Tess started to have second thoughts as she sat on the train to Upper Ashfields. She knew where Gabby's office was, or at least she had the address in her phone in case of emergencies. She had a vague idea where to find the building, too, because she'd managed to run into Gabby unexpectedly when walking through a park with Spike.
Would Gabby be angry to see Tess during work hours? It was hard to tell. Some people liked to keep their home and professional lives completely separate. But if she got into an online chat, there would be all kinds of questions about other messages she still hadn't responded to. Tess thought that for her own mental health, she would be better not checking the messages on her phone – from Gabby or from anyone else – until she was sure that everything was sorted out, and she didn't have any big worries again.
She kept on reassuring herself that she was doing the right thing, but it was hard. She needed to make sure that this solution would work for everyone. She couldn't just sweep Gabby's needs under the rug, not when her cousin had tried so hard to make her feel comfortable. Not when Gabby really seemed to care. But while she walked across one of the many parks in Upper Ashfields, while she checked a map posted in one of the parks, and as she finally strode to the main entrance of the Fitzgerald Building, Tess was fighting an internal battle against all the experience that told her she should let someone more experienced sort out this stuff. She told herself that voice was wrong, and there was no reason for her to listen to it. She needed to look after herself, and to look after Spike. She would never be comfortable unless she was doing it herself, and that realisation made everything different. What had changed, over the last few months, was that she knew now what she needed. She knew that letting someone take care of her would only make her feel stifled, and that taking care of problems made her feel free.
The reception area was like corporate offices everywhere, she guessed. Although she'd rarely been in one of them before, she knew from film and TV that an office building would always have a big room with a bank of elevators and some obstructive person sitting behind a desk. In this case, the figure at the desk was a cute blonde just a couple of years older than Tess herself, probably fresh out of university.
"Hey," the receptionist said, which Tess guessed might not be a corporation-approved greeting. "What can we– Hmm, I don't know you, and no smartbadge. Are you a visitor?"
Tess mumbled for a second, before the words rearranged themselves in her mind in a way that made sense. This wasn't any kind of head office. Almost everyone coming to the desk here would be coming from another branch of the same company, from thirty other office buildings all over Upper Ashfields. This wasn't the public-facing address for any company department, so the receptionist had initially assumed she was another employee coming over for a meeting or something.
"Hi!" she said. "Sorry to show up like this, I guess you don't get many random people walking in. I'm looking for my cousin, if she's not in a meeting or something. I can wait."
"Oh, cool. I guess if you're not corporate I don't need the creepy customer-service smile and one-hundred-and-twenty-percent all business all the time attitude. Right?"
Tess knew the girl was exaggerating, and she couldn't help laughing about it. She was right, there was no reason to be formal here. And she'd correctly judged that Tess was nervous about coming into a family member's place of work. She'd just acted appropriately, acting in a way that would make the visitor comfortable, by reminding her that even in a corporate office everyone was a human being with a real personality. Tess thought that was the most professional attitude to customer service that she'd ever seen, and she was starting to understand why SYL was the undisputed market leader in whatever it was that they did.
"Yeah, thanks. Sorry, I know it's not a normal thing to ask for. I mean, if I was asking to see my Dad that would be a little more normal, I guess. But I haven't got one... I mean, my parents are out of the country, so my cousin's being a stand-in mum, and that's why I need to talk to her, it's about a serious issue I wouldn't be comfortable talking about on the phone."
"Don't worry," she said, and smiled. "It must be great having somebody to look after you like that, even if she's not your real mom. And SYL is super flexible about how we do stuff here, putting work-life balance first. Vicky thinks it's a really big deal letting the staff here take time to deal with whatever they need to, and everybody's been super productive since it started. It's one of the great things about working here. So... do you know your cousin's extension number, or which office you need to go to?"
"Umm..." Tess mumbled. "Not really. Can you look her up or something? It's Gabby Noel. I think she's–"
"Oh, we all know Gabby," the girl said with a little smirk. Tess didn't know if that meant Gabby was well liked here, or if the other staff were having a joke at her expense. And she didn't even know which she would prefer. But right now, her mind was so filled with serious things that she didn't have the thoughts to spare for anything that wasn't urgent. "I'll page her on the calendar, and let her know to come down. Would you like something to read while you wait? I don't know how long she's likely to be."
Tess thanked her, but didn't need anything to distract her. She didn't need to sit down either, she didn't want to get too comfortable. She kept on remembering what Spike was facing now, and she would have felt bad if she was just sitting there lost in her own thoughts rather than doing something.
She knew it was irrational, and that pacing around in the lobby of Gabby's building didn't actually make her get there faster. But it didn't make her feel like she was being lazy, and that had to be an improvement.
"Gabby says can you go to the Plum meeting room," the girl at the desk said, a minute or two later. She quickly pointed in the right direction, and the door clicked open to let Tess through. She turned around to say thanks, and then she was striding down the hallway, to a small room mostly decorated in shades of purple. She guessed stuff like that was better for visitors, who might not be sure they were in the right place unless it was really obvious. Tess stretched and pushed the door open, wincing slightly where her neck was stiff from too many nights sleeping in an almost-comfortable hospital chair.
Gabby was already there, looking worried.
"Tess!" she said. "Are you okay? I've not seen you in nearly a week, I've been out of my mind. I've not been able to stop thinking about you all this time. Please tell me you're okay."
"I'm okay," Tess confirmed. "Did Ffrances tell you where I've been?"
"She said you were in Pine Ridge, but she wouldn't tell me why. You know what she's like with confidentiality, treats everyone like one of her patients. I just want to know you're safe."
"Of course..." Tess said, and then the words filtered into her mind. Ffrances hadn't told Gabby that she was with Spike. Gabby might have thought Tess had been injured or something; and she would have hated being out of the loop. That seemed a little cruel, and Tess immediately wanted to correct her, to make her feel better. But then, would Gabby be angry with Tess for not telling her sooner? Would it make her less likely to agree to the question that was coming up? She decided that it would be better to leave that question until later. "I can look after myself."
"Are you sure? I heard there were police at the school, and–"
"Don't worry about it. It's dealt with now. Spike's stepfather is... a big problem. He's been a problem for a while, and I've been doing my best to avoid any contact with the guy. Spike is usually his punching bag, and he just takes it because he's worried Duke will hurt his mum. Cares so much about other people that he's willing to just take a beating. But now it's clear that this is just going to keep escalating. Duke found out somehow that I've been spending more time with Spike, and he wasn't happy. So we've called the police, given them all the evidence they could ask for, and we hope they're going to do something about it soon. But for now..."
Tess took a deep breath. This was it, the question that mattered so much. And she just couldn't find the words.
"If there's anything I can do," Gabby said, probably just giving out platitudes. "If I could do something about that guy I would, but I'm only suited for more maternal kinds of help. Not confrontation. So if there's anything I can do that would help you feel better, if you want to be little at home so you don't have to think about it so much, then just–"
"Spike's moving in with us," Tess spat it out, just to stop herself getting distracted with all her conflicting feelings about being little. She didn't need to think about that now. "I mean... He's not safe at home now, and I can't help feeling like I was the trigger for this latest burst of rage. It's my fault and I have to fix it. I've got his mum and the little kid out of there, so they're not in danger anymore. Spike needs somewhere else to go, and we have a spare room. And I'm going to keep an eye on him, to make sure he puts his own safety first for once. I wanted to see you right away, so we can get it sorted out. If you can..."
She couldn't say anything more. When it came to it, she'd automatically put it as a decision, not a request, and she hoped Gabby wouldn't be angry with that. But there wasn't much she could do about it now.
"You're just inviting some little thug into my house without asking me? Isn't there anywhere else he can go?"
Tess took a deep breath. She didn't want to antagonise Gabby, but she knew that whatever she said now would be hostile. There was no way she was leaving Spike without support, whether he was moving in at home or not.
"He's not a thug. He's a child who needs protecting. I thought you were supposed to be the maternal one. Isn't that what you just said? And if you say it's not okay, yeah, we have somewhere else to go. But obviously I'd need to check with my parents as well. Like I said, I'm not leaving him on his own. He's already got himself hurt trying to protect me, and I'm not going to let that happen again. So please, tell him he can have the spare room."
She knew she'd gone too far. She couldn't look at Gabby now, and just stared at her fingers twiddling in her lap. What would Gabby say? Was she going to fly off the handle again?
"You'll have to ask Ffrances," Gabby said, and Tess's heart leapt. She already knew what Ffrances would say. She suspected that Gabby was planning to say no and try to blame it on Ffrances, but Tess was sure she wouldn't find it so easy to blame her dislike for Spike on someone else this time. "I promise I'll ask her tomorrow, but don't get your hopes up."
"Thank you!" Tess almost squealed like a little kid, overjoyed by the answer she had least expected. She jumped up from her seat and ran closer to hug Gabby. That response seemed to surprise both of the cousins equally, but Tess couldn't contain herself. After the week she'd just had, this was the best possible outcome. It would make some of her secrets a little harder to hide, but she could accept that nothing was ever perfect. And she had no doubt that she was doing exactly what needed to be done.
When the hug ended, she backed away, just a little bit embarrassed. And she knew the gesture was something she would normally consider childish, so she was feeling just a little bit more childlike than normal now; the mild regressive effect of the suggestion that made her feel littler whenever she acted the part.
"Thank you," she said again, in a more thoughtful way this time. "So... you're giving Ffrances the ring tomorrow? I heard it's getting released this week, and..."
"Yeah. We'll be out for lunch, I want to make it as romantic as possible. But I promise you'll get a chance to read with her when she gets home. Or maybe you can be a little kid, and I'll read to you. To both of you, if you want."
Tess thought she would prefer to read for herself, but she knew how much the whole little kid thing meant to Gabby. And to Ffrances too; Gabby had finally agreed to try babying her girlfriend earlier in the week, and Tess got the impression that it had gone pretty well, even if she'd ended up volunteering to do the cooking and cleaning so that Gabby could take the fun parts of being Mommy. If Gabby wanted to read to both of them, Ffrances's enjoyment coupled with Tess's excitement to find out how the story ended would make it worthwhile. She didn't know how Spike would fit into that scenario; whether he would want to be Daddy again, and if Gabby would be willing to share her little girl. But that was a bridge they could cross when they came to it.
"Maybe," she said diplomatically. "Thank you. I promise, I'll do everything I can to make it easier for you."
"Save your gratitude for after we ask Ffrances," Gabby said. "I don't think she'll be as flexible as me. Now, come on. I'll take you home, and you can tell me what you think of my outfit for tomorrow. And it's been a long week, so maybe we can see if you feel up to being a little girl, so you can relax a little.
Tess just nodded. She wasn't sure what else there was to say.
Author's Note: Anybody surprised that Gabby agreed so easily? Or do you think she's got an ulterior motive? I'd be interested to know what everybody thinks, while it will be a few chapters until the other book catches up with this point in the story.