"Thank you for the dinner, Tita... Tito."
Justin said as we prepare to leave. Hinatid kami ni Mom sa main door.
Justin and Dad had a quick wine after dinner in the garden. But my dad had an urgent online meeting so they had to cut it off. Hindi na rin siya nakasama dito sa baba para ihatid pa si Justin. They just bid goodbye to each other after drinking.
"You're always welcome, Hijo. So..." Mom looked at me. "Where the two of headed?" She asked.
Justin told me to hang out with him after dinner. It was our plan the day I invited him for my birthday dinner. I changed my clothes to something casual just to fit his. I don't know where we will go so I just assume Justin had one in mind.
"We'll have a few drinks with friends to celebrate her birthday on my cousin's pub. They want to celebrate with us and I also think Ven will love it. Would that be okay?"
"Yes ofcourse. I'll let her dad know. Just take care of her and make sure she will get home safe and sound. Isa pa, I don't trust her alcohol tolerance. Kaka eighteen niyo pa lang. You guys should drink moderately."
Tumango si Justin bilang pagsang-ayon.
Bumeso kami kay Mom at sumakay na sa sasakyan ni Justin. I open the car window to bid mom goodbye.
"Drive safely!" that's the last thing I heard before we left.
Tahimik lang si Justin habang nagmamaneho gamit ang isa niyang kamay. And I think it may go for a while kapag hindi pa ako nagsalita. Hindi pa naman malapit dito ang pub na tinutukoy niya. I need to break the silence.
"I'm sorry if dad decides so fast about the things we should not deal with yet." I said. Naisip ko na kasi na baka talagang nabigla siya sa sinabi ni dad at tulad ko ay hindi rin iyon komportable.
Justin and I are not together in a romantic relationship yet so it made things more complicated. Jumping into a misunderstanding relationship to engagement is no joke. It is our future they are talking about. At kahit pa gusto ko si Justin, I am not ready for that either.
They should let the things between Justin and I go smoothly. Hindi iyong pilit o pinilit lang nila.
Tumikhim si Justin na tila nag iisip kung ano ang sasabihin. Pareho lamang kaming naghahanap ng salita na kung saan hindi masasaktan ang damdamin ng isa't isa.
"It's fine to talk about it because I kinda expecting it either. But..." he glanced at me and go back his focus on the road. "I'm not okay with whatever they have decided already."
"I know...it's too early for that. I will just suggest that I am not ready for it and I have more things to achieve before settling down."
"They'll ignore that excuse Ven. You know that." He said and in my mind, I couldn't agree more.
They will just say that it's just an engagement not marriage. And we can still achieve and do our own thing while being engaged.
Alam ko na ang isasagot nila pero pinaniniwala ko pa rin ang sarili ko na tatanggapin nila ang kung ano mang sasabihin ko o ni Justin. Mainly because everything's worth a try, right?
I can make up other excuses and if they can see that I am not really ready maybe they will believe and listen. My dad loves me. Kahit ganoon ang ugali niya, alam ko namang ginagawa niya lang ito dahil alam niyang gusto ko si Justin. Maybe, I can still convince him.
"I'll try to talk to dad more about it. Erase that in mind for now. Please, don't bother." Wala akong maisip kundi ang tapusin ang usapan tungkol doon.
Justin's feeling is what I think about the most. We are good friends and have a good relationship with each other ever since. At ayokong lumayo pa lalo ang loob niya dahil sa mga ganitong bagay lalo na't bahagya na nga niyang mapansin ang nararamdaman ko.
We talked about other things on our way to pub. We catch up on things dahil halos dalawang linggo din kaming hindi nagkita. He's busy on his ball practice while I was busy on the preparation for my debut celebration.
It was about 10:30 when we arrived at the pub. Dito kami madalas pumunta with our friends dahil ito ang midpoint kung saan kami lahat nakatira. The pub is not on the city but many people goes here since this pub has a great city view at night and the ambiance is overwhelming. I can agree that Justin's cousin who's the owner of this pub has a taste in interior designing. The whole pub is instagrammable.
"Happy Birthday, Venisa!" I smile widen when everyone greeted me with a surprise. They made me blow a candle on a cake. Someone pop the champagne to start the celebration.
"Thank you guys!" I said.
Brianna, my closest girlfriend of all, made me wear a crown and a sash with a birthday girl glitter lettering on it. They always made me feel special. I felt like a beauty queen who had just won a pageant when in fact it's just my birthday.
"Happy 18th birthday, Miss Ma'am. Welcome to young adulthood and goodbye to 'you're not allowed co'z you're a minor' phase." Brianna said as she let me sit with her.
Justin sat beside our other male friends who give us a glass of champagne.
"You guys are overacting. But thank you."
"Overacting who. Wala pa nga ito sa grand debut na binabalak mo. Sino ngayon ang overacting. Besides, ang bunso namin ay sa wakas nag-eighteen na. We should celebrate. Hindi na kami mahihirapan isama ka sa night out. You're an adult already."
Brianna of all of my girlfriends has the highest energy. You tell to how talkative she is with her full packed red lipstick she always on. She's the one with a mole near her lips that make her attractive.
"I didn't feel much difference. But I guess we'll just see. Hi girls!"
"Brianna's right. Maisasama kana namin with other gala. Do we need to be happy na hindi na namin kailangan si Justin para lang maisama ka? Hahaha!" It's Joan. The one with the brown shoulder length hair.
"Yeah, kapag girls duda pa din si Tito Rico." She's talking about my dad. "Pero kapag si Justin ang idinahilan mong kasama mo, payag agad sila without much question. You don't know how we're so jealous of that guy right there!" And this is Gia. The one with the glasses. Her sight are blur without it but that doesn't make her a nerd. Even with glasses on, she can fight with her fashionista outfit. And I like her taste with comes to that. Fashion is everything.
"You know we can hear you girls, right? We're just right in front of you." Gio said. Napatawa lang si Justin sa isang tabi.
Kung gaano kalapit sa isa't isa ang pangalan nila ni Gia. Ganoon din naman sila kalayo dahil lagi silang magkaaway. They're like cat and dog everytime they met. But it's just because they like each other, they're pride are just too high to admit it.
"Did I say capital G-I-O? Hindi diba? I said, Justin. As in J to the U-S-T-I-N ! Tss." Inirapan niya si Gio.
Gio just mocked how she reacted in which Gia get more annoyed. We like see them fighting. Pakiramdam kasi namin, ganoon sila maglambing sa isa't isa.
"Stop fighting. This isn't your party guys. It's Ven's. Okay? Let's just give a toast for Ven as she turn eighteen tonight." The calmest guy on the squad is Yexel. Siya ang laging taga awat sa dalawa. He's just as tall as Justin but more a bit of a masculine. He's also a girl magnet on the campus dahil hindi lang siya matipuno kundi matalino din.
Well lahat naman kami dean's lister sa campus. But this guy Yexel? He's a president's lister just like Justin and a student council president.
He is every girl's type but not me. Justin is my only type.
"Happy birthday Ven..." Justin raise a toast. Sumunod na ang iba at huli ay ako.
"To my birthday!"
We toast and drink the whole night. Sinulit namin ang gabi ng birthday ko hanggang sa matapos ang aking kaarawan. We dance, sing and party the whole time.
And when midnight comes, halos lahat kami ay chill na lamang na nag-iinom. Halos hiwalay na rin ang kwentuhan ng guys sa girls dahil kanina pa kaming magkakasamang magkukulitan.
The guys are talking about the upcoming sportsfest. While we, girls, are talking about me and Justin.
"So, tell us Ven. How are you and Justin going on?" Joan asked. I swear Justin and the guys cannot hear us because of the music. Dahil na rin busy sila sa kanilang usapan.
"Yeah, You told us na you had a family dinner. And Justin, of course, is invited." said Gia.
Brianna is just listening to us while having cake like usual. She loves eating so much kahit hindi naman siya nananaba. Ngumiti lamang siya sakin ng malaki nang tumingin ako sa kanya. She's cute as always.
"Well..." I'm thinking if I should tell them about the engagement but since they're my friends, I guess it is okay. Besides, there's no one I can talk to. I cannot talk with Justin about it because he'll feel uncomfortable just like a while ago in the dinner. "Our parents are thinking of announcing our engagement on my debut."
The girls looks shocked but later on smile at that thought.
"It wasn't official yet and will definitely not gonna happen. Hindi pa ako ready." I told them and that made their smile fades.
Gia looked at me then Justin. "You're not ready? Or baka siya." Nginuso niya si Justin na busy sa pakikipag usap. "Baka siya ang hindi ready."
The atmosphere gets serious of what she said. Now, I cannot hide my bitterness. Iyon din ang nasa isip ko. But I keep on fooling myself that it was me who wasn't ready. When in fact, it was Justin who can't, after all these years, commit.
"Yeah, maybe that. Hay nako, Ewan ko ba diyan kay Justin. You are there almost his life. Taking care of him, doing him favors and supporting him. Pero hindi pa rin niya gawin kayong official. And to be honest ha Ven, I hate him for acting in campus like you're his girlfriend and a friend kapag kayo nalang dalawa or kapag tayo tayo nalang ang magkakasama." Napainom si Joan ng tequila sa sinabi niya. She gave me a shot and I drink it bottoms up.
What I like about them is that, I can open up things my mind is a mess to ever think about alone. Without judging me. They are always the one who understand me. Plus, they are too loyal to talk about it to other people kahit hindi kami makakasama araw araw. They're my loyal friends I can run into when I have no one beside me. Lalo na si Brianna.
"Hey, girls. It's her night. Pwede bang wag niyo siyang istressin? Ven and Justin are just taking all things go smoothly. How can you ever be happy if relationship you wanted so bad was pushed to you. Paano siya magiging masaya kung mamahalin lang siya ni Justin just because he had to, dahil engage na sila? My god! Think about it." Brianna tapped my shoulder and chin up my face.
"You straight that back!" sabi niya sa akin. She's telling me to be proud and confident. "Ngayon ka pa ba magdududa na hindi ka niya gusto? He never tell you that he doesn't want to be engage with you, does he?" She asked.
I nod and she eyed Joan and Gia like telling them she's right.
"See? Hindi siya ready. And I won't believe if you tell me you are. Diba, you told us na gusto mo maging kayo muna? Edi hindi pa nga kayo ready. And who wants to talk about marriage at the age of 18? Who does that? Uso pa ba yun, arrange relationship? That sounds awful! Ew. Kahit ako ang lalaki, I won't agree and be ready for that. Gusto ko kusa kong gagawin iyon. C'mon!"
"Yeah, right..." Joan said. Tumango naman si Gia bilang pagsang ayon rin. Ganoon din ako.
Brianna maybe the talkative of all of us but she made sense the most. Mas malawak siyang mag-isip at umintindi. Hindi lang siya nagsasalita dahil kaibigan niya ako at sang-ayon siya sa akin kung hindi dahil iyon ang totoo. At kahit masaktan man ako sa sasabihin niya, hindi siya mag dadalawang isip na ulitin iyon kung ayon naman ang salitang kailangan kong marinig dahil iyon ang tama.
Nakiinom na rin si Brianna at tinigilan na ang pagkain ng cake. We got more shot until we started to feel the effect of alcohol on our bodies. We laughed on the topic we talked about like what are the things they wanted me to try as someone who just passed the minor phase. And believe me, lahat iyon ay kalokohan. Halos sumakit na ang tiyan ko kakatawa sa mga kagagagahan na naiisip nilang ipagawa sa akin.
Maya maya ay sumali na rin ang boys nang marinig nilang nagtatawanan na kami. We shared a lot more kalokohan talking until the time reaches three in the morning and we need to go home. Ayaw namin abutin kami dito nang liwanag dahil may pasok pa kami mamaya.
I'm lucky that the guys we are friends with have a high alcohol tolerance. They still manage to drive us home safely.
Yexel get Brianna and Joan home. Gio takes, his frienemy, Gia. And Justin and I still together, going home.
"You're good?" Justin asked as he open the passenger seats door where I'm sitting. Nakatungo siya sa akin habang nakahawak sa bubong ng kotse niya. Nakasandal na ako dahil I feel dizzy. I shouldn't drank tequila a lot more what I can take. Halos hindi na tuloy ako makatayo ng ayos.
"Y-Yeah...I can still manage. Just give me a minute."
"You don't look like you can."
"Says who?" I proudly said. I look at him. "Excuse me..." He gave me a way and let me out of his car. He offer a hand and I try not to take it but he insisted anyway. He helped me stand because I might trip of the heels I'm wearing.
"Should I walk you inside?"
"No, I'm good. You can go. Mas mauuna ang class mo bukas. You better get some sleep."
"Sure?"
I nod and stand straight. "I'm sure. Thanks for tonight."
"Yeah anything."
Tumalikod na ako at papasok na sana. I badly want to go to bed right now. Parang babagsak na ang mata ko anytime soon.
"Ven..."
Justin called. Tumingin ako sa kanya muli at nakita siyang nakasandal sa kanyang sasakyan.
"It wasn't because I don't want it. I'm just..."
"Just what?" If I'm sober enough? I don't think I can asked him this way. I'm only proud when I'm drunk. I can't even hold an eye contact with him when I'm sober. Dala lang ito nang alak.
"I'm just not ready for it yet. You too right?"
No...I'm always ready for you. You numb.
I badly want to tell him that. But I'm not brave enough to do so. After all, it was his feelings is what the important the most for me as always. Iyong nararamdaman niya muna bago iyong akin.
I slowly nod my head to agree.
"Yeah! Who's ready for that right?! Don't worry. I got this!"
I assure him and starting to think of what will I do to made the engagement stop. Just to satisfy his happiness. I don't want to pressure him on the things between us.
"I appreciate it. Happy birthday..."
He walked to me and slowly give me a peck of kiss on cheeks again like he always does. I'm starting to think that it's his favorite thing to do with me. But it always a friendly cheeks kiss, never the lips.
He can really made me feel inlove and rejected in his own little way.
"Goodnight, birthday girl." Hindi na ako nakaalis sa kinatatayuan ko hanggang sa makaalis siya.
I held my right cheek that he kissed.
What will I do to make him kiss me on the lips instead in here? What will I do for him to love me and be ready for me?
"Just when, Justin?"