Isa raw sa patakaran ng EL Ordre na magpanggap na hindi namin kilala ang bawat myembro sa labas ng organisasyon. Kapag daw kasi may nagtanong kung paano namin nakilala ang isa't isa, syempre hindi raw namin pwedeng ipaalam ang tungkol sa EL Ordre. We must pretend we don't know each other, unless introduced in a normal way.
I think I would have a hard time doing that. Hindi ko siguro maitatago ang excitement ko kapag nakita ko ang ibang mga myembro sa labas. I'll be thrilled and excited if I met them coincidentally outside the organization.
Ah... What should I do? Should I practice? Should I train myself to just ignore them when that happens?
Feeling ko talaga mahihirapan ako. Ngayon pa nga lang na opisyal na akong kasali sa EL Ordre, gusto ko na kaagad kaibiganin ang lahat.
Sadly, I can't do that.
Will I be able to befriend them if we're in a normal situation? Gusto ko silang maging Kuya lahat. Ang aastig nila, eh.
I checked myself in front of the mirror and put on my necktie. I was about to do my hair so I looked for the hair wax pero hindi ko iyon nakita sa ibabaw ng desk drawer kung saan ko iyon madalas na inilalagay. I looked for it, halos tanggalin ko na ang mga gamit sa ibabaw ng desk cabinet dahil baka natabunan lang. But it was nowhere to be found.
I frowned. Kahapon lang ginamit ko pa 'yon, ah?
I looked at the digital clock on top of my study table. I still have enough time to look for my hair wax. Ayokong hindi nakaayos ang buhok ko kapag pumapasok o umaalis man. Nakabagsak lang kasi 'yon, and I didn't like that style.
Naglinis kaya si Nanay Flor ng kwarto ko? But every time she cleans my room, hindi n'ya naman nilalagay sa iba ang hair wax ko. Alam n'ya kasing madalas ko 'yong ginagamit kaya hindi ko rin tinatago. She knew I always put it somewhere reachable.
Binuksan ko ang drawer with the hope that it was there. Natigilan ako nang makita kong nandoon nga ang hair wax. I was so sure that it wasn't me who put that in there.
Baka si Nanay Flor?
I sighed. I opened the container and put wax in my hair. Inayos ko iyon sa paraang gusto ko. Ang mga nakabagsak na buhok sa harapan ay pinagparte ko. I parted my bangs to the side, showing my forehead.
I checked myself in front of the mirror again and when I got contented with my looks, I took my bag. Isinukbit ko iyon sa mga balikat ko at lumabas na ng kwarto.
"Nanay Flor!" I called her as I jogged my way down the stairs.
I found her in the dining room, fixing the table for breakfast.
"James, hijo, ang aga mo naman?" she said as she put the plates on the table. "Aakyatin pa lang sana kita para gisingin—"
Napatigil si Nanay Flor nang tingnan ako. She looked surprised. Maya-maya ay nakitaan ko ng pagkalito ang mukha n'ya.
Ibinaba ko muna ang bag ko sa sofang nadaanan ko at umupo sa hapag.
"Nanay Flor, sa ibabaw po sana ng desk drawer n'yo ilagay 'yung hair wax ko po. Du'n ko po kasi 'yon laging nilalagay, eh," I said.
"Ha? Ah... Du'n ko naman nilalagay 'yon kapag naglilinis ako ng kwarto mo."
Napatigil ako sa pagkuha ng pagkain.
"Nakita ko pong nasa loob ng drawer, eh. Hindi naman po ako ang naglagay nu'n du'n."
Nanay Flor frowned. She looked even more confused. Then, she gave me an apologetic smile.
"Baka nakaligtaan ko lang," she said. "Pasensya ka na, hijo. Alam mo namang ako'y tumatanda na."
I smiled widely and shook my head at her.
"Ayos lang po! Sige na po. Kain na tayo."
Nagpatuloy ulit ako sa pagkuha ng pagkain at inilagay iyon sa plato ko. Si Nanay Flor ay umupo sa katapat kong upuan pero hindi naman gumalaw. I looked at her and found her staring at me.
"Bakit po?" I asked as I started to eat.
"Hindi mo sinabing may pasok ka ngayon, James..."
I frowned.
"May pasok naman po talaga 'ko every weekday."
"Oo nga... Pero kahit ngayon may pasok ka?"
Mas lalong napakunot ang noo ko.
"Opo... Friday po ngayon, eh."
Si Nanay Flor naman ngayon ang napakunot ang noo.
"Sabado ngayon, hijo..."
I was so confused as I stared at Nanay Flor. I was trying to see if she was joking or not. But she's not someone who would make fun of something like this.
"Po...? Pero Thursday lang po kahapon..."
Natawa na si Nanay Flor sa 'kin. Parang ako pa yata ang inaakala n'yang nagbibiro ngayon.
"Byernes kahapon, James. Pumasok ka pa nga, 'di ba? Sabado na ngayon." She laughed. "Nahahawa ka na rin yata sa 'kin ng pagiging malilimutin, hijo..."
I couldn't laugh. There was nothing to laugh at. I was just... confused. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari.
I was sure it was Thursday yesterday. Naaalala ko pa ang date at araw na nakasulat sa whiteboard sa classroom namin kahapon.
Thursday. I did the homework that was given to us on Wednesday. At kahapon nga, our adviser checked our homework.
Every Friday was supposed to be our physical education. I couldn't remember wearing my P.E. uniform that was in my locker yesterday. Dapat ay inuuwi ko pa nga 'yon para malabhan. Hindi ko rin maalala kung anong ginawa namin kahapon. Kung Friday nga ang araw kahapon.
Confused, I took out my phone that was inside the side pocket of my pants. Kahit na alam kong magagalit si Nanay Flor dahil ayaw n'yang gumagamit ng phone sa hapag, inilabas ko pa rin iyon. I checked the date today and got even more confused when I confirmed what day it is.
Saturday...
Natigilan ako. I just stared at my phone. At those letters one by one. At that word.
What's happening? Sira ba ang phone ko? Mali ba ang date and time?
But... It was automatically set by the network. Hindi ko iyon iniiba kahit kailan. So, I doubt that it was changed manually.
Then... Saturday talaga ngayon? At Friday kahapon?
But... I really couldn't remember anything that happened yesterday if it was really Friday. Imposible namang malimutan ko ang lahat ng ginawa ko kahapon. Lahat talaga nakalimutan ko?
Whoa... This is weird. I feel... scared too.
"Good morning."
Mabilis akong napatingin sa pinanggalingan ng sobrang pamilyar na boses na 'yon. I was surprised when I saw Kuya Hunter at the entrance of the dining room.
"Kuya!" Mabilis akong napatayo. Sa sobrang bilis ay halos matumba ang upuan sa rahas ng galaw ko.
But Kuya Hunter frowned as soon as he saw me. Nakakunot ang noo n'yang pinasadahan ang kabuuan ko.
"May pasok ka? Kahit Sabado?" he asked.
Bumaba rin tuloy ang tingin ko sa suot ko, suddenly wondering why I'm also wearing my uniform today.
"Iyon nga, Sir Chase, eh. Nanghinayang akong may pasok ang kapatid mo ngayon dahil alam ko nga'y bibisita ka," Nanay Flor said.
Mabilis akong umiling. Nataranta na baka umalis ulit si Kuya dahil may pasok ako.
"Hindi! Wala. Wala akong pasok ngayon."
I saw both Nanay Flor and Kuya Hunter frown at me.
"Eh, ba't ka naka-uniform?" my brother asked.
Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa. I was panicking deep inside while trying to think of an alibi because I was wearing a uniform today. Kahit na wala naman akong pasok.
I nervously chuckled.
"Ewan ko rin," ang nasabi ko na lang.
Kuya Hunter's frown deepened. Tinitigan n'ya ang mukha ko na mas lalo ko lang ikinataranta. I was afraid that he might see something in my face. Something even I wasn't aware of.
Maya-maya ay napabuntong-hininga na lang si Kuya na para bang sanay nang ganito ako.
"Magbihis ka na. Huwag mong pahirapan si Nanay Flor sa paglalaba ng uniform mo," he just said.
Mabilis naman akong tumango.
"Okay, sige."
Kinuha ko ang bag ko at umakyat na ulit ako sa kwarto. After I closed the door, I just remained standing. I suddenly didn't know what to do.
Lumakad ako papunta sa harap ng salamin. I stared at myself, at the one who was wearing the school uniform.
Does this mirror know what I did yesterday? Kahapon ba, humarap din kaya ako sa salamin?
Damn it... I don't know. I was so confused. This morning was just so confusing to me.
Anong nangyari? Bakit wala akong natatandaan sa nangyari kahapon? I don't even know that it was Friday yesterday.
Para bang nu'ng natulog ako nu'ng Huwebes, all of a sudden, paggising ko ay biglang Sabado na. Lumagpas bang isang araw nang ganoon na lang.
Then... was I the one who put the hair wax in the drawer?
I closed my eyes. Fuck... I really couldn't remember anything.
I looked at my bag. Kinuha ko iyon at binuksan. Ibang klaseng kaba ang naramdaman ko nang makita kung anong nasa loob noon.
It was my P.E. uniform.
I took it out. The top was white and had a logo print of our school. Kaya kitang-kita kung marumi iyon. I noticed the dirt that was on the shirt. Proof that it was used.
Hindi ko 'to ginamit. Tuwing Lunes ay dinadala ko na 'to sa school nang malinis at inuuwi ng Friday para muling malabhan. The fact that it was inside my bag, dirty and used, means that I really did use it yesterday.
Pero bakit wala akong matandaan? Ano'ng nangyari kahapon?
That was the only thing on my mind for the entire day. Kahit nang simulan akong i-train ulit ni Kuya ay hindi ako makapag-concentrate dahil doon. Hindi ko nagawang mailagan ang mga atake n'ya.
So, Kuya thought that I was not in the mood. Itinigil namin ang combat training at pinagpahinga na lang ako ni Kuya.
We just decided to watch a movie in the living room. Pero ako lang naman ang nanonood. Abala si Kuya sa computer n'ya at paminsan-minsan ay may tumatawag pa nga sa kanya.
I looked at his laptop that was on the coffee table as he talked to someone over the phone. Napatingin ako kay Kuya na bahagyang lumayo sa 'kin para kausapin ang sinumang tumawag. I looked at his laptop again. Sa tagal n'yang nakikipag-usap ay nag-lock na iyon.
Bumaba na ako sa carpeted na sahig at umupo sa harapan ng laptop. I opened it and tried to type in a password but it was still locked.
Of course, I knew Kuya Hunter added security. Hindi lang basta pag-type ng password magbubukas ang laptop n'ya.
Should I try?
That was just on my mind and suddenly, I just found myself trying to break Kuya Hunter's laptop security. Hindi matigil sa paggalaw ang mga daliri ko sa pag-type ng kung ano-ano. It only took a minute to open his laptop.
Rinig ko ang pagtawa sa isip ko.
Easy...
I didn't mean to invade Kuya's privacy. I just wanted to try opening his laptop, kung gaano kahirap ang security na nilagay n'ya.
Sure, it would be hard for some who didn't know how to hack, or maybe even those who knew. Pero naging madali iyon para sa 'kin.
There was a locked folder in his files. Syempre, sa sobrang kuryosidad ko, iyon agad ang binuksan ko. Just like earlier, I managed to open it easily.
Nakita kong nag-iisang photo lang ang laman ng folder. Curious as always, I looked at it.
My curiosity doubled when I saw that it was a photo of a beautiful girl. She was wearing a pink gown and she looked like a princess with a small tiara on her head. She looked like she was just about my age.
Based on the angle, it was a stolen shot. Kausap ng babae ang lalaking katabi n'ya na naka-tux and tie. I noticed that they almost had the same blue eyes.
Twins?
Pero sino 'tong babae? I was sure na sa kanya naka-focus ang camera, naisama lang ang lalaki dahil magkatabi ang dalawa.
"What the fuck are you doing, Grayson James?!"
Nataranta ako at basta na lang bumalik sa pagkakaupo sa sofang nasa likod ko nang marinig ang galit na boses ni Kuya. Mabilis na lumapit si Kuya sa laptop n'yang hindi ko na napatay at kinuha iyon. Kitang-kita n'ya kung anong ginagawa ko kanina.
Kuya Hunter stared at the screen. Nang tumingin sa 'kin ay halos malukot na ang mukha sa pagkakakunot.
Alanganin akong napangiti sa kanya.
"Girlfriend mo, Kuya?" I asked.
"What? No!" bulyaw n'ya at napapitlag ako sa lakas ng boses n'ya.
Weh... Guilty.
"Hindi? Eh, ano? Binasted ka?"
Kuya Hunter sighed frustratedly as he sat beside me.
"I didn't even court her."
Napakunot ang noo ko.
"Torpe ka pala, Kuya?"
Mabilis na napalingon sa 'kin si Kuya. Ang mga kilay ay nagsalubong na naman.
"I am not!" he denied.
Eh, bakit galit 'to? Guilty yata, eh.
He sighed.
"I'm still waiting for the right time," he mumbled but I managed to hear it.
I grimaced.
"I didn't know you're the romantic type."
Wala sa itsura ni Kuya! 'Di ba nga takot pa 'ko sa kanya? He's kind, I know. Mahaba ang pasensya n'ya na kahit anong kulit ko ay hindi nauubos. Kagaya ngayon. He was pissed but I know he wasn't angry at me.
Nahihiya lang yata dahil nakita ko 'yung picture ng babae sa laptop n'ya.
Hindi sumagot si Kuya Hunter at isinandal ang ulo sa headrest ng sofa bago pumikit. Hindi pa rin ako tumigil sa pagtatanong sa kanya.
"You love her?"
Lumingon sa 'kin si Kuya pero hindi pa rin inaalis ang ulo sa pagkakasandal sa headrest ng sofa. He opened his mouth to say something but chose not to speak in the end.
Maya-maya ay nakita ko ang pagsimangot n'ya. He even glared at me.
"Stop with the nonsense questions!" Umayos s'ya ng upo. "And how the hell did you manage to see Artemis' photo, huh?"
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napangiti.
"So, her name's Artemis?"
"What—" Kuya Hunter cursed when he realized what he did. "I'm asking you a question, Grayson James!"
Hindi ko na napigilang tumawa. Natataranta si Kuya pero tinatago n'ya lang kaya naggagalit-galitan.
"I just opened the file."
"What? It has a security lock!"
"I hacked it."
Nakita ko ang pagkagulat sa mukha ni Kuya. Hindi kaagad s'ya nakapagsalita. He looked at the laptop again, making sure that I really did open the photo of that girl. Mukhang hindi makapaniwala si Kuya nang muling tumingin s a'kin.
"It looks like there is nothing I needed to teach you anymore, huh..." he said.
Nawala ang ngiti ko. It was my turn to panic this time.
"This will be our last lesson, Gray..."
My fear doubled. Scared that I won't see him again.
"Saan... Saan ka pupunta?" natatakot kong tanong. It sounded like he was saying good bye.
No... Ayokong umalis ulit si Kuya. May palagay akong matagal na naman s'yang babalik.
"I'm going to get serious about finding the one who killed our parents."
"Tutulong ako, Kuya! Magaling na kong mang-hack, 'di ba? Tutulong ako!"
I wanted to be with him. If this was the only way we could spend time together, then I would do it.
I wanted to help him. I wanted to find those bastards too.
But Kuya Hunter shook his head.
"Let me do this, Gray... This is my responsibility. Mag-aral ka na lang ng mabuti."
He said those words with finality that he didn't give me any chance to contradict his decision. Alam kong magagalit s'ya kapag ginawa ko 'yon.
"Dadalaw ka pa rin ba?" I asked instead.
Kuya Hunter smiled at me. Ginulo n'ya ang buhok ko.
"Of course, Gray... You're my brother."
Hindi ko nakuhang maging masaya sa sinabi n'ya. Because I know, at that time and at that moment, the time we have together lessened again.
But I couldn't say anything. Ganoon naman palagi. Kapag nakapagdesisyon na si Kuya, wala na akong magagawa.
It feels like, for him, I was just a burden. Iyong kailangan n'yang dalaw-dalawin dahil magkadugo kami.
See? You're not even his priority.
I forced myself to smile.
"Okay, Kuya... Basta mag-iingat ka lagi."