RYUJIN
I waited at our usual table in the cafeteria after the bell rang, anticipating the arrival of the others. Yuna and Chaeryeong, who always came together, were the first to show up. I think they are the closest friends in our group since they are the youngest.
"Hey," I greeted them with a wave and a smile, and they reciprocated.
"Lia-unnie and Yeji-unnie aren't here yet?" Yuna asked, scanning the cafeteria to see if they had gone to grab some food.
"No, they should be here soon. Unless Yeonjun got a hold of Yeji again," I muttered the last part to myself, but unfortunately, the redhead overheard it.
"You don't need to worry now, I think. They seem to be getting back on good terms. Although, we should wait and see what happens for now, right?" Yuna's question made me hesitate, but I nodded nonetheless.
I don't want to see what happens. I know I don't stand a chance, and I shouldn't be hoping anymore. But something inside me wants to hold onto these feelings.
It doesn't hurt to have a crush on someone. What hurts the most is knowing that you don't stand a chance with them.
It's when they unintentionally give you false hope that leaves you hanging.
However, when they express interest in someone else, that's when the pain is unbearable. You know you shouldn't hold on to hope because you'll only end up hurting yourself. It's your own fault for clinging onto something that's not even real.
I don't know why I'm pondering over this, many things can still happen, but I'd like to support my friend and her relationship instead of being selfish.
I should, right?
As I sat at our usual table in the cafeteria, a familiar voice called out my name. It was Yeji, and her soft and gentle tone immediately brought a smile to my face.
"Hey, you're here," I replied as she approached me, waving her hand. She took my hand and led me to our seats, where the others had already left for the canteen.
I had some questions for her, so I took the opportunity to ask, "So, you're going to Yeonjun's practice after school tomorrow?"
Yeji searched her bag for something before replying, "Yep, but I'll leave after your tryouts finish since we have our special hangout. Is that good?"
I nodded in agreement, pleased that we still had our hangout time. "I didn't make lunch today, so we should go to the canteen as well," I suggested.
Before we could leave, our friends stopped us and handed us bentos. I was surprised since I had always made my own lunch ever since my parents went out of town for work. They had been gone for a year, and although they sent me money to take care of myself, it was hard at first.
Eventually, I got used to living by myself and paying for my own stuff, but I still missed them terribly. They would buy me gifts and ship them over on my birthday, but I would rather have them with me instead.
After we settled down and started eating, Lia asked if anyone was planning to join a club for the upcoming club recruitment.
"I'm definitely joining the soccer club," I said, grinning as I chewed on some chicken and rice.
"Maybe I'll join the literature club," Yeji mused.
"I'm signing up for the dance club with Yuna," Chaeryeong chimed in.
Lia, meanwhile, had her sights set on something bigger: "I'm going to run for student council when the time comes, so no clubs for me."
We continued chatting about school, life, and family, though the latter topic made me a little uneasy. Lia noticed my discomfort and gave Yuna a light slap on the arm, silently telling her to stop bringing up family matters. Yuna apologized, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, even though Yeji seemed to be studying me carefully.
I decided to tune out the conversation and put on my earphones to listen to some music. Yeji looked at me for a moment, but I pretended not to notice. Normally she'd be concerned, but I just didn't feel like talking about it today.
A FEW PERIODS LATER
It was tryout time and the bell rang, indicating that we could go home now. As for me, it was time for my tryout, so I texted the group chat to wait by my house, except for Yeji, who said she was watching Yeonjun's practice. I was jealous earlier, but what could I do? They're dating, and nobody could watch the tryouts.
"Everybody, line up!" the coach yelled out after people showed up. We all lined up, and I looked at all the girls who showed up. Is that Heejin? Hyunjin too! I didn't know those two would be interested. I always heard Hyunjin was good in her elementary school, though.
"We'll do stretches to start it off. Follow my lead, and we'll do laps later on," the coach instructed, and everyone followed.
We were on our break, and I decided to get a drink of water before I had to go out and play again. Heejin and Hyunjin were sitting together, chatting. Coincidentally, they were just by my bag.
"Hey Ryu!" the two said in unison, waving their hands before I answered.
"Hey Jins, I didn't know you guys would try out."
"This Jin decided to try out, and she suggested me to as well. We used to play soccer together, so yeah!" Heejin shrugged as Hyunjin chugged her water, gulping it over and over. Damn, the girl must be thirsty because I could hear the gulps.
"You're really good, though," Hyunjin said after she let go of her water bottle. Me and her didn't talk much, except for some games in gym class. I've seen her skills in sports, and she is pretty athletic.
"I hope we work well together too," I said with a small smile before looking around at the field. The coach was signaling for us to start getting up and head back.
After the tryout, I took a moment to compliment the other two Jins on their skills before heading over to the football field to pick up Yeji and hang out with the rest of the group.
Our school had a good amount of fields and courts for different sports, such as basketball, tennis, badminton, ping pong, football, and soccer. Each area was separated, making the back of the school appear enormous. It was clear that our school had a generous budget.
As I walked on the cement path towards the football field, each step made a satisfying sound, almost like a muted clicking noise. It was difficult to describe, but perhaps you know what I mean. When I arrived at the field, I saw Yeonjun in his sports gear, and I searched for Yeji among the bleachers.
It was during the football team's break, so I slowly walked closer to the bleachers to approach Yeji, but she had already gone over to where Yeonjun was resting. The two were talking, and Yeonjun's hair was messy from sweat, making it appear wet. They smiled at each other as they chatted, and I couldn't help but wonder what Yeonjun was saying to make Yeji smile.
Since I didn't want to interrupt their moment, I watched from the bleachers as Yeonjun got closer to Yeji, took her hands, and whispered something in her ear. I couldn't help but wish that I was the one doing that.
He smiled once again and I could see Yeji laughing even from the back.
Then.. They kissed.
I don't know how long I walked, my legs moved on their own and I didn't plan to stop. Leaving the bleachers behind, I headed towards the school entrance.
The memory replayed in my mind and it was painful, horrifying, and it killed any hope I had left.
I got into my car and tossed my backpack onto the passenger seat, closing the door with a loud thud. My chest felt heavy, a mix of jealousy and something else I couldn't quite name.
Why am I even bothered? I've seen them kiss countless times before.
Maybe it's because I haven't seen it in a while? It's been a year since I last saw them together.
Driving back home, my thoughts were clouded with the moment, their interactions, and my own hopes.
Oh, how I wished I were Yeonjun.
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