( 52 一 CREATOR, DESTROYER. )
Clara had made her way to the computer room. Ruby was still going at the map, the crowd watching in awe. Clara ignored them and walked over to Nico who was standing in the crowd.
"Did you complete the virus while I was away?" She asked him. Nico looked at her before nodding, pulling a USB attached to a lanyard from under his shirt.
"Let me guess, Ruby's planning on going in alone?"
"Yeah. I tried to tell her it should be me but she didn't budge," Nico said quietly to ensure the kids around them didn't hear. Clara snorted, "Well she's right about that, there's no chance we would let you go back there."
Nico sighed at her words, "Clara I need to fix the mistakes I've made. This is the only way for me to do that."
Clara looked at him for a moment before pulling him into her side, her arm around his shoulders. "Nico, we all know you've made mistakes, that's no secret. But getting yourself killed isn't the way to fix them."
Nico didn't respond, leaning into Clara as they watched Ruby annotate the map. It was strange, seeing everything you knew for almost a decade printed onto a single piece of paper. The fact that a place that had such an extensive devastating effect was only a mile wide was baffling to Clara.
"Thurmond was so small when we were there," Nico said quietly. Clara nodded at his words, holding him tighter. "So small yet it was our entire world for so long," he finished.
The door clicked open and in walked Dr. Lillian Gray. In a minute Nico had scrambled across to the other side of the room, back with his computer. Clara sighed, training her eyes on the frail woman being helped by Senator Cruz.
The woman walked over to Ruby, looking over the map. "This isn't Thurmond," she said. "Thurmond was only one building, I saw it myself
Ruby didn't stop her work when she responded, "Once they moved the initial research programs out they rapidly expanded to house more kids." Clara remembered watching the cabins being hastily built, the garden being dug and the control tower constructed. It had been so confusing to her then.
Dr. Gray turned to Ruby tentatively, "You're like my son, are you not?"
"Yes," Ruby said, "but not in the way that matters."
"Were you there while he was?" Dr. Gray asked her. Ruby shook her head, turning to look at Clara who was standing behind her. Dr. Gray followed her train of sight to Clara.
"I was there with him, don't you remember me?" Clara asked scathingly. She watched as Lillian's eyes scanned her, focussing on her head and the scars that resided there.
"You were... you were the Orange with my Clancy, weren't you?"
Clara scoffed at her, "Yeah, I'm the Orange they tortured with Clancy. It was your program wasn't it?"
Dr. Gray recoiled at her words. She started shaking her head, her face hardening. "That wasn't torture. That was a government sanctioned medical research program. It was my program and it wasn't torture," she said. "It was invasive but it had to be to find the cure, we had no choice."
Clara released a sharp laugh, one that made the onlookers shiver. "Not torture? They strapped us down and drilled into our skulls with no pain medication," she said harshly. "What would you call that?"
Senator Cruz and Ruby looked tense as the women argued. The other kids in the room, the ones who didn't know what happened at those research facilities looked beyond horrified.
"The nation's children were dying. My son was at risk of dying," Dr Lillian said firmly. "I'd call that a necessary sacrifice."
For a moment Clara felt her surroundings disappear. All that was left was Lillian Gray staring at her, her face slowly morphing into one of blank compliance.
Clara didn't even know she'd moved and grabbed Dr. Gray around the throat until she was in her head. She pushed through everything until she reached the place she needed to be. It was easy, a natural instinct. Once she had access to the area of the brain that controlled touch and perception she barely even had to think before Lillian was crumpling to the floor. From inside her head, Clara could hear the woman's screams as a drill bore down into her head.
Ruby watched as Dr. Gray collapsed, her head gripped in her hands as she screamed in agony. She watched as Clara fell to the floor with her, ensuring her hands remained wrapped around the woman's neck.
For a moment Ruby stilled in shock. She could feel thoughts racing through her head as she watched. Why would Clara do that? What was wrong with her? Why didn't she stop her?
Ruby knew the answer to the last one. She didn't stop her because deep down she knew the woman deserved it. Lillian had no remorse for her actions, for the pain she'd caused. Deep down Ruby knew she was vengeful but she was also a coward. So instead of enacting her own revenge, she let Clara do it for her.
For this reason, Ruby didn't try to stop Clara as soon as Senator Cruz called her to do something. She watched as the woman wailed and Clara's face fell into that familiar expression of mania and Senator Crus tried to drag Clara off of the First Lady.
Eventually Ruby came to her senses. She moved forwards and grasped Clara's arm in her hand. Ruby wasn't sure if she'd be able to take Clara head on but her lessons with Clancy at East River had taught her something. If Clara was already in someone's mind she was open to an attack from Ruby. With this in mind Ruby dove in, throwing her full mental force against the girl's mind.
Ruby had never entered Clara's mind. It was messy but there seemed to be some kind of order. Organised chaos. Memories rose like waves and crashed down again. Ruby felt the water rush over her feet.
She watched as memories floated by. A woman frequented the ones of Clara's childhood. Ruby turned away from the ones which had scenes of the woman striking Clara, favouring the ones of Clara and a young boy.
As Ruby observed her friend's mind she felt guilt eat away at her. She wasn't supposed to be there and that was abundantly clear.
She saw flashes of the lab, a young girl strapped to a table far too large for someone of that size. A man with blonde hair like Clara's pointing to something in the trees.
I'm not supposed to be seeing this, Ruby thought to herself again.
The waters seemed to get darker the further Ruby walked. More images of the lab flashed, of Thurmond. More of her mother's abuse surfaced, the waves getting larger. There were memories of Clara in the Blackout facility. Ruby pulled one forward, stepping into it.
"Please," a voice begged.
A man sighed, "Three-two-eight-nine, you know better than to ask that."
Screams echoed through the tiled room and Ruby found herself stumbling backwards, out of the memory and out of Clara's mind.
When Ruby landed back in her own head the whole room was silent other than the soft crying of two women. Lillian was being held by Senator Cruz who watched Clara with a horrified expression. Tearing her eyes from the sight Ruby found Clara, curled in on herself, her tears staining her face.
She held her hands over her head as she cried as if trying to protect herself from further assaults. Ruby felt disgust for herself pooling in her stomach. For a second she thought she was going to be sick.
The door slammed open and Vida stormed in with a face of thunder, Nico not far behind her looking terrified. When Vida caught sight of Clara her face morphed into one of pure fury. Her eyes caught on Ruby holding her own head in pain and exploded.
"You did this?" She screamed. Anger was radiating off of her as she knelt down beside Clara. "You fucking disgust me, Ruby," she spat at the girl.
Ruby wanted to shrink in on herself but she pushed past it, standing up. She sent one remorseful look at Clara before walking towards the exit, pushing past the kids blocking her way. She knew Clara would never forgive her for what she'd done
"Yeah, walk away Ruby! Fucking walk away," Vida shouted after her.
Vida kneeled back down to Clara, pulling her head from between her hands. "I'm here," she whispered, pressing her forehead against Clara's.
"I was– I was there," Clara muttered, "she was hurting me. They were all hurting me again."
Vida held her closer, pressing a kiss against the shaking girl's forehead. Vida started trying to pull Clara to her feet, "Nico," she called, needing his help. Without a word he rushed over, slipping under Clara's other arm.
They took slow steps towards the exit, Clara weak on her feet. "Fuck off, the lot of you," Vida snapped, feeling the crowds eyes boring into them. All the kids who had been silently watching the scene unfold scattered, darting out of the room as fast as possible.
Vida directed Nico and Clara toward the agent's room they had stayed in so many weeks ago. The night before Clara had left. Nico and Vida supported her the whole way. It reminded them both that Clara had only been back a few days. She may seem back to normal but she was still physically weak and mentally scarred.
"They were hurting me again," she muttered over and over again. Vida shushed her quietly, trying to soothe the thoughts raging in her head.
Once they had her laid on the bed Nico left them be, Vida sliding in next to her. She'd finally started calming down. She wasn't crying or muttering anymore, just trembling.
"I'm a monster, Vida," Clara whispered into the silence after a few minutes. From beside her she could feel Vida still.
Clara had never seen her abilities as a curse. It was IAAN and the government that had destroyed her life, not her abilities. Her abilities had saved her and her friends more than once, she could never hate them for that. But after what she just did, she knew they'd corrupted her.
She'd watched the Oranges in Thurmond go mad for years. They had that thousand-yard stare clear as day. She knew she had that stare on her face as she invaded Lillian Gray's mind.
"I tortured her, Vida," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I hurt her the same way she hurt me."
From beside her Vida sighed quietly. She traced her fingers down Clara's face, watching as the girl was overwhelmed by guilt.
"What you did was wrong, Clara, cruel, even" Vida said. Clara nodded against the girl's hand. "But people can't be good all the time."
Clara pulled away to look into Vida's eyes. Vida seemed to debate continuing on with her words but decided to despite whatever she was telling herself. "You've experienced so much pain and fear. More than anyone I've ever known. I think you have to cut yourself some slack."
Clara furrowed her eyebrows at her words. Clara never viewed herself as a person who had survived things, merely someone who made it through thanks to the help of others. She escaped Thurmond because of Cate, escaped the Children's League because of Zu's kindness, escaped East River because of Chubs.
Clara wasn't a survivor, she surrounded herself with survivors. That was the only truth she'd ever known for sure. "Okay," she whispered. She didn't believe it.
Clara wasn't a survivor but she was a monster. Two truths she'd always know.
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Poor Clara 😕