"What do you mean you don't have it?"
I looked over from the long display of cheap pens and knick-knacks. The poor guy behind the counter looked almost frightened by Xavier standing tall, looming over him with a scowl on his face. I thought about intervening, but just kept looking at the little sparkly snowmen in various colors, deciding to eavesdrop instead.
"I've checked our back stock and it's not back there, sir. I'm sorry," the clerk said, looking around for someone to save him.
"Harry," I heard Xavier snap. I shuffled over to him and frowned apologetically at the guy. "Show him your phone. It says you have three two-foot LED birch trees in stock on your website."
I slid a gentle hand into Xavier's calloused one that was clenched by his side. "It's okay, Xavier. We don't need it," I mumbled, starting to feel embarrassed.
The guy excused himself, claiming that he was going to check one more time. I looked around the Christmas store until he was out of earshot and then snapped my neck to Xavier.
He'd grown his beard out, giving him a more rugged, lumberjack look to him with his red and black flannel and brown Carhartt. His hair was a bit longer, too, curls forming in the dark locs. I would never get tired of looking at him.
"What is wrong with you?"
He furrowed his eyebrows. "You said you wanted the stupid tree, so I'm getting you the stupid tree," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Not if it means you're gonna traumatize the employees, babe," I whispered. "It's okay if they don't have it. It's Christmas time, they deal with enough already."
"Need I remind you that this is our first Christmas together in our own place?" he sighed, squeezing my hand. "I just want it to be perfect for you. And if it involves finding you a light-up tree to put on top of the fireplace, I'm gonna find it."
We got a small house. It was a two bedroom, two bathroom townhouse that we were just renting until we could afford something better. Honestly though, it was perfect. All new appliances, a fully functional fireplace in the living room, and, most importantly, a space to share with Xavier? It was everything I could ask for, if not more.
"You're hot when you're being a Karen," I smiled, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
He went to make some snide comment when the employee came back holding a box in his arms. I beamed at him, thanking him profusely before Xavier could say something rude.
We paid for the tree and the other overpriced decorations and left the store. I shivered while pushing the cart. Xavier noticed and wrapped an arm around my neck, holding me close.
"Thank you," I said when we finished loading the stuff into his truck. "You'd make a wonderful house husband."
We were ultimately preparing for the party I had been planning since we got the place. As soon as I saw the living room space, I knew I wanted to have everyone over for a Christmas gathering. We sang along to Christmas carols on the way home. I loved these moments with him, just the simple ones. He was such a wholesome guy, so much different than the Xavier I knew a year and a half ago.
I unlocked the door with shaking fingers. The weather was brutal this year. We got six inches of snow, which was fun for maybe a week until it wasn't. The house was so warm and cozy that I physically defrosted in the foyer.
Lady padded towards us at full speed. Ignoring Xavier struggling to keep the swinging door open while trying to carry literally everything in, I fell to my knees to kiss her to death.
Apparently, despite being Dayla's dog, Lady was so attached to Xavier that she howled and cried every night after he moved out. Dayla and John couldn't take it anymore and reluctantly allowed her to come live with us indefinitely. I felt bad since she was rightfully theirs, but I loved her so much that I was ecstatic to have her here.
"A little help, babe?"
I looked up to see Xavier lodged in the doorway with the box between his body and the two full bags precariously dangling from his fingers. "Oops, sorry," I blushed, pushing the door open so he could squeeze in with a huff.
He dropped the stuff on the couch and breathed out dramatically, pulling his jacket off. I smiled at him from my spot in the foyer.
"What you looking at?" he smirked.
"You're sexy," I said plainly.
"No, you."
I walked over to him and kissed him softly, feeling him delicately grab my chin. He ended the kiss and pecked my nose and forehead. One thing I learned was that Xavier's love language was physical touch. He always had to have some kind of contact, even when it wasn't necessary.
It was the twentieth of December and the party was in three days. We invited all of our close family and best friends, what was left of them anyhow.
As expected, not everyone reacted with open arms to our coming together. My mom, for one, was skeptical, which made sense. Not very long prior to sitting her down and explaining to her that things were different, I had punched Xavier square in the face because I thought he was homophobic. Mom expressed her concern about my judgment, but was quickly silenced when she saw what became of us.
Xavier's friend Andrew was ugly about it. He berated him and called him such foul names, ultimately ghosting him. Xavier gave me the cold shoulder when it happened, which was exactly what I was afraid of, but in the end he came to terms with the fact that he was better off without him.
It hurt watching him struggle. He hardly touched me in public for the first six or seven months. Not that I blamed him, of course.
But something switched in him at one point and it was like he'd rather bear the consequences of holding my hand then let me slip away. I'd never give him that ultimatum, of course. It was hard being out in a small town.
We made it work, though. We always did.
~:~:~
The night before the big party, I was a wreck.
All of the festive ideas I had for party food weren't working. I kept burning, soiling, or breaking every single treat I tried to make. I couldn't even make a veggie plate in the shape of Santa. Tears were starting to prick my eyes and I threw a piece of cauliflower across the room.
"Baby," Xavier cooed, grabbing my hands and pulling me to stand up from the table. "It's late. Why don't you try to finish this in the morning?"
I buried my face in my hands. "I won't have enough time in the morning," I sighed, willing the waterworks away. This was so silly to be crying about.
He dragged me to the bedroom anyway. I tried to protest but he led me to the bed, laying me down softly. "Sleep," he insisted. "You'll make perfect pigs in a blanket on a full night's rest."
Even though I didn't want to, I laid down. I was exhausted from working all morning and then decorating the second I got home. Xavier did what he could to help, but my vision was precise and I wasn't good at accepting assistance. He pulled my T-shirt off and laid down next to me, his hand soothingly scratching my back, which he knew, good and well, was a one way ticket to dreamland for me.
"Everything will be perfect, baby," he whispered, and before I knew it, I was asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night and smelled something burning. I jolted upright, looking for Xavier but he wasn't in the bed. Holy shit, did I forget to turn the oven off? Was the house in flames and Xavier didn't know it?
I was starting to hate Christmas.
Jumping out of bed and running out into the kitchen, I stopped in my tracks at the sight before me. Xavier was wearing my apron, sitting at the table, meticulously skewering strawberries on toothpicks.
He looked up when I slipped on my socks and almost face-planted into the wall. On the table was a perfectly fucking arranged Santa face out of veggies, pre-arranged pigs in a blanket ready to be put in the oven, Caprese salad in the shape of a candy cane, and a cooling pan of cookies. My jaw slackened and I couldn't even find words.
"You're supposed to be sleeping," he said, turning back to impaling strawberries.
"Xavi," I whined obnoxiously, running over to him to wrap my arms around him from behind. "I love you."
He turned his head and planted a kiss on my hand. "I was trying to surprise you," he chuckled. "But that's inherently impossible to do."
I moved to sit in the chair across from him, admiring all of his work so far. He was very focused on what he was doing, which I wasn't even sure what that was. I felt like I was going to cry again, but for different reasons this time.
"I'm kind of turned on," I said, making him throw his head back and laugh. "What are those?" I pointed at the strawberries. He'd cut the ends off and was putting them on toothpicks in separated sections.
"They're gonna be little Santas," Xavier grinned. "You put whip cream and eyes in between the strawberries and then some on top for the little hat thingy."
"Seriously, take my body right now."
He put the strawberry down and looked at me with a small smirk. "Also, your jell-o shots are setting in the fridge and I made the dips. All you have to do tomorrow is cook the pigs in blankets and put out the chips."
I stood up and yanked him up out of his seat and took him straight to the bedroom. I thanked him the best way I knew how.
~:~:~
People started showing up around six the next evening.
All of Xavier's amazing cooking was displayed on the island and everybody that asked about it had to listen to me brag about him. I talked Dakota's ear off, giving Xavier full credit for everything. She made fun of me.
Georgia showed up alone. Unfortunately, she and Dylan broke up about a year ago. They went in separate directions in life. I remember her calling me crying, sad that it was over but glad it ended on a good note. It only reminded me to hold Xavier extra tight.
"Hi, bae," Georgia greeted and hugged me. I shouldn't have been surprised that she was dressed to the nines, but she never failed to amaze me. It was a dark red sequined skirt, paired with a cropped cream sweater, some sheer tights, and chunky black boots. She grew her hair out a bit and has had this beautiful purple color going for a while. "How are you?"
"I'm really good," I beamed at her.
"Where's my boo?" she asked, looking around.
Xavier and Georgia had gotten closer after she'd broken up with Dylan. Naturally, she spent more time with me since she was lonely and sad, so her and Xavier got around to talking more. It turned out they were interested in a lot of the same things, which I hadn't expected at all.
I glanced back at the bedroom. "I think he's still getting ready. I'll check on him."
He was in the bedroom looking at his phone. I could sense something was wrong, so I stepped cautiously towards him.
"Everything okay?"
I guess he didn't hear me come in because he jumped, looking up at me with teary eyes. Immediately, I rushed towards him, kneeling in front of him to grab his face. He sighed and wiped his tears away, looking down at me.
"I invited my mom to come," he said with a bitter laugh. I frowned, settling my hands in his lap as I waited for him to elaborate. "I wanted her to finally meet you but I didn't want to say anything to you in case it didn't happen. Good thing I didn't."
He handed me his phone. It was a Facebook message from his mother saying she wasn't going to make it tonight. I scrolled up and there was a ton of back and forth between them recently. From the looks of it, she made it sound like she was doing really well and was really excited to come.
I placed his phone on the bed. "Maybe something came up?" I suggested, though I wasn't convinced of it myself.
Laughing again, he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like a new stash of pills," Xavier spat.
"Well, fuck her," I said, which made him blink at me in surprise. "It's not like you didn't see this coming. She didn't want to make the effort that you put out, so fuck her. Dayla and John are gonna be here soon. AKA, the people who really fucking matter."
He didn't seem sold. "I just really wanted it to work out this time."
"Well, I don't wanna meet her if she makes you feel like that, anyway," I said, standing up. I pulled on his hands, making him stand up and stumble into me. "I'll make you a drink, babe. Georgia's looking for you."
Another sigh. "I don't even wanna do this party anymore," he said, wrapping his arms around me. "Everybody's here for you anyways."
I rolled my eyes, kissing his cheek. "Are you kidding? Do you know how many people have asked about your Santa strawberries already? They all want to compliment the chef, so get your fine ass out there and get drunk and happy," I cheered, reaching down to slap his ass.
He chuckled in my ear, returning the gesture by squeezing my ass. I kissed him soft and slow, running my fingers through his hair. Xavier tried to push me towards the bed but I laughed, ducking out of his arms and scolding him. I eventually dragged him out of the bedroom to come out and socialize.
Georgia bombarded him immediately. I hoped she would take his mind off of everything, since that was kind of her specialty. I went to the kitchen to prepare Xavier's drink how he liked it, eighty percent liquor and twenty percent chaser, usually Coke.
I brought it to him just as they were talking animatedly about the new episode of some show that they liked. It warmed my heart that they got along so well. Celina showed up not long after, as well as Julian and my parents.
Julian and Dakota finally got together. It was inevitable, since the tension between the two of them made me sick. I know they went through almost as much as Xavier and I went through, but I was just glad we all found happiness.
I conversed with everybody all night, having the time of my life. This was where I thrived, surrounded by people I loved and just having a good time. My eyes roamed the room as I was talking to Dayla about New Years plans.
Xavier looked so handsome. I had gotten him a black patterned sweater that looked so good on his body. He had been working out almost religiously since we started spending more and more time with each other, so his biceps were fucking massive and his body so toned. He laughed with rosy cheeks at something Celina said, glancing at me.
We locked eyes across the room and I grinned. He matched my smile and winked, going back to his conversation.
By the time people started leaving, I was feeling pretty buzzed and warm. I gave so many hugs and promises to see everybody soon that once we were alone, I felt exhausted.
Xavier collapsed next to me on the couch. I closed my eyes, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I'd say this was a success," he sighed contently, holding another mixed drink in his hand.
"Agreed," I said. Soft music was still playing from the speakers. Everybody got tired of the Christmas music a few hours in so we switched to some classic pop songs. A soft ballad had me humming along. "Dance with me?"
I stood up, holding a hand out. He smiled knowingly, putting his drink down on the table and grabbing my hand. We moved to the middle of the room and he put his hands on my waist. I wrapped myself around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.
He leaned down to kiss me softly, tracing my lips with his tongue in the most subtle, gentle way. I melted into his mouth. Xavier pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. "I got you an early Christmas present," he said, just as I expected.
Last year, on Christmas Eve, he gifted me something sentimental and said he liked to save the practical gifts for Christmas day. I prepared this year, having gotten him something really special for when he pulled this.
"So did I," I said, smiling when he raised his eyebrows.
I pulled away and said, "Stay here."
I ran away to the guest bathroom, my chosen hiding spot since I knew he never went in there. Most of my presents were under the tree, but this one I hid. He was standing in the same spot in the living room, holding a small wrapped box in his hands.
"It's probably not as good as yours," I said, biting my lip in anticipation and shoving the present towards him. "Dayla helped me."
He smiled like a kid, big and toothy, unwrapping the paper quickly. I laced my fingers together in anticipation, bouncing on my toes. It was a crocheted bracelet, about as thick as a watch band, done in black and red. On it read the date that we got together and our initials.
I watched his face as he grinned, twirling it in his fingers. "I know it's kinda cheesy but Dayla showed me how to make it myself and I thought maybe you could hang it on your rear view mirror–"
Xavier cut me off with a kiss, pulling me close by the back of my waist. "I love it," he said against my lips. I let out a shrill shriek when he peppered my face in pecked kisses, all over my cheeks and nose and forehead.
He handed me my gift and I tore into it, gasping when I found a small velvet box. My smile wouldn't fade for anything, even before opening the box. I looked up at Xavier to speak but he stopped me, insisting I just open it before saying anything.
Inside was a necklace with a sterling silver chain with a small rectangular plate in the middle. I jutted my lip out and looked at him. "Just read it, baby," he laughed, but I could tell he seemed a bit nervous.
My love, I'm always yours –X
I didn't know when I became such a crybaby, but there I stood with tears stinging my eyes. I jumped into his arms, almost knocking him down, smashing my lips against his. He pressed his cold fingertips against the skin under my sweater, squeezing me tight.
When I pulled away, I kept my close proximity but pulled it out of the box, discarding the casing on the couch.
"My dad told me promise rings are sort of a Mexican tradition, but I've always thought of them as kind of corny," Xavier said sheepishly, taking the necklace from my fingers. "But I wanted something to act as a promise of what's to come between us. I don't know if I'll ever want to get married, but I do know that I love you. And I want to spend every year cooking your silly Christmas snacks while you're sleeping, and finding fifty of your socks under the bed every laundry day, and kissing your big stupid face every time you look at me like that."
I laughed through my tears that I couldn't contain any longer. "Xavi," I whimpered, grabbing his face and kissing him so hard. "I love you, too."