11am and he's still asleep.
Luke assumed that maybe he was just worn out from yesterday- whatever it is that happened. He so desperately wanted to tell Mike what he saw because even though he seems a little insane over Will, obviously he may be insane for a reason.
He wanted to go over and wake Will up. A: His lecture was probably almost over by now; B: He needed to give him the note before he loses control and reads it...
He didn't have to do either of those things because just like that, Will was up.
"Luke, what are you doing?" He yawned.
"Oh-uh. You know you missed your lecture right?"
"Yeah, I don't think I'm going to any of my classes today. What's that?" Will gestures to the letter in Luke's hand.
"This? Mike left this in here. It's for you." He quickly walked over and tossed the letter onto Will's bed. Why was he so shaky?
"Ok..." Will cautiously opened the letter.
It read:
Will,
Meet me in my dorm after class; It's unlocked. I really want to talk to you.
Love, Mike
"He wants me to go to his dorm so he can talk to me." Will sighed.
"You don't wanna talk to Mike?" Luke looked confused.
"Not after the fight we had yesterday. Anyways, I'm gonna go; his class is almost over. I don't feel like changing my clothes right now either." Will pinched his pajama pants. "Bye Luke." He walked out of the door.
Will went a few doors down to Mike's room, which was in fact, unlocked. Lucas wasn't there, which was probably why he chose right now. Will decided that he would lay in Mike's bed until he got here.
He didn't wait for long though, because he soon heard the door creak open.
"Hi." Mike waved.
"Hi."
"You got here quick." Mike mentioned.
"Yeah well the walk from my room over to yours isn't all that treacherous." He said sarcastically.
"You didn't go to class?"
"No."
Mike finally took notice that Will was still in his pajamas. "Will, why didn't you go to class? What's going on?" Mike's face flushed with concern.
"It's nothing, I just wasn't feeling that well today."
They were silent for a while.
"I didn't go." Will spoke up. "Yesterday, I didn't go. I went to bed."
"Oh." Mike responded.
"Also, Alex came in. Guess you were right, she wanted me to come back to her room, alone. Told her that I had a boyfriend, and she got mad at me for not telling her sooner." Will explained with a blunt tone and expression.
"I'm sure she isn't that mad-"
"No, Mike. She yelled at me She looked like she was on the verge of tears and then she left and slammed the door. She hates me now." He started to cry.
Mike went over to his bed to engulf Will in a hug. "She doesn't hate you Will. She's just upset right now, but she'll get over it. You just have to talk to her about it."
"I can't keep a friend!" Will cried louder, leaving tears on Mike's neck.
"Shhh." Mike soothed. "Don't say that. You keep the friends that are worth it Will." He rubbed circles on his back. "Hey, I was doing some thinking, and I think it's time to get back into therapy." Mike softly suggested.
"What?" Will's voice cracked as he pulled away from Mike.
"I just think that school, and moving, and this big change is getting you a little overwhelmed right now, and maybe we could manage better if you had regular sessions again."
"Mike, no. We can't afford that. I don't need it; I'm doing better."
"You were doing better when you had sessions Will. Besides, I thought you liked therapy?" Mike asked, confused.
"I don't need it anymore, Mike. And I-I don't need people to think I'm crazy."
"Will, what are you talking about? You didn't think like that before. It was a good thing, remember? Why are you embarrassed about it now?"
"I'm not."
"You are. Why do you care about what other people think? You didn't care when we were at home."
"We just can't afford it, Mike."
"You're on your family's insurance; We can try that. You're not even trying to give me a good reason."
"A-and do you want to send me to a doctor so bad anyways? Am I really that much of a drain to you?"
"Because you're fucking mentally ill! We know this! They told us you have borderline personality disorder, and you know that. You're untreated Will. It's like if you have the flu. If you're walking around like nothing's wrong, it'll just get worse. Why aren't you understanding that?"
Will didn't say anything after that. He instead put his head down so that he wouldn't have to face Mike.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to yell at you." Mike quickly covered. "I'm just trying to help you be the best version of yourself. And not for me, but for your own sake and happiness. I feel like lately you haven't been doing as well, and schoolwork is putting even more stress on you, yeah?" Mike waited for a response. He didn't get one, so he continued.
"If you have a good reason, I won't make you go. But if you don't wanna go, can you at least talk to me? When something's wrong or when you have a problem with me or something, we can talk; we don't have to get upset with each other. And I'm not gonna yell."
Will swallowed a big lump in his throat.
"Never in my life have I met people who instantly liked me. Never. I don't want people to start thinking badly of me." He spoke out.
"I instantly liked you Will. I instantly fell in love with you. We know how that ended up." He smiled. "And you can't worry about what other people think of you, especially when you barely know those people."
"You don't understand. Nobody liked me because I acted too much like a girl. Then nobody liked me because they thought I made you gay. I can't have people against me because I have all these fucking mental problems, and need like medication or something just to act normal."
"The people who love you won't care about any of that Will because that's not what you are. As cheesy as it sounds, that stuff doesn't define you. Your mom, your brother, Max, Lucas, me? We all love you and we don't pay attention to any of the other stuff because you're an amazing person and you take care of others more than you do yourself. And that's just one of the things that make you so great to be around."
"I get it Mike, and thank you. I really do. But what you don't understand, is how it feels to be tormented and harassed everyday of your life. And just when I hoped things were getting better, you tell me that you want to take me back to a doctor?"
Ok, Mike could see that this conversation wasn't really getting anywhere. Will just wants people to like him because he's experienced so much hate throughout his life, and that's understandable. How was Mike going to get it in his head that people liking him shouldn't be a priority. How was he going to tell him that he was worried about his health, and that he needs to do something about it before it's too late?
word count: 4088
a/n: really long chapter.. i worked really hard on it so don't forget to vote/share <3 hope y'all enjoy! btw- next chapter will be awhile
~ Mo :)