It's been two days since I left the hospital and I have received no call from Mr. Lee, Cheng, or Zhan ge. I guess he is still in solitary confinement. But thinking about it alone drives me crazy, and I decided to go.
I entered the bathroom to have a quick shower and when I finished; I wore blue jeans with a black turtleneck top and black sneakers. I was combing my hair when I heard bangs on the door.
I took a deep breath, trying to control my anger, and walked toward the door, but before I could open it, I heard another bang.
When I opened it... Wang, are you stupid, or just foolish? Cheng yelled at me, pushing the door. Anger was written all over him.
Both. I mumbled.
I don't care you almost had a heart attack because you caused it with your foolishness. But I was so angry when I heard Zhan had a heart attack. He was in the hospital for two days. Do you want to kill him before his time? He yelled at me.
Zhan ge had a heart attack? My hands started trembling. I didn't know when my legs gave up on me and I collapsed on the floor.
Yes, Why couldn't you just control your stupid mouth?
Cheng, I just wanted him to talk about how he feels and what he is going through. The tears flowed freely and I drowned in them.
That's rich coming from you, Wang. Aren't you a hypocrite? Did you ever confide in him when you were going through trouble? Do you even know why all the bullying stopped suddenly after Zhu Zanjin's friend raped you? Do you know he is serving jail time? Do you know everyone that bullied you was dealt with? He is fuming with anger and my heart dropped into the depths of my stomach.
What...are...you...talking...about? I yelled at him.
He rolled his eyes angrily and sat on the bed.
I'm not supposed to tell you this because I promised Zhan I won't but your dumb ass needs to know. When I went to see Zhan after I left the restaurant. We talked at length and he told me things that left me wishing I had magical powers to change the past.
When Zhan was in the hospital, you didn't go to see him for a day. He was worried out of his mind. When you went to see him the next day he saw right through you. He knew you wore concealer, he thought maybe you fought with someone. But the way you walked and hid the pain you were going through, he knew what happened to you. He said you told him you were tired and dozed off. But he said no matter how tired you are, you always come to him, he was like your safe haven. He knew you so well like the back of his hand.
At first, he thought maybe it was the person you borrowed the money from. He was angry but he kept it to himself until he got better. There was a day you forgot your homework and he took it to your school but he saw you been bullied and he wondered why.
He pretended like a student and asked a few people around why they bullied you, and they told him what happened. He was so angry. He went to Mr. And Mrs. Yang and told them what happened in their home and he is pressing charges. First, all the students who bullied you did community work for 3 months after school. Zhu Zanjin did one year and he also testified in court against his friend for raping you.
It killed him so much that you went through all that alone, it was eating him up, and he wanted to talk about it so bad but he respected your privacy and said you will tell him when you are ready.
He regretted why he picked you up that morning. He said if he had left you, someone, better would have adopted you. He blamed himself for not having enough money to pay for his treatment because if he had, you wouldn't have asked Xue Yang. He blamed himself you went through all that for him. He said he thought he saved you but only made you suffer. He said he was suppose to take care of you and not the other way round.
From then he was determined to only make you happy, he took a loan and opened the restaurant in your name. He deprived himself of everything until he paid Xue Yang.
When he went to return the money he warmed Xue Yang he doesn't want to see him a mile close to you.
The day Xue Yang saw you, he was going to tell you they were relocating because Zhan made living miserable for his parents. But as fate would have it, what happened, happened and Zhan called it redemption. He jumped at it because he felt it was the only way to make up for all the things you went through.
"I have never seen anyone love someone as much as he loves you. It makes me mad and jealous." So, yeah, he didn't regret him being there, and you out here. Cheng hissed.
"Now I understand why you are angry" I'm also angry at myself. I mumbled, I was a crying mess.
I didn't see it that way Cheng, I cried. I saw myself as a burden to him, he did double shifts because of me. He took care of me more than he took care of himself. I just feel so miserable and hurt, I just wanted him to talk about it. I wailed.
Well, there was nothing for him to talk about. He does not regret it and you can't see him until I say so, as his lawyer. You're not good for my client. Cheng fired.
I can't see him? You're joking right? I asked.
No, I am serious Wang. You can't see Zhan for now.
Well, I should just kill myself then. Since I don't have anything else am living for.
That will be good. Cheng hissed and stood up to leave. I'm I stupid again?
Cheng, I'm sorry please wait, I held his legs, you can't do this to me, please. I will die. I can't live without him. I wailed miserably on his expensive shoes.
Sorry does not fix everything, Wang. Take time to reflect on your behavior and stop cutting. He knows that too. I'll let you know when you can see him. He hissed and pulled his leg away from my grip.
Cheng please, I feel suffocated. The thought of not seeing him will kill me. Please I cried and grabbed his shoes again.
Wang, I don't change my mind easily like that and don't think crying solves anything either.
I stood up and looked him dead in the eyes. Okay then, if you don't let me see him I will kill myself. I said.
Good, I will tell Zhan you killed yourself and watch him die of a heart attack. He yelled.
Cheng, you're so mean. I cried and slumbed on the floor.
That's why I am a lawyer. I will let you know when you can see him. He said and walked out shutting the door hard behind him making me flintch.
The world seemed to spin around and a sharp, throbbing pain took hold of me, so much so that all I wanted to do was vomit and hope the pain would come out with it. My mind raced, half panicked half determined. I tried as best as I could to block out the pain, to find some form of meditative trance to cope with the agonizing sensations. But I deserve every bit of it for making Zhan ge have a heart attack. I massaged my temples and for a moment tried to block out all the pain to press onward. On any other day, I would have probably cut myself and just lay in bed to make sure I don't feel the heartache, but not today. Today was a day to let the pain take its toll. I just lay on the floor until I passed out.
It's been two Saturdays and here I am again waiting to see Zhan ge, but Mr. Lee said I can't see him. I pleaded and cried but they won't let me see him. I lost track of everything until my phone beeped and when I checked it was a text from Mr. Han.
"It's 7 pm, Mr. Wang"
"I will be out in a minute, I replied and stood up." the ride back home was quiet and I ache all over. I haven't been sleeping much even with my medication. I feel so stupid for letting this happen. I deserve all the pain. I was lost in my mind when Mr. Han tapped my shoulder.
Apparently, he has been calling my name.
Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks, I whispered and made my way out of the car.
As I lay in bed drowning in my tears. I can't bring myself to cut because of Zhan ge so am back to taking solace in alcohol. It was easier that way.
The sound of someone banging on the door woke me up, I winced from the splitting headache. When I opened the door it was Cheng.
You can go and see him today. Let me drop you. He said emotionless.
Really? I can see him. Thank you. I said, before dashing into the bathroom, ignoring the hangover, and having a cold shower. Wore a red knitted sweater and black jeans with black sneakers, and made our way into his car.
"Please take me to the restaurant first." I mumbled. My hair was a mess, with no contact lens and concealer. Not like I care about what I look like right now. I'm just glad I'm going to see Zhan ge. When we got there, I got down from the car and entered the restaurant. Picked fries with barbecue Chicken and went back to the car. Immediately I buckled up, Cheng zoomed off.
I feel bad for what happened, what I said was harsh and hurt Zhan ge. I regret it so much, I feel sympathetic for Zhan ge, I do, I don't like the idea of him being hurt.
My heart was throbbing, I was a mess. But I don't care. The drive to the prison was quiet except Cheng's phone beeping. I was deep in thought.
We are here, Cheng said pulling me out of my trance. I'll wait in the car, I have a couple of emails to send and make a few phone calls.
Oh, okay, thanks. I mumbled and got out of the car. I did the usual routine check and in minutes I was in the visitor's lounge.