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Ruhani POV
"Nagina tried to find him but I think he is not in the Sultanate,"
Shaheen informed and I closed the wide-bound pages, illustrating a book. My eyes blinked slowly for those few moments when I tried to collect every place he could be. A few locations crossed my conscience and I lifted my gaze from the wooden table to back to her.
I signaled her not to worry about him and take my dinner back. If my dearest husband had not had dinner yet, how could I eat? This was not particularly my devotion to my Shauhar but a kind act to show that I was also deeply affected by his mourning over his father's death day.
His death was surely tragic but he needed to understand that this was a process of life. Surely, it could make him feel any better of his father's early death but it could at least make him lessen his guilt.
The guilt, I believed was because he could not meet his father when he was leaving for my Sultanate that black day. He was kind of busy playing with his siblings.
And, he needed to understand that no matter how hardworking and deep effort we put into something, it was just God that can grant us that something.
I stood up from the wide cushioned chair placing my palms flat over the wooden table. The behind of my brain captured the cold of the wood which was in contrast to the warm pages of the book due to my bodily heat.
'Is it cold outside?'
I signal-questioned Shaheen.
"It is raining and thundering outside, Begum and yes, Cold,"
She informed and I remembered the incidents that happened in the hammam today with the mention of water in its most pleasing form, Rain.
I nodded my head and asked her to retire to his quarters and take a rest also reminding her that they had to do that work for me.
When she left, I looked around at the candles and started blowing their flame away with my mouth, as I needed to close the library before leaving. I could not risk my journal being caught in the wrong hands. That was why I put it in between the busiest shelf in the library.
I came out of the library and my ear noticed the faded sound of rain dropping and the comparatively colder weather outside. Cold enough to bring goosebumps over my exposed neck and bare arms in three-quartered sleeves.
I walked passed the dark gallery as the light lamps were blowing off with the strong winds. A few helpers stopped in their way and bent their heads in respect and honor. I recognized one of them from the servant quarters and looked at them as they were trying to lighten the lamps again.
From inside, I could feel the fear bubbling in me with the scary weather and then joined by the sudden strong lighting. I was close to the entrance of this gallery when my body shivered with the strong thunder, seeming cloudburst almost.
I was scared, even to death and then that blue-white lighting in the pitch-dark sky made me gulp in fright. I saw the clear image of that thundering texture like vast and fast-growing wild roots in the soil.
Then, I looked at the Stoney pathway lowering my eyes which was between the finely cut grass garden. The water started logging and if I step down that two small stairsteps, my feet would drown up to my ankle.
But, I needed to go, to find Sultan in this deadly weather and somewhere I knew where he could be.
Courageously, I stepped down and walked all my way toward his garden, where he usually spends his time with his little pets. My clothes turned wet the very moment, I stepped down. The strong winds made my dupatta slip down my head and ready to fly along the storm.
My heart beat insanely fast with the mere possibility of occurrences if he would not be there, not even anywhere in the Sultanate.
Then, I would end up being clueless about his whereabouts.
But, I had to think positively.
After a good and threatening walk through the gardens, I reached his favorite place. And, since it was pitch dark, not even light lamps burning, I was not even able to see the pathway clearly. The garden turned muddy land with a rainy smell hitting my nostrils with every cold breath intake.
Finally, I reached the place where I found him sitting often. My sight notices the rising water in the pond when another thundering happened.
I quickly shifted my gaze from the pond to the stone-carved bench near the pond, under the wide big trees, using the brightness of lightning.
My sight noticed the mild shadow of his and I took a breath of peace. I turned my feet to walk closer to him and then finally able to see him a little, eyes being adjusted to the darkness.
I silently stood in front of him and placed my right palm lightly on his cheek. He was as wet as me but still contrasting the cold with the help of the warmth of his body.
He shifted a little with my touch and I tried to sharpen my gaze to look into his tearful eyes. They had turned red and tired.
I put my other palm caressingly over his head which he welcomed silently and leaned his face closer to my stomach. I tightly hugged his neck collecting his face close to my stomach.
He cried silently and tightened his hold around my waist. My own eyes also turned tearful witnessing such a vulnerable situation of a Sultan. But, he was a person before a Sultan, a boy or precisely a baby of his father. I could not even understand his pain, the depth of his internal turmoil and condition.
But, all I could do was to stay with him, to make him feel that he was not alone in this. Not alone like every time. The way his mother and siblings left to celebrate a wedding was enough to make me understand that they were nothing but fun and Rabia's father.
It somehow bubbled a little hatred in me for his mother only as Adeena and Saeed were still teenagers and obedient toward their mother, and I could not blame them.
I kept stroking my fingers lightly on his hair, letting him cry, and bleed all that pain. The rage, anger, and emotions I worried he carried till now and never allowed anyone to see. The drunken and sleepless nights now made clear sense to me.
"He left..."
He muttered slowly and I closed my eyes hearing the pain in his voice. The depth of hurt and killing emotions of separation.
"For eleven months, I kept waiting as if he left for some tour. I was so small to understand that he was gone forever. Each day, I used to wake up in the hope that my father would come back and I would tell him how much I missed him. Everyone talked to me like I needed to understand that he was gone. But, no one made me clear why and where. They started considering me with a lost brain as I just wanted my father again. I was ready to say countless sorries for every time I disobeyed him, ready to seek countless apologies for every time I behaved naughty with him. But, I wanted him back... The sunrise always filled me with the hope that he would arrive this day but as it moves towards the west and leaves the sky with darkness, it illustrated my hopes. I used to smile looking at the sun and be scared at the night but days passed and I believed that the sun was fake and the night was real. I know how you look at the Sun, Ruhani. With hopes, with smiles but for me it is unreal and nights are true. They depict the reality, the truth of darkness that our lives are surrounded with. It is not the sun that comes after the dark. It is the night always that comes after the hope, the Sun,"
He spoke in a slow voice and tears fell from my eyes. It was so much pain that he was not even realising what was he saying. His words made me weak in my knees and left me with no choice on how to heal him.
Slowly, losing the hold around my waist, he pulls me closer to make me sit onto his thighs with both legs on one side and leans in again for a tighter hug. He pressed his head in the hem of my neck and I snaked my one hand tightly around the joint of his hand and the other around his neck placing my own head on his shoulder. His wide strong arms collected me easily and I let the warmth of our bodies soothe each other.
The threatening voice of lightning often tried to race my heartbeats and the frightening heavy rain sent chills down my spine. Thankfully, we were under the shadow of dense trees and surrounded by the leg long grass. It was the best place to hide from everyone and no one could find it easily. No wonder why anyone could not find him. And, also the leaves of big trees prevent us from direct rainwater.
Slowly, after some time I felt him calming down a little as I did not find him moving. My hand caressingly rubbed his nape to send the warmness of my love for him. To make him feel that he was not alone in this. I was there for him, always.
And, to make him feel even more loved, I took my lips a little closer to the side of his neck and planted a deep and loving kiss. I heard a deep intake of breath from him and his hands moved only to bring me even closer to him. His palm ends on the side of my waist and the other close to the side of my breast.
His body was feeling hot and mine was feeling cold. It was still raining and I knew that I had to make him go to our chambers back. But, his lips move slowly on the side of my neck to return the favor with even more intense passion. I could feel his lips parting, and that tongue licking my wet neck before sucking it. It made me inhale a deep breath too and tingle slightly under his hold.
He repeated it with more depth and pulled, making my neck tilt weakly to the side. My lashes forced close to feel homely, warm, and cozy with him. My lips still close to his own neck moves unknowingly to please him. Parting my wet yet dry lips, I sucked his neck with love and care bringing him close to me from the pain.
His lips kept moving, kept doing this making my own do similarly in anticipation. The effect of cold weather and the noise of the rain unknowingly faded in my conscience when I felt his hot breath against my ear and his lips sucking me harsher than before. My stomach twisted, and my heartbeats raced to feel it so differently than I ever did.
His soft, warm, and wet lips moved slowly from my neck to the jaw making my lips part and leaving a few inaudible moans with pleasuring acts.
My body was still, afraid to move even a little bit as the bangles and anklets would create chaos and snatch his attention to reality. Which I did not want from the deep of my heart.
When his lips harshly sucked my jaw, it almost filled my eyes with pleasuring sweet pain and I felt warmness between my legs. It unknowingly made me shiver and exhale a deep breathing moan.
The very next moment he moved his lips to mine and his hand from the side of the breast to the nape. His long fingers tickled my neck, ear, and cheek altogether and his teasing lips took mine with sweetness, passion, and all his warmth.
I unknowingly gave in without protest and let him dominate sweetly over me. His lips caressingly pulled mine with his, playing, teasing, and savoring me with all the pleasure and tingles I always craved for.
He kept sucking my lips, keeping me in the moment and even making me participate as he earned me to move my own lips in sync with him without even making me realize I was doing it.
My brain oozed with pleasure, the tickles, the audible heartbeats, the faded rain noise, the tightening abdomen, the core's wetness, and weakening legs that made me miss the moment when he removed his hands from me and managed to take off his thick and long upper coat that usually reaches below his knees from the shoulder.
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