Y/N's POV:
"I miss Jimin," Kai sobs into your lap. "I hate him for leaving me."
"You could've gone back with him," you laugh, running your hand over his platinum blonde hair.
"No, because then I'd be crying in his lap about how much I miss you," he wails, making you and Sunny roll your eyes with a smile.
Jeffrey chuckles before handing him a wine glass and says, "It's only been two days. How are you supposed to get through another week and a half?"
"Don't fucking remind me, Jeffrey," Kai hisses while still taking the Chardonnay from his hand.
Namjoon and Jimin left two days ago and things have been rather quiet at the Williams house. Namjoon called you once he landed and has texted here and there about work, conversation flowing much more easily than you expected. You're not sure why that's surprising though, he's always had the ability to talk about nothing around you.
A large chunk of the last forty-eight hours has consisted of you avoiding Yoongi like he's the plague. You're currently trying to talk to Kai and calm him down while also attempting to ignore the holes being burned into the side of your face by Yoongi sitting a few feet from you.
Hopefully he can't tell how fast your heart is beating because it's almost embarrassing how nervous you are. You're an absolute wreck, unsure of how to act around him. As usual, your head and your heart are at war, one wanting nothing to do with him while the other wants to be on top of him. You can tell he's trying not to come on too strong but doesn't really know where to go from here. Anytime he tries to talk to you, somehow you end up clinging to Kai or Sunny to avoid him.
You're also not really sure when to come clean about Namjoon just being friends with benefits and not an actual romantic interest, but every time you think about bringing it up, you get scared. Namjoon said he would tell Yoongi if you'd like, but you want to be the one to do it. You want to be able to clearly explain everything without seeming like you're running away. Once you were adamant about being the one to tell him, Namjoon was quick to say, "Okay, then tell him after I leave so he can't kick my ass."
While Kai sobs into your lap, Yoongi lets out a quiet sigh before standing up and heading outside onto the back porch.
"What the hell are you doing?" Sunny asks through her teeth, pinching your arm and making you yelp. "You're making this fucking awkward."
"What am I supposed to do?" you hiss back, massaging your now swollen skin.
"Tell him to go back to South Korea if you're just going to waste his time like this," Jeffrey says, making your jaw slack. Sunny shoots him a glare and he just shrugs and leans back in his seat. "I'm just saying. You won't even let him hardly speak to you."
"I-I'm just nervous," you mumble, averting everyone's eyes. "I don't know what to say."
Sunny sighs like you're an idiot and says, "You don't have to speak. Just be near him for a second, it won't kill you."
"Do you want me to make up with him?" you ask her with a brow raised. Kai finally gets up off your lap to wipe his face off. "I thought you didn't like him."
"I don't like what he did to you," she frowns. "But I like him as a person. And I like the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention. It's getting a little hard to watch you be such an asshole to him."
"A-an asshole?" you gape. "Am I really being that bad?"
"Yeah," Kai nods. "Even I'm starting to feel a little bad for the poor bastard. You're treating him the way I treat men when they give me the ick."
Your jaw nearly hits the floor because there's nothing farther from the truth than that. Yoongi is probably not even capable of giving someone the ick; he's too damn perfect. He makes you nervous and shoots butterflies through your stomach just by taking the seat next to you. Just his laugh makes your heart race and there's nothing cuter than his sleepy bare face in the morning.
You're still embarrassingly in love with him but you sure aren't acting like it. He doesn't necessarily need to know just how in love you are, but you definitely don't want him to think you have the ick. He could be at home in his luxury condo with peace and quiet, yet he's here in a foreign country in a three bedroom house with a toddler.
This is definitely not his comfort zone.
"Should I go talk to him?" you ask, getting a quick nod from all three of them. You let out a long exhale and pet Nala a few times to calm you down before standing up off the floor to smooth over your hoodie and leggings. After slipping some slides on you step outside into the frigid May air.
Yoongi's sitting by the fire pit, just staring at the orange and yellow flame as it begins to die down. Earlier the four of you plus Jenna had some s'mores around the fire and now that you think about it, you did ignore him the entire time. Not only were you ignoring him, you were texting Namjoon as he talked about a painting class he's taking soon.
He looks breathtaking right now in just a white long sleeve t-shirt tucked into jeans, his black hair messily falling over his forehead and his bare face looking so beautiful it's almost annoying.
"Hey," you mumble, startling him since he didn't hear you come outside.
"H-hey," he says, standing up from his seat. His eyes sparkle as he looks at you and your gaze shifts towards your feet, unsure of what to say now that you're out here. You shiver as a cold breeze fans over you and Yoongi quickly runs inside, leaving you alone and confused for fifteen seconds until he returns with your fuzzy blanket.
"Here," he says, wrapping it around your shoulder. "Sit where I was, it's closest to the fire."
You nod and sit down, relaxing into the warmth of the blanket and the fire. Yoongi takes the spot next to you, poking around at the wood to keep the flame alive. It gets quiet but you're pleasantly surprised it's not awkward. You both sit there in silence, listening to the crackling fire, the hum of nearby owls, the soft chirping of crickets, and you realize Sunny was right. Words don't have to be exchanged in order to enjoy each other's presence.
Yoongi's never been the chatty type. The two of you used to sit in quietness like this all the time. Maybe it's because you're used to Namjoon talking your ear off, or maybe it's because you were nervous to spend alone time with him, but the comfortable silence is nice.
Your eyes travel to his side profile and you almost want to cry at how beautiful he looks. His cheeks and nose are rosy from the cold, his beautiful brown eyes are reflecting the campfire light, and his slender figure is relaxed back into his chair, as if this is where he's the most comfortable.
"This is nice," he says, keeping his eyes on the fire. "I was worried I'd never get to spend time with you like this again."
"Yeah," you nod, looking back towards the flame as well. It gets quiet again and you're not sure how much time passes but you let the silence happen. You'd been so busy trying to avoid awkwardness that you ended up making things awkward anyways, so you're not going to force any conversation. You're just going to sit here and enjoy your time.
"Can I tell you something?" he asks, turning your attention back towards him. He has a pensive look on his face as he continues staring ahead of him, the fire casting dancing shadows across his beautiful features.
"Sure."
"You're the second girl I've ever been in love with."
Your eyes widen slightly as you process his words. It was already pretty clear there must've been someone in his past who'd hurt him, but it's almost surreal hearing him talk about it out loud. You shift your body more towards him to let him know he has your full attention.
"It was a long time ago, over five years now," he sighs, leaning his head against the lounge chair to look up at the moon. "I was head over heels for her, and I was hoping to propose one day. BTS was really busy at the time, so I couldn't pay as much attention to her as I would've liked, but she said she supported me and my dreams and would wait however long I needed."
"She sounds fucking terrible," you say flatly, making him snort. One of his deep and sexy chuckles follows afterwards as he meets your eyes, making your heart do a little cartwheel.
"You are correct," he says, holding your gaze this time. "She was terrible. Turns out the whole time, she was sleeping with my best friend."
Your jaw almost lands in your lap as you search his face for any hint of sarcasm or a lie, but you find none. There's a deep sadness in his eyes as he looks at you, and your stomach turns over at how much that must've hurt him.
And then you realize your "situation" wasn't that much different. Instead of you sleeping with his best friend, he thought you were sleeping with your own best friend. It begins making sense why he was so easily triggered by that video. A little piece of you understands why his first instinct was to protect himself. He'd rather die than suffer through something like that again.
Yoongi turns his head to look up at the moon, and you watch him try to blink back his tears before saying, "I only found out because he got her pregnant."
He might be able to fight back his tears but you can't. A single tear falls down your cheek but you try your best to keep it together. He's going to feel bad if he sees you crying, and you want to hear everything he has to say.
"I'm sure you've heard about my struggles with mental health," he continues, his hands nervously running over his jeans. "That was a particularly dark time. I hated everyone and everything, doing anything I could to feel something besides pain." He pauses to collect himself before saying, "So when alcohol stopped working, I turned to cocaine."
You bite into your lip, trying to stifle your soft sobs. Now it makes sense when Namjoon mentioned Yoongi relapsing, and the mental image of him hurting that badly makes your stomach turn. Anyone would have severe trust issues after that.
More tears spill out of your eyes when you watch one tear fall down the side of his face. Your heart breaks for him, and finally getting answers on his traumatic past dissipates the remaining anger you still held towards him. You're not healed, nor can you just forget what he put you through, but there's no more bitterness in your heart.
Not towards him anyways. Aera and this ex of his on the other hand better pray they don't cross paths with you.
"As you can imagine, it was hard to open up after that," he says shakily, wiping the tear from his cheek. "It took a while, but the members got me through the bad days and I'm forever grateful for them. Five years came and went, my heart remaining completely numb and unfazed. Until you came along."
This time you let out a little hiccup as you start to break down, his eyes frantically snapping towards you.
"Whoa, hey," he says, shifting to face you. "What? What's wrong?"
"What do you mean what's wrong?" you ask angrily, burying your face in your hands as it becomes harder to breathe. "That's horrible, G. How could someone do that to you?"
He's quiet as you cry into your palms, your heart shattering all over again hearing his story. You knew it had to have been awful but this is way worse than you imagined; he was betrayed by both his girlfriend and his best friend. You're not sure if you ever would've recovered if you'd lost Kai at the same time you lost Yoongi. Having the other members probably saved his life on multiple different occasions.
"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad for me. But you opened up to me about your past and I wanted to do the same."
You look up at him and of course he's as beautiful as ever, even with tears brimming in his eyes. And as usual, he's looking at you like you're his world. You'd give anything to go back in time and change things. To somehow prove to him that you'd never crush him like that. But eventually you're just going to have to accept that this is your reality.
Without your mind's consent, your body instinctively moves towards him, making his breath hitch as you seat yourself on his lap. The chair is slightly reclined, allowing you plenty of room to make yourself comfortable, and he certainly isn't going to deny any physical touch you're willing to give him. You're cocooned in your blanket and your forehead rests against the crook of his neck while your legs hang to one side of him.
It takes him a second to recover from the shock but his arms quickly wrap around your body once he comes to, and you hum in contentment, melting into him the way you've been craving to for days. The first thing you take in is his scent, and then it's the feel of his muscular arms wrapped around your frame. You notice how safe and warm you feel in his embrace right now, just like you used to.
Then you hear his heartbeat. It almost sounds like he's running a marathon but he's just sitting here, holding you close to his body. You love how nervous and excited you make him. Your body doesn't lie but neither does his. It's clear as day he's head over heels in love with you.
His hand runs over your hair and your eyes flutter closed, that familiar sensation flooding you with warmth and comfort. The two of you are quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's presence by the fire.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," you say, nuzzling yourself more into his neck and shoulder. "Thank you for telling me."
"Of course," he says, resting his cheek on the top of your head. "Thank you for listening. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you."
Your hand reaches up to grab his guitar pick necklace, the one he designed for Army. You smooth your thumb over the black metal, admiring how beautiful it looks with the fire reflecting off of it.
Yoongi just took a leap of faith and talked about something he was scared to bring up. Now it's your turn.
"G," you say, letting out a shaky exhale. "I have something to confess, but it might make you mad at me."
"I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen," he chuckles, continuing to run his hand over your hair. "But okay, I'm listening."
"It's about Namjoon."
His hand pauses and you feel his body tense up underneath you, your stomach now in knots. You keep your face buried in his neck, too nervous to look at him. There's not much scarier than the idea of Yoongi hating you again. You let go of his necklace and grip onto his t-shirt, beginning to tremble from anxiety.
"Go ahead," he says shakily, forcing his body to relax. "I can handle it." His heart is pounding even harder now, which only makes you panic even more.
But you can't back down now, it would seem very suspicious if you said never mind. It's now or never, you know you need to get it over with and be honest. Tears brim in your eyes and you finally choke out those words you've been terrified of saying out loud.
"Namjoon and I were never romantically seeing each other."
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*
__________________
A/N: Chappy 30 ~
"Oh shit" -Namjoon
How do you think this conversation is gonna go?
I am in a terrible fucking mood and roasted a few commenters on Sleep With Me to make myself feel better.
If you're curious, most of the slut shaming comments are in chapters 56 & 57 when y/n's kissing J.
Comments like "nooooo" and "omg I hate this" don't bother me. Those chapters are designed to draw emotion out of readers and it's normal to dislike her being with anyone other than the male lead.
But comments like "wtf is wrong with her" or "ew she needs to go to therapy" or "she's literally disgusting" are absolutely fucking wild to me.
This is fanfiction motherfuckers, go play in traffic.
So anyways... vote & hydrate or face the consequences.
Maybe Jeffrey will be my next victim. Don't leave poor Jenna fatherless.
Yoongi tattoo reveal: