"Sometimes you have to lose yourself to discover who you might yet be. Sometimes what feels like breaking down is really just you breaking free."
Thandeka Ndaba
_______
Things were tense. Not because of me but because of what his father told him. I didn't know how to comfort him when I didn't know how it felt to find out that the mother you thought was your biological mother, isn't. All I could do was be by his side. In the middle of the night, I heard him in the bathroom. Crying. It broke my heart.
I never thought I would hear him in such a vulnerable position. We were going back to KwaNdaba in a few days and I just wanted him to heal and be back to my Phelo.
The door opened and he came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He looked exhausted, and it was just morning. I put down the book I was reading and patted the other end of the bed. "Come back to bed, Phelo. You're still tired. You need to rest if you're going to be making sound decisions."
"I don't need to rest." He walked to the closet and I got out and followed him.
"I really can't ever understand how you're feeling but baby, you need to deal with this. And you won't be able to if you're not giving yourself time to rest and take a step back from reality." I hugged him around the waist from behind. "Please come back to bed."
. . .
We woke up a few hours later. He looked better but because of the lack of sleep in the last week, it would take time before he became his good old self. We were going back to the Khoza Kingdom. He looked sure with himself that he was ready to talk to them. I know someone he really wanted to get to know was his mother.
She was innocent in all of this. Although, I believe that she should have tried harder, I can't really blame her. I was not her and I will never understand how she felt. Maybe during the time, it was much more intense than the summarized version of events that we were given.
I was texting Amukelani as he drove.
how did your trip go?
-Me
Hektik!
-Amu
I don't even want to go back and face her. She disgusts me.
-Amu
When you're ready to talk I'm here. Things are bad on my side too but we'll be okay. We all will <3
-Me
Thanks. I know Siya is here with me but things have just been hard for me to actually speak to him. I feel bad, he's really trying.
-Amu
Siya was probably the guy she told me about.
Please accept support given. It's good to be with people who care about you when you're feeling negative emotions.
-Me
Mental health was important. I may have not known in detail what she was going through but it's good that she doesn't let it affect her too much. She should focus on the dealing and healing process. The person who hurt you is the one who deserves to suffer, not you.
"Who are you talking to?" Qophelo nonchalantly asked, glancing at me for a second.
"That time I brought you food, I met a girl in line. She's so sweet and gorgeous. We had quite a few things in common so we exchanged numbers and have been talking since. They're still in the guesthouse if you want to meet them?"
"Them?" He turned right, into the roads of Khoza Kingdom.
"Yeah, she's there with a friend of hers."
"Mhm," he hummed, " does your friend have a name?"
I stared at him. "Yes she does, Qophelo." I contemplated on saying her name and if it would trigger his trauma about his sister. "Do you get triggered by names?"
His brows raised then furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what if someone hurt you deeply, or news about that someone hurt you deeply, would hearing their name all the time, trigger you?"
"Princess," he glanced at me, "why are you asking me this?"
I sighed, "the friend I met. Her name is Amukelani." I tried to read his expression but he gave me nothing.
He sucked his teeth. "At least you've got someone to talk to you. Is she nice?"
I was not convinced but I went on with it for the sake of us moving on. "She is. She doesn't look like a village girl though."
He chuckled. "What does a village girl look like?"
I joined in, smiling. "There's not much but I'm sure house can tell when someone didn't grow up here. Maybe when she was younger, but then she moved. She told me she came here to deal with some family issues."
My phone vibrated.
Of course I will. Support is exactly what I need now. I'm just ready for my things to work out. It feels like my life is stagnant – has been stagnant – for a while now.
-Amu
I promise things will go well from here.
-Me
Are you from here?
-Me
I lived here when I was younger. I moved and just came back. Not permanently though.
-Amu
You know, places like this are good for de-stressing. After dealing with what you came here for, try staying for leisure. Until you're fine. Maybe we can set up a meet up instead of bumping into each other : D
-Me
That's actually a great idea! I'd love for us to meet! Siya and I are going to stay at KwaNdaba for a while so we can meet there?
-Amu
No ways! :D
-Me
What!?
-Amu
I live KwaNdaba! I'm actually the princess of KwaNdaba but what matters is I live there
-Me
You're kidding me right?
-Amu
I laughed.
Nope
-Me
Damn your highness!
-Amu
I laughed harder.
Lol
-Me
Bitch don't
-Me
So the guy you told me about... is he a Prince?
-Amu
Yes, but it's so complicated.
-Me
Well?
-Amu
Uncomplicate it.
-Amu
It's really a long story. I just found out recently. But just to shorten it, he's the prince of KwaKhumalo. It's just that now KwaKhumalo is struggling so it has lost it worth in wealth.
-Me
She didn't reply...
. . .
We settled in the same place we sat. The woman looked like she had been crying. The distance between them showed that things were a bit rocky. Qophelo was not really giving away anything either. He was not going easy on them. The father looked like he was in shame but hopeful. He looked to genuinely want a relationship with Qophelo but was just afraid that it wouldn't happen. From what I've heard so far, and what Qophelo has told me, it did seem like it was going to take a really long time before he was forgiven.
The mom was safe.
"Thank you for coming back, my son." She spoke. Mandisa was a really beautiful woman. Her voluptuous body fit her. I couldn't imagine her being any other way. She looked like a calm and reasonable person. She looked like a proper and confident leader, a Queen. I envy her.
I had lost my chance to live out my dream. A dream to lead my people. A dream to bring change. But I guess it was just that: a dream.
"I thought about everything. I have not forgiven you baba but I want to know you better, ma. It makes me feel better to know that Ayanda is not my real mother. I grew up believing that a mother could do that to a child that is theirs."
Mandisa broke down, probably the burden of carrying guilt for a long time now, dissipating. It did look like she harbored a lot of feelings of self-hatred and guilt ever since she found out about this. She stood and met Qophelo halfway for a hug. Qophelo shed tears too as he embraced his mother. He fucking deserved this.
When they pulled out of the hug, Qophelo looked down at me, giving me his hand. I grabbed it and also stood up. "Ma, this is Thandeka. She's the love of my life." My cheeks heated up as Mandisa's eyes shifted to me a smile and a curious look in her eyes.
"How are you, my darling?"
"I'm good, ma. How are you?" I spoke softly.
"I'm good. I'm happy to see that my son actually did find happiness somewhere. If you're the one who's been keeping him happy, then I have no issues with your union." She said, looking up at Qophelo.
His father cleared his throat, "Isn't she already married?"
I looked down.
"Sizwe." Mandisa warned.
"Sorry." He looked like a child being scolded.
"Qophelo, I do not care about whatever is going on between you. I'm just happy to have you in my life. I would like us to get to know each other."
"I would love that." Qophelo said, taking a seat. I joined him. "There's something else, I want to speak to uGogo. We never really concluded that." Mandisa looked at Sizwe.
"I will show you where she's buried. What exactly did she tell you?"
"She told me to fight and take back what's mine." Qophelo said. His father and mother both looked at each other.
"We need to speak with the Maine."
"The Maine?"
"Yes. A traditional healer will better interpret what my mother was saying. I will still show you where she's buried but it's better we visit the Maine to get the answers you need." His father said.
Qophelo nodded, "can we go now?"
"Definitely, follow me."
_______
Third Omniscient Point Of View
Amukelani was frozen. Unless things had changed that much then Thandeka was definitely talking about her brother. She felt it inside. It had to be him. She felt like bursting into tears but she held it inside. She could not break down until she saw him. Siya was worried about her zoning in and out during their morning walks. She was even almost hit by someone's car. They were on the way back from a peaceful drive.
"Amu," she looked at him, coming out of her thoughts. "I'm worried about you. Why don't you want to talk to me?"
She exhaled, she should stop shutting him out. "I think I found my brother." The car swayed. "Siyabonga!"
"Sorry sorry, you what? You found Qophelo?"
"Yes I was speaking to Tha- wait wait... wait, you know him? You fucking knew?" Her voice raised as she looked at him. Different emotions hit her all at once but the strongest one was a deep feeling of betrayal.
Siya knew he fucked up. "I can explain, Amu. I was going to tell you but there were a lot of things going on at once. It slipped my mind-"
She was in disbelief. "It slipped your mind? Siya... I... it slipped your mind? I haven't seen my brother for sixteen fucking years and it slipped your mind?"
"Amu, please-"
"No, Siya! No! You don't get to explain. Does he know that you know me? That you found me?"
"N-no, b-but I swear, Amu, I was going-"
"Just shut up!" She covered her ears and closed her eyes, clenching them as tears rolled down her face. "Shut up! Shut up! I don't want to hear anything from you! You fucking disgust me!"
"Please don't speak like that."
"You know what, stop the fucking car and voetsek!" Siya stopped the car on the side of the road, his hands shaking.
"It's not safe-"
She started violently pushing him out even when the door was closed. He opened the door and got out. She jumped into the driver seat, closed the door and drove off. Not sparing him a look. Her eyes were blurry and full of tears, she was lucky the road was empty. So much for a peaceful drive.
So much for fucking support!
"God, all men are just fucking trash! They're all the same! Why do they always find some way to hurt me? What have I done to upset them?" She wiped angry tears, hiccups leaving her mouth as she sobbed.
"I hate him. I hate all of them." She sniffed...
_______
Excuse errors guys pls♡