Chapter 17
These days, I wake up everyday with a smile on my face because I finally know what it's like to be in love and be loved back with the same intensity.
It has been a week since Sa'ad let his guard down and admitted the fact that he loves me. While we agreed to give it two weeks to see where this would take us, I didn't want to pressure Sa'ad into making a decision. I've decided that if he ends up saying this was something he could give up, I'd let him go without a fight because what was the point? It was obvious he loved me but if he wanted to go ahead with his marriage with Hauwa, it's probably because he loved her more than me.
I may love him but I wasn't willing to shatter my self esteem in the process, I've done enough of that in my past relationship. It was hard to build myself back up. My feelings for him were as clear as daylight, he knew it and I knew it. There was no need for me to do more, it was now up to him to make his decision and get all of us out of this mess and suspense.
Hidayah called me earlier that she was coming to visit and I was performing ablution when I heard the door to my bedroom pushed open, I knew it was her.
"I just saw Mr. Sa'ad outside." A mischievous smile was placed on her face the minute I stepped out of the bathroom, making me roll my eyes. "He was being extra friendly to me, perhaps it's because he knows he'll be seeing a lot of me from now on."
"Well, hello to you too." I said to her with a shake of my head as I moved to my praying corner and she sat down on the bed. "Feel free to join me." I told her and she gestured for me to carry on.
She was here to get the whole story of how everything happened between Sa'ad and I but I took my sweet time praying Zuhr prayer and throwing in distracting topics in between until she got frustrated.
"Ya ishe ki," she was now glaring at me and I was holding back my laughter. "What's he going to do with Hauwa now?"
"I don't know." I said truthfully, losing hope all over again. I hate that I was anxious about all of this.
"And he didn't say anything?"
"No, just that he'll talk with daddy when he gets back."
"Daddy has been back four days now." Hidayah stated the obvious. "What's he really doing?"
"Well-" my phone pinged with a text and I looked at it, it was a text from daddy. Asking me to meet him in his living room. Daddy would call me anytime he wanted to see me, what changed today? My anxiety just tripled as I got off the bed and turned to Hidayah. "It's Daddy, will you be here when I get back?"
"Dama I'm sleepy." She said as she adjusted her position on the bed and I shot a tight smile at her before I stepped out of my bedroom and made my way towards Daddy's wing, I made a pitstop at the kitchen to drink water because my throat felt dry and I lost all appetite.
As if I was asked to look outside the window, I did and I saw Sa'ad driving out of the compound in the car he came with, which means he was done with work for today. He normally texted whenever he was leaving, especially now that things were different between us. I was upset but I refused to let my anger cloud my judgement so I dialled his number and he picked on the first ring.
"Hey, something came up and I had to go home." He said the minute he picked up.
"Hope everyone is okay." I said to him and he hesitated before he answered.
"Yes, just a patient and they might need my help."
"Hauwa?" I asked and his silence confirmed my suspicions. I felt bile come up my throat but I decided to act against it. "Allah Ya bata lafiya-"
"Wait, they are calling me. can you-" I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence before I hung up and made my way towards Daddy's wing.
Maybe I was being shown a sign. A sign of how he didn't give a damn about me, I wore my feelings for him upon my sleeve and he saw it, now he was using it against me. Fantastic.
"Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullah." I said as I entered daddy's parlour and he was looking at the newspaper. He answered my salam and lifted his head to look at me with a smile on his face. I noticed his wife sitting on the couch at the far end of the living room. This should be good.
"Iram din daddy." He was in a joking mood. "I always love to tell you how you got your name." I smiled because I knew he was going to tell the story again. Aunty looked like she'd rather be anywhere but here. "So the doctor that handled your birth so selflessly, he was a Persian and the only doctor in the maternity ward that night; we had just named you Hafsah when he received a page from the paediatric unit of the hospital that his daughter Iram; who was just 5 years at the time, had passed away. Her mother passed away a few months before her too, I was in his office when he received the call but he was so strong. He only said Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un and stayed quiet for a moment." Daddy had a bittersweet smile on his face, probably getting nostalgic about the story. "I stepped out to give him his privacy but he found me a few minutes later and explained to me the birth complications your mother faced, you wouldn't believe he was the one that lost a child that night."
He continued "two days later, I met him again in the hospital and passed on my condolences. He showed me a photo of his daughter, she was very fair and had dark hair full of her head; just the way you were born. I asked him what her name was. He told me "Iram", I went ahead to ask him what the meaning was, he told me it meant Paradise and I immediately asked him if I could give it to my daughter as her second name?" His face broke into a smile. "The joy on his face was indescribable but here I was two decades later experiencing paradise on earth because Allah has given me a really pious daughter."
I was blushing and hoping I wouldn't break down into tears because different types of emotions were surging in and out of my body and mind.
"JazakAllah Khairan daddy." I said to him.
After that, he went straight to the point. "What was it I was hearing about Maiha's son and you?"
I turned sharply to look at aunty and she was looking at me with distaste. I decided to not answer because I didn't know what lies he was fed.
"Yana da wani laifi ne?" Daddy asked and I kept quiet. "Ko dai you don't like him ne kawai?" I nodded and he chuckled. "I obviously wont force you to marry someone you don't like, Iram. Ki tashi kije, Allah Ya tabbatar miki da mafi alkhairi."
"Aamiin daddy, Nagode."
"You should've asked her if she has someone ai." Aunty piped in before I was able to get up. I immediately knew she knew something. Probably Amra the lesser evil is not as lesser evil as I thought she was, I was stupid to think she'd keep it to herself.
Daddy laughed and shook his head, he was used to her habits at this point. "Iram, do you have someone you love?" It was either I speak up or she does and I'd rather he heard this from me or Sa'ad than from her, so I nodded my head. "Who is it?"
"Sa'ad ne." He was silent for a beat. Then two.
"Sa'ad dai? Sa'ad nawa? My security detail?" Daddy's confusion almost made me laugh but I didn't know if it was a good confusion or a bad one. So I just answered him with a yes. "Toh ke Iram yana son ki ne?"
"Is that what you're going to ask her? She's in love with her driver, how can somebody from this family marry a driver? That'll just give any riffraff the audacity to come and ask for my daughters' hands."
This woman was vile. How dare she even refer to Sa'ad as a riffraff or a driver?
"You just heard daddy, he's a security personnel. With two degrees I might add. NOT a driver."
"Hajiya, please give us some space." Daddy said to her with a straight face and she got up and left the parlour, muttering something under her breath.
I took that as my opportunity to speak up. "Daddy wallahi yana so na, it's his uncle that wants him to marry his cousin."
"Iram if he has agreed to marry her then maybe his head is not straight. Because bazan bari ya aure ki da ke da ita ba."
"I told him the same thing."
"Are you sure about this whole thing?" Daddy asked me and I suddenly regretted opening my big mouth to tell him about my relationship with Sa'ad. Because I didn't know where I stood with Sa'ad too.
I was about to open my mouth to talk when a knock came on the door and a salam. It was Sa'ad's voice! Wasn't he supposed to be in Kubwa by now? What was he doing here and why did he come back?
He looked surprised to see me sitting in front of daddy so he said "I can come back."
"No, you came on time actually." Daddy said, taking off his glasses and placing them on the side stool. "I thought you had a family emergency?"
"Turns out they don't need my help." Sa'ad said and I almost scoffed in annoyance.
"Great." Daddy said as he leaned forward in his seat. "I just called Iram to ask her about Nasir Maiha" Sa'ad must really hate this guy because he immediately turned his gaze towards me, he was staring at me accusingly. Probably thinking I've betrayed him or something. As if that wouldn't serve him right. I looked away from him with my head high as daddy continued. "She told me she isn't interested in him. So I asked her if there was someone else."
Daddy kept quiet for a few moments and Sa'ad sighed. "I told her I was going to meet you about this, I actually came here for that and I'm sorry that you had to hear it from Hafsah and not me."
"No, Sa'ad. It's okay, you haven't done anything." Daddy was too soft on this man and for the life of me, I don't understand why. "As long as you two are on the same page, then I don't have an objection. The only issue is that I heard that you're engaged."
"Not anymore, sir." Sa'ad said and I turned sharply to look at him. He avoided my gaze, daddy looked back to me before looking back at Sa'ad, then back at me.
"Iram, please excuse us." Daddy said and I didn't know why I was feeling sorry for Sa'ad because he was probably going to receive the biggest threat of his life.
"A huta lafiya, daddy."
He just said he was not engaged to Hauwa anymore. Could he be lying? What could've caused it if he was speaking the truth? I could still remember the sinister smile on her face as she stood behind Sa'ad and announced to me that they were engaged. No, he was definitely hiding something but I had no reason to believe he was lying as he has never lied to me before. But he told me he was going home just now, what made him come back? I had so many questions that only Sa'ad held the answers to but it seemed we have a serious communication gap.
I'll wait for him to find me.
I was walking back to my room when I saw Amra coming back from God knows where, I rolled my eyes and increased my pace but she really ran up to me and caught my hand.
"Ke, bari mana." I scolded but she didn't mind. "You must be really bold to come up to me like this after running your big mouth to your mother."
"Oh wow." She sounded upset too. "I didn't say anything, it was Amna that told Aunty that you and Sa'ad are probably dating because you've been spending a lot of time together here at home." I was surprised because whenever I met Sa'ad, I'd make sure they weren't home or we sat where they wouldn't see us. "Yeah, you're not as secretive as you thought."
"What do you want?" I asked Amra, I was done with their mind games. Who knows what goes on in their wing? My whole life, I've only been there less than seven times. But they walked into my side as if they owned it.
"Was Daddy upset to find out about the two of you?"
"What is it to you?"
"Please." She sounded desperate and I sighed.
"I don't know, I left them together so I don't know if daddy would discharge him right away and ask for a replacement."
She looked disappointed, "and what would you do if that happens?"
"You don't think I'm going to go against daddy and follow Sa'ad, do you?" I said to her, "I'm good with whatever daddy does."
"Even if you'll hurt?"
"Especially if I hurt Amra, he probably saw something I wouldn't see at my age and I trust his decisions." I said to her firmly and her eyes fell, she looked miserable and confused but I walked away from her.
I reached the main entrance and I turned around to see her standing where I left for her, something told me that even though Amra and Amna had been nothing but horrible to me— even though I always put them in their place— they're still my sisters, my blood. And from the looks of it, Amra needed guidance. She was yet to confide in me but it'll be heartless of me to let her go through all this on her own.
"Amra." I called out and she looked up at me. "Hidayah is here right now, you can come to my room later and I'll tell you about everything that happened before I even met Sa'ad." I didn't tell her I wanted her to talk to me because it might scare her away. But I know how girls of her age are with gossip and people's experiences. She wouldn't be able to resist.
"Can I come with Amna?"
I shrugged "If she wants to come."
While I was telling the whole truth when I told Amra that I'll always follow whatever daddy chose for me over my own desires, I was still scared of what would happen if daddy decided he wouldn't let me be with Sa'ad. I had unexpectedly fallen in love with Saad, more with his attitude, composure and characters. I kept wondering what he saw in me because I was basic. Yes, I was good looking and from a good family but how many like me were out there? There were thousands, but where do you find men like Saad easily?
"Still here?" I said as I found Hidayah where I left her, but with a book she found on my bedside table.
"I realised I didn't really want to sleep when Daddy was probably giving your hand out in marriage to Sa'ad." She said and I chuckled.
"Actually, you won't believe what happened." I said to her as I told her what happened from the minute I stepped out of the room and my exchange with Sa'ad, Aunty and Daddy.
"What do you think daddy will say to Sa'ad?" She asked, confusion written on her face. "Come to think of it, why are we just hearing about this broken engagement now?"
"I'm as confused as you're right now. I'm even asking myself if it's worth all the drama."
"Now this is the Iram I know, paranoid and passive. But we've both agreed that she has no place here. It's going to be fine with Sa'ad because he is a good person and he loves you, you're also a good person and you love him. As long as daddy is okay with this, we're okay with it." Hidayah said all this while staring at me dead in the eyes as if to plaster her thoughts into my head and I sighed.
"But-"
"No buts," she said while staring at her watch. "I'm supposed to pick up Ammar at school in a few minutes, I'll call a ride when I step out."
"What happened to your car?" I asked her.
"Khalil went out with it, I didn't even know until I stepped out to come over here." She was clearly upset that her immediate younger brother took the car without her permission but I knew how close they were, she wouldn't be as upset later.
We stepped out of the house as I told her what happened between me and Amra as I was coming back and she chipped in her observation. "She looked happy when I saw her at the fair, she was with two friends and an older guy."
"Wait, an older guy? How old?"
"Like our age." She shrugged. "But I don't know who he was or who he was seeing among them and he looked pretty decent to me."
"Still, she's just a child. Something should be done about this."
"Madam Hidayah." Sa'ad's voice said behind us and Hidayah turned around with a smile on her face. They exchanged pleasantries while I ignored his presence as I waited for them to finish. "Still mad at me?" He said in a low voice and I stared at him for a moment before looking away.
"Let's go if you don't want to be late." I told Hidayah and she nodded.
"Are you going home? We can drop you." Sa'ad offered and that got my attention. Who's we?
"Who's we?" I narrowed my eyes on him.
"You and I, Hafsah." He said with a sly smile. "Get used to it, I officially have permission."
My heart was racing with either excitement or anxiety or anger. Excitement that daddy has approved, anxiety that there's no going back now that daddy has approved and anger at the fact that too much happened and he didn't tell me.
My eyes were still on him but I could see Hidayah looking between the two of us, she was also confused but not as confused as I was. She finally decided to speak up as she held my hand. "Come on, let's go." As if she knew I was thinking of turning around and going back to my room, Sa'ad had hurt me with his lack of communication and he ought to know that.
"I told Amra she could meet me in my room, you can go ahead." I said stubbornly but Hidayah insisted.
"You can go to her after you drop me at home, just text her now." She pleaded and my shoulders sagged in defeat, it had always been like this between us. We don't beg each other more than once, you'll just have to be selfless enough to succumb to the other's wish.
I just walked towards the car, grateful that I had my purse with me and that I could always ditch them at any point and come back home. Hidayah's phone rang as she entered the backseat and Sa'ad settled in the driver's seat of the car, he glanced at me but I refused to turn around to acknowledge him.
He silently drove us out of the compound as Hidayah wrapped up her phone call and said to him. "Mr. Sa'ad, I'm going home straight, Ammar was picked up by Khalil."
"Perfect then." Sa'ad answered a little bit too enthusiastically for my liking, he was nervous and I couldn't help but smile inwardly. For someone who always had things in order, it would be funny to see him acting out of character. "Any news about your results?" He said to her again and she answeeed him back with the same energy, Hidayah loved and still loves school. She wouldn't mind starting her Master's degree right away.
"Not yet but any time from next week, we'll get an update. Although I heard that everyone has aced in the exams, especially our personal four pointer." she said, referring to me but Sa'ad kept quiet because he probably didn't know she was talking about me. He has zero knowledge about my performance in school.
"Is Hafsah your class topper?" He asked carefully and Hidayah chuckled.
"Well, she and Muhammad always give each other a tough time but from the looks of it, she's our best graduating student."
I didn't know how I felt about Sa'ad finding out about all this, Hidayah cannot keep quiet to save her life.
"Congratulations are in order then." Another glance was thrown at me but I still refused to acknowledge him.
"It's not on paper yet." I shrugged.
After that dismissal, Sa'ad decided to respect himself and keep quiet. A part of me felt bad for giving him a hard time but it was what he deserved for not being vocal about things.
He let out an audible sigh and I could tell that he knew how much he messed up.
TO BE CONTINUED IN SA'AD's POV