A/N: Soooo... I lied about it not taking as long. I really should stop making predictions about when I'll update - it always takes me far longer than I expect. But it's here now! Thanksgiving break is a welcome reprieve - although it's not really much of a reprieve for me, between my extracurriculars and our upcoming All-Region auditions. Ugh.
Anyhow, enjoy the chapter!
"Welcome, Dauntless members and initiates." Eric's voice booms across the unusually quiet Pit through the microphone he's holding, which hooks up to a speaker laying at his feet. He stands on one of the tables, towering above everyone else. "I'm sure we all want to get to the good part, so I'll keep this short. This year, we welcomed twenty-one new initiates. But, for the first time, most of them didn't make it." Eric's voice begins rising in volume. "We weeded out the strong from the weak. Determined who really has the guts to be one of us!"
The crowd erupts into sound, of pounding fists and stomping feet. It's incredibly different from the polite clapping of the Abnegation.
I love it.
Despite the small grin that settles on my face, something at the back of my mind nags me. Do any of the Dauntless care about the children, their children, that are now starving on the streets thanks to this new initiative?
It takes a minute for the crowd to quiet down again. Once it does, Eric continues. "We believe in bravery, in action. We believe in facing our fears and freeing ourselves from them. We believe in training ourselves so we can ensure justice is served. And now, we are offering our congratulations and opening our arms for those who have proven that they believe in these things, too."
Eric probably doesn't believe in any of those things. In fact, if Jeanine is in secret meetings with the Dauntless leaders, then I doubt that any of the leaders believe in those things.
But I do. And Tobias does. And, maybe, we can slowly get others to believe in them, too. It's a hopeful thought.
The Dauntless pound the table and floor again, this time accenting the sound with their whoops and cheers.
"Tomorrow, our top ten initiates will take the first step as full members of Dauntless, and choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked. The rankings were determined using a combination of the scores from each of the stages of initiation. The first being the combat stage, the second being the simulation stage, and the third being the final examination, the fear landscape. Now, I know that the rankings are what everyone is really here for, right?"
His question is answered by another round of noise, far louder than the two preceding it.
"Well, then, I won't keep you waiting. Here are the rankings!"
Right as the last word leaves his mouth, the screen, which takes up the whole wall, lights up with the names.
I scan the list from the bottom up, searching for the names of my friends and myself. I don't recognize numbers 16 through 13 - they're all Dauntless-borns.
12. Catalina
Catalina's is the first name I recognize. There's a part of me that rejoices at this; she won't be able to torment me any longer.
But there's another part of me that, hearing a loud wail, wonders what will happen to her. If she'll be able to survive outside of the faction she's known all of her life.
10. Ethan
9. Aiden
8. Lavender
I smile as my gaze lifts, finding the first of my friends. Lavender and Ethan are staying. All of my friends are staying, since I didn't spot any of them below the top ten; number 11 was another Dauntless-born, the girl who reminded me of a crow during Capture the Flag.
7. Zayden
I have to hold down a groan at the fact that Zayden will still be around. But at least he won't be too much of a nuisance, not after the events of initiation.
6. Juniper
5. Julia
4. Rowan
3. Kian
2. Chloe
The smile doesn't leave my face. I'm proud of my friends, at how far they've come during these short three weeks.
They're all here. We've all made it.
But my name hasn't come up yet. That means-
1. Cammi
I stare. I stare at my name and picture, next to the number 1 on the wall.
I beat everyone else.
I'm Dauntless now.
I belong here.
Don't I?
Marcus' face flits across my mind - what he's done, how I accepted it.
How can I be the best of the initiates joining the faction of the brave, when I always feel like such a coward?
It is arms wrapping around me, weight hitting me with such a force that I almost fall over that snaps me out of it.
Pushing those thoughts to the side, I make a move to lift my fisted hands, ready to fight, but it's just Lavender. Her arms have snaked around me, and she's clutching me so tightly that it's getting difficult to breathe. But I can't find it in myself to care.
"We did it!" She makes out through her relieved laughter, and it is only because of our proximity that I'm able to hear her over all the screams and cheers.
A second later, another pair of arms wraps around me. I turn my head to see who it is, and I'm not surprised to see that it's Ethan.
They release me after another moment, and I spin to find the others. The next one I see is Julia, who stands right next to us, eyes shining with tears.
I'm the one to initiate the hug this time. "Congratulations, Cammi." I can hear the smile in her voice. "You deserve it."
It's that statement - such a simple statement, but one that validates everything that's happened so I could get here - that makes my eyes prick with tears, too. I let go of her, stepping back. "You do too. Fifth is incredible!"
Before she can say anymore, I'm assaulted with a barrage of grabbing hands and laughing.
The action makes me flinch, but, luckily, Chloe, Juniper, and even Kian, the ones who grabbed me and spun me around, don't seem to notice. Only Rowan stands off to the side, probably because he knows my general aversion to touch. If he noticed, he doesn't say anything, just watches the scene with a broad smile.
"Good job!" I shout at them.
"We should be saying that to you!" Juniper shoots back.
"You beat us all!" Chloe chips in. Kian nods along, not saying anything but sincerely showing his agreement.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of Lavender and Ethan, caught in a kiss. Julia stands mostly where she was earlier, starting an excited conversation with Juniper, Chloe, Kian, and Rowan.
I whirl around instantly when I feel a tap on my shoulder, and my own face lights up as I catch sight of my brother standing behind me, smiling just as wide.
Before he can say anything, I launch myself at him, engulfing him into a hug. Screw hiding our relationship - I'm Dauntless now. So what if everyone figures out that he's my brother? What are they going to do, make me factionless? After the rankings have already been revealed?
For a long few moments, I squeeze him tight, burying my face in his shoulder. His arms shield me from everything - every judgement people will make about us and my rank, every question my friends will have, every thought of Abnegation, of Marcus, that tries to enter my mind.
His arms are safe. Like always.
When I finally pull away, I find all my friends - Lavender, Ethan, Julia, Juniper, Kian, Chloe - staring at me in shock. Only Rowan is unfazed.
"Okay." Lavender is the first to speak up. "That was one long hug. Anything you want to tell us, Cammi?"
I glance at Tobias. He gives a small nod. A nod of consent.
I gesture at him. "You guys, this is Four." I smile. "My older brother."
For a minute, all of them are silent. The silence stretches on forever, to the point where my nerves start to creep up on me. What if they also think my rank is favoritism? What if they get mad at me for keeping this a secret? What if-
To my surprise, Chloe is the next to speak. "So, how many embarrassing blackmail stories of Cammi's are you willing to tell us?"
The tension between us breaks, and my friends all burst into laughter.
Tobias' eyes sparkle with mischief. "I think I can recall a few."
I groan dramatically, shooting him the evil eye. "You traitor."
At this, Tobias throws back his head and laughs. I can tell it takes them all off guard, even Rowan; he's never smiled or laughed this openly in front of them, after all. But I just start laughing along with him.
Once our laughter dies down, Tobias grows a little more somber. "So, you all are Cammi's friends. I've heard a lot about you."
"Can't say the same." Lavender rolls her eyes at me, but the smile remains on her face. I can feel an invisible weight lift off my shoulders. She isn't mad.
"Oh, come on. I didn't want to get accused of favoritism."
"Speaking of favoritism," Tobias cuts in. "Not that any of you should be wondering this, if Cammi is truly your friend, but my sister's rank was not favoritism. She got first because she deserved it."
I can feel red rising in my cheeks as they all nod, without hesitation.
"Of course she did." Lavender sounds so sure. So sure that I belong here. I don't think anyone, except Tobias, has had that much faith in me before. "Because she's incredible."
Tobias grins widely at that. "She really is."
I'm sure I look like a tomato at this point; I'm really not used to so many compliments, so many people who have such an unwavering trust in me.
Someone shouts, "Four!" My brother turns his head to find them, before leaning down until his face is level with mine.
"It's your moment, Cam. Enjoy it." And, with that, he straightens up, walking into the crowd of people in the direction of the voice, glancing back at me with a small smile on his face as he does it. It only takes a moment for him to disappear into the mass of people.
I watch the spot where I lost sight of him for a moment, unable to contain a fond smile, before turning back to my rejoicing friends.
Tobias. A consistent part of my old life. My friends. A part of my new life. Getting along.
I couldn't be happier.
Before I can step towards my friends, who have moved a little further away, probably to give me and my brother a bit of privacy as we talked, a gentle hand on my arm stops me.
I twist my head to look for the person, but even before my eyes meet his sparkling hazel ones, I know who it is. Rowan.
After all, nobody's touch sends tingles down my spine like his does.
"I told you that you were going to get first." He doesn't bother with greetings, instead just saying it plainly, maybe a little smugly, and shooting me a bright grin. "Congratulations, by the way."
"Thanks. Never thought you had fourth in you, though." I tease him. He responds by playfully shoving my shoulder with his own, hard enough to make me stretch out my arms and grip one of his for balance. A new wave of tingles shoots down my arm.
"Aww, come on. Where's my thank you, for believing in you?" He plays along, lips curving downwards in a frown, but they quiver in an attempt to keep from smiling, which all but gives away his act.
"People that say I told you so don't deserve thank yous." I reply, adding a haughty sniff to complete my air of superiority. But that act lasts for all of three seconds before I burst into laughter, Rowan following close behind. Something in my heart lifts at the sound of his laughter.
It takes a few seconds, but eventually, our laughs fade. The smiles remain on our faces.
"In complete seriousness, I really do appreciate it. The fact that you believed in me." The words, I didn't think anyone but Tobias would ever believe in me that much, linger on my tongue, but go unsaid. They're too vulnerable. Too open for me, with anyone but my brother, at least for now.
Rowan blinks, seemingly taking a moment to process my words. "You know I didn't mean that, right? I don't need a thank you for that. It was my choice, and I'm glad you proved me right."
Just when I thought-
"Anyways," Rowan pushes on. "Do you want to go somewhere?"
I raise an eyebrow at him. "You'll have to be more specific than that if you want me to agree."
"Right. Uh, just to the Chasm." He points in the direction of the Chasm, which is further from the stage, in a more isolated corner of the Pit. "Where I might actually be able to hear my thoughts."
"Sure." As much as I'm enjoying the wild celebration, some calm does sound nice.
"Then let's go." Just like when the four of them pulled us out of the dorm, after rankings for the second stage were revealed, he grabs one of my hands with one of his own, his calloused fingers interweaving with my own. The contact makes me feel like the skin everywhere he's touching is on fire. And, somehow, it feels wonderful.
The Pit is large, but not that large; a Dauntless could probably run the width of the entire thing in fifteen seconds, absolute maximum. But, with all the people crowded into it, it takes us closer to a minute to finally reach the Chasm railing. Thankfully, most of the Dauntless, even drunk, seem to have the good sense to stay away from the Chasm while intoxicated.
As we reach the Chasm's edge, Rowan drops my hand, in favor of leaning on the railing. My hand suddenly feels cold. I ignore the feeling to mimic his action.
The metal of the railing makes my hand feel even colder.
Staring into the Chasm, at its wild, untamed waters, I'm reminded of a similar scene; Rowan and I, standing in nearly the same position, as our friends got tattoos and piercings for the first time.
"What do you think is beautiful about it?" I ask, out of the blue. I'm not sure where the question came from.
"Huh?" I can hear the confusion in his voice at the random question.
"Last time we were here, we agreed that the Chasm is beautiful. So, what makes it beautiful?" I lean down further, resting my head on my arms, still watching the water. "I think it's the contradiction. The water in the Chasm is deadly-" The memory of J, dead on the rocks, flashes in my mind, but I quickly push it away. "-but water is also what keeps us alive, right?"
With that, I finally lift my gaze from the Chasm, craning my neck so my head is turned towards Rowan. He's already looking at me, his expression indecipherable. I tilt my head, just slightly, waiting for an answer.
It takes a moment, but he finally pitches in. "I think it's everything it represents. It's... fierce, and uncontrollable, a lot like us Dauntless. But it's still rational; it doesn't break the laws of gravity or anything. And that's a lot like the Dauntless, too. We might be wild, even crazy," He lets out a small chuckle. "But we're not insane."
I find myself smiling as he continues. Who knew Rowan could be this insightful? I notice that Rowan's lips start turning upwards as well. "And it's also really persistent - Kian once said that the entire Chasm was carved by the water, as it wore down the rock. It takes care of everything in its path, one way or another. And, well- it's also survived a lot. Generations of stuff getting thrown into it, and it always bounces back."
Something clicks in my mind with that sentence. I notice that his eyes are still locked on mine, even though he's still talking about the Chasm.
"-and I think it's just beautiful in general, you know? Its appearance-"
The question on the tip of my tongue is bold. Embarrassing, even, if his answer is not what I suspect. But the weight of it sits like a sticky lump in my mouth, refusing to move unless it is asked.
"Rowan." My voice is softer than usual. Rowan stops mid-sentence, turning all his attention to me. "You aren't talking about the Chasm anymore, are you?"
He's silent. One second passes, then two, then three. Each one feels like an eternity. And with each one, the likelihood of my being wrong increases. I can feel my ears starting to burn with embarrassment. "Forget it, that was a stupid-"
"No. I'm not."
The answer steals all the breath out of my lungs.
I stare at him. He stares at me. The air between us feels charged. I'm not sure if I'm just imagining that, though.
He's the first one to move; he lifts his arms off the railing, rotating his body to face me completely, and places them on my shoulders. I hardly feel them at all; he's touching me so lightly. I wonder if he thinks I'm going to shy away from his touch.
A part of me wants to. Because as new to this as I am, I'm not completely stupid. I know where this could go. And that same part of me rebels at the thought. After all, my past experiences haven't made a good impression.
But there's another part that argues that Rowan is nothing like them. After all, I've trusted him with so many things - my past, my identity - and he hasn't betrayed me yet. And it's that same part of me that doesn't want to lose those tiny little sparks his hands ignite on my shoulders, even covered by my sleeves.
And then, of course, there's a piece of me that wonders if I'm misinterpreting this whole thing. It doesn't seem likely, but, then again, I wouldn't know. Growing up in Abnegation really doesn't prepare you for any of this.
Stop. You're overthinking this.
So, instead of acting on any of my conflicting thoughts, I watch him.
Rowan's gaze roams over my face, from my eyes to my nose to my forehead, finally settling on my lips. I can feel my heart beat a little faster.
His next words are whispered so softly that my ears can barely pick them up. "Can I?"
It's not a clear request, but he doesn't bother finishing it, and I don't bother correcting him. Because we both know what he's asking.
Can I? He asked. He isn't making any assumptions, he's asking me if I'm okay with it. Especially considering my circumstances, it's really thoughtful of him.
Ultimately, that's what makes up my mind.
I don't say anything. Instead, I let my response be the way I reach up, grabbing the collar of the thin, black jacket he's wearing, and tug his face down until his lips meet mine.
A/N: A sort-of cliffhanger! I'm horrible, I know. Guess you'll have to wait and see what happens next. >:)
It's time for books! Today's novel is...
Legend! (By Marie Lu)
This was another independent reading book for school, but, regardless, it's been on my reading list for a long time. And, HOLY MOLY, it didn't disappoint. I loved the worldbuilding of the Republic of America, where June and Day live. And the slight edge of mystery... it kept me captivated all the way through. I can't wait to read the sequels!
Here's the link: https://marielu.com/books/legend
This book has 3 sequels: Prodigy, Champion, and Rebel.
Please, come back next time for the scene we've all been waiting for! Also, the aftermath of the rankings announcement, you know, if you're interested in that.
Muchas gracias por estar aqui, mi estrellas! Nos vemos!