Heer's P.O.V.
I lied awake sobbing silently, clutching the bed sheet which was wet from my tears, my phone continuing to illuminate relentlessly.
"Who is it?" Kamran asked after I flipped my silent, flashing phone over.
I was tucked under his arm, nestled against him under a soft blanket on his bed at his flat. We were watching a show on his iPad.
"Just some Snapchat notifications," I snuggled closer to him.
"From?"
"You're off-hours now, wakeel sahab. Sawaal jawaab apne clients ke liye rakhna, samjhe?"
(You're off-hours now, Mr. Lawyer. Save the question-answers for your clients, understood?)
He rolled over on top of me suddenly, caging me under him, mischief illuminating in his eyes as he smirked, "Is that a threat?"
"Hai toh?"
(If it is?)
"I don't deal well with threats coming from clients, babe," he gripped my waist. "Are you sure you want to know the answer to your question?"
I smiled, teasing, "Zara manzar thik se jhaank lo, wakeel sahab. Na hi main aap ki client hoon na hi yeh jang ka maidaan aap ke courtroom."
(Study the scene well, Mr. Lawyer. I am not your client nor is this battle field your courtroom.)
"Lekin yeh jang ka maidaan mera sabse favorite hai," his warm breath grazed my mouth before his lips took mine in a hard kiss, his fingers intertwining with mine. His tongue wrestled with mine as I felt his smile against my lips, reflecting his words.
(But this battle field is my most favorite.)
He retreated slightly, groaning, "What I wouldn't do for a kiss from you," before leaning in for another kiss, soft and slow.
I gazed at his eyes lovingly, wrapping my arms around his neck.
His nose skimmed against my cheek and he buried his face in my neck, "And your scent is my favorite." I felt him sniff my neck before he pecked the skin, "Lavender." He took another whiff, his stubble tickling the sensitive flesh, then kissed my neck again, "Rose." My arms around him grew tighter as he smelled me again before pecking, "And vanilla."
He moved his head back and I watched him lovingly. I nudged my nose against his, giggling, "Tumhara naam Kamran nahin, Khargosh hona chahiye tha. You have a strong sense of smell by the way, aşkım. And you're quite cute."
(Your name shouldn't have been Kamran, it should be Rabbit.)
He chuckled before rolling onto his back, making me lay on top of him. "In that case, if I was named Khargosh, then you would be my carrot," he brushed some of my hair behind my ear. "I'd find your location by sniffing the air for your smell like this," he inhaled deeply against my cheek while shaking his head, making me squeal with a grin. "And I would go to the ends of this earth just to get a kiss from you," he demonstrated with a big kiss.
"You would go to the ends of this earth with tiny bunny hops?" I lifted an eyebrow at my adorable boyfriend.
He nodded cutely with an innocent expression, "With tiny bunny hops."
"Pagal."
(Crazy.)
He strengthened his arms around me, sighing, "Tumhare pyaar mein."
(Crazy in your love.)
I chuckled as I reached for the iPad. Just as I placed it on his chest to turn the show back on, he lifted it above my head, "Who was sending you those Snapchats?"
My eyes widened, "You still haven't forgotten about that, aşkım?!"
He gazed at me with jealousy in his eyes, pouting.
"Aww, sevgilim," I cradled his cheek before pecking his forehead. "It was just Daniaal. He decided to vlog his day so he was sending his friends loads of silly videos on Snapchat."
"I don't like sharing your attention when you're with me, that's all," he mumbled, pressing play on the paused show.
I smiled, "I know. That's why I wasn't checking them, aşkım."
"Good," he muttered, his eyebrows remaining furrowed as he propped the iPad up with one hand while using his other arm to hold me tight. He pressed a few kisses on my cheek and held me tightly to himself, tucking my head under his chin as though I were his very own teddy bear, leaving me to giggle at him.
I sniffled, wiping my cheeks as I began to feel drained.
I felt Salaar tug the comforter closer to him. It was cold in the flat, which meant he hadn't closed the window in the living room entirely.
My phone glowed against the bed next to my pillow once again.
Was he seriously still downstairs?
What did he want to say?
Rather, what was there left to say?
It was nearly 2 AM.
And it was so cold out.
Has he really been waiting out there for so long in these freezing temperatures? It had been at least over five hours since Salaar and I have gotten home.
I glanced over my shoulder at Salaar's sleeping figure before carefully slipping out of bed and going over to the window. I pulled one of the curtains back slightly and found Kamran sitting on the ground against the light post.
My eyes wavered as I stared at him for a moment, my chest tightening.
He would be there the rest of the night if I didn't go down to meet him, that much I knew of him. He was stubborn.
His presence was also distressing Salaar.
I took a deep breath and put on my jacket and shawl then went downstairs, my heart racing.
My nails dug into my palms as I slowly exited the building, my breath creating puffs of white as I entered the freezing night.
When I reached him, I found him teetering on the border of sleep and consciousness. His skin was pale from the cold, his nose, cheeks, and hands depicting tints of pink. Tears pricked at my eyes as I remembered the night I first met him—he was in a similar state, cold from the pouring rain.
I crouched in front of him. I couldn't help but wrap my shawl around him. His coat wasn't that thick.
"Heer?" he whispered, his eyes flickering open when he saw my shadow through his eyelashes.
I stood up quickly and took a step back, my heart going a million kilometers per hour.
"Heer!" he got up on his feet and took a step closer, his hands reaching out and gripping my arms as he studied me with soft eyes, "Heer..."
All I could do was stare at his face. The concern, the care... It was so contradictory, so different to how he was on Friday.
And as I continued to observe him, for a split second, I want to run into his arms and have him comfort me and tell me nothing had happened, but it was overpowered by the memories of his hatred, disgust-filled glances which flashed before my eyes, making my insides close up, making me want to recoil. Standing face-to-face with him in confrontation made me feel as though someone had pried open a wound that was yet to begin to heal.
I hadn't noticed my eyes were raining until his right hand cradled my cheek gently, wiping my tears with his thumb.
"What did you try to do?" his eyes watered as they gazed into mine.
I bit my trembling lower lip.
"How could you?!" he searched my orbs. "I was stupid, I f*cked up, but how could y-"
I moved back, my voice quavering, "Why are you here?"
He shadowed my steps and gripped my arms, the sadness in his orbs intensifying, "Babe, please-"
Babe.
"Kamran," I exhaled shakily. "Don't."
He fell to his knees as his hands grazed down to mine, holding them, "I'm sorry," he shook his head, "I'm sorry, Heer. I messed up. I was a f*cking idiot. If something happened to you- my world came to a standstill when I heard about what you tried to do. And I'm so sorry that it took that for me to realize how wrong I was for what I did to you. I love you, Heer."
I brought my hands away from his, my chest clenching at his last sentence.
He stood up, "I know apologizing can't make up for it, but I had to let you know I'm sorry. I haven't been at peace since Friday, Heer. And after hearing about your attempt, I lost it. I came straight to see you and I wouldn't have left without knowing you're alright, without telling you I'm sorry. What your father did has nothing to do with you. I shouldn't have done what I did to you. I was insanely wrong for it. Please forgive me, Heer. I love you so much. Give me a last chance. I won't let you down."
His words registered as I stared at him, my features loosening with realization.
As my lips finally parted to respond, an angry voice cut through the silence, the echoing of quick footsteps following suit, "Didn't I tell you to get the f*ck away from here?! What are you still doing here?"
By the time the glass door shut behind Salaar, he was nearly halfway to where Kamran and I were standing.
"I'm speaking with Heer. Leave us alone. This doesn't include you," Kamran countered with contempt.
"The f*ck it doesn't." Salaar turned towards me, softening his tone as he began reaching for my hand, "Heer-"
"Salaar," I spoke quietly. "Go upstairs. I'll be there soon."
I immediately regretted my words when I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes.
He stared at me for a few seconds. His arm retreated back to his side slowly before his mouth closed. I started reaching for his arm, but before I could say anything, my face fell as he nodded briefly, gaze lowered, and turned around, heading back for the glass doors of the complex.
My head turned back towards Kamran when he stated, "You married him on Friday." His eyes bore a similar look of pain to Salaar's. "Was it to get back at me for what I did?"
"No," I murmured.
I truly hadn't.
"Then? Do you have feelings for him?"
"Do you love Hina?"
His eyes softened as he moved closer, "No. I don't love her. I only lov-"
"You said you haven't been at peace since Friday, but you went back to her after you closed the door on me."
"We didn't do anything else-"
"Have you learned your mistake?"
"Of course. I regret it. Using you to hurt your fa-"
"No. You haven't," the tears resumed falling, "What do you truly regret? That I Ianded in the hospital? What about your revenge? Do you feel remorse about that? My father having nothing to do with me, using me to hurt my father—do you regret how you went about trying to get back at him? Do you now wish you had gotten revenge another way?"
He stared at me, lips parted.
His revenge hadn't been satiated.
My lips quivered, "Did you even love me?"
"Of course," he frantically reached for my hands, but he paused as I continued.
"I don't think so," I shook my head. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have thought about hurting me or my loved ones." My voice broke, "You wouldn't have cheated on me."
"Heer-" his eyes glistened.
"You kissed her in front of me, you and Hina had se-" my fists balled tightly to prevent myself from sobbing.
He stepped closer, "I'm so sorry-"
"I don't think you loved me. You hated me, Kamran. You hated me for being Imran Qureshi's daughter."
His fingers brushed into my hair as he held my face, "I never hated you. How could I hate you? I love you, Heer. I was blinded by my anger regarding your dad. I'd found it hard to separate you from him. And it was never serious between Hina and I. We met coincidentally a few times then she called me up for help regarding some documents that she had to submit for her school applications. She noticed I was upset about you, and she also confessed she wasn't that into Salaar. We messaged a few times then began meeting up. It wasn't initially a part of my plan, but one thing led to another and then I thought it would hurt-"
"My father. Me. No one can think of hurting the one they love... Was it all an act? From the beginning?"
He stepped back and moved his sleeve back slightly, revealing his 'H' initial tattoo, "Did this seem like an act? And this letter isn't just on my wrist. It's on my heart, Heer. I f*cked up. I'm so f*cking sorry that it took me hurting you to realize how much you mean to me. I would take it all back if I could."
But did he regret trying to get revenge and wanting to hurt my father? No. I didn't believe Baba was responsible for what Kamran claims. I don't know anything about the shared business, but there must be some misunderstanding relating to Bilquis Chachi. How could Anne be okay with her presence in their lives if what Kamran said was true? However, had my father truly been in the wrong, standing up on his own feet and becoming the successful lawyer that Kamran is would have been the most apt way to have gotten revenge, not trying to inflict pain on others.
Before I could ask him, Kamran's phone began vibrating.
His gaze followed mine to the pocket of his pants. His hand reached to silence the call, but he paused when I questioned softly, "Who's calling you?"
It was the middle of the night.
He slipped his phone out of his pocket and I could tell by the way he became still and his face gradually fell who it was.
"Answer it."
His surprised eyes flickered up to mine from the screen of his phone.
"Answer the call."
"Heer..." he took my name, hesitant.
"Put it on speaker."
We continued our staring match until he eventually resigned reluctantly, his thumb swiping across the screen before tapping the circular icon.
"Hello?"
"Hello?! Kamran?!" she let out a sigh of relief, "Where are you?! Are you still in London?"
Kamran peered at me drudgingly, and I lifted my eyebrows subtly, signaling to answer her.
He inhaled deeply before responding, "Yes."
"When are you coming? There's something I need to tell you." Her voice was dripping with nerves. "I would've waited to tell you in person, but I'm really scared and worried, and I can't sleep. I'm sorry for calling so late, but I just needed to speak with you and let you know." She took a deep breath, "I'm late, Kamran."
My expression faltered with realization seconds later, my eyes lowering to the ground, while Kamran looked at me, his confusion regarding her words evident.
After studying me, his confusion grew even more. He cleared his throat, "Sorry?"
"I'm late... I haven't gotten my period yet."
Kamran's face fell.
She quickened her pace, "I know we used protection, but sometimes they break. I'm not on the pill either. My monthly cycle is usually on time, but I still haven't gotten it. I was supposed to earlier this week. I haven't taken a pregnancy test yet, but I'm going to the store in the morning to get one... Hello? Kamran?"
Hina's words acted like a crack, shattering every dream I had once woven in the past relating to Kamran. Her words severed the remaining threads of the rope between him and I.
He continued staring at me, a storm of emotions brewing in his light brown eyes.
"Hello? Are you still there?"
"Let's talk when I get back tomorrow."
"Okay. I'll have taken the test by then. If it's positive-" she let out a deep breath, "We need to talk regardless. When will yo-"
Kamran ended the call and slid his phone back in his pocket.
"Heer," his hands reached for my face and cupped my cheeks, "Heer. Heer, look at me."
I closed my eyes as he pressed his forehead to mine.
"I'll figure this out, Heer. I'm sorry. But I'm telling you, I'll figure it out. I love you. Just-"
"Sab khatam," I whispered.
(It's all over.)
I felt him freeze.
My hands lowered his from my face as I looked at him with my wet eyes, "Sab khatam."
"Heer-"
"Please don't come here again. My husband doesn't like it."
I turned around and made my way to the glass doors without a second glance.
Instead of entering the lift, I stepped into the parking lot, finally bawling loudly.
Everything had been over between Kamran and I since the moment I married Salaar. There was no scope for giving Kamran a second chance, nor did I ever want to. My heart, however, needs time to come to terms with it. Letting go was difficult to no end. And it becomes so much more complicated, the feelings of helplessness increase so much more, when you, yourself, are aware you shouldn't hold on. Because unclenching your fist means not only letting go of them, but also every single moment spent with them, every single memory made with them, and every single dream and hope regarding them.
I eventually wiped my tears and went to the elevator. As I walked through the lobby, I saw past the doors that Kamran was gone.
As I pushed the door of the flat open, I found Salaar standing near the open window in the living room, smoking a cigarette. He glanced at me over his shoulder then turned his head around, staring back out the window as he took another puff of the cigarette instead of putting it out.
I took off my shoes before making my way over to him, "He's gone. I don't think he's going to come back. Don't worry."
He didn't acknowledge me.
I stood behind him, placing my hand on his bicep, "Salaar?"
Nothing.
My eyes watered again. The last thing I want is for Salaar to be upset at me.
"Salaar..."
He let out a cloud of smoke before crushing the cigarette on the ashtray lying on his desk and turning around to face me. "Do you want to go back to him?"
I searched his eyes, taken aback.
"Because I won't allow it."
"I don't," I answered quickly. My hand cradled his cheek, "I'm sorry I went downstairs without telling you, and I'm sorry for telling you to go. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Salaar. I know you wanted to protect me. I just needed to speak to him by myself. To get some closure, to make sense of what happened between him and I. I'm sorry."
He stared at me, eyebrows tense, studying me.
My arms wrapped around his neck as I hugged him with my eyes closed. "Khafa mat ho mujhse."
(Don't be upset at me.)
Growing up, Salaar's gotten upset at me plenty of times, but he would get over it within minutes when it's not serious. However, I couldn't tolerate him being truly crossed.
"Please." I bit my trembling lower lip.
He sighed quietly before his strong arms drew around my waist. "Khafa nahin hoon main tumse. Bas kaash tum pehle samjhati. Main samajh jaata."
(I'm not upset at you. I just wish you would've explained it to me before. I would've understood.)
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright, sweetheart," his fingers combed through my hair. "Today must have been a lot for you. Let's go to sleep now."
I nodded, relief filling my insides now that he wasn't upset.
He pecked the crown of my head before letting go of me. "Can you turn off the lights while I close the window?"
The following early afternoon, I woke up and found my head on Salaar's shoulder. His arm was wrapped around me while mine was strewn across his waist. My face was buried in his neck, and his cheek was resting against my forehead.
My body grew still as I processed the proximity between ourselves. Unless this has been happening every night unbeknownst to myself, we've never been this close.
It was... unfamiliar. Yet, it was undeniably comfortable.
I slowly moved my head back, causing Salaar to stir a bit. His face now faced the ceiling, showing me his right profile.
His jawline was effortlessly defined and his stubble had grown longer than he normally keeps it, giving him a scruffy look. A small smile tugged on my lips as his own parted suddenly, his jaw lowering a bit.
My hand lifted from his waist to his jaw, pushing his mouth closed gently. I moved some of the hair that had fallen near his eyes back to the rest of his now messy bed hair before studying his face.
I got up slowly and got ready for the day. I offered my namaz once the time approached. Salaar and I sometimes missed some of them, unfortunately, but we always strive to be better with it.
Once I finished, I prepared lunch consisting of keema matar (minced meat with peas) and chawal (rice), one of Salaar's favorite homecooked meals. He joined me at the dining table, relishing the food happily.
The rest of the day went by in a similar manner as to yesterday. I finished organizing more of my things while Salaar cleaned. We ate some fast food for dinner then went for a walk in our neighborhood before coming back home. I occasionally recalled the conversation with Kamran from the night before, my brain giving me no choice.
Salaar accompanied me to my therapy appointment the next day. He offered to leave when I sat down in front of the female therapist, but I asked him to stay. His presence gave me more courage for the difficult, emotional task of relaying what I had gone through to the shrink. I was also able to update him at the same time while explaining to the woman what happened last night, including the call from Hina. I could tell Salaar was frustrated about what he heard, but he didn't say anything.
I was hesitant about how the session would go, but the therapist's words made me feel more validated. The appointment ended with the therapist giving me a few helpful articles to read and some activities to do, which I would have to submit and report on at my next appointment in about three weeks.
After the appointment, we went to the market to pick up some groceries for our parents' arrival tomorrow. After marinating some meat, we put it in the fridge then ate dinner before getting ready for bed.
I turned around to face Salaar, my cheek resting on the edge of my pillow. He was scrolling on his phone.
"Salaar?" I murmured.
He set his phone down and shifted to his side to face me, gazing at me intently to continue.
"Dadu, Dadi, Baba, Anne, Uncle, Ami... They're all coming tomorrow..."
"Are you nervous about it, machchar?"
I chewed on my lower lip.
I was. These last several days have been so difficult emotionally. It scared me to think of going through more hard conversations. I was tired of crying and feeling so much pain. I was also still hurt by them. There was the possibility of having to somewhat explain what happened last Friday too. It hasn't gotten any easier talking about it. I was now also unsure of how they would react about me not speaking to any of them for a week. I didn't like feeling uneasy regarding our families, especially since it's never happened before, but there were things that needed resolving.
"They're not upset at you, if that's what you're worried about... They miss you. They're concerned about you."
I searched his eyes solemnly.
"They message me every day asking about how you are." His hand reached out, his fingers brushing some of my hair behind my ear, "Talk it out with them tomorrow, love. Ask them everything that's been on your mind. Hear them out. It will all get sorted... You deserve peace."
I nodded, giving him a small closed-mouth smile.
His hand retreated as he looked up at the ceiling, an amused smile soon tugging on his lips.
"What?"
"I was just thinking."
"What were you thinking about?"
"Now that we're married, we've been doing something we wished but could never do."
I studied him, curious.
He looked at me, chuckling, "Sleepovers."
I couldn't help but giggle.
He was right. When we were really little, we would beg our parents to let us have sleepovers, but they always said no. We were too young to understand why they refused until we got older.
"Is this what you truly, deeply wished for, Heer? To have a sleepover with your best friend?" he questioned teasingly.
"What?" I laughed softly.
"You would always quote that Om Shanti Om line, 'Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho, toh puri kainaat usse tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hain.' Was this your lifelong dream that's finally come true?"
('They say that if you want something with your heart, then the whole universe starts to strive in making it yours.')
"Shut up!" I chuckled. "But see! You call me filmy, but you're the one with the line memorized!"
"That's because I've heard you say it loads of times!"
"Well-" I struggled to come up with a comeback, "Well- Sleepovers with you are boring! I wasn't missing out!"
And before I knew it, he'd lunged for me, pinning me under him as he held my wrists to the mattress, "Yeah?"
His hazel eyes almost appeared green as the sliver of white moonlight coming in through the windows cast upon him.
"Yeah!"
He tilted his head, lowering it simultaneously, "Really?"
His nose was only inches away from mine.
"R-really."
My heart pounded in my ears.
"Then what is your idea of a fun sleepover, machchar?"
"E-eating sw-sweets and popcorn while watching a romcom."
"And?" the mischief in his eyes glimmered.
"A-and," I gulped as his orbs wandered to my lips before slowly going back up to my eyes, "playing games and cooking together."
"And?"
"And doing each other's hair, looking at the stars, and staying up, chatting until the sun comes up."
He stared at my eyes, but I couldn't decipher what he was thinking. A few seconds later, he laid back down silently, his muscular arm folded behind his head.
"What are you thinking now?" I asked quietly.
He inhaled deeply, "Ego pe laga."
(It hurt my ego.)
I burst out laughing, as did he.
He watched me with tender eyes as he smiled.
"Goodnight, Salaar," I gave him a small smile before turning to my side.
"Goodnight, Heer."
My smile faded as I stared at the moonlight.
His intention was to make me laugh. He was trying to make me feel cheered up. As the realization dawned on me, my mind, against my will, wondered about Kamran. Because the reason for his efforts were due to what Kamran's done.
Kamran's words from two nights ago echoed in my head, and I felt like covering my ears with my hands, as if that would block out the thoughts.
Was Hina's test results positive? Was she pregnant with Kamran's baby? My brain couldn't help but question.
At the same time, I was so tired. I didn't want to remember any of it anymore. I didn't want to think about them anymore.
Salaar's P.O.V.
Heer handed me another serving dish, and I placed it on the dining table the following afternoon. She'd prepared a large spread of Pakistani food for our families. I helped cut and peel the vegetables, but it was all her. She refused any more help. I could tell that it was her attempt at distracting herself from her nerves before our relatives came.
She was taking out glass cups from the cabinet when my phone began ringing.
She watched intently as I answered.
"Assalamwalaikum, Uncle. You guys are here?... I'll come down. There's extra parking in the lot... Okay, bye."
I approached her and she stared up at me wearily.
"It'll be fine, love. Plus, I'm here," I gave her hand a squeeze.
She nodded, trying to muster a smile.
I flicked her cheek softly, smiling, "I'll go get them."
I could feel her watching me as I left.
When I returned to the flat with our families, our fathers and I were still near the doorway, while her grandparents and our mothers swarmed her immediately. She gave them small smiles and reciprocated their hugs. When they stepped away, my father went over and greeted her then stood next to my mother, leaving Heer and Imran Uncle to stare at each other from where they were both standing.
A million words were said through their gazes, yet not a word was uttered aloud.
The tension was heavy.
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Author's Note
Oh, how I've missed writing!
I've been busy with new commitments because of which I don't get to write during the week anymore, hence why I've been updating every two weeks since I only get time on the weekends now. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Let me know your thoughts in the comments please! What did you think of Kamran's spiel? Hina's phone call? Heer (our girl's trying 😫)? Anything.
Thank you. Lots of love! 💞💫