dedicated to smile__behappy_
🎶 Kho Gaye
Published on 06.11.2022
❝ aahaton mein jab kareebi na ho,
humne jo khoya dikhta nahi ankhon se. ❞
🥀
It had been more than half an hour since Inaaya had been waiting for him. Andrew watched the girl from the window who stood in the lawn area spread out around the trailer house, with her hands wrapped around herself, fisting the material of her sweater in a desperate attempt to feel warm.
When Inaaya knocked on his door and asked for Ayansh, he had requested her to wait inside but she blatantly refused and declared she'll wait outside. He tried to convince her by saying he's Sarya's brother but she simply walked away. Andrew had even tried to call Ayansh but his phone was switched off and hence, dropped a message which he probably hadn't checked yet.
Another gust of wind breezed through her making hairs rise on her skin and her teeth chatter. She rubbed her hands over the fabric as she looked in the distance, waiting for Ayansh's arrival.
She saw his car pulling up near the fence and Ayansh steps out, muttering a thanks to his driver and then, his brows pinch together at her presence. He paces towards her, looking around before looking back at her.
Andrew who was watching through the window comes out of the house and rushes towards them.
"She has been here since last half an hour." Andrew says, panting. "Your phone is switched off." He sighs and then gestures towards Inaaya as he adds, "I even asked her to come inside but she was adamant."
"What's- what's wrong?" Ayansh inquires, worry lacing his voice. "Are you alright?" He asks looking at Inaaya.
Inaaya parts her lips but then closes it eyeing Andrew. "I need to talk to Ayansh. Can you please leave?"
Andrew simply gives her a small nod and eyes Ayansh anxiously before making his way back.
"Inaaya?" Ayansh calls out softly, "Can we go inside and talk? It's cold." He says noticing how she was clutching her sweater tightly.
Inaaya shakes her head and exhales sharply. "I need answers. I'm here to talk to you- "
"Fine." He cuts her off. "But can we not stand here in freezing cold? It's been half an hour since you're here. It's not at all- "
"Ayansh!" She snaps, shutting him up. "I don't care," her voice trembles as she speaks, "and please, drop this act. The whole thing of you being worried about me and all." She gesticulates, clearly irritated.
He stares at her, baffled. "Where is this coming from?"
Inaaya scoffs. "Why are you here?"
"I'm not getting anything that you're saying. What's wrong? Did something happen?" Genuine confusion morphs over his face.
Inaaya looks at him for a few seconds, trying to read him and then breathes out through her lips. "Why are you here in Cambridge? What made you accept Mr. Stevens offer all of a sudden?"
Ayansh freezes. His face paling, his body going rigid. He had a feeling this was going to be an utter mess. "For work." He mumbles uncertainly and finds her gritting her teeth.
"Don't lie." She says sternly.
Ayansh gulps inaudibly and darts his gaze to get a grip over himself. "Inaaya," there was a certain amount of warmth and longing mingled in the way he took her name, gazing at her earnestly and she stands there, staring at him with doubts and fears. "I wanted to apologise to you, for everything. I- I came here for you." He breathes out, feeling his eyes tearing up. "I'm sorry."
After a beat, Inaaya chuckles and shakes her head. "What's going on now?" She asks with contempt, unfolding her arms and letting them drop on her sides. "Didn't you've enough of playing games with me and my feelings? What's this? A part two?"
"Inaaya," he breathes out, evidently hurt by her retort. "You're getting it all wrong."
"Ayansh, I'm done." Her voice wavers and she clicks her tongue to the palate of her mouth, to not let a sob wrack through her. "Stop pretending. Stop acting as if you care and all. What do you want from me?" The question comes out as a helpless complain. "What's this whole bullshit of 'I wanted to apologise' that you're trying to feed me? And then what?"
Ayansh looks at her, shell shocked. "I'm sorry for what I did. I- I daily regret what happened between us. And- and I'm not pretending," his voice cracks and a lone tear escapes his eye, trailing down his cheek, "I do care for you." He whispers, brokenly.
"You lied," she reminded him, doing her best to not get affected seeing him so vulnerable. "Misused my trust, didn't respect my- ," she stops when emotion clogs her throat, her vision turning hazy and she bites her lower lip as they quiver, "didn't respect my love and now you say, you care?"
He was stunned, unable to find the right words to express himself for how sorry he truly felt, how remorseful he actually was and how sincere his feelings for her actually were.
Inaaya raked a hand through her hair, fisting them lightly and then, gathering them over her right shoulder. "I've nothing left." Her voice comes out as a whisper. "I can't- I can't do this anymore. Spare me if you're here with the intentions of again using me as per your convenience, as a pawn or take a revenge- "
"I wouldn't do that, Inaaya!" He interrupts, his voice pitching higher in incredulity. "I'm not faking anything. What even makes you think like that?"
"I don't know Ayansh!" She shrieks in frustration. "Wasn't that what you did last time? Acted as if you're this nice, caring human being, looking out for me, making me feel special and I fell right for it." Disgusts drips from every word of hers. "Maybe your brother wants to hurt me more or maybe it's you who aren't satisfied with what happened last time. Maybe there's some revenge- "
"I love you." He says like it was the only thing he knew and she freezes as the wind carries those three words spoken with utmost tenderness and fragility. "I love you," he mouths again as she stares at him with an undecipherable emotion and he prays that for once, she could trust him again.
Inaaya was taken aback by the sudden confession. Her blood revolted in her veins and her heart trashed in her chest at his audacity.
"I wish I could slap you right now." She glares at him with loathe.
"Inaaya," he takes a step ahead and tries to hold her and she instinctively takes a step back, holding her hands in front as if she's repulsed from him. His chest constricts in pain at her reaction.
"Don't touch me." She tells him firmly and he feels the pain intensifying, so much that it makes him stagger back.
Ayansh nods, looking away and shoves his left hand in his jeans pocket. He didn't know if her words were more hurtful or her actions but it burnt him. It was like a physical pain but worse.
"Don't say things that you don't even mean it." She mutters with clenched teeth, crossing her arms and tucking her hands beneath her elbows. "Don't... just don't go on throwing words for the sake of it and insult something as beautiful as love."
"I'm not lying," he tries to convince her helplessly, still looking away because it was unbearable to witness her looking at him with disgust and hate. "My feelings for you were always true."
Inaaya let's out a dry laugh at that statement. "Is that the reason why it took you two years and eight months?" She mocks making him look at her with bewilderment. "Were you busy planning for a back-up story and building up a sob story to tell me and convince that your feelings, which you never expressed," she adds animatedly, "were true?" She raises her eyebrows.
Ayansh tries to look for a hint that could tell him that she didn't mean whatever she said. Maybe she did think that and he, himself had given her reasons to think so but her accusations were nothing less than bullets piercing hole in his heart and it was goddamn painful. "Do you really think that?" He asks her instead and she hates how uneasy the question makes her feel.
Emotions should come with a switch on and off button because how could she feel disgusted and in love with the same person at the same time? She hated how he managed to cause an eruption of conflicting feelings within her which ended in making her feel more weak than ever, questioning her words and actions, fears and beliefs. She hated how he looked at her with so much anguish that she felt as if someone was trying to remove a dagger pierced in her chest when she wished they could leave the wound as it is because the more they tried to help her, the more she suffered.
A low whimper spills out of her lips and she looks up, swallowing back her tears. Ayansh never felt this helpless ever as he watched her breaking down and he couldn't even reach her. It felt history was repeating and even after pledging that he wouldn't let it happen, he couldn't help but simply watch them falling prey to the games of fate.
"Inaaya, please," he murmurs, gazing at her with a fervent need to engulf her in his arms. "I'm sorry."
"No, Ayansh!" She whisper yells as tears stream down her face incessantly. "You don't get it, do you?" She couldn't help but let out her frustrations at him. She was exhausted, tired of her life, tired of him, tired of her own self. "I don't trust you. And you've no right to question me for it. You can't just barge into my life when I was doing just fine and make everything about yourself! You can't act as if I'm the one who betrayed you and who keeps hurting you. You can't just reside in my thoughts the whole time and you can't become the centre of my universe." She sobs and mumbles dejectedly, "not again."
Ayansh lowers his head, pressing the back of his palm over his mouth and sniffs. He hated it. He hated to see her cry, he hated it even more that the reason behind her sobs were him. "I know I don't deserve you." He swallows, looking far away into the abyss of darkness that was spread out over them. "I'm not here to make my way back into your life. You.... you deserve better," he breathes out, feeling suffocated in his own skin. "but please, trust me for once. I'm not lying. I just want to apologise to you, clear the misunderstandings and gain your forgiveness. Nothing else."
Inaaya wipes the tears and took a deep breath, composing yourself. She looked up. "Do you see the sky?" She asks him.
Ayansh looks down at her, bemused and turns his head up again.
"Are there any stars?" She inquires and he doesn't understand what she meant.
There were no stars.
"Can you see the moon up there?" She continues.
There was no moon.
"It's dark." Ayansh replies when he sees her waiting for his response.
Inaaya turns her gaze to him, a peculiar look swimming in her eyes. "Exactly."
Ayansh looks back at her, more confusion getting painted over his face.
"It's dark. No stars, no moon, nothing." Inaaya adds solemnly. "That's how we're and that's how things between us stand. I trusted you and you broke it and that's the end. There's no hope or light here. All there ever will be around is despair."
Ayansh listens to her and after a moment, carefully, takes a step ahead and a slight relief washes over him when she doesn't flinch. "Look up again." He whispers and after a little reluctance, she follows.
"Surely it's dark," he says as she watches the sky ardently. "But it doesn't promise to be dark forever," he murmurs lowly and her heart thuds against her ribcage at the determination his voice held. "It's dark today but tomorrow? Maybe tomorrow, there will be stars and the moon too. Maybe tomorrow, you can see the light and the hope too. Maybe tomorrow, the despair would fade away."
Inaaya whips her head back at him and her breath hitches when she finds him already staring at her, an intense conviction looped with a delicate softness.
She steps away from him, pulling at the sleeves of her sweater. Without another word, she starts to walk away.
"Inaaya, wait." Ayansh rushes, putting a hand before her and she halts. "I'll drop you." He looks at her pleadingly.
She glowers at him from the corner of her eyes. "I can go by my own."
Ayansh walks besides her. "Fine, I'll walk with you."
Inaaya stops abruptly, partially annoyed and partially overwhelmed emotionally. "I can't deal with more." It takes enormous amount of strength to say without letting her voice crack.
"You're not walking home." He says firmly, still gazing at her the same way. "I don't care right now if you trust me or not but you'll fall ill if you're just going to let yourself freeze in this cold. And I- I can't let you go alone at this time."
She rolls her eyes at his so called concern. "Fine, I'll call the cab." She gives in and he thanks internally.
They stand in silence as they wait for the cab on the pavement, a little distance from the trailer house.
Inaaya feels irritated and aggravated by his presence but she controls herself from unleashing her fury on him. She feared if she could blast him off again without breaking down herself. Ayansh simply stands, an adequate distance between them, stealing glances, concerned about her.
When the cab arrives, Inaaya gets in without sparing another look at Ayansh and he watches as the vehicle takes the curve and disappears from his sight.
Later, he called Maya whose number he had acquired through her bakery and made sure if Inaaya reached home or not.
***
Happens rarely but I actually wrote this chapter in one stretch. I've my semester exams from Wednesday so updates will be irregular. Sorry :(
Also, can y'all kindly vote and if possible, drop in a comment? I mean, it actually doesn't take much to appreciate if you're liking the story. Will be really grateful if you could share the story with your friends too. Much love ❤️
Target : 25 votes.
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