Chapter 17
Repeat Offenders & Momentary Forgetfulness
A/N - Special thanks to Stephanie for the beautiful banner to the side!
Flynn and I ended up staying that way for hours.
There wasn’t so much talking anymore, but more just the physical aspect of us being there for one another. It was nice to know that someone was there to watch over you, even when you thought you had no one left. A part of me, a part I wish I could ignore, was still burning with the warmth from our proximity and his hidden kindness.
Maybe it was the fact that Flynn was trying so hard, all along, to save me without my knowing it. If I had known the story of baby sister sooner I probably would have grasped onto it. Now my view of him was just frazzled and distorted as the first time he walked into English class with that annoying way about him that everyone loved. I wasn’t sure whether I actually wanted to ignore the feelings I had for him anymore. I spent so many months pretending like I could give less of a crap who Flynn was and what he was about. Days were wasted taking my anger out on him and arguing every minute of the day.
But ever since he told me exactly why he stuck around for so long, I couldn’t help the feeling that welled up in my heart and head that maybe he actually felt something for me too. Surely the times in my closet and in his kitchen had to have meant something to him. Kisses like those don’t just happen out of the blue. Then the nagging voice of my conscience would explain to me that if he really had felt something for me, Olivia still wouldn’t be in the picture.
Perfect, little Olivia.
Sometime that night we ended up back at Flynn’s house. His parents were already off to bed, knowing that Flynn spent nights at the cemetery for months now. He’d told me that when he couldn’t sleep at night, he’d sneak into the gravesites and just talk to her until the sun came up. He’d tell her about how much he missed her, the things she was missing out on, his days, his secrets…and how sorry he was that he couldn’t stop the man who hurt her.
Apparently the boy, whose name he couldn’t bear to let roll off of his tongue, was spending a lifetime in prison. He had turned himself in the night after he left Flynn’s baby sister in a parking lot somewhere and claimed he was the culprit. According to Flynn, the man was belligerently drunk and smelling of some type of substance when he managed to get himself to the police station the night of the incident. He didn’t fight the charges, claimed he was guilty right on the spot, and was now serving sixty-five years to life to somehow make up for the death of such a young girl, far too young to be missing out on life this early.
I felt like the cemetery was all it took, one look at Macy’s grave, and the stitches had been ripped from his otherwise sealed lips. He told me everything there was to know when it came to Macy. I spent most of the night comforting him with gestures I was so new to, those I felt would help him like my mother helped me. I tried to ignore the buzz that ran through my veins when we were so close to one another, trying to bypass the shivers and tingles running throughout me. For now, what I wanted or felt didn’t matter.
It was Flynn’s time now.
“You want anything to drink?” he asked, jolting me from my thoughts to face him.
“No, I’m okay,” I murmured, my voice so soft I almost thought he didn’t hear it. I was scared to wake his parents, and frankly a little nervous to be sitting in his house at three in the morning when most of the world was fast asleep.
He nodded his head in acknowledgment and grabbed himself a bottle of water, heading to the living room. He was acting a bit odd on the way home from the talk we had. The whole time, he wasn’t really making eye contact with me nor checking to see if I had maybe fallen behind on the walk home. It was almost like he felt awkward for telling me all of those things about himself. I wasn’t sure if I should be worrying that our new found bond was on the cusps of being destroyed yet again, or not.
I managed to follow him outside, to the backyard porch, to a set of deck chairs. The metal of the armrests were cold against my covered arms and I suddenly found myself shivering from the weather I hadn’t noticed before. Too wrapped up in Flynn’s confessions, I hadn’t realized how much the temperature dropped since we ended up at the cemetery after school. He noticed me shivering and raised his eyebrows.
“Cold?” was all he said. His voice was clipped and almost sounded annoyed.
I only shook my head, scared that if I said too much he’d be even more annoyed. I didn’t know I was suddenly acting like some love-struck kid who didn’t have a backbone. Usually if I noticed Flynn was starting to act up, I’d just let him have or shut the door in his face. Now, I was too afraid to lose the first person I managed to open up to. I felt important for once in my life…needed even. But as much as I didn’t want to ruin what we just accomplished over the past few hours, my mouth wouldn’t shut up.
“Why are you acting all closed off all of the sudden?” I asked, my soft voice sounding so prominent in the quiet wind. The only light bouncing off of his face was from the moon above and the neighbor’s flood lights flickering on and off. It was hard to see how his face reacted.
But when he spoke, it wasn’t hard to tell how he was feeling. “What are you talking about?” he scoffed, the water bottle making crackling noises as he sipped.
“Ever since we got back…you’re not really talking,” I murmured again, my eyes falling down to my hands in my lap. I couldn’t take it if I pissed another person off so much to hate me like before, again. I just wanted this conversation to be settled, for Flynn to finally stop being some closed off jerk, and for me to feel comfortable once again.
“God Willow, do you have to analyze every, little thing?” he sighed heavily, his voice terse and harsh all at once.
He sounded almost like Frank then, and I could practically feel the sting in my heart at his words. It was the same aggravation and annoyance that Frank’s voice always held when we fought. It was like he was always disappointed in me for even existing. I tried not to let it show how much it hurt, those words he said and how they came across, and took in a deep breath. I just needed to get myself home before I broke down, that was all. The confinements of my bedroom and my covers were all I needed. I could make it home.
“I think I should go,” I whispered, trying so hard to keep that hurt shoved deep down in my throat.
I bunched the ends of my sleeves beneath my clenched fists, willing myself to make it home without crying in front of him. It was just next door, a hop over the backyard fence if needed. I could hold it all in until I got to my bedroom. Two minutes flat if I picked up my speed while I walked. I just didn’t think I could take Flynn seeing my break down again. By doing so, I was destroying the walls I took so long to build, showing him that weaker side that I wished I never had.
By now, I was down the porch steps and walking along the fence, my lips sealed and my tears just begging to be released. “Shit,” I heard his voice beneath the crickets’ murmurs and the wind picking up. I kept walking, all the while hearing his shoes slap against the wood of the deck and thumping on the ground behind me.
“Willow, stop,” he urged, picking up the pace. “Willow!” he called softly, pulling at my arm.
I took in another deep breath, silently praying that my tears would stay intact and my barrier wasn’t broken. What the hell did he want now? I left, which he made pretty clear he wanted. He pushed me against the fence I walked along, trapping me beneath his arms. I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed, forget that whatever happened between Flynn and me occurred, and drown out the world for a little while.
He always had to make things so hard.
“Willow, come on,” he urged again while I struggled beneath his towering figure. “Stop!”
“You wanted me to leave, so I’m leaving! Let me go,” I pushed against him, trying my hardest to break free from his grip. He still had one hand on my arm and another trapping me between him and the fence.
“I never said that!” he pushed back.
“You made it pretty damn clear that I wasn’t wanted anymore. So I’ll be leaving now,” I pushed against his chest again, looking longingly at the view of my house and bedroom window. I was tired of dealing with his mood swings and overreactions.
One second he was treating me like his world revolved around me, always checking up on me and trying to protect me. The next minute he was yelling at me or talking down to me like I was some sort of child. I was done with the constant head games and misleading promises, the fights and the make-ups that only lasted a few days.
So I tried my hardest to push him away again, putting all the strength I had left in getting the hell away from this mess of feelings I couldn’t deal with anymore. My heart was far too fragile and ready to rip at the seams. Dealing with this catastrophe of a friendship….relationship…whatever this was, was too much for me.
“Willow, stop! Willow,” he said agitatedly. Then, before I realized what was happening, his hand was at my cheek, pushing me to face him, as he planted his lips on mine.
I couldn’t breathe.
His warm lips were playing against mine, seeming to be moving in perfect time with one another. It was like my lips had a mind of their own. It didn’t matter how much Flynn pissed me off or confused me. It didn’t matter how hurt and torn apart my heart was. All I could focus on was Flynn’s lips on mine. I relished in the way his fingers curled around the curve of my neck and up against my cheek again. His hand that was once holding my arm was now around my waist, pulling me as close to him as he could manage. I let out something of a whimper as his fingers imprinted against my skin, not seeming to get enough of him.
My hands pulled at his jacket, pulling him closer than I ever thought possible. One hand ran its way up to his hair and through those gorgeous locks, causing him to moan into my mouth when I pulled just slightly. I could feel my stomach doing flips and my heart going in a frenzy as we kissed, never once letting the other run away. Even when he did pull away to lean his forehead against mine, I still couldn’t manage to find my breath.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you…” he said softly, just a ghost whisper away from my lips.
But the most gut-wrenching, tortured voice fell around us, making me realize that the world was a much bigger place than Flynn and I. More problems we had momentarily forgotten had dug themselves to the surface, showing me that it wasn’t just about us anymore.
“Flynn,” her voice cried softly.