Bam!
Mr Ambrose didn't hesitate an instant. The instant the giant figure had spoken, the muzzle of his gun flashed in the darkness—but the huge man was already on the move. With a roar, he slammed into the crate behind which the two of us were hiding, sending me toppling backwards. Mr Ambrose lunged, grabbing me just before I hit the floor. That distraction cost him. Before he could move another muscle, the giant was on us, lunging for Mr Ambrose's throat.
In a blink, my husband brought up his leg and rammed it into the big man's stomach. I heard a grunt, and the behemoth was sent flying. After only a few yards, he slammed into the ground with a thunderous crash.
Please stay down! Please stay down! Please stay down!
Faster than I would have thought possible, the massive man was back up on his feet. His hand went to his belt, and, a moment later, a huge blade flashed in the shadows, heading straight towards my husband's throa—
Clang!
Halfway, the blade stopped dead, halted by the sabre that had appeared in Mr Ambrose's hand.
"Vermin! You dare to resist?" a rumbling growl came out of the dark. "Die, scum!"
Mr Ambrose's answer came fast, hard and implacable. "No."
His foot lashed out and, snaking around the other man's leg, tugged hard. With a startled yell, the massive figure lost his footing and crashed to the floor again. Mr Ambrose's sword came down towards him—
Yes, yes, yes!
—only to slam against the tiles as the big bastard rolled to the side.
Dammit!
A kick from a leg the size of a tree-trunk sent my husband sailing backwards, and, before he could steady himself, the bloody giant was already upon him. A furious duel began, steel flashing in the darkness in a twisted whirlwind of death. I didn't rush to his aid. I didn't even dare step close for fear of startling Mr Ambrose at the wrong moment. But I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to! I wanted nothing more than to jump in and start stabbing the bastard who was trying to tear apart my husband! But in my condition? I could only stand and watch.
At least the two opponents seem to be rather evenly matched.
Or that's what it looked like at first.
As time dragged on, however, it became increasingly obvious that the giant had an advantage. Bringing his size and weight to bear, he was able to push Mr Ambrose back farther and farther until, finally, a powerful swing of the sabre ripped Mr Ambrose's own blade from his hand and sent it clattering across the floor.
"Now..." The massive man growled. "I will have my answers! Where is he?"
"He? He who?"
"Don't play games with me!" In an instant, the shadowy giant's blade appeared at my husband's throat. "Where. Is. He?"
Staring down the shadow towering above him, Mr Ambrose pointed down at the floor. "Down there."
"Huh?" The big man looked down, and—
Wham!
I couldn't suppress a grin as Mr Rikkard Ambrose slammed his arm against the flat of the giant's blade and shoved it aside. Before the big bastard could react, Mr Ambrose leapt forward and rammed his fist straight into his enemy's face. With a pained grunt, the massive figure tried to bring his sabre back up, only for my darling husband to twist the bastard's wrist, forcing him to let go.
Ha!
The big bastard howled, more in rage than in pain, then let his fists fly. Thus began the bloodiest brawl I had ever seen in my life—and considering I was friends with Patsy, that was saying something. The two exchanged a furious flurry of blows, the impacts of their fists echoing in the empty warehouse like cannon shots. I watched, teeth grinding, as, once again, Mr Ambrose was driven back. My pistol came up, pointing at the two struggling, twisting figures, but...
Dammit! I can't get a clear shot in! Not without hitting Mr Ambrose!
And despite past experiences with my darling husband, I didn't want to bet on his skin being actually made out of rock.
Just then, the giant managed to slam into Mr Ambrose with his whole weight, sending him stumbling backwards. With a thud, he hit the floor, and then the towering shadow was above him, raising a mallet-sized fist.
Swearing, I dropped my gun and rushed forward.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! You're pregnant! What do you think you can do?
But if I didn't do something, we were all going to die here. So I did the only thing I could. With a growl, I threw myself forward and grabbed the big man by the beard, tugging hard.
"Yeeaaaagh!"
The bellow of pain echoed off the warehouse walls.
Ha! That served the bastard right! I tightened my grip on the massive beard, and...
Wait a moment.
Beard?
Massive Beard?
...
"Karim?"
"Harami saale! Unhand me, you fat son of a—err... Sahiba?"
We both froze.
There was a long, long moment of silence.
"Karim? What are you doing here?"
"What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are you doing here? And why are you pulling my beard?"
"'cause it's fun?"
He opened his mouth.
"And before you complain," I added, narrowing my eyes at the towering shadow, "remember you called me the f-word."
He snapped his mouth shut again. I couldn't see much of his figure in the dark, but I could swear I saw drops of sweat appearing on his forehead.
Smart man.
I gave him a sweet smile.
"Oh, and since we are on the subject, could you tell me why you were trying to smash my husband's brains in?"
"I," Mr Ambrose's voice came from the floor, "would like to know that as well."
"I, um, well..." Karim cleared his throat. "That is because, err, I..."
"Yes?" Rising to his feet, Mr Rikkard Ambrose dusted himself off and pinned Karim to the spot with his iciest stare. Suddenly, the massive man didn't seem quite so big anymore. "Do continue."
"Well, err, you see, Sahib, after your ship sank I was looking for you and, well, when I didn't find any sign of you or the Sahiba, I decided to go after the pirates because they often frequent uninhabited islands and, um, if you had been shipwrecked there, they would most likely already have taken you prisoner. So I went searching for pirates all over the place and—"
"—and you thought the best way to find the pirates would be punching my husband in the face repeatedly," I finished, nodding wisely. "Ah, of course."
"Yes, exactl—wait, what? No! No, of course not!"
"Oh?" I cocked my head, inwardly congratulating myself for not already rolling around on the ground laughing. The look on his face! It was just too precious! "Then why did you punch him in the face repeatedly? I know his face is eminently punchable—"
"Mrs Ambrose..." came a low and icy voice from the direction of a certain business magnate.
"—but you went a little too far. I mean, look at him! Black and blue and purple...he looks like a flag that decided red, white and blue wasn't interesting enough."
"Mrs Ambrose!"
"Still...punching him might still be acceptable," I cheerfully continued, completely ignoring the way Mr Rikkard Ambrose was trying to freeze me with his gaze alone. "But trying to stab him? That goes a little too far, don't you think?"
"I, um, well, err..."
Dear me, was it fun to watch this man squirm! In fact, it was so much fun it even made me temporarily postpone my urge to hug the big grizzly bear to death. God, how I had missed him! I hadn't realised just how much. It was just like an appendix. You never realised how much you wanted it to stay put until it suddenly decided it wanted out.
In the end, I simply couldn't resist anymore.
"Oh, come here you, you big beard! Let me hug you!"
"What are you—unhand me, woman! Unhand me this instant!"
"Aww...thanks! I'm so happy to hear you missed me, too!"
Once again, I squeezed my new plushie. It was even life-sized, and made funny noises. How nice!
Unfortunately, my hugging session was interrupted a moment later by a meaningful cough. Glancing up, I saw Mr Rikkard Ambrose staring arctically at me. Or, more precisely, at my arms wrapped around another man.
So, like the good little wife I was, I winked at him.
Hm...should I squeeze Karim's derriere for good measure?
Nah, probably not. They had only just stopped trying to kill each other. It would be a shame for them to start again so soon.
Besides, I was still rather curious about how the big fellow had ended up here.
"It's really good to see you again, Karim!" Grinning up at him broadly, I gave him a last, big hug, then stepped back. "Now, I believe you were just telling us how you looking for pirates led to you punching my husband in the face?"
The big bodyguard squirmed under my enquiring gaze. Well, that and Mr Ambrose's frosty glare that was still boring into him.
"Ehem...well, Sahiba, my men and I were just sailing past this island when the lookout spotted a ship anchored in a natural harbour, and, well, that ship looked just like one of the descriptions we'd received of a pirate ship, so we went ashore and investigated, eventually tracking the ship's crew to a warehouse at the edge of this town, and, well..."
He glanced around, his eyes flicking from Mr Ambrose to me, and back to Mr Ambrose. To judge by the look on his face, he had to suppress the urge to peek into the dark corners of the room to look for hidden pirates.
"Ah, I see." I nodded once again. "So, after not finding any pirates, you were so disappointed that you decided to take out your frustrations by punching your boss in the face. Very understandable. I've wanted to do that quite often myself."
Mr Rikkard Ambrose turned his head towards me to once more focus his icy eyes on me. I just folded my arms behind my head and whistled like the harmless little wife I was.
"No! No, I would never—! I mean, I did, but...Dhikāra hai, woman! Stop twisting my words around!"
"Me?" Innocently, I blinked up at him. "Would I ever do such a thing?"
In answer, he sent me a dark glower.
"Aaah!" Rushing over to Mr Ambrose, I did my best to cower behind my hubby's stalwart form. "Protect me from the wicked villain, dear husband! Any moment, he's going to start swinging his sabre around again! I can feel it!"
I peeked over Mr Ambrose's shoulder just in time to see Karim's bushy eyebrows twitch.
"You...you ifrit!"
"As amusing as this little show is," Mr Ambrose interrupted with a face that was completely and utterly unamused, "I would like to hear the remainder of your explanation, Karim."
He leaned forward, bringing said unamused face close enough to make the bruise on his left cheek visible.
Well, will you look at that? Not made of stone after all.
"Ah, um, well, Sahib..."
"Explanation. Now."
"Certainly, Sahib! Right away, Sahib! As I said before, I, err, followed the pirate crew's tracks all the way to the edge of town, and..." He glanced around again. "...and I could swear they led straight to this warehouse. There were even a few armed men outside, Sahib, I swear! But..."
He looked around the warehouse again, as if expecting a pirate to jump out at him any minute now shouting "Aarrr!"
Finally, he turned back to Mr Ambrose.
"I know they're here! I know! I can practically feel it! But..." He glanced around again. "Have you seen any sign of the pirates, Sahib? I've been looking for those bastards for weeks! I know I chased them to this place! And now...where the hell are they?!"
There was a moment of silence. Then, in typical Ambrose fashion, my dear husband, while remaining perfectly silent, raised his hand and pointed at himself.
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My dear Lords and Ladies,
I hope you enjoyed the reunion. It certainly was fun to write :)
Yours Truly
Sir Rob
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Dhikāra hai—Punjabi for "damn it".