🎶 Question...?
Published on 31.11.2022
❝ good girl, sad boy,
big city, wrong choices,
we'd one thing going on,
i swear that it was something. ❞
🥀
Andrew greets Ayansh when he enters the trailer.
"You're early today!" Ayansh exclaims in surprise, loosening his tie and unfolding his cufflinks.
"Got a half day leave." Andrew smiles brightly. "How was your day?"
A soft smile stretches across Ayansh's face as he sits and starts removing his shoes.
Andrew squints his eyes, looking at him with mischief and sits besides him. "Did something happen with your lady love?"
The term causes him to laugh and he rolls his eyes. "Help me to get out of my shirt." He stands up.
"You're changing the topic!" Andrew calls him out but still stands up and helps Ayansh to get rid of his shirt.
"I was thinking of shifting to the penthouse. I know it must not be very comfortable to share space with me when you've stayed alone— "
Andrew scoffs and cuts Ayansh off. "From where did this come from?" He asks, following Ayansh to the kitchen. "Infact, I'm very happy that you're here. It's not lonely and although you aren't very talkative, you're a good listener. On top of that, you always prepare some really delicious dinner. I don't have to stress about that. Is it the dinner? If you don't want to cook, it's fine too. I can manage for both of us. If you've some other issues, then lemme know. If you find the place and space inadequate then just be honest about it. I won't be offended. Really." He emphasizes.
Ayansh looked at him with a blank face and then, went back to sipping water. "I've no issues with you, the place is good, comfortable for two people, I also like to cook for both of us." He clarifies his doubts, relieving him. "I just— I know I'm an extra burden for you— "
"Rubbish." Andrew snorts and turns his face. Looking at Ayansh from the corner of his eyes, he finally realises what is his issue. He sighs. "Okay, I won't force you for anything. Do whatever you feel is better. It's you who needs space, don't you? Sarya had mentioned you've been living alone so I get you're used to it." His assumption is confirmed when Ayansh doesn't deny or opposes.
"You're a great person. I've nothing against you. Trust me." Ayansh says, feeling guilty.
Andrew simply chuckles, confusing him. "I'm a man." He says with pride, amusing Ayansh. "I'm not going to take such small things personally. Anyways, if you have made your mind, I won't stop. Just.... go after you recover?" He suggests, looking at the cast.
Ayansh appreciates it with a smile and nod. "Thank you," he mouths and leaves the kitchen, picking up his shirt.
"Are you not going to tell what happened today with your lady love?" Andrew shouts.
"None of your business bro." Ayansh says with ease, closing the door of his room.
After freshening up, Ayansh took out the diary and kept it on the study table, against the pen stand. He sat on the chair and stared idly at the black cover of it with tiny stars scattered in white ink over it.
"Hey Diary," he mumbles in a lazy, soft voice. "I wish I could write but.... ," he trails off, lifting off his right hand covered with the cast as if the inanimate object could actually see.
"So, I'll just speak." He tells the voiceless object. "If you're wondering why I'm talking to you instead of anyone else, let me give you an explanation. I can't talk to my friends or Sarya because off late, they just seem to be tired of me. They ain't wrong when they say how I'm just signing up for another heartbreak whenever I think of Inaaya with hope but how could I not?" He says, exaggeratedly. "She makes me hope, always has." His voice softens and gaze turns gentle as if he's a wave and she's his shore that he'll always seek.
"Hope is the only thing that keeps one going. How can I just give up on that?" The memory of Inaaya lashing out at him sarcastically flashes in his mind, reminding him how for that moment it blossomed a hope for normalcy between them. "You know," his eyes glimmer and voice laces with bashful nervousness, "she looked really pretty today; like really, really pretty. I mean she always does but today it was a little extra." He shakes his head. "Do you get what I mean?"
"She carries ethnic wear very well." He adds appreciatively. "The last I saw her in one was when we had crashed that wedding." He giggles at the recollection. "But today she was in white and god," he sighs dreamily, leaning back in his chair, "she seemed to be descending straight from the heaven." He took a pause, a breath as his mind took a guilty trip down the road to appreciate the beauty she was. Ayansh leaned forward, placing his left hand on the table and resting his chin on top of it. "You might think that I'm exaggerating or bluffing but that's your problem, not mine."
"I think she liked the chocolates." He adds in thought. "Whatever little she had, which I observed by being a certified creep, I'm sure she liked them. I hope she doesn't throw the rest away after reaching home." He mumbles, voice losing it's enthusiasm. Another thought crosses his mind and it makes him shudder.
Ayansh straightens up in his chair, looking at the diary with wide, horrified eyes. "Will she meet Josh today? Will he get to see her in that white dress?" He clicks his tongue when he realises how petty he sounds. "I know it's wrong to think this way but..... ," he groans, looking up at the ceiling.
"Ayansh," he addresses himself, "you're jealous and it's your problem. She'll hang out with whoever she wants, she'll meet whoever she wishes too." He looks back at the diary. "I didn't mean it in a wrong way, I hope you know. I'm not saying that 'oh, she's looking too beautiful so nobody should see her'. Although, I hope nobody does other than me," he admits guiltily, "I understand how flawed and wrong it is. Let's forget it. I don't want to think about their probable meet." He shakes his head furiously as if doing so will make him forget Inaaya has a boyfriend who exists on the same planet as him and her.
"No, but really," he says after a moment of silence. "How did they get together? He's so cheesy. No colour is prettier than you," he mimics Josh and scoffs. "It's true but still.... ," his shoulders drop, "don't tell me Inaaya seriously fell for those cheesy lines."
As if you yourself weren't cheesy.
His subconscious mocks making him cringe. "I was but I'm sure I was better. I was definitely better." He adds with more confidence. "She used to blush at my cheesy lines." He laughs lightly thinking about her and then sighs deeply. "I'm sick." He says dejectedly and his eyes fall on his phone.
"She talked to me." The realisation struck him suddenly. "She talked to me, like actually talked." He stared wide-eyed at the diary as if looking at it any longer will make it speak. "Okay, it was because she was pissed off at me but she voluntarily came and talked to me. She actually said she wanted to talk with me. I've been trying to talk to her since the time I met her and finally... something happened. Is this a progress?" His face brightened, that sly little thing called hope again creeping up.
"Is it the right time to apologise?" He wondered out loud. "If I try to talk to her will she listen?"
Ayansh once again looked at him before picking it up after a few seconds. It wasn't the best idea to have a conversation like that on phone but he was desperate to make a start. The girl wouldn't just hear him out and for the first time, excluding the situation where he was drunk and she had splashed water on him, she had approached him, asked him a question, demanded an answer and like the obvious fool he was, he realised late how significant that little thing was.
"Should I call?"
Ayansh contemplated.
—
Inaaya watched, propping herself in the space on the display table as Maya twirled in the salmon red saree she wore.
"Don't I look like a patakha?" She wriggled her eyebrows.
Inaaya laughed. "Who taught you that word?"
Maya pointed a thumb at Akira who sat cross legged on the couch.
Akira shrugged. "I was complimenting her."
"More like complimenting your creation since you got her ready." Inaaya corrected earning an eyeroll from Akira. It had just been a few minutes since Inaaya returned home and was now watching the two women, more like one, who couldn't stop being obsessed with her look and clicking pictures and taking videos.
"Are you done?" Akira asks tiredly watching Maya do another pose at the camera she had adjusted on the stand.
"Just two minutes more." Maya replies. "Inaaya, stop wasting our time and get freshen up. We need to leave."
Inaaya's right hand again goes to the kurti's strap, idly hooking a finger underneath it as if it wasn't positioned properly. "I'm not going."
The answer made Maya stop and both, Akira and Maya looked at her with questions.
"I'll— I'll just stay back." She purses her lips, dropping her hand.
"Alone?" Akira raises a brow.
"You aren't staying alone." Maya declares.
She repeats the action of curling two of her fingers around the strap and pushing them up mindlessly. "I really don't feel like going for the celebration. I'll be fine."
"Is something wrong?" Akira narrows her eyes, looking at her with concern. "You don't want to come even for Khushi?" She tried to persuade her.
Inaaya hesitates but then shakes her head timidly.
Akira's gaze falls on the way she kept brushing her fingers around the strap and her brows furrow. "What's wrong with you? Why are you constantly touching the strap and pulling it up when it's perfectly alright?"
Inaaya blinks and looks down on her right shoulder, instant withdrawing her hand and fisting it. "I— I didn't realise." She says truthfully.
Maya walks over to her and Inaaya gets down. "Are you sure you don't want to come? Should I stay back?"
"I'm not a kid guys." Inaaya's voice pitches higher. "I'll be fine alone. Go and enjoy and," she turns her head at Akira, "you've to pick Khushi too. You guys should leave. And— and click good pictures. I want to see them all."
"The two times you were all alone in the house, you'd a breakdown so forgive us for being worried about you." Akira retorts sarcastically.
Inaaya grits. "It was long ago." She says in defense, trying to sound convincing. "I'm all right. I've no mood to step out and if I need something, I'll call you guys. I promise."
Maya pulls her in a hug. It takes a moment for Inaaya to reciprocate. "Fine. Just be okay."
"I'll be," she smiled. "And Akira, I'll return your dress and jewellery and sandals later."
Akira simply hums at that.
"By the way, I'm proud that you broke up with Josh." Maya says, as she picks up her phone and handbag. "Such a badass act!" She exclaims as she moves forward and pecks Inaaya's cheek lightly.
"Only you would say that." Inaaya shakes her head hopelessly but a chuckle still manages to leave her mouth.
Inaaya retreated to her room once they left.
The time she had been in UK, away from her friends, her family, her brother, practically everyone she was familiar with, an unfamiliar fear had come to settle within her, slowly, steadily, until she was forced to face it one day. She didn't know how much she dreaded being alone until she was left alone one day.
Being confined in a space with nobody else present made her feel as if she was shrinking, closing in. In the initial days, she would stay in her room, not interact much, dwell in her own thoughts but it never scared her because her subconscious knew someone was still present, physically. But being left alone with no-one in your vicinity was a whole new territory. Fear gripped her heart, her own thoughts suffocated her. Is this how her whole life was going to be? Being left alone with nobody to fend for her, nobody to call as her own?
That was the time which made her miss Ayansh the most and it was as terrifying as it was heartbreaking.
Memories that once comforted her would come back and mock her as if she was living in a nightmare. They would remind her of what she had lost, the arms that felt like home, the words that were a solace and then, they would mock her because she would never have something like that ever again.
Miserable would be a small word to describe how it made her feel. Being all alone for the first time was so unbearable that she had ended up calling Maya and asking her to be back. And second time, it was both Maya and Akira who had witnessed her breakdown.
Inaaya removed the sweet box from her bag and opened it, staring at the chocolates in dilemma. The sane part of her had a simple solution, give those chocolates to Khushi because what kind of woman will it make her to accept chocolates from someone who betrayed and lied to her, broke her heart and shattered her trust?
Accepting sweets she could do since he did that as a boss to his employees but accepting chocolates would mean something else and she didn't exactly know what to name it. He didn't do that for everyone. He just did that for her and as much as she wanted to delve further and question his behaviour, she didn't want to stress her mind by thinking about him. He didn't deserve a place in her thoughts lest her life.
Inaaya closed the box and made her way out of her room with it. She had decided she'll give those chocolates to Khushi or ask Maya to hand them over.
Yes, that's it.
She opened the refrigerator and kept the box. Turning around, she walked a few steps and crossed the kitchen threshold when she held herself back, stopping in her tracks.
Inaaya pressed her back against the door jamb and let out an exasperated breath. She looked back at the fridge longingly and clenched her teeth. A few moments passed as her mind debated.
"You. Are. A. Fucking. Idiot. Inaaya." She grits to herself as she stomps towards it, opens it, slids the lid of the box and gathers all the chocolates in her hand. Going back to her room, she pulls the drawer of her nightstand harshly, throws in the chocolates and shuts it with a loud thud.
Frustratedly, she enters the bathroom for a quick shower.
When she's done, she pulls her hair in an unkempt bun. She removes twiglets for herself on a plate from the packet and serves a dash of hummus as a dip for the snack. She returns to her room and sits on her bed cross legged with the cushion on her lap. Oh, she's not going to let anyone or anything make her feel miserable yet again. She's going to feed her stomach and waste her time playing a game on her phone.
After a few minutes itself, she starts getting bored and memories from the evening when she confronted Ayansh starts to creep in, wanting to drag her into that rabbit hole once again. Her hand involuntarily touches her right shoulder only to realise that she had changed and was now sitting in a comfortable sweatshirt.
On cue as a distraction, her phone pinged with a notification and when she checked the message, anger started to rise. It was a message from the bank about the money transferred in her account by her Dad. She kept her phone down, pressed her temples with her fingers.
She was done with that man. She hated him, she hated his guts, she hated his audacity. She was tired of telling him not to send her money, not to pretend as if he genuinely cared for her, as if he wants to look out of her when she knew everything was fake and definitely not from a place of love.
Her mood was ruined, her appetite lost, her resolve broken. Her phone rang catching her attention. She took her phone and her breath hitched when she saw the name.
'Ayansh Sir'
Her throat went dry as her heart rate caught pace and her mind went in a frenzy and the phone kept ringing. She didn't know how and when did she attend his call and she only realised when she heard his voice from the other side.
"Inaaya?" He says carefully.
Inaaya's lips parted and then closed. She held the phone to her ear and after what felt like ages, she replied, "Ayansh."
He sighed in relief, pressing his hand over his mouth to let the tornado of emotions take a backseat.
Inaaya clutched her heart as a stinging sensation made her eyes burn. She blinked. When was the last time they had a phone conversation? Sick nostalgia engulfed her where she felt as if she was thrown back in the past when her nights got tough and his voice would be her anchor.
"Are you okay?"
He didn't know why out of all things he wanted to say, he asked that question.
Inaaya pressed her palm over the speaker and took a shaky breath. She placed her other hand over her forehead and pulled her lips in, collecting her frazzled nerves. "Why did you call?" She inquired instead, her voice feeble.
"I— I wanted to talk to you." He swallowed.
"About work?"
Ayansh clicks his tongue in mild disappointment and hurt. "About what had happened. I wanted to apologise." The desperation echoed in his tone.
Inaaya's skin crawls. She couldn't do this. "I don't want to. Good night."
"Inaaya please," he says quickly, "don't cut the call." He pleads.
She stops but doesn't speak anything.
"Just talk to me once." He whispers, his voice pained and she tilts her face to blink back the tears blurring her vision. "You— you came to talk to me today."
"My fault." She bit back. "You should've told me too that you didn't want to talk."
"I didn't mean that." He says softly, remorsefully, lowering his head, hating how the conversation was spiralling out of his control without even being started properly. "We used to talk to each other whenever we wanted." He reminded her, feeling utterly helpless and agonized at how distant they were now. "We never needed a reason or permission to talk to one another."
A lone tear cascades down her cheek and she bites her bottom lip as she feels her chest constricting in grief.
"You've lost the right to talk to me whenever you want, Ayansh." She murmured and ended the call, crushing his hope, hurting herself more.
***
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