Hello, she's backkk! Thank you so much for the 26k reads!! 🥺
This is a flashback. The incidents here happened after Raven fainted due to Beatrix's illusion during Chapters 30 & 31! And, uh, ahem... sana magustuhan niyo!
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Anger.
A small bite stings, but a well overflowing with it is the most dangerous thing.
I'm not a calm person. Mabilis akong mairita at mainis sa mga tao... pero hindi ako malalim magalit. But when everyone is holding me in their little puppet strings, making me dance to their horrendous tunes, and blatantly ignoring every click of my mechanical mouth, who wouldn't be enraged?
Poor Raia Venetia who acted as if she was Hiraya's most untouchable woman turned out to be just everyone's doll.
Pumasok sa clinic ang liwanag ng buwan. I have no idea how many minutes I've been sitting there. Hindi naman ako masyadong nag-alala dahil ako lang ang nasa loob.
Everything is just... exhausting. Pakiramdam ko ilang taon akong tumatakbo sa kalsadang hindi matapos-tapos. I have made plans, made necessary actions to take, and then when that bitch, Beatrix, hit me with her illusion earlier... I just fucking want to kill.
Especially that the annoying shadow who's too persistent for her own good probably manipulated the illusions. Dahil talagang inulit niya lang sa'kin ang mga nangyari at nalaman ko these past weeks. Sino ba ang nagsabing kailangan ko ng lecture recap?
Nagagalit na naman ulit ako.
I let out a long exhale, trying to calm down my nerves. Lumapit ako sa bintana. I closed my eyes as the moonlight touched my face, relishing the happiness it gave me. The cold darkness numbed my fears and anger. And the fury welling inside of me disappeared, finally making me breathe.
Like always, the night remained as my only companion... my solitary comfort.
But then, the night will end. So what's the use of these few minutes of peace when I have to face another day, strangled by their lies?
I let out another exhale, turning around to leave the room when my eyes landed on a stray student. For a sunchild, he sure is active at night. Hindi ako gumalaw sa kinatatayuan. With the moon as our sole witness, Helios and I continued to stare at each other.
That moment... was the most perfect for me. His broken face soothed my anger and the way those golden eyes remained on me... made me oddly satisfied. After everything I learned today, after finding out the roles we had to play, I was only certain of one thing.
Whatever happens, whatever is true, I only wish that he wouldn't look away.
"How are you feeling?" siya ang unang nagtanong.
"Besides your heat, I'm fine." I tried to joke but he remained impassive, his watchful eyes scanning my body for harm. "I'm really fine, stop worrying. I..."
Naalala ko ulit ang nangyari kanina. The way I lost consciousness and drowned in the illusions, how I tried to make sense of the darkness until a familiar heat touched me. "I felt you. And when I reached out," inilahad ko din ang kamay, na parang nag-iimbita. "You held me."
He took a step forward, his hand gently touching mine. He caressed it so softly. Na para bang mababasag if he exerts more force. Although I guess, it was also just his way of always making me comfortable in his presence.
"Mm."
"I have a question. Will you answer me truthfully?"
His cautious eyes met mine. He hesitated for a few seconds before nodding his head.
"Tell me..." I slowly muttered. The illusions that contained my past and my future, as well as the prophecy that keeps on haunting me, reappeared in my mind. "Will I bring ruin to Hiraya in the future?"
There was a tense silence in the room as Helios stiffened. "Why are you asking?"
"The illusion... was tampered with. The images shown to me were beyond Beatrix's capabilities. I saw myself in the middle of a war and the dead bodies that surrounded me were my friends. I saw myself as the darkness that will doom this world."
And maybe to me, it finally made sense. Everything that happened finally clicked.
I am the daughter of Sarienne, a child of darkness who will bring war and decide the fate of the country. This Selection... the Academy's new strategies... were all created to lock and counter me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pinamigay, but I now understand my family's attitude towards me. Simula't sapol pa lang hindi na ako kailangan - an unwanted child. At ngayon, ako pa ang sisira sa mundo nila.
Really... all I do is bring trouble.
Hindi pa rin sumagot si Helios kaya binitawan ko ang kamay niya. I took a step back, letting myself be burned by the heat. He frowned, trying to touch me again but I shook my head.
"Prince," I called him by his title and he flinched. "I am your future enemy. You shouldn't show me any compassion."
His jaw clenched. Beyond the heat that seek to scorch me, the intensity of his stare burned. His silence also made me uncomfortable. Iniwas ko ang tingin, sinusubukang pigilan ang sarili na mainis ulit sa mga taong ayaw sumagot sa mga tanong ko.
And earlier, he said he'll tell the truth.
"Whatever," I murmured, defeated. "Aalis na ak-"
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang bigla siyang lumapit. Taken aback, umatras din ako hanggang maramdaman ang bintana sa likod. He continued to close our distance, until the back of my knee touched the windowsill, and he took my arms, trapping me. Mabigat ang bawat hininga naming dalawa at hindi ko maalis ang tingin sa mga mata niya.
Under the moonlight, Helios, the sun child, looked the most ethereal.
"Raia," he called my name, looking so troubled. "We may be enemies in the future. To protect your people, you will need to kill me. And to defend my country, I will have to fight you."
Hindi ako sumagot. Nagpatuloy siya.
"Even then... I wish there wouldn't be any war."
"Why?"
Hinintay ko siyang sumagot ngunit tanging pagtitig lang ang ginawa niya.
"You don't want to fight?" tanong ko na tinanguan niya. "Because you pity me?" he frowned. "Or because you like me?" he avoided my gaze.
I chuckled, startling him. "Heli, I never thought of that. Weren't we close because we could use each other? You gave me freedom, I gave you room to breathe in this suffocating place." I paused. "Now that I think about it, I guess it's only fitting we're enemies."
As a child, I've always had a good eye for people. Siguro dahil isa na rin sa maayos na abiso ng ama ko ay kung paano aralan ang isang tao. We had to make sure we weren't taken advantage of, even if we were the ones manipulating other people. That only made my attitude a complete bull. I was always frank, and having the edge of reading people's motives, did not make my shitty personality better.
So I know, just like how I'm confident about Tamara and Azriel, what people desire from me. Whether that was to be an obedient and diligent student, a kind friend, or someone to be used for their own gain. Pero nag-iisip din naman ako. I enjoyed Helios' reactions to everything I do, whether it was just a part of his acting or not, kaya hinayaan ko siyang gamitin ako para makaalis sa posas niya.
Were all our actions sincere or calculated? Honestly, kahit ako ay walang ka-ideya-ideya. It's just... kung totoo man ang pinapakita niya o hindi, gusto ko ang mata niyang laging nasa akin.
"You're right." sagot niya. "You were the only person who could break the rules for me. But then..."
"So what changed?"
Gumalaw ang panga niya. I could see him internally debating whether to answer my question or not. Though, I think I could already think of one. That the sunchild fell into his own trap.
I let out a small smile, raising my hand to brush his hair. My fingers touched his ear, and even under this shallow light, I could see it redden. Beyond his motives, this is another thing I'm certain of. The way he flushes isn't part of the act. The prince is just a touch-starved puppy.
"You still didn't answer my question." pag-iiba ko sa usapan at pilit na binabalik ang atensiyon niya sa'kin.
His eyes went back to mine. I tried to stop myself from smiling. That's right. Those eyes... should only settle on me.
"Raia, you're the only one who can answer that."
What a perfect answer.
"If I did ruin Hiraya, will you kill me, then?"
His throat bobbed. "I am the crowned prince."
That reply was more than enough.
Mahina ulit akong natawa kaya kumunot ang noo niya. Akala siguro niya nabaliw na ako. I'm pretty sure he expects me to be seething in anger, not entertaining his small affections. But then... with his heat... even the coldest of ice would probably melt.
"Alright then," I shifted against his hold, trying to straighten my posture. I want to assert dominance but I think I look silly with our height difference. "But promise me one thing."
He stared for a second before giving a small, hesitant nod.
"You're the only one allowed to kill me. No one else."
The mood in the room shifted. His earlier, calm expression changed at my statement. His frown deepened, a scowl gracing his handsome face. Pinigilan ko ang matawa dahil ang cute niya. Ayan kasi at tatango-tango ka pa kanina.
"Raia, what are you-"
"It wasn't a question."
His jaw clenched, grip on me tightening. "Stop talking about that. There's no-"
"So are you breaking your promise now?"
Natahimik siya. I smirked, grabbing his collar and pulling him even closer. So close that I could feel his breath on me.
"Helios, you're the only one who will kill me. Do you promise?"
I could feel the gears in his head turning, as he tried to control his anger and chew on the promise he will be agreeing to.
"Do. you. promise?"
His eyes burned with frustration and suffering. Ilang minuto kaming natahimik hanggang sa mahina siyang tumango.
"Yes," his voice was low and hoarse, sounding a little bit broken. "I... promise..."
I grinned. When he tried to avoid my gaze, I cupped his face and placed my lips on his. Naramdaman ko kung paano siya tumigas sa kinatatayuan. His eyes widened and a small gasp left his lips. He tried to speak but no words left his mouth. I tried to pull away, but when I saw his blushing face and parted lips, I couldn't stop myself from kissing him again.
Umatras ako para bigyan kaming dalawa ng distansya. "Now, our promise is sealed." masayang tugon ko sa kaniya.
Helios didn't offer any response. He stood still as a statue, unblinking. Napailing ako sa sarili at sinubukan siyang itulak palayo. He staggered back weakly. I was about to use that distraction to leave but before I could get out, he grabbed my arms and turned me to face him. Bago pa ako makapagtanong ay muli niyang inilapat ang labi sa'kin. Unlike my earlier attempt, his kiss was aggressive. It was full of anger, hunger, and desire. It made my head spin, eyes half-lidded as I struggled to meet his searching ones. He continued to kiss me, as if it was the only thing that mattered, and he didn't stop until I tried to push against his chest.
When his lips left mine, I gasped out loud, trying to catch my breath. "Helios-" I tried to say but then he was kissing me again.
I felt his hand on my cheek and I instinctively leaned on it. When he sighed my name, I was utterly defeated. I succumbed. I clumsily moved my lips to his rhythm. My legs were shaking, my knees were almost out of strength, and I had to grip his arms to find my balance. His hand snaked to my back, the other holding my waist.
"Helios," I once again pleaded when he pulled back. "Let me... breath..."
He tilted my head back and I clutched at his shirt. Leaning forward, he whispered his response against my lips, "Just one more."
Helios kissed me again. Hindi ko na maalala kung ilang minuto na kaming nakatayo do'n. Every time he retreats, I tell him to stop, but he says 'one more' and we're back to kissing again. I don't know what's happening to him that he can't leave my mouth alone. He chases after it, whispering promises, and steals my breath again.
It was only when I had enough that I gathered all my strength to push him back. Sinubukan niya pa ring humalik pero tinakpan ko na ang bibig niya.
"I know I told you to kill me, but not now!" hingal na hingal kong saway. "I can't breath anymore!"
He just stared at me. Gano'n din ang ginawa ko sa kaniya. He doesn't even look out of breath.
"Hoy. Naririnig mo ba ako?"
Slowly, Helios pushed my hand back. There was a small frown on his face. "Then, one more once you can breath?"
"Gago ka ba?"
Nagtatampo niyang iniwas ang mata. "You attacked me first. And... I was even doing my best to control myself..."
Natulala ako. Well, I mean, hindi naman siya nagsisinungaling. But I kissed him to tease! And I wasn't expecting it to be as intense as this!
"Basta tama na." I ordered and he didn't show any sign of listening. Hinampas ko ang kamay niya. "Tama na, kuha mo?"
"... Fine..." he replied like a sulking child.
Parang nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Akmang aalis na sana ako sa pagkakayakap niya nang ilapit niya ulit ang mukha. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. "Hoy, Heli, anong sinabi-"
"Last one...?" he asked in a low, soft voice.
"Huwag mo 'kong lambingin-"
"Just... It feels... If I let go, you'll disappear." brushing his lips against mine, he continued. "Raia... please? One last kiss? Please?"
Seryoso... Don't say that please word!
"Okay. Basta last na-" He didn't even let me finish my sentence.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakabalik sa kwarto. I just burrowed myself under the blankets, trying to hide my red face. I don't know if Tamara noticed me but I also didn't want to be seen right now. Pakiramdam ko napaka-vulnerable ng state ko ngayon.
I wasn't able to sleep that night. Hindi lang sa mga nalaman ko ngayong araw at sa galit na patuloy lumalaki, there's also that sun troubling me. Putangina. Enemies daw. Ginagawa ba 'yon ng magkaaway?!
Honestly, these unnecessary feelings are just making me confused.
Wala akong nakausap buong umaga dahil sa bagyong nangyayari sa loob ng puso ko. I guess, with all these troubling feelings, all I can greet warmly is Tamara and Azriel. Siguro, si Griffin na rin kung ipipilit. But the rest... I still don't know what to do with them.
Ngayong may hinala na ako, at may alam na ako sa katotohanan, I couldn't help but get angrier. What was so hard about telling the truth? What was so difficult about uncovering secrets that I will soon find out? Natatakot ba silang kapag maaga kong malaman 'yon, I would straight-up kill and order their deaths? Was all the hiding and covering necessary so the monster wouldn't be awakened?
Wouldn't that mean na una pa lang... they already assumed that I was the greatest evil.
Napatigil ako sa gitna ng paglalakad. Now that I know the truth, anong gagawin ko? What's my next step? Ano ba ang mangyayari-
"You're here."
Nanlamig ako nang marinig ang boses na 'yon. It was unfamiliar but my body shivered on its own. And the shadows that crept along the walls of the corridor disappeared as the maiden of light walked towards me.
Si Sorin, ang kakambal ni Sarienne at ang liwanag sa mga anak ni Hiraya.
Her every stride was filled with elegance - a long, white dress perfectly paired with her golden hair and eyes. The glint of fierceness in her gaze reminded me of Helios. I know she isn't her mother but I guess all children of light share the same ethereal looks.
"You look so much just like her," she chuckled to herself as she stopped in front of me. Nang hindi ako sumagot, nagpatuloy siya. "I came here to watch you, my niece."
"I don't know you."
"I'm sure you already do from the way your display of arrogance disappeared. Now... you're just like her. Cold and lifeless."
I narrowed my eyes. "Do you mean... Sarienne?"
"How disrespectful." umiling-iling siya na parang hindi nasisiyahan sa sinabi ko kahit na may munting ngiti sa labi. "She's your mother, you know." I gritted my teeth. "But, I already expected that from you. A monster holds no affection for their parents."
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Pinipigilan ko na nga lang ang galit ko pero talagang magpapakita pa ang bruha na 'to para mang-inis. I don't know her history with my... mother... but I could tell she isn't exactly a sweet aunt. At dahil ayoko namang may makabangga pa na royal, at nararamdaman ko rin kung gaano kalaki ang agwat ng kapangyarihan namin, I settled with a deep, irritated exhale.
"Did you want something from me?" tanong ko para matapos na ang usapan.
Sorin smiled sweetly, the halls brightening. "Nothing, my dear. But I hope you'll like my gift later. It's... the affection of your aunt."
Ano daw?
I didn't understand it until I faced Damon in a match. The sudden change of rules made me believe it was rigged. At sino pa ba ang may higit na karapatan kung hindi ang bruhang kapatid ni Sarienne.
Still, fighting Damon was difficult. Not because of his soulstone, but because of my conflicted feelings. I despise him for never telling me the truth despite having a lot of chances. I'm enraged at the thought of him siding with the palace than his people. But then... I also remember his quiet attempts at being my brother. I have the feeling that he reasons his actions with his duty as an older brother.
One of his attacks made me lose my balance but he quickly grasped my hand, preventing my fall. Nang titigan ko siya, I found guilt and regret among the emotions in his eyes. I clenched my fist in a desperate attempt to hold my anger. Ayokong makita ang ganiyang emosyon sa kanila. Out of everything, I hated regret. Because most of the time, there are early solutions that would stop every party involved from getting hurt.
It makes me want to scream about how they had plenty of chances but they broke every single one.
"I'm sorry," he started to say, making my blood boil even more. "I didn't want things to be this-"
Hindi ko siya pinatapos. "It already is."
His eyes widened, looking at me as if he were pleading. And then, I made a decision that I will carry until now.
I went on a stroll after the battle. Defeating Damon did not only win me a match, but it also cleared my head. Since I fainted, I've been distant from them. At first, it was to give me space and think, so that I wouldn't be clouded with anger. And now, I could see that this coldness and isolation were the only way to keep them safe.
Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa paparating na mga buwan, pero siguro'y dapat ihanda ko na ang sarili. Eventually, I have to decide whether to be the sacrificial lamb or the villain.
Still, I couldn't leave Tamara alone. Sa lahat ng mga naging kapatid ko, sa katagalan man o sa dugo, Tamara was the person I treated as a sister the most.
I guess... Tamara being an outsider to my affairs soothed me. Finally, there was someone who befriended me for me.
When Sunday came, I remembered Andreas' mission and followed him.
Doon na din nagsimula ang lahat. Doon na ako nakagawa ng desisyon.
I had no idea kung saan kami patungo. We were on the outskirts of Alora, hiking up the mountains and walking along the rivers. It was too far that I immediately knew this wasn't an ordinary mission. Paham and that other old man said this would bring them information so I became curious. Kung alam ko lang na tatahakin namin ang libo-libong bundok at ilog, sana naman pala hindi na ako nag-abala.
I silently glared at Andreas' back, still trying to keep a safe distance. Ano ba ang pupuntahan ng lalaking 'to? Sa layo ng lugar, mas mabuti pa sigurong nagstart kami no'ng Lunes pa lang. O 'di kaya sumakay na lang siya sa kabayo para naman 'di kami mag-aksaya ng oras.
He probably treats this as an exercise kaya siya ang naatasan na gumawa ng misyon. Hm. I guess that's why Andreas is so built. Even under a shirt, it's evident that his muscles are natural.
Although... siyempre, mas maganda ang muscles no'ng anak ng araw.
Napailing ako sa sariling naisip. I saw Andreas stop kaya naman agad din akong tumigil at nagtago. I guess we've finally arrived at the peak of the mountain. Curious, sinubukan kong tingnan kung anong grandeng inaksayaha namin ng oras at nang makita iyon, naestatwa ako.
I blankly stared at a temple. It was a crappy one. Sira ang bubong at hindi na ulit napinturahan pa. The water on a well nearby was dirty. Mukhang hindi din inaayos ang garden kaya hindi ko maintindihan bakit ang natatanging tao ay sumasayaw pa at inaalagaan ang mga patay na halaman.
"Oracle." Andreas greeted and my jaw dropped.
Oracle? Oracle?! That guy right there is the oracle?! Gusto kong sumigaw at pumadyak-padyak. I've always thought of those people as someone decent and elegant, not some old guy in a weird shirt and shorts, holding a thermos as a way of watering the plants. May usok pang lumalabas. Kaya naman pala namamatay ang mga tanim.
However, the moment the man turned and I saw his clear white eyes, my doubts dissipated.
"The news of the prophecy has already reached the Academy." balita ni Andreas.
"I am aware. She has also... made preparations."
She? Are they talking about Sorin?
"I'm here on behalf of the palace, but I'm also worried for my niece. Sorin... will not stop at anything to prevent the past from happening again."
Naningkit ang mata ko. The past... what past? Ibig ba niyang sabihin ay sina Sarienne?
"She cannot stop fate from happening. Even if she is the maiden of light, this is a tale of the gods."
Pinigilan ko ang sarili na mairita. Ito na naman tayo sa mga magugulong usapan nila. Why do they like to talk in codes? Mas masaya ba 'yon?
"Andreas, you came here to find out the plans that the palace should take, but you also wished to know your niece's salvation, right?"
Mahinang tumango si Andreas. Isang maliit na ngiti naman ang nakita ko sa matanda.
"Very well. Come inside and I will show you her fate."
I watched as Andreas and that oracle entered the shabby temple. Gusto kong sumunod pero sa kahirapan na mayroon ang lugar na 'to, I'll only be spotted as soon as I go near.
Kaya hinintay kong matapos ang business ni Andreas. I already planned to talk to the oracle once he's gone. Alam ko na din naman kung paano umuwi. Ngunit mukhang hindi ko lucky day ngayon dahil akmang aalis ang lalaki nang may bagong dumating.
My eyes widened when a child came to view. That child! Siya ang kasama nina War at Ruin noon! Siya din ang gumamit ng illusion para malapit na akong makidnap. Ano naman ang ginagawa niyang bata dito? At mukhang mag-isa lang siya.
I frowned at the increase in tension between the three. It's as if the child's presence darkened their mood.
"Helena," the oracle coldly greeted. "What brings you here?"
"I forgot how this place was before." she started to say, ignoring his question. Inikot niya ang mata sa paligid kaya mas lalo akong nagtago. "You've tended to the plants nicely, Darius."
Napangiwi ako sa narinig. Tended nicely? To the plants? Ako lang ba ang may mata dito?
My complaints disappeared when she snapped her fingers and the shabby place disappeared, now replaced by a gold temple with a garden of the most luscious flowers. Kuminang-kinang sa kagandanhan ang lugar, na para bang bago lang ito at hindi pinagdaanan ng oras at panahon.
What the... fuck.
Hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakita. Even as I rubbed my eyes, the beautiful place stayed the same. Napatitig ako sa bata. Since she can make illusions, maybe she can break them too?
"As expected," ngumiti iyong si Dante. "Time is but a trivial thing to a god."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Anong pinagsasabi nito?
Now, I'm thinking twice about consulting him. Baka nga sagutin nito ang mga tanong ko, pero wala naman akong maintindihan. Magno-nose bleed lang ako sa pinagsasabi niya.
Kung kanino man sinabi ni Dante 'yon ay sumagot. Sa halip, sinulyapan lang ni Helena si Andreas na may simangot sa mukha. I narrowed my eyes. Sikretong anak siguro siya ni Andreas? Pero bakit parang hindi naman masaya ang lalaki sa mukha niya? Maybe he's having flashbacks of her mother?
"What are you doing here, human?"
To my surprise, Andreas ignored her. Siguro dahil walang-galang 'tong anak niya at tinawag lang siyang tao. I watched as Andreas bowed to the oracle and bid his farewell. He didn't even spare his supposed-child another glance as he left. At kahit na gusto kong sumunod ay hindi ko magawa.
I still wanted to ask the oracle some questions. And I can't do that with Helena right there. Magtatagal ba ang batang 'to-
"Daughter of Sarienne," I stiffened at her words. "What are you still hiding there for? Your uncle is gone."
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makitang nakatingin na ang dalawa sa punong pinagtataguan ko. I cautiously walked into the clearing, noticing the oracle's curious stare. Hindi nagtagal ay ngumiti ito sa'kin.
"I guess you're here... because you want to know the story of the gods?"
Kumunot ang noo ko. Gods? "I'm not interested. I just want to know-"
Helena cut me off. "You wish to understand the prophecy and your fate, correct?" Tumango ako. "Well, then, there's no better explanation than the tale of the divine. Because it all started... with the sun's obsession for the moon, and the moon falling in love with a mere human."