Waking up had felt surreal to Harley. It didn't feel like the events of last night had actually occurred. Nor did waking up beside JJ in his bed feel real.
Tweeting birds perched outside the Maybank residence filling the dead, morning silence. The sound of JJ's heartbeat filled Harley's ears.
Harley had awoken first, her restless shifting waking JJ not too long after. Neither teen had spoken other than morning greetings. An easy quiet tied them together bringing peace they both needed. JJ's hand had found a way to Harley's cheek, the pad of his thumb ran soothing swipes over the tender skin. When her eyes had fluttered closed again, missing JJ's silly smile, they both melted together again.
Now they lay, Harley enveloped in JJ's warmth, breathing him in. Their bubble, filled with pink clouds, served a nice distraction. Though the ache in her stomach and the gnawing feeling of regret.
"JJ," Harley mumbled.
"Mhmm."
"I'm sorry." Guilt flooded Harley's chest like a tidal wave.
Last night as Harley struggled to stay asleep, she had time to think. She had the minutes to replay the events of the night before and snippets of the past year. She found it astonishing how she had never looked much into JJ's father or how JJ didn't spend much time at home. She had asked questions at the start but they were mostly carefully dodged. And well, she assumed JJ preferred staying at his best friend's home, like any other teen would, and his parents were fine with it like John. If Harley could stay with Kiara more often then she would, of course she wouldn't want to leave JB; they were best friends, too.
Now, Harley figured maybe JJ didn't stay home often because his dad was very intense. His vehement tone and harsh body language could be overbearing to anybody. However, that was if he acted that way toward his son. Harley doubted it, why would he be that way to his own child?
JJ pulled back a little to peer down at Harley's saddened features. She looked riddled with remorse, but JJ couldn't understand why.
"Why are you sorry?" He chuckled a little, a teasing smile coming through.
Harley couldn't laugh. She kept staring at the dried cut on JJ's bottom lip. He hadn't mentioned how it happened, so she pondered if she had put more problems on his plate along with whoever hurt him. "I shouldn't have come to your home without checking with you. You've never really wanted me here before."
Harley took in her own words as she said them. What if JJ hadn't wanted her around, because he knew she would do something wrong and upset his dad?
"It's not that I never wanted you here. It was just..."
Harley's frown deepened. "I shouldn't have come here. I was just upset, and I wanted to see you. Instead, I got your dad angry."
JJ perked up at Harley's words. He propped himself up with his elbow and fixed Harley with his silvery, blue eyes. "Forget my dad for a second. Why were you upset?"
Of course JJ had showed he cared about Harley over the year, but that had only been in a jokey friendship way. The earnest way he stared down at her now, made her think back to the mindful and attentive behaviours he'd shown towards her in the last month or so, especially with all the square grouper drama going on. Harley's heart fluttered, if she was a cartoon character her eyes would have gone all gooey and heart shaped.
"Those square groupers didn't show their faces, did they?"
Harley blinked back to reality and shook her head. "I... I went back to the garage to confront Billie."
"You did what?"
"You're not allowed to get mad at me," she insisted already working on her puppy eyes and pout.
JJ rolled his eyes but cooled off a little. "Why did you go back there and not tell any of us?"
"You guys would have stopped me."
"Damn right, we would have."
"Whatever. I'm just tired of coming back to you guys with more problems and no answers or solutions. Pope said as much that it was annoying."
"And, did you get any answers?"
Harley's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She had gone to get answers and instead drove the one person who could help her away. The only fact she knew was that Billie knew her before she had washed up in Kildare. "Not exactly..."
"What do you mean?"
"I confronted Billie. She denied everything of course, but then I found that file again and there were loads of pictures of me in Kildare and somewhere else. So, I know she knew me before she came here. Um, but then I got creeped out and ran away. When we went back, the garage was empty. Billie had upped and left and I don't know where she's gone."
"We. You said we."
Harley flushed further, this time in panic as she gnawed down on her lip. "Did I?"
"Yeah, you did."
"Oh. I bumped into Alex when I went back. He had a shift in the shop."
JJ would be irritated if she told him she was with Rafe. All of the times he had called her stupid for being with Rafe and when she had gone to see him after sinking his car, were forgiven but not forgotten by Harley. She understood where he had been coming from, but it was still very harsh.
"Right." JJ didn't seem suspicious after that or so she hoped. "I knew Billie was a sus character. Hot, but sus."
Harley slapped JJ's chest earning a chuckle. "Don't worry, you're the hottest psycho I know."
Harley gaped in horror. "What? I'm not a psycho."
"You drove Rafe's care into a lake," JJ deadpanned. "You've got a little psycho hiding in you. I think it's kinda hot."
Harley put her palms to her cheeks to try and cool the embarrassing heat. "I don't know if I should be offended."
"Don't be. You're a hot psycho and the most beautiful girl I've ever set eyes on."
"Now you're just saying that."
"Yeah. I am just saying that because it's true." JJ had taken this time to swarm Harley and pull her on top of him. "I've only got eyes for you H.R."
"I still feel like you're calling me human resources," Harley joked.
JJ rolled the two over and started tickling her sides. JJ laughed as Harley's giggles bubbled around them. His chest felt lighter when he saw Harley happy. "You were supposed to confess your undying love for me there."
"Sorry," Harley stammered out between laughs. "I don't like lying."
JJ tickled Harley's sides more ferociously. "You've hurt my feelings."
"Okay, let me make it up to you."
"How?"
"Close your eyes."
Surprisingly, JJ obliged fairly quickly. Harley had expected a little more push back, so she wondered what he thought she would do.
She sat up, so that they were closer. She had wanted to kiss him for a while. Her heart pounded that little bit faster and her skin flushed a few shades darker. Harley nibbled on her lip, before plucking up the courage to go for it. She leant forward quickly, she pressed her lips to JJ's and let her hands rest on his shoulders.
As if he had an inkling of Harley's actions, he reacted straight away. His hands found Harley's waist and deepened their kiss.
⚓️
Harley had been bouncing around in her seat the entire drive. She was excited to spend alone time with JJ. No stresses or distractions, just surrounded by good vibes. Plus, JJ had bought her a smoothie. He had wanted to keep her happy through the day, considering what happened yesterday.
They still hadn't really spoken about everything. JJ hadn't asked about Harley's panic attack, and she hadn't asked any obvious questions about his dad. JJ couldn't tell if Harley was trying to be nice about things or if she hadn't fully understood JJ's dad. The way she apologised as if she had pushed his dad to fly off the handle for the first time made him assume it was the latter. Harley could be a little naïve sometimes.
They pulled in a dirt carpark to the side of an abandoned building. There didn't seem to be anything around for miles except nature. Overgrown grass, weeds and bushes bordered the area, thick trees condensing not too far behind.
Harley peered out of her window to try and get a better look at the old, brick structure. Part of a wall was missing, and random junk littered around the front. She couldn't work out what had used to be here.
Questions began to spill from Harley's lips without much thought, "Are we going ghost hunting or something? Are we going to hold a seance?"
JJ couldn't help but laugh. He looked to Harley with a bemused stare. "What?"
"This place looks run down. It's probably haunted..."
JJ peered over at the building too. "Oh, for sure." A smirk began to play on his lips as he reeled off one of the many stories he had locked away. "This used to be a mill, but it shut down decades ago when one of the workers supposedly fell into one of the machines. They tried to say it was an accident, but four other workers had experienced the same fate. Nobody was arrested and witnesses say there was nobody near when it happened. So, everybody thought ghosts."
Harley shivered at JJ's story. "That... is so... not true," Harley giggled and stuck a tongue out at JJ. "You have to do better than that to scare me."
The two got out of Harley's car, JJ with a bag of snacks and Harley with her smoothie.
"So, what are we doing here?"
"We're not actually there yet," JJ explained. He nodded his head beckoning Harley over. They linked hands and JJ led them towards some bushes. The closer they got, the more visible a small pathway became. It was masked with overhanging branches and full, green leaves.
The two chattered away on the languid walk through the bright, airy forest. The sun glimmered down on them, and JJ admired the glow that emitted from Harley as she laughed away. Her brightness rivalled the sun and that astounded JJ. Despite last night, Harley was overjoyed to be out with him. He felt special. He understood why the Kooks had gravitated toward her so quickly albeit her affiliation with the Pogues. He had felt glimmers of this the year before when she had wanted to hang out with him like when she wanted to fix his bike. Only now his feelings for Harley were heightened. He liked her a lot. Way more than he had when they first met, some would say that was impossible.
"Where are you going?" JJ called after Harley.
She had pulled away from his hand and wandered in the wrong direction.
"One second."
She tucked her hair behind her ears and bent down by a patch of beautiful, pink and white daisies. She plucked enough to make two small daisy chains. With one hand full of flowers and the other holding her drink she skipped back over to JJ. He looked confused and even more so with Harley's hand of flowers.
"Let's make daisy chains."
JJ looked lost as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not so great at those. I'm a little heavy handed." The lightest blush graced JJ's cheeks which made Harley smile.
"Okay. You hold these," She poured the flowers into JJ's hand, then handed him her smoothie to hold with the bag of snacks. "And this. And I'll make us some bracelets."
For the rest of the walk JJ watched Harley's hands and face intently whilst he spoke to her. Harley would take a flower from JJ's open palm and delicately intertwine it with the pink and white chain she had so far.
By the time they reached a field of tall grass, Harley had adorned both their right wrists with pink and white daisy bracelets and made JJ a pink daisy necklace.
"We're here," JJ announced.
Green and yellow blades of grass reached to Harley's eye level obscuring whatever could be beyond. The grass was thick, so she couldn't' see past the first line.
Harley tilted her head in confusion. "We are?" She peered over to JJ who had an amused smirk spread broadly across his features.
"Yep. Come on."
Without another word, JJ walked into the reed. Harley didn't let her confusion stop her from following JJ closely, her curiosity taking forefront of any emotion.
The tall grass thinned out and lowered to a soft bed adorned with cute sunflowers and more daisies. It was like a mini private, meadow. Harley took in the beauty before turning her eyes of wonderment to JJ.
"How did you find this place?"
"That would be because of our good friend Pope." JJ sat down and gestured for Harley to copy. "He comes here sometimes and he said I could bring you here."
"That's so sweet. So, this is like you and Pope's special place."
"Woah, I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to," Harley teased. "You have a bromance. I love it, but should I be jealous?"
"Girlfriend's should always be jealous of their boyfriend's bromances," JJ smirked, his blue eyes twinkling in the light.
Harley paused. JJ had just called her his girlfriend. Her heart began skipping every other beat as the realisation dawned on her. JJ had called her his girlfriend and she liked it. The label filled her heart with fluttering butterflies.
Did he mean to call her that? It sounded really nice coming from him. Did he realise? He must have. She wanted to know, but she wanted to play it cool. How cool was cool? Harley felt herself wishing Billie was around, until she caught herself. Without Billie she had no older female figure in her life and small moments like this reminded her of that.
Eager to shift her mood up again, Harley perked up and drew her eyebrows together in a questioning manner. "When did I become your girlfriend?"
JJ took a moment to register Harley's questions and then relay back his own words. He was fairly quick with his response, "The second you washed up on the island."
"Hmm." Harley tapped her chin. "That doesn't sound very accurate."
"To you, but it's okay. I know the facts."
"At least take me on a date first, gosh." Harley playfully rolled her eyes. "You also have to get my brother's approval."
"Done and done. What's your ideal date?"
Harley laughed. "I can't tell you that. I'd be making this way too easy for you."
"Oh, come on. You can give me a clue."
"No can do." Harley raised her chin and gave a defiant head shake.
"Mini Routledge," JJ whined in his most annoying voice. He stretched his arms out and tugged her to the ground.
Harley lay her head on JJ's chest, laughing at his complaints and squirming every time his hand prodded her side.
She shifted in his arms, so she could look up at him. "If you actually want to be my boyfriend, you have to impress me."
"Don't I always impress you?"
Harley gave him a look, which made him grin even wider. JJ edged forward, his arms drawing Harley closer. He brushed his lips against hers causing Harley's eyes to flutter shut and then he kissed her softly.
⚓️
"Harls, I think we should talk about last night..."
Even though JJ shifted to prop himself up to look down at Harley, she protested by still burying her face in his chest.
Harley frowned. "Do we have to?"
JJ nodded."I think we should." He appeared a little uncomfortable, but she could see that he wanted to discuss this topic.
"All right. What did you want to talk about?"
"What happened between you and my dad?"
The elephant had made itself known.
Harley couldn't look at JJ anymore. She didn't want to tell him everything, because then she would have to mention the drugs and parties and seeing JJ's dad at Barry's. She could already feel the embarrassment and shame creeping up on her.
In JJ's head he was scared he would have to tell Harley one of his biggest secrets. He had an abusive, drunk for a dad. Harley had a dreamy image of what a family should be and his was the complete opposite, it made him feel embarrassed and ashamed.
"Um." Harley thought about the sequence of events the night before. Things had escalated rapidly at Mr Maybank's insistence. She cringed at the way he had tried to search her for drugs and the power in his hits.
"Why are you so hesistant to tell me? I won't be mad or upset, I just want to know what happened and how it happened."
"It was my fault."
"How?"
Harley didn't know how to tell JJ that his dad did drugs. She didn't want to say things that might change how he saw his dad or their relationship.
"Harls?"
"I... I went to your house to see you. I thought you would be there since you weren't at the Chateau. Your dad invited me in... but I think he only did that because he remembered me."
"Remembered you?"
"Yeah. I, uh. He. Your dad knows I used to date Rafe. He'd seen me when Rafe and I had been at Barry's for pick ups or parties."
Harley paused to see if JJ was picking up what she was putting down. He didn't appear shocked. She didn't know that JJ knew his dad did drugs every now and then. He burned their money on stupid shit.
"He wanted me to get him a deal or something with Barry. I told him I couldn't, but he wouldn't listen. I tried to explain, I swear, but he didn't want to hear it."
"Nothing new."
"I tried to leave, but he started searching me. And I got frustrated... I was trying to explain. And he wasn't listening. And I kept asking him to stop. And he wouldn't. So I shouted at him." JJ could tell Harley was getting a little worked up as she vomited out her response. He ran his hand up and down her back. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have yelled at him. He got mad and then you know the rest. I'm really sorry, JJ."
"I don't get why you keep apologising. None of what happened was your fault. My dad isn't a Saint, he should be the one that's sorry," JJ spat out.
"But..."
"But nothing. My dad isn't a good person, okay? I know you have an idea in your head on what a family should be like. Something like Kie's family, but you should know not everybody is like that. Look at me, JB and Pope. Even that asshole Kook has daddy issues and a useless step mom."
"I get it. But, he's your dad. Parents don't hurt their kids or their friends."
JJ sat up now, so Harley followed. He wasn't completely sure he wanted to tell Harley his dad hurt him. He wasn't sure how it would alter the image she had of him. The Pogues always glanced at him differently when he came around with a fresh bruise or there was mention of his dad. They pitied him and he hated it. So, he omitted one of the most important parts.
"Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean they can't or won't hurt somebody. My dad hurt you because he's an asshole with a temper. Not because you made him do it. Understand?"
Harley nodded. She understood, yet didn't. Mr Routledge was a lovely man who was always sweet and loving with Harley. He went above and beyond for her and John B. Naturally, Harley assumed her parents were the same, even if they had abandoned her. Her naivety and desire to see the best in people and her absent family had left her seeing the world with a rose coloured film.
Bad people were everywhere and some of them were parents.
JJ's gentle fingers danced across Harley's tender cheek, before softly grabbing her chin and making her look at him. "I need to hear you say you understand."
JJ's eyes were stern, but Harley could tell that he cared. His concern made her melt and reply, "I understand."
"I think we should also talk about what happened in the bath tub," JJ broached the topic.
Harley's cheeks got impossibly hot as she remembered her break down and panic attack. How embarrassing. She must have looked like a mad person to JJ. She had definitely felt mad in the moment.
"You're on a roll with all these serious topics," Harley tried to joke. "I thought I wa ssupposed to be the more serious one of the two of us."
"Harls..."
She sighed through her nose and frowned. Begrudgingly, she thought back to the way Mr Maybank made her feel emotionally. The sickening sense of deja vu and the nauseating whirls of colour that had returned to plague her.
"i... I panicked. Your dad kept yelling at me and shaking me and hurting me. He smelt like beer and Bourbon and I couldn't get rid of the scent of Newport cigarettes. It was too much. It felt so familiar, like I was blacking out with deja vu. I kept seeing myself in these positions were I was getting hurt. I kept seeing these dark eyes. Then blue eyes and I'd hear this woman's voice." Harley paused to catch her breath. "I don't know. It was hurting my head and I couldn't breath. I just panicked."
Harley even wandered if some of the black outs had been drifting seizures. It had happened before and she had hurt her head.
"Did you remember anything?"
Despite her happy and bubbly appearance this morning, Harley had been mulling over the snippets she had seen last night. She went with the assumption that everything she had seen since washing up on the island was in fact a memory. It had to have been. So, she deduced the female voice must have belonged to the eerie blue eyes and they must belong to the warped female figure that strode down that corridor. Flickers of broken scenes scattered in her head. She saw herself be ripped away from someone with a soft touch, their hand straining to reach for her. The only thing she could see clearly was a gold watch with an emerald clock face. Then there was blood.
"Renfield. Everything else is fuzzy, but every time his face, his appearance looks a little clearer."
JJ nodded. He had started to draw some of his own conclusions from all the things Harley had said in the past and described now. He wanted to talk it through with her, but thought better of it. She had just gotten in an altercation with his dad and with everything else going on he didn't want to drag her mood down. Besides, he didn't know anything for certain, everything was an assumption.
"Okay. Don't strain yourself trying to think about it. I just needed you to understand that none of yesterday was your fault. And now that you do, we can go back to having our chill day."
"H and J's lazy day." Harley grinned with relief, she was all for disregarding the past twenty-four hours, but first she had to ask, "Wait. Before we do... what happened to your lip? You never said."
The way JJ paused and looked at Harley made her think she asked a stupid question. His eyebrows dipped a little as he stared at her.
This was JJ's verbal confirmation that Harley hadn't heard the altercation he had with his father in the hallway.
JJ peered down at his daisy chain bracelet, whilst his thumb brushed over his lip, before looking back up. "Oh this. I cut myself in the mayhem of breaking into the salvage yard yesterday with the Pogues."
"Oh." It wasn't the answer Harley had expected. She thought someone had hit him maybe, but she guessed his answer made sense. "No way I missed breaking into the salvage yard."
Harley thought about the gold mine of car parts that could be in there.
"What were you guys searching for?"
It was as easy as that to slip back into their calming bubble.
Happy New Year!!♡🥳