"Y/N!" Camila yelled as she walked through the familiar house.
She didn't understand why the older girl reacted as she had. Y/N knew Camila was having sex with Matthew. They had discussed it before - seriously nothing is off limits with their friendship. And she couldn't be that upset about the movie.
"Are you drunk?" She asked walking into the kitchen to find Y/N sitting on her counter, a bottle of tequila in hand.
"No," Y/N answered curtly. "Please leave." Her voice was so soft...so broken. Camila had never heard her sound like that before. "Just leave!" Y/N yelled when she didn't hear Camila budge.
"No." Camila crossed her arms.
"No?"
"No, not until you tell me what the fuck that was back there."
"Please, you know how I feel about him. Obviously, I wouldn't be happy seeing him fucking my best friend."
"That doesn't even make sense!" Camila threw her hands up in exasperation. "You're not making any sense. Are you forgetting when this happened and the roles were reversed?" Camila bit her lip at the memory. Y/N's sweaty back flexed, tan legs over her shoulders, her hair taught as equally tan hands gripped it.
"It's different..." Y/N sighed, taking a long swig of tequila. Her face contorted at the harsh burn.
"No, it's not! Explain to me how it's different. Is it because you hate him?" Camila pushed. "Because if that's the reason, you need to grow up. He's my boyfriend--"
"I know! I know that. You don't have to remind me." Y/N put the bottle down with another sigh. "Just go, please."
"You're impossible." Camila scoffed. "You can't throw a tantrum and expect me to just drop it. I wanna know why."
"You wanna know why?" Y/N asked harshly, hopping down from the counter and walking closer to Camila. Only a few feet between them now.
"Yes, I do."
"Fine." Y/N nodded. "Because I like you, Camila. I've had feelings for you for years. And it's bad enough watching the two of you together all the time. I don't need to see..." She took a deep breath.
"You..." Camila was still stuck on her first statement.
There is no way that she said that. No, that would mean...
"Can you say something?" Y/N asked gently. "I've been wanting to tell you for years."
"Why now? Why are you telling me now?"
"Uh, because you asked--"
"No, I mean why would you tell me now and not when you figured it out?"
"Because," she took a step closer to Camila. "I think you might feel that same. I needed time to be sure. And I am now."
She didn't say anything else. Camila knew she was waiting for a reply.
"Well, you're too late." Y/N's face fell, causing Camila's heart to do the same. "Because I did. I did have feelings for you. But I don't anymore and I can't just go back to when I did. You missed your chance."
"Camila..."
"I'm sorry." Camila turned to leave. "I have to go."
And with that, she left the house and called an Uber to come to pick her up.
-----
One week later
Rome, Italy
"This is so good." Matthew sighed in content as he took another bite of his dinner.
Camila smiled softly at him in response while her mind was elsewhere. She twirled her pasta around on her fork.
It had been a week and a half since Y/N's confession.
And it had been a week and a half since Camila thought of anything else.
Five years ago, when Camila and Y/N met, Camila was instantly drawn to her. A year after that, she realized that she didn't just admire Y/N, but she was falling in love with her.
She almost told her how she felt but the timing was never right.
In fact, the day she went to Y/N's apartment to possibly confess her feelings was the night she met Y/N's —now ex—girlfriend.
One and a Half Years Ago
In less than 48 hours, Camila's debut album will be out and in the world. To say she was nervous would be the understatement of the century.
She was flying out to New York that night to get ready for her performance on 'Good Morning America' and had one last stop before she left.
Camila knocked on the door to Y/N's apartment but got no response. So, she tried the door knob and let herself in when she found it unlocked.
For months now—more like years—Camila has been trying to talk herself into telling Y/N how she feels. But, as it turns out, there's never a good time to tell your best friend you're in love with them. That doesn't stop Camila from planning out how to tell her before she sees her every time.
"Y/N?" She called out once she entered the foyer.
'Can we talk?'
'I have feelings for you.'
Once she turned into the living room, every word she had planned went out the window. Would she have had the guts to say them?
Well, she'll never know now.
Because right now, Y/N was on her knees and in between some random woman's legs.
Camila couldn't move.
She couldn't speak.
Her hands balled into fists, though not out of anger. She just needed to get her pain out somehow so she sent all that negative energy to her hands.
"Oh, my God!" The mystery woman called out as she pushed Y/N's head away and closed her legs.
"What? Did I do something wrong?" Y/N asked.
Of course she's so thoughtful during sex, Camila thought.
The mystery woman pointed and Y/N turned around to find her, very shocked, best friend.
"Camila? What—"
"I'm sorry, I uh...sorry." Camila turned to leave.
"No, just...hold on," Y/N grabbed a blanket and draped it over the mystery woman. She stood up and walked toward the kitchen, nodding for Camila to follow her.
"Y/N, this is weird, I'm just gonna go." Camila told her as they entered the kitchen.
"I just wanna explain—"
"You don't have to do that."
"Do you remember the runner who was on set? The one who memorized everyone's orders after a day?"
Of course she did. Camila remembers vividly how Y/N talked about that woman. Camila remembers thinking that memorizing drink orders isn't that special.
Venti white chocolate mocha with almond milk.
See? Camila can remember Y/N's order too.
"Yeah," Camila nodded.
"Well, we got lunch today and came back here and..."
"Cool."
"Camila—"
"Sorry about that." The mystery woman came in to the kitchen, now fully clothed. "I've heard so much about you but I didn't plan on meeting like this," she laughed.
Yeah, of course you've heard about me. I'm a famous pop star, bitch, Camila seethed in her head. She's not one to brag but what did this woman have to offer? Not very feminist of her, Camila knows that.
"Really? I've heard next to nothing about you," Unable to stop the words from coming out, she smiled back.
"Camila," Y/N warned under her breath. "Be nice."
"Sorry." No she's not. "I'm just shaken up from before." She looked back at Y/N. "I'm leaving tonight. I wanted to say bye."
And tell you I love you.
"Right," Y/N looked at the mystery woman. "Her album comes out tomorrow. She's gonna perform on Good Morning America."
The pride in which she spoke of her warmed Camila's heart.
"Oh, nice!"
Fuck you.
"Yeah, so..."
"Come here," Y/N pulled Camila in for a hug. "Don't worry too much. This album is amazing and everyone else is gonna think that too."
Camila fought the urge to tell her who the songs were really about. It was so hard to stay silent when Y/N always knew what to say.
"Thank you. I love you."
"Love you too, Cam."
Not the way I want you to, though.
"You're still gonna call me tomorrow right? At midnight?"
"Of course," Y/N smiled.
She walked Camila to the door and hugged her again.
"Bye, Y/N." Camila waved awkwardly as the mystery woman stood behind Y/N. "And bye...uh..."
"Andi," the mystery woman replied.
—Two days later, New York City—
"Lo vas a hacer muy bien," Sinu smiled as she wrapped her arm around Camila.
Camila took a deep breath, tugging at the sleeves of her shirt. Her album debuted at Number 1, something she was proud of but hasn't had a chance to fully let sink in.
Now, here she is on the set of Good Morning America, about to perform 'Never Be The Same'.
As promised, Y/N did FaceTime her last night and stayed up with her until she had to get ready for the show. Her nerves wouldn't let her sleep.
They listened through the album the minute it came out and Camila bit her tongue every time Y/N teased her about the songs and the imaginary muse.
When Camila first refused to name who she was writing about, Y/N jokingly guessed it was Harry Styles, a callback to Camila's 15 year old love for the British singer. Not wanting to confess anything just yet—more like too scared to—Camila jokingly agreed.
Her heart clenched at the memory of the other day. She couldn't help but think that if she had worked up the courage to tell Y/N how she felt, she could have been the one on that couch.
She knew that chances were good that if Andi wasn't at Y/N's house, she still wouldn't have confessed anything but she liked being able to blame Andi instead of herself.
"You look nervous."
Camila looked up at the sound of the unfamiliar English voice. She found the owner of it smiling at her, a coffee cup in his hand.
"Uh, yeah. I am," She chuckled.
"You're performing, right?" He asked.
"Yup," Camila popped the 'p' loudly and cursed herself for being so awkward.
"You're gonna be great."
"You don't know that."
"True," he agreed. "But you're nervous, which means you must care. And if you care about what you're doing, and you love what you're doing, then that's all that matters."
Camila held his gaze for a few moments.
"I'm Camila," she introduced.
"Matthew," he stuck out his hand. "It's good to meet you, Camila."
"You too, Matthew." She smiled.
A stage hand called to her and came over, her in ears in their hand. They helped her put them on as her mother rubbed her arm, comforting her.
As they led her to the stage, Matthew gave her a thumbs up. He seemed to have struck up a conversation with her mother.
Camila smiled at them.
Maybe it was time to move on from Y/N. She clearly was interested in someone else, so why couldn't Camila be?
Matthew seemed nice. And her mom seemed to like him, if her laughter was anything to go by. Maybe he was just what she needed to move on from Y/N.
————
"You good?" Matthew asked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Camila lied. "It's just so beautiful here." She looked around at the old buildings from her spot on the balcony of their hotel room.
"Isn't it?" He sighed happily. "It's late, we should get some sleep before the flight tomorrow." Matthew kissed her head and made his way inside.
"Okay."
Camila got ready for bed in a daze. Before she knew it, she was in bed with Matthew. Her back was pressed against him as he kissed her shoulder, pulling her t-shirt down to expose more skin.
She closed her eyes, letting herself get lost in the feeling, letting her imagination take her away.
Until she felt the stubble of his beard.
She shrugged him off. "I'm not in the mood. Sorry."
"Okay," he replied, placing one last kiss on her shoulder. "Goodnight, babe. Love you."
"Love you too." She murmured.
After Matthew fell asleep, Camila snuck out of bed and back onto the balcony.
The lights of the city illuminated all of the buildings. It really was gorgeous here.
She wished she was able to fully enjoy it and not spend the whole time stuck in her head.
This was supposed to be a romantic week away with her boyfriend. But, instead, her mind was plagued with thoughts of Y/N.
When Matthew held her hand, she thought about how it would feel if it was her hand in Y/N's.
When they danced to the music on the street, she thought about how it would feel if she were wrapped in Y/N's arms.
And when they kissed, she thought about how it would feel if she were pressed against Y/N's lips.
She thought she was over all of her feelings. She thought they were a thing of the past. Turns out she had just buried them deep enough to forget.
This was her chance, the chance she had been waiting five years for.
But she didn't know if she could do this.
Was Y/N serious? Did she want her? Could she want her?
Camila did the only thing she could think of in that moment.
She called her mother.
"Ay, it's too early for this." Sinu answered on the second ring.
"Sorry," Camila replied.
Noticing Camila wasn't in the mood, Sinu became serious. "What happened?"
"I love her."
"Sé."
"I don't know what to do," Camila sighed. "What if...what if we try and she changes her mind?"
"Mija," Sinu paused. "You have known each other for years. She knows everything about you. And you know everything about her. Si fueras a asustarla, habría sucedido hace años."
"I'm scared."
"I know. Salta y espero que te crezcan alas en el camino hacia abajo."
"I love you, Mamí."
"I love you, too."
Camila hung up and went to the favorites section of her contacts.
After a little hesitation, she tapped Y/N's name.
"Camila?" Y/N answered almost instantly.
"Did you mean it?"
"What?"
"Did you mean what you said?"
"Of course I did."
Camila paused, letting the words hit her.
"I need you to be sure. If we're gonna try this, I need you to be sure."
"I am." Y/N assured her. "Are-are you saying you want to try?"
"Y/N, I've had feelings for you since I met you."
Silence.
"Me too. For you, I mean." She chuckled. She was nervous, Camila could tell. Nervous and excited. So was she, if she was being honest. Camila could feel a smile blossom on her face. "What about Matthew?"
And there goes the smile.
"I'll talk to him tomorrow. He's asleep right now."
"When do you come back?"
"Tomorrow. I'll be back in LA the day after."
"Can I pick you up?"
"My mom is going to pick me up. I'm flying into Miami. I'll text you when I land. We can go from there."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"I'm happy."
"Me too," Camila let out a giggle.
"Bye."
"Bye."
Camila couldn't help but take note that that was the first time in years they didn't say 'I love you' before hanging up.
She guesses that now that they established that their friendship was going to be more, those words hold a different meaning. Granted, they've held that meaning for her for years.
Surely, that won't be the only thing to change in the upcoming weeks as they figure this all out.
She couldn't wait.
————
Camila watched from the couch in the suite as Matthew began to stir awake. She had been sitting there for a few hours, planning on what to say to him.
This trip was supposed to bring them closer, not be the place where they break up.
"Good morning." He rasped. "How long have you been up?"
"A little while," Camila shrugged. "Can we talk about something?"
"Oh boy," he laughed, getting out of bed and walking over to sit beside Camila on the couch. When she didn't say anything or look up from her lap, he joked, "What, are you breaking up with me or something?" Camila froze. "Wait, are you?"
She looked up at him. "I'm sorry."
"Woah, what? I—what happened? I thought we were good?"
"We are—we were. I um..." God, this is harder than she thought. "It's someone else."
"Oh...do I know him?"
"You know them, yeah."
"Is it someone on your team? Is it Rahul?"
"Rahul? No, he's gay." Camila let out a little laugh before remembering the situation she was in. "Sorry, um...no it's not anyone on my team."
"But I know them?"
Camila nodded. "It doesn't matter who it is—"
"Is it Y/N?"
"—the point is—" she paused.
"Wow," he sighed. "I mean I knew she was in love with you but I didn't know you had feelings for her."
"Wait, you knew? How?"
"It's kind of my job to read people's feelings. Though, I suppose I dropped the ball on your reading your feelings for her."
"I thought I was over it. And then she confessed and..."
"Did anything happen? Between you two while we've been together?"
"No! No, it's just she told me how she felt and I've been thinking about it and realized I feel the same." Camila sighed, feeling relieved to get that out to him finally.
"Camila, dating your best friend never works. It always ends and then you lose your relationship and your best friend."
"That's not always the case." Camila disputed. "I talked to her last night, to make sure she was serious about this before I made any decisions."
Matthew looked at her for a few moments before he stood with a scoff.
"Where are you going?"
"Home."
"Wha—are you mad?"
"I wasn't," he tossed his suitcase on the bed and opened it, starting to toss things into it haphazardly. "Sad? Sure. Upset? A little. But then you said that, and yeah, now I'm mad."
"Why? What did I say?"
He stopped. "Let me ask you this," he stared at her. "If Y/N said she changed her mind, that she didn't want to be anything more with you, what would you have done?"
"I—"
"Would you have hung up and crawled back into bed with me? Forget it happened?"
"I don't know," Camila sighed. But, she did know. She would have done exactly that. She would have done what she did a year and a half ago and turn her attention to Matthew. She would have worked to bury her feelings again.
"Yes, you do." He zipped up his suitcase and headed toward the door. Before he left he turned to look at her, one last time. "You're making a mistake, choosing a 'maybe' over something real, something tangible."
"I have to see this through. I love her."
"Fuck's sake," he scoffed, leaving Camila alone in the hotel room.
————
(a/n): yuh
Sorry for the long wait, college really picked up lol.
Let me know what you guys think :)
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