Chapter 45: Haunted
Victoria Abbel's Point of View
Marco and Trevor bonded like they are real brothers. He even lets Marco played with him. Habang pinapanood ko silang dalawa sa kanilang ginagawa ay mukhang ang gaan na ng loob nila sa isa't isa.
Marco looked like he was enjoying playing PSP as Trevor patiently taught him how to play. While I'm making my case studies and playing with them from time to time. The three of us even watched on the Internet the live performance of Kalev and Marsh. I don't appreciate classical music, pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasan mamangha sa kanilang dalawa. They complete each other, maybe that's why their performance felt like there are falling petals in the background.
Trevor stayed in my flat more than necessary, umalis lang siya nang kailangan na niyang pumunta sa kanilang studio. He told me that he will have a concert in other country, so he gave me a full kiss on the lips before he left. I took care of Marco for days, hanggang sunduin na siya mismo ni Marsh sa akin. Taking care of Marco is not a hard work. Hindi naman siya ang tipong makulit na bata na kailangan pang bantayan. Besides, I enjoyed Marco's stay here in my place. Nakakamiss talaga ang maging bata, tipong walang inaalala.
Day passed like a blur, I don't even remember what happened yesterday. I am missing Trevor from time to time. Bakit naman kasi kailangan pa niyang umalis. Napasimangot na lang ako sa tuwing iniisip ko ang distansiya naming dalawa.
My days wasn't even that eventful— not until Marsh knocked on my door, crying heavily. Namamaga ang mata niya at namumutla ang mga labi. So basically, Marsh is hurting because of my cousin Kalev. Habang tinitingnan kong umiyak sa Marsh ay nararamdaman ko rin ang kirot na dinadala niya. She found out about Kalev's secret and it was hurting the both of them. Keeping a secret is a form of deception and a relationship can be damaged by lies. Ito ang nangyari sa kanilang dalawa. She doesn't want to be around him so, I offered my place for her to stay.
Bigla ko tuloy naalala si Trevor. If there's a secret that will ruin our relationship, then I don't think I can handle it. Kung sa akin ito mangyari, mukhang di ko rin alam ang gagawin. I don't want it to happen to me – to us because it will ruin me for sure. Now that I am thinking about Trevor, we haven't seen each other for a while. His job is so demanding that I can't even video call him now. But I don't have to worry, I know that he's coming tomorrow.
When I made sure that Marsh is comfortable in the room, iniwan ko muna siya magisa at pumasok sa sarili kong kwarto. I texted Trevor updating him on everything that happened today, I just didn't expect that he will call me immediately.
"Hi there!" Masiglang bati ko sa kanya sa kabilang linya. I heard faint noises coming from his background.
"How refreshing now that I finally heard your voice," rinig kong sabi niya. Kahit hindi niya ako nakikita ay biglang lumaki ang ngiti ko.
Just like he said, Trevor tried opening and speaking more often. He's still quiet but whenever he's with me, he tried to talk to me more. And I'm loving it. I can say that he's being sincere.
"I'm about to go to bed. Marsh is here at my place. She was crying so hard. Don't tell Kalev about that. Mukhang iniiwasan niya ang pinsan ko. By the way, I miss you." Pagkasabi ko nito ay nahiga ako sa kama habang tumitingin sa kisame. How I wish Trevor is here.
"I miss you too, baby. If I could only bring you here. But I have a lot of things to do and I don't have energy left in my body. Don't worry, I won't tell Kalev." He said. His voice seem like he was really tired.
"Ano na ba ang ginagawa mo ngayon?" I asked.
"We're doing the rehearsal. Two more hours and we'll finally doing our concert." Napatango ako sa sinabi niya kahit hindi niya ako nakikita.
"Then after the concert, you will take the plane back home?"
"Yes, but I couldn't see you right after. I'll see you the following day." His voice is somewhat low as if he was hiding something or maybe I am just overthinking. He said those words almost a whisper, pero buti na lang at napakinggan ko pa rin. I was about to open another topic when I heard someone call his name asking him to go to the stage.
"I'll call you back when I'm already there, baby." Mabilis niyang sabi sa akin. I can feel the butterflies flying inside my belly when he called me baby. He really has a strong effect on me.
"Okay, I understand. See you! I love you." I hurriedly said and ended the call.
Minutes later, I couldn't stop from Googling Trevor and his group. I clicked the first link that was shown on the screen. My eyes almost left my face when I saw a picture of Trevor while using his phone and there was a small smile plastered on his face. The picture came from a paparazzi and the news was published two minutes ago. Napangiti ako nang makita ko ang mukha ni Trevor. He really looked exhausted but still handsome as ever. Then I scrolled down to read the caption.
Trevor Dmitri was caught smiling using his smartphone. Is he exchanging calls with his rumored girlfriend years ago?
My stomach clenched. Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako o matatawa na lang sa nabasa ko. It's just obvious that this news is utterly ridiculous but I couldn't help myself but feel upset when I read about his so-called rumored girlfriend. He already made it clear to me that it was nothing but it still upsets me.
Naiirita pa rin ako isipin na nalink si Trevor sa ibang babae. Hmpf! And it was Henry's sister! I don't even want to know her name.
I scrolled again not until I saw a music video under their band name. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil hindi ko pa ito napapakinggan. The music video was dated fourteen months ago. It's entitled Haunted under the album The Code.
Walang pagalinlangan ko itong pinindot at sinimulan mapanood.
When the day,
The sun turns dark and frozen
A part of you
Living inside of me
Wherever I go
You are there
Through the days, I thrive
Through the nights, I barely survive
The song started with a melancholic sound. Followed by a soft sound coming from the piano and a slow beat from the drums.
The light seems dark
When the eyes can't see
In my head
You keep on hunting me
The breeze felt cold
When the ears can't hear
In my head
You keep on calling me
Realization hits me when I remembered Trevor singing this in my brother's room back in NYC. So this is the song he was working on that day?
Your traces remains
Like a photograph buried in the years
And they torture me
Leaving me with nothing
Wherever I go
You are there
Through the days, I tried to cope
Through the nights, I am dope
The light seems dark
When the eyes can't see
In my head
You keep on hunting me
The breeze felt cold
When the ears can't hear
In my head
You keep on calling me...
My name
Who I used to hate
You speak with it
With flowers and roses
You, giving me voices
You, flash your smile
And you know
I'll always run back at you
The light seems dark
When the eyes can't see
In my head
You keep on hunting me
The breeze felt cold
When the ears can't hear
In my head
You keep on calling me... my name
Upon finishing the song, my mouth slightly open. Hindi ko akalain na bigla na lang ako maiiyak dahil sa kanta niya. It's clear as daylight that the song talks about me. Me! I mean—okay. Natatandaan ko na madalas akong sabihan ni Trevor na pinipili ko lang ang gusto kong makita at marinig. I just didn't expect that he will make a song out of my condition. I don't know what to feel right now. It fucking haunts him! Oh God.
Hindi ko mapigilan na itext ulit si Trevor kahit alam kong busy na ito sa kanyang rehearsal.
"I was bored and saw your song Haunted. Katatapos ko lang itong pakinggan." I texted him. I wasn't expecting for a reply. Alam ko naman na busy na ito kaya naman itinabi ko na ang phone ko sa may night stand and tsaka ipinikit ang aking mata.
Five minutes or so, my phone started ringing again. It was Trevor.
"I'm sorry, I wrote the song when I was drunk and pissed." Pagkasagot ko pa lang ng tawag niya ay agad itong nagsalita. I could sense distress on his voice.
"I just couldn't come up and tell you," Guilty, he added.
"That you wrote a song about me and my condition?" I asked while staring at the ceiling. Trying to figure out what kind of expression he's doing right now.
"Yes," My mouth turned in O-shaped when I heard his honesty.
"Hmm, I don't really know what to say. I am quite flattered that you made a song about me but—," I don't know what to say next. Para akong nahihiya sa binata dahil sa mga ginawa ko sa kanya dati.
"But it's quite understandable that you are pissed and annoyed by my presence back then." Bigla ko na lang nasabi. I bit my lips after I said those words. Unwanted memories filled my head and I started to feel uncomfortable while lying on the bed.
Bumalik lahat sa akin ang mga nangyari dati na gusto ko nang makalimutan. Trevor and I didn't really talk about my condition, now that we're dating. We also didn't open the topic about him being a sadist. Seems like it become a conversation that we want to avoid. Even though we're together, there are things that we didn't tell each other.
Looking back, I harassed Trevor just to like me back. My action was supposed to be cute but little did I know it was bothersome to him. Kaya naman dahil sa sarili kong kagagawan, ay siya na mismo ang umiiwas sa amin dalawa. I wasn't using my brain when I was a kid. I was drawn to the idea of always seizing the day.
"I'm sorry," I muttered without thinking. Para bang bigla na lang itong lumabas sa aking bibig. I heard him gasped over the phone.
"I guess I never tell you a proper apology because of my actions back then. I compromised your personal space to the point I scared you to death." Napansin ko ang patahimik ni Trevor sa kabilang linya.
"Tori, I think we shouldn't talk about topics like these over the phone."
"Okay, maybe you're right."
"But I want to apologize too for releasing that song without even consulting it with you." I heard him let out a long breath on the phone.
"Dmitri! Stop using your phone now. Can't you just focus on the rehearsal!?" The voice came from Lucas, who seemed annoyed.
"I have to go, Tori. I'll see you and we'll talk. I love you." And the call ended.
I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come and see him. It felt strange that I'm already used to Trevor's presence in my life. But I know that both of us have a long way to go.
***