Life went on as normal after Harry left but I didn't go on normally. I felt like a shell. I tried not to think about him but his memory would creep back in when I left myself stop.
I was thankful for finals and working on the last issue of the paper. Marc and George also needed me to digitize their old interview transcripts and photos that we kept in storage. I spent my days studying and presenting final projects and by night I was stuck in the back room of M&G Productions in front of a computer.
He never called or texted. I returned the favor and didn't either. I loved him but I was also stubborn and wasn't going to apologize for anything. Yes, I shouldn't have ran out on his mother or jumped to the whole strip club thing but I was upset and my emotions took control of my actions. Sure, I could tell him this but I wasn't going to let him win. But would he even answer if I tried to call him? The words of our fight would come rushing back to me and all I heard was that shrill, whiny voice of that stripper and wondered what she looked like and if Harry had slept with her that night. This was when I get angry and push it all from my head.
Laurie and I took all our books and bags to the NYU library and spread out literature and journalism technique books across 2 tables. We had our MacBooks out and sat on opposite sides of the table. Tomorrow was our last exam of our entire college career and I was forever grateful because I just wanted to just go back to Red Bank and sleep till forever.
"You ok?"
"Hmm..oh yea, sorry just daydreaming of my bed in Red Bank."
"Yea, I'll hold down the fort at home. You need to get out of the city for a while."
I was happy that Laurie and I signed another year lease on our apartment because I couldn't imagine moving on top of all this.
"You haven't heard anything have you?"
I shook my head. Laurie would ask every couple days but it was always the same answer.
"It's just so crazy. I mean he was the one who didn't call you and went to some skanky strip club and then blew up on you...it's ridiculous."
"Let's just study."
I didn't feel like talking about that. I just wanted to get this last exam done and get away from everything here. Seeing the places he and I went was like putting salt in my wounds. Sleeping at night was the worst. If I could take something to never have to dream, I would put it in an IV drip.
After another couple hours, Laurie packed her things up and looked over at me.
"Don't stay too much longer, ok? It's already late and we have to be up early."
"I won't. Just finishing last minute things for my presentation."
"Good, see you soon."
I gave her a small smile and looked back at my MacBook. I worked for another hour or so when my eyes got very heavy.
"Rowan, come, let me help you."
I looked up to see him and he was in all black. I smelled the wonderful sweet woodsy aroma of Harry. He was holding out his hand for me to grab it but I was stuck in some kind of black quicksand and couldn't reach him. I felt myself sinking and Harry was getting smaller and smaller. The sticky, black quicksand was getting closer to my neck and I couldn't breathe.
"ROWAN WAKE UP!!"
I woke up screaming with people surrounding me. I was also crying. The voice behind the wakeup call was from Molly, an underclassman sorority girl that was my partner last semester in Geology. She and the rest of the people in the library, including the staff now, were looking over at me with worried faces.
"I-I'm ok. I just to get some air quick."
"I'll come with you," Molly said behind me. I didn't argue with her, I didn't have the strength right now.
The spring air hit me and it was comforting. I still felt a chill run down my spine as I remembered the nightmare.
"You ok, Row? You were screaming."
"Y-yea... just a nightmare I failed all my finals."
"Oh, ok. I've had those and they suck."
We stood in silence for a couple seconds. I needed to get home and get some sleep. I did have an early morning. I went to motion for us to go back inside when she cut me off.
"So...is it true? You and Harry Styles? "
I halted in my step to go inside. It felt like the wind got knocked out of me. Laurie and I really haven't said his name out loud in days. I needed to quickly collect my thoughts and answer her.
"It's just some of my Sisters were asking about you the other day and bugging me to ask you about Harry...I told them I would ask you..."
"U-uh nothing actually, he came to my internship a couple times but that was it..."
"Oh, ok. Sorry, they just showed me these pictures and—"
"Look, I have to get up early tomorrow. Thanks for making sure I was ok."
I had to get out of there. I ran back up the stairs and grabbed my things. I walked half ran to my apartment. I pushed back the door and was happy to be in the quiet.
For the past few days, I had been strong. I ate three meals a day and got all my work done. I checked and double checked my final essays and did more cleaning than ever. I helped Marc and George and even quizzed Laurie again. I had finished the final layout for the paper and sent it to print. I had nothing left to do but let the nightmare and that conversation play in my head again and again. Some overbearing sorority sisters were the cause of the heat rushing to my face and my eyes brimming with tears.