Nakapangalumbaba ako habang pinapanood si mommy na inaayos ang necktie ni Kuya Hunter. I could see in my brother's face that he could tie his own necktie and he wanted to do it but he just couldn't stop our mom.
Ah... Ilang taon na nga si Kuya? Mas matangkad pa kasi s'ya kay mommy and... I think he would still get taller than this. Hanggang sa may ilong n'ya lang kasi ang height ni mommy.
Naka-business suit si kuya. They said he had to attend a business party tonight in place of dad. Wala namang gagawin si dad but I think he just wanted Kuya to attend this party alone.
"I can do it myself, mom," hindi na nakapagpigil na sabihin ni kuya dahil nakikita rin n'ya na mangiyak-ngiyak si mommy habang inaayusan s'ya.
I'm not sure why mom looked like she was about to cry when he was just fixing his tie. Nakakaiyak pala 'yon?
"Shh... Let me," saway ni mommy at nagpatuloy sa pag-aayos ng tie ni kuya. Kuya Hunter just sighed helplessly and smiled in defeat.
Mom flattened the lapels on Kuya Hunter's suit jacket when she was done on his tie. Then she took a step backward so she could see Kuya wholly. Mas lalong namasa ang mga mata n'ya nang pagmasdan ang kabuuan ni Kuya.
"What's wrong?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Dad na lumapit na rin kay Mommy at inakbayan pa s'ya.
"Nothing. It's just that..." She sniffed as she looked at Dad. "Binata na ang anak natin, Julian... Parang kailan lang nu'ng naka-diaper lang s'ya at gumagapang sa buong bahay."
"Mom!" Kuya had a bewildered look on his face.
I giggled. Kuya Hunter's face was red!
Nang marinig ni Kuya ang tawa ko ay sinamaan n'ya ako ng tingin.
"'Wag kang tumawa, Gray. Ganu'n ka rin naman."
I stuck out my tongue at him. Asar s'ya, eh. 'Kala mo naman hindi naging baby.
"Mom, I want to wear something like that too." Itinuro ko ang suot ni Kuya. "And I want to attend parties too!"
Natawa sila sa sinabi ko. Mom had a soft look on her face when she looked at me.
"'Wag muna, Gray... 'Wag ka munang lumaki. You're still my baby boy."
Mas lalo akong napasimangot.
"But I want to wear a suit and look cool too."
"Don't worry, son," Dad said. "On your next birthday, we will throw a big party. I will invite my business associates so you'll get to wear a tux and tie."
I beamed at what my father said. Inalis ko ang pangangalumbaba ko at napaderetso ng upo.
"Promise, Dad?"
Dad chuckled as he nodded.
"I promise."
I looked at mom.
"You'll teach me how to tie my necktie too?"
Napangiti si mommy.
"I'll be the one who'll tie your necktie for you."
Mas lumawak ang ngiti ko. It's okay. I don't think I could do it anyway. When I was watching mom tying Kuya Hunter's necktie earlier, it looked really complicated. My small hands and fingers wouldn't be able to do it.
I giggled. Patalon akong bumaba sa upuan at nilapitan sina mom and dad. I hugged them both and I heard them both chuckle as they caressed my hair.
"Thank you, mom... dad." Humiwalay na ako sa kanila at binalingan si Kuya na nakangiti sa amin. "Kuya! Bring home sweets from the party, okay?"
Kuya Hunter, although smiling, had a frown on his face.
"I could just buy some for you."
I shook my head vigorously.
"I want something from the party. I want to know what grown-up sweets taste like."
Kuya Hunter chuckled as he ruffled my hair.
"Alright. I'll do something about it."
"Hunter..." mom called him. "Are you sure okay lang sa 'yong ikaw lang mag-isang um-attend sa party na 'to?"
"He'll be okay, Anastasia. I know how capable our son is," Dad assured her. "This is just a part of his training bago ko ipasa ang kumpanya sa kanya."
"Don't worry, mom. Nando'n din naman si Helios."
"Oh..." Mom looked relieved. "Just don't drink too much, okay? And go straight home after the party."
Natawa si Kuya Hunter but he gave our mom a reassuring smile.
"I can take care of myself, mom. You have nothing to worry about."
For some reason, mom looked so sad about that. Tinitigan ko lang si mommy, wondering why she was sad when she should be happy instead. Kasi, 'di ba? Hindi na n'ya kami kailangang alagaan kapag ganoon.
But then I remembered what she said earlier. Na huwag na muna akong lumaki. That I am still her baby boy.
I realized that maybe... for a parent, those words that Kuya Hunter said would really make them sad. They took care of their child until they were able to stand up on their own. Maybe for them, they would think that they aren't needed anymore. That their child would leave them someday and have their own family.
Pero hindi ko siguro magagawang iwan ang mga magulang ko. I think I would still want to be with them. Ayoko nang magpamilya kung ang kahulugan no'n ay iiwan ko ang mga magulang ko.
Mom hugged Kuya Hunter and caressed his back.
"I know. Just... Just take care, okay?"
Nang isang oras nang makaalis si Kuya ay pinatulog na ako ni mommy. Gusto ko pa nga sanang hintayin si Kuya at abangan 'yung mga sweets na iuuuwi n'ya. He could just put it in the ref and I could eat it tomorrow when I wake up, alright... Pero gusto ko na agad kainin iyon pag-uwi n'ya. I don't know... Baka mapanis? Minsan kasi hindi na masarap ang sweets kapag pinapatagal, eh.
Pero pinatulog na ako ni mommy. yakap ko ang stuff toy na iniregalo sa 'kin ni Kuya nang magising ako sa kalagitnaan ng gabi dahil sa isang malakas na putok ng baril. I was confused at first. I thought we were still out of the country, having our vacation. Pero naalala kong umuwi na kami bago pa magsimula ang school year. At bukas nga ay may pasok ako kaya pinatulog ako ni mommy nang maaga.
So, where did the gunshot come from?
Bumangon ako sa kama nang makarinig ng ingay. Lumabas ako ng kwarto. Nang makitang nakabukas ang pinto sa kwarto nina mommy at daddy, pumunta ako roon dahil doon ko rin naririnig ang ingay.
I was rubbing my eyes when I finally got into their bedroom.
"Mom?"
I think that was the first time I've learned the meaning when people say that time seems to stop. Dahil paraang ganoon ang nangyari ng mga sandaling iyon. Natigilan kaming lahat. Ako naman ay hindi makagalaw sa pagtataka sa kung anong nangyayari sa loob ng kwarto ng mga magulang ko.
There was an unfamiliar man inside my parent's bedroom. Parang kasing edad lang yata ni Kuya. Nakatayo s'ya sa paanan ng kama ng mga magulang ko. Beside him was a kid who looked like the same age as me. May hawak s'yang baril and I could see myself in him the first time I held a gun too. Unsure of its weight and what to do with it.
The man beside him was holding a gun too. I realized it was pointed in the direction of my parents who were still in the bed.
Napatingin ako sa kanila. Blood was gushing out of my father's neck. No, not neck. At that hollow part between his neck and shoulder. Dahil napansin ko iyon ang parteng dinidiinan ng mga kamay n'ya. Pati na rin ni Mommy.
Mom looked horrified as soon as she saw me. Kitang-kita ko ang pagkakaputla ng mukha n'ya at ang takot sa mga mata n'ya. She glanced at the man and when she saw him looking at me, mabilis ang naging pagkilos ni mommy. Halos talunin na n'ya ang distansya namin. Dad groaned with the sudden moved from my mom pero mabilis akong inabot ni mommy.
"Gray, run!"
As soon as she said that, I heard another gunshot. Mom squealed but she managed to dodge the bullet. Isinama n'ya ako sa pagtakbo.
I could hear the man's laughter while he followed us. I don't know what's happening. Basta sumusunod lang ako kay mommy. Wala rin naman akong magawa dahil hinihila n'ya ako.
"We're going outside," she said.
Pero mukhang alam nu'ng lalaking nakasunod sa 'min ang plano ni mommy. He shoots again at us so mom had no choice but to avoid the bullet. Imbes na sa main door ay lumiko kami.
I tried to take a peek at the man behind us. I saw him dragging my father, who was very weak with all the blood that he had lost, to the floor. Hawak n'ya sa isang paa si daddy at hinihila iyon. Sa tabi n'ya ay ang bata na nakatutok ang baril kay dad.
Mom opened a door. It was the storage room. Maliit lang iyon that it almost seemed like a cabinet inside. Pwersahan akong ipinasok ni mommy doon.
"'Wag na 'wag kang lalabas dito, Gray, hangga't wala ang Kuya Hunter mo,."
I looked at her. She was sweating. Gone the elegance on her face. Namumula ang mga mata n'ya at alam kong pinipigilan n'ya lang umiyak. But I could also see the determination in her eyes.
"Mom? W-what's happening?"
"Just stay here," mariin n'yang sabi at akmang isasara na n'ya ang pinto nang pigilan ko s'ya.
"Mom, madilim po... 'Wag n'yo kong iwan... Don't leave me, mom. I'm scared..."
Lumuhod si mommy para pantayan ako. She cupped my face and made me look at her.
"I'm sorry, Gray... This is the only way to keep you safe." Her voice quivered. "Basta kahit anong mangyari, huwag kang lalabas dito. Huwag kang gagawa ng ingay."
"Mom..." I was already crying.
"Wait for your Kuya Hunter, okay?" she sobbed. "I love you both so much..."
Hindi na ako hinintay ni mommy na makasagot. Tumayo s'ya at mabilis na isinara ang pinto ng storage room. All that was left was the darkness.
Napaupo. I hugged both of my knees as I held the stuffed toy on my chest.
I'm scared... I can't see anything. Sobrang dilim ng paligid. Kahit na nakadilat ako ay para pa rin akong nakapikit sa sobrang dilim.
I don't want to be here...
Pero naalala ko ang sinabi ni mommy. I shouldn't make any noise. Kaya naman tinakpan ko ang bibig ko kahit na sobra-sobra ang paghikbi ko. My face was wet with tears but I still kept quiet.
Hihintayin ko si Kuya...
Hindi ko alam kung paano pero siguro dahil sa sobrang tahimik ko, naririnig ko ang usapan nila. I think they were in the living room.
I could hear the man's voice. It was scary. Scary in a way that there wasn't any remorse in his voice. As if he was enjoying what's happening. He was enjoying it as my mom begged for my life.
"You couldn't hurt us 'cause you could see your sons with us, right?" narinig ko pang sabi ng lalaki. "At hindi mo kayang manakit ng inosenteng bata dahil naiisip mo, paano kung mangyari rin 'yon sa mga anak mo? Paano kung may manakit din sa kanila?"
"Please... Not my son..." I heard mom beg.
"Hindi pa... nagsisimula ang laro." Dad coughed. Hirap na hirap s'ya sa pagsasalita.
"Oo nga," the man said. "But my brother here needs a shooting target. Tinuturuan ko kasi s'ya kung paano bumaril. Pwede bang kayo na lang dalawa ang maging target n'ya?"
"Fucking son of a bitch," I heard dad curse despite the restraint in his voice.
The man laughed as if he was really having a good time.
"C'mon! I promise I won't hurt your son who's hiding over there!"
"No! Please! 'Wag n'yo s'yang sasaktan!" Mom screamed. The desperation in her voice was too much to bear.
Ayokong marinig. Ayokong marinig ang pagmamakaawa ni mommy. Ayokong marinig ang lahat. I want to get away from here. I don't want to be here.
I want to help them... Why can't I do anything?
Kung sana naging malakas din ako katulad ni Kuya... Kung sana hindi na ako bata... Kung sana ay malaki na rin ako kagaya ni Kuya para matulungan ko sina mommy...
I'm so useless...
"C'mon, li'l bro! Shoot them!" I could hear the laughter in the man's voice!
Pagkatapos no'n ay nakarinig ako ng mga putok ng baril na halos magpanginig ng kalamnan ko. I flinched with every gunshot I heard. Kahit na gusto kong bumunghalit ng iyak ay pinigilan kong makagawa ng ingay.
I promised my mom...
"Julian!" I hear mom shout as she cries. Her cries sounded so agonizing at pakiramdam ko ay mapupunit ang dibdib ko. I don't want to hear my mom cry.
Don't cry, mom... I just want to see you smile...
"You're next," sabi ulit ng lalaki at nakarinig ulit ako ng sunod-sunod na putok ng baril.
The gunshots were deafening. Pero hindi ko sinubukang takpan ang mga tenga ko. I don't want to hear it but I couldn't seem to cover my ears too. May nagsasabi sa 'kin na dapat ko lang marinig iyon. 'Cause those were the last moments of my parents.
Remember them... Remember their suffering.
Nang matapos ang mga putok ng baril ay rinig na rinig ko ang tawa ng lalaki. I know I wouldn't be able to forget that laugh. Alam kong magiging bangungot ko na naman iyon.
Ah... maybe this is all just a dream? A bad dream? Mamaya, magigising din akong yakap ni mommy dahil narinig na naman n'ya akong nananaginip ng masama. Should I make a noise? Para malaman ni mommy na binabangungot na naman ako?
But before I could make any noise, napapitlag ako nang may malalakas na katok akong narinig sa pinto ng pinagtataguan ko. I stared at the door but the darkness was blinding me.
"Hoy, bata! Ikaw naman ang sunod!"
My body trembled. Oh, no... They're outside. They knew I was hiding here. I'm going to die here...
Pero... siguro okay na rin 'to? Sama-sama kami nina mommy at daddy. Ayoko namang hindi na sila kasama.
Ah... oo nga pala... Dad promised me that he'll throw a big party on my next birthday and mom promised me that she'll tie my necktie for me. Ibig sabihin... hindi na 'yon mangyayari?
I don't want to have my birthday without them.
But... there's Kuya Hunter. I don't want to leave Kuya Hunter.
"Kuya..." I heard a little voice just outside the door. "You promised. Nangako kang hindi sasaktan ang anak n'ya."
"Wala kong pakealam sa pangakong 'yon! The bitch is dead anyway."
"But... Hintayin na lang nating lumaki muna s'ya. Kapag nagsimula na ang laro."
Ilang segundo akong hindi nakarinig ng kahit ano.
"Hmm... You have a point. Hindi naman exciting 'pag bata pa at walang laban."
Napapitlag ulit ako nang makarinig ng mararahas na pagkatok. As if the man was pounding on the door.
"Hey, kid. We'll see each other again soon. When the Bloody Human Chess game starts, I'll kill you then. Like what I did to your parents."
Napaiyak ako. So... Mom and Dad are really dead? I won't see their smile again?
No... Bangungot lang 'to. This is just a bad dream.
Bakit ang tagal naman ng bangungot na 'to?
Mom... Gisingin mo na ko, please. I don't want this dream... I don't want to be here. I want to see you when I open my eyes. Kayo ni Daddy... Gisingin n'yo na 'ko.
Tumahimik na pagkatapos noon. All I could hear were my suppressed sobs. Pinigilan ko pa rin ang makagawa ng ingay. My body was trembling. Mahigpit na ang pagkakahawak ko sa stuff toy.
Baka kapag naging good boy ako... Baka kapag ginawa ko ang pinapagawa sa 'kin ni mommy na 'wag akong mag-iingay, gisingin n'ya na ako. Baka gusto n'ya lang talagang makita kung good boy na talaga ako.
Please, mom... I'm a good boy now... Please, wake me up.
But no matter how much I stayed quiet, no matter how much I called for my parents in my sleep, they still didn't wake me up.
Ah, right... May isang pinapagawa pa nga pala sa 'kin si mommy. She told me to wait for my Kuya Hunter.
So, I waited. I waited for my brother.
"Kuya... Hurry up."
Naghintay ako kahit pakiramdam ko ay sobrang tagal ni Kuya. I was already sobbing so hard. Ganito ako kapag matagal na akong umiiyak. Ibig sabihin, matagal nang hindi pa dumadating si Kuya.
"Kuya... Bakit ang tagal mo?"
I remember my mom would always wipe my tears when I'm crying like this. Papainumin n'ya 'ko ng tubig dahil sobra nga akong humihikbi.
Pero ngayon... Kahit hindi na ako makahinga sa paghikbi ay wala pa rin si mommy para patahanin ako.
I'm just here in the dark. Alone. Waiting for my Kuya Hunter to save me.
You're not alone, Gray... I'm here.
"Kuya... Where are you?"
I just waited in the dark. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na akong naghihintay. But still, Kuya Hunter didn't come.
I already lost hope that he would come.
He won't come. He won't save me. Dapat ay kanina pa s'ya nandito.
Just then, I heard the door creak open. I still didn't move. Kahit na nang masilaw ako sa biglang pagpasok ng liwanag sa loob ng pinagtataguan ko, hindi pa rin ako gumalaw.
"Gray..."
It was Kuya's voice. I felt him tap my shoulder. I looked at him. But it seemed like I wasn't looking at him. He was kneeling in front of me.
"K-kuya?" I asked, making sure that it was him.
His face was grim. But then, I don't think I was looking at him.
He held me on the shoulders and nodded.
"Let's go, Gray..."