Harry's pov
"What are you talking about?" She asks confused, maybe scared.
"I found this in your wardrobe while I was putting back to place your bag-"
"You searched between my things?" She then asks quickly, kinda angry if I may add.
She immediately went close to them to look at the papers, immediately trying to take them all.
"You didn't have the right to do that-"
"You had a pneumothorax? How was it-" Ally asks.
"Did you actually got a surgery at 4 to take off all your upper teeth?" Kira immediately asks after, but Rylee was too focus picking up all the papers.
"Did you really had a marrow draw?" the blonde girl asks again.
"Here it says that a certain someone had amelogenesis imperfecta, is that you? It's kinda rare-" Julian says reading a paper.
"Give me the paper-"
"Calm down angry puppy-"
"Shut up and give me the papers"
"Come on Ry we were only studying -"
"You can study from your books how it should be" she says standing up.
"Why you never told me all of this?"
"My business?"
"Come on, stay here, why don't we talk about this? We're curious" Ally says as Rylee stands up.
But she was too upset and in a second all the papers fall off her hands.
I saw how her hands squeezed into fists and she holded what I could say was a scream.
She just went upstairs, leaving everything behind her, including me with these idiots.
"Come Harry, look at his RX" Julian says probably studying Rylee's lungs.
"Are you stupid guys?" I ask leaving them shocked.
"Why Harry, we weren't doing anything bad-"
"Have you ever thought that maybe all of this affects her and she didn't want you to know?" I ask.
"Isn't it better if we found out? What if something would have happened -"
"Yes, but she should have told you, not you sneaking in her room" I try to explain but Julian was still reading a paper.
I just took it off his hands.
"Read mate that's for you" he smiles.
I wasn't reading this.
I wouldn't do this to her.
To nobody.
"It says she got all her upper teeth out at 4 and then a surgery was she was 6 for another of your dentists things" he chuckles.
"Oh and here says she has amelogenesis imperfecta, weren't you studying this the other day? You told me you found it an interesting topic-" he asks.
It's true.
I was studying that but I'm not falling for this.
Of course as a medical student I get curious about these things but I won't break the limits of her choices.
"She seems to have quite an history, extractions, root canals-"
"That's enough Julian, give me the papers"
I took all I could and put it back in her pink bag.
"Go to eat guys or it will become cold, I'm coming in a minute"
"Yeah guys let's go, let's forget about this"
Rylee's pov
I was in my room, on my bed.
I don't know why I reacted like that.
I just wanted it to be in the past.
Especially with them being medical students.
Was I crying?
Not necessarily, I was just too upset right now cause now the person I am has been replaced in their mind with the person I was and I worked too hard for that.
I didn't want to seem like full of problems to them....there are worst things in the world and I'm so lucky thinking in this way....I just worked so hard for this but now they know anyway, again.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door though.
"I'm not in the mood Kira" I answer.
"It's Harry" says a low voice.
I just didn't answer.
"May I enter?" He asks slowly.
He has been the only one who respected my boundaries so I think it won't be too bad.
"Yeah" I whisper.
I saw him enter with my pink bad, all the papers inside, and the McDonald's bag in the other hand.
"You didn't have to do that" I say as I pick the bag, seeing that he put all the files in order.
"It's alright I wanted to. I didn't read those, just put them in" he explains as I give me a gentle smile.
"Thank you" I say as I sit on the bed again.
"I thought you would have been hungry" he says putting the McDonald's bag on my desk "and I also thought that the last thing you wanted was to come downstairs to eat with us" he softly smiled.
"Thank you, it was a nice though from you, but I'm not that hungry right now"
"Come on" he smiles a bit "not even the macarons?" he smiles teasingly and I kinda laughed shaking my head, looking at the ground.
"May I ask you something?" I then tell him.
"Of course" he says sincerely.
"Why didn't you read the papers?" I ask suddenly and he just shrugged.
"Cause you didn't want us to" he says.
I nod a bit in disbelief.
"Thanks... it's rare to find someone who actually respects your choices " I whisper.
He just smiled softly, sitting on my bed and bringing me in a side hug.
I didn't refused
it, I think I just melted into it.
After some minutes of silence he spoke
"You know it's alright to have some past histories?" He asks softly and I nod.
"Even I do. I've got asthma since I was a kid. It's under control but sometimes it still makes its scene" I can see him smile even looking at the ground.
"And you had to see when they found out I had asthma, like it was the most interesting thing in the world...while was only me begging for air" he tells softly and he completely got the point.
"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it, just know that it's completely alright" he says and I swear I've never thought I could like one of Kira's friend.
"And whatever is going on through your head right now, let me just say this, and take it from me, you have a really wonderful smile" he says and I think that just now, a little tear slipped down my eye.
If only he knew.
I nod at him smiling a bit, even though he couldn't see it.
"Why don't we eat something now mhm?" he asks smiling a bit.
"Yeah....but let's go downstairs" I say and I saw him grin shaking my head at my spirit of revenge.
"You sure are a pretty stubborn one" he chuckles and I smile proud.
We go downstairs in the dining room and I see them all eating their foods, laughing at whatever they were saying.
We took place and I started to sip a bit of water, then eating my nuggets.
"I'm sorry if I made you upset, I just didn't thought it could actually upset you so much" Kira says sincerely.
I appreciated that.
It's not like we are best friends but she's still my friend and she's a good person, and I love her.
"It's alright, it's not that I'm angry. I just didn't like the fact that you took things from my wardrobe that I left there for a reason" I explain and she nods, apologizing again.
"So you're not angry that we know?" The blondie asks as she sips from her straw something.
"As long as you don't go shout it around" I just shrug.
"Then why the burnst?" Asks Julian and I just shrug.
"I don't know, I just wanted that to stay in the wardrobe.... it's kinda conplicated-"
"You literally have skeletons in your closet" Kira says and I can't help but laugh.
"Yeah, maybe-"
"So was everything real?" Asks Julian.
I knew they would have asked.
I nod shyly as I keep eating.
"Everything?"
"Yeah it was, it's not that dramatic though-"
"You kidding right? You were dying-"
"Yeah I know but...I don't know, I don't feel like I'm the same person-"
"Dissociation?" Ally asks whispering to the others as I look at them confused.
"Sorry what?"
They just look at each other, then started to make me some more questions.
"Do you ever feel like you are far away from the person who lived that?"
"Sometimes"
"And do you feel like when you lived that, you kinda weren't in your body? Like you could almost see the scene from outside" Kira asks and I just nod.
"Oh my god" says Ally spelling every word.
"Did you see a psychologist-" Julian was asking but I interrupted him.
"Why should I?"
"Cause that's a trauma!" Ally says like it's obvious.
"I don't feel like it-"
"Of course, cause you dissociated-"
"Listen, I feel okay-"
"What if I talk about some of that?" Asks Julian pointing upstairs, probably at my metaphoric papers.
"What do you mean?"
"Does it upsets you?"
"In what way?"
"Like, if I talk about those experiences making you remember them, do you feel like you can re-live them and makes you upset?"
"Oh wow that's an accurate explanation....it depends I guess? I don't know, I don't care"
"What do you mean you don't care?" Ally asks.
"I'm too out some of them, I was too little to remember and then they're in the past, there are worst things in the world-"
"What are the one that you feel more attached?" Kira asks.
I just shrug but I know the answer.
"Come on, we're just talking right?" Julian says.
"It makes me feels studied" I state raising my eyebrows.
"Is it that bad?" Ally asks.
"Would you like that?" I ask and she just gets quite.
After some silence I just spoke.
I honestly don't care in telling this, I just don't like it when they make it seem dramatic.
Everything is finished anyway....
"My teeth, this is what I feel more attached" I answer.
"Not my field, right Harry?" Julian chuckles.
"But why did you have to take all your upper teeth out?" he asks.
"Guys, leave her alone, she doesn't have to answer this-"
"It's alright Harry thank you" I simply say.
"As you already read, I've got amelogenesis imperfecta, and if you don't know what that is, is a genetic defect that makes my body not produce enamel or do it in the wrong way so the little bit I have sucks....but enamel is teeth's protection and me having a bugged one don't have my protection....so I had lots of problems"
"When was the first time you went to the dentist?"
"9/10 months old"
"But if you didn't even have teeth!"
I kinda laughed at that statement.
"Yeah but.... I had an abscess and I was too little. My little face was just too swollen and nobody wanted to operate on me"
"So what happened?"
"My mum brought me in another city, where I was in cure for 11 years"
"At least that's good" Harry says smiling encouragingly.
Sometimes I forget he's here.
He's just so quiet.
"So and so" I tell them.
"How come?" Asks Kira.
"They weren't the best" I simply say.
"By the way, my baby teeth were all too thin, fragile and soon became all black, so they just took them out-"
"Oh shit, and do you remember it? Were you sedated?"
"Ehm I kinda remember it and yes, I was sedated" I answer "I remember perfectly the day before but of the day later nothing, zero. My mum told me everything though"
"Maybe it was the anesthesia-" says Ally
"Or her brain wants to forget it" says Julian
"I don't know but whatever"
"And then what happened? I bet it was a wonderful surprise wake up without teeth-"
"Pretty funny, must to admit" I say sarcastically "I had to get used to a new kind of life....for as stupid as it seems, lots of things changed"
"Like?"
"What I ate, I just ate small things and soft things-"
"You like them more also now" Kira says smiling a bit.
"Yeah...I think I kinda subconsciously grew a hate for certain foods cause I couldn't have them or they would hurt my mouth so I just didn't eat them and still now I don't"
"Oh my god! You never eat the outside of the bread! Or the points of french fries-"
I smile seeing she's so careful at the details.
"Yeah.... I'm not sure why I do this..."
"Then what changed?" Asks the impatient boy.
"You are pretty impatient" I tell him making the curly head chuckle "Lots of things by the way"
"Like?"
"Like a malloclusion of 3 class, 3 years of being toothless, lots of procedures for the teeth I had left-"
"Procedures?" Asks Harry.
It's the first question he makes.
Wow.
"Yeah...root canals, extractions..."
"On your baby teeth?" He says and I nod.
"Yes and also my adults one" I shrug.
"That's actually not what you do to a child...you don't extract them, they will fall eventually, and you do procedures only if it's occuring pain to the kid-"
"As I said....they weren't the best"
Then he looks at me worried, and I knew this conversation wasn't over.
"Were you awake during this?" He asks slowly and I nod.
"Something to calm you down? Like laughing gas or something?"
I started to laugh at the question thinking at the past events and their faces went just super confused.
"Oh please, they didn't even know what that is! I rarely got local anesthesia and you ask me if they used nitrous" I shake my head chuckling.
But this wasn't funny.
I'm not sure why I'm chuckling.
"You mean, topical anesthetic like the gel, or maybe the general anesthesia, right? Cause -"
"Oh no, they didn't knew what that was either, I mean the local-"
"Like, the needle-"
"Yes guys I'm not stupid, local anesthesia, like lidocaine and such" I just say leaving them speechless.
"But...they used it for things like extractions and root canals right?" Harry asks super serious now.
His worried eyes cutting the air.
I just shrugged.
Almost scared to answer.
"It's alright you can tell this" he whispers.
"Not really....I rarely got it....maybe... 2 or 3 times in 11 years "
"But you had too many extractions and root canals to have to have it just 2/3 times" Kira says.
I just shrugged again.
"Rylee" Harry whispers, looking at me and calling for my eyes.
I just quiet down when he talks, I don't know why but his tone is so deep and gentle that he makes me feel small but calm at the same time.
"Did they let you feel all the things they were doing?" he asks serious and I didn't know what to answer.
He didn't dare to look away from my eyes so I just nodded.
His face softened.
"Did you tell this to somebody-"
"Who would have believed a kid?" I simply ask, remembering those times.
"Where were your parents?" Kira asks.
"They weren't allowed with me-"
"This is not legal, you as a kid have the right to have someone with you...even now if you want for God's sake you should have the right to have someone with you" he says getting frustrated.
I just shrugged sitting there.
"And how nobody noticed? Weren't you like screaming all your voice until you would have lost it?" Asks Kira.
"The real question is, didn't you faint or got sick from the pain? I mean...you have a freaking heart defect-" Harry asks and I just shook my head.
"I....I was too shy...I thought crying was for weaks and so I didn't...and thought that complaining wasn't polite and I had to be brave and so I didn't....I just...I just waited, counting every second-"
"This is insane, what freaking pain tolerance do you have?" Asks Julian confused as hell.
"It's not that I didn't feel the pain...I just tried to keep all together inside and then I used to vent when I was outside the studio....on my dad's shoulder" I slightly smile at the end.
"Like an actress-" Harry whispers.
Actually I've never thought about this aspect.
"And your parents?"
"I was a kid at the dentist, even my mum almost cry at the dentist for a simple visit" I state.
"But I can't understand how....how you didn't even tried to fight them" Harry says.
His face was different.
He was like he had lost a game.
"I had purposes...."
And I saw his eyes lock with mine, realizing.
" I might have been 5 but I had my little purposes...<this afternoon you'll see your best friend, this afternoon is a really close time and if you come to this afternoon will mean that all of this pain will be finished and that means I don't have to wait a lot for this pain to finish, and I have to wait cause I want to see my friend>.....this was the purpose of a 5 year old" I chuckle a bit, sad that a little girl had to think that.
"This affects you-" Kira says slowly, in a low tone.
"What?" I ask smiling.
"You're.... crying" she says slowly.
I pass a hand on my face and I notice a tear has slipped from my eyes.
"Sorry, I really don't even notice this when it happens" I say truthfully.
"No apologies" says Harry.
"This is what I meant earlier" says Julian.
"Maybe you don't realize that, but this could be something really traumatic for anyone, especially child. And you didn't get your chance of revenge and you probably feel angry against them-" Harry slowly explain but I stop him
"I don't feel like that 5 year old" I say sincerely.
"But you're crying" he points softly.
"Your brain just tries to let those experiences stay outside, that doesn't me you don't remember them, you just live them as you are someone else .... but when someone talks about them in details or you live something really similar, you just became that little kid again" he says gently as I listen trying to assimilate a bit confused.
"Do you remember something about those times?" Asks Julian.
"Everything" I say simply "I don't think I can forget"
"And does it ever make you angry?" Harry asks.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"You know what I mean" he says softly and I simply nod.
"Sometimes....when I see somebody gets the right cures or.... know for example that my friend's dentist helped her when she was nervous...I get angry" I explain slowly, nodding my head.
"Cause you wanted that too" he finishes for me and I just nod.
"Or sometimes...people understimate teeth's problems cause they're not fatal, and thinks that it's actually an easy fix and what I felt was nothing....or aldo some dentists that are just not gentle and cold and selfish....I get angry" I breath out.
"Cause you know what that actually means" he says and I nod again.
After some silence I spoke.
"I know that now you made me seem like I'm traumatized but I promise I'm fine...it doesn't actually touch me, and then at 15 I got a new dentist-"
"And what happened from 11 to 15 years old?"
"Well...I got a new dentist but was that didn't change anything" I simply say.
"So that torture went on for 15 years?"
I kinda shiver at that world, just nodding, not really knowing what to say.
"You might believe it doesn't affect you but deep inside it does" Kira says.
"I know....but I don't die thinking about it every day of my life" I say.
"That's called traumatic growth-" says Harry slowly.
"You guys are using too many terms" I simply say shaking my head making Harry smile.
"Did you ever got a root canal or an extraction after what happened?" Harry asks slowly.
"Root canals, yes"
"And were you okay with that?" he asks.
"Ehm....it was kinda complicated. I was scared as always...but I was too much in pain that I didn't really have a choice...so I would have set my little purposes and ...just hope it wouldn't have been too painful"
He nods sadly, smiling sympathetically.
"What about extractions?"
"I didn't have them anymore..."
"How come?"
I just sat silent until I felt Harry touch my hand.
"I just tried to avoid them..." I admit.
"Cause you didn't want that to happen again.... right?" he asks.
"Can we talk about something else? Like you were so excited that I was dying! " I try to change conversation and I see Harry got the fact that I didn't wanna talk about this anymore.
"Yeah alright, but wait....why were you dying"
"Just an undiagnosed pneumonia who got my lungs to collapse" I say shrugging.
"Just?" Ally asks.
"I mean...I don't remember that anyway-"
"Why the marrow draw then?" Kira asks.
"Too many medicine made my lab work so messed up that they thought I had leukemia" I simply explain "thank God I hadn't"
"You remember it?"
"Not really, maybe something. My dad certainly did"
"Why?" They ask.
"He was the one who held me in place" I just say a bit sad.
"So you get sad thinking about what your parents had to see but not for what you went through?" asks Kira.
"I'm fine as long I'm the one who's in pain"
"What do you mean?" Harry asks.
"I know what I can handle" I simply explain.
"So now what changed? Why do you get scared of doing some tests-" Kira says
"My business I guess"
"Alright but...like, are you scared of going to the dentist?" Kira asks.
I shake my head no.
" I mean, I feel like I can't feel more pain than I already did in this field. I know it's hard to believe but I literally feel numb about this, like, super cold....but I don't trust easily anymore so yeah...it might make me nervous sometimes" I try to explain.
"And that's perfectly okay" Harry says from behind.
"What about the hospital?"
"Can't I just don't like it?"
"Probably her brain just associate-" Ally whispers to Julian but I interrupt her.
"Can we leave my brain in peace? I'm just fine.
I don't feel bad with myself and not either with my past or I wouldn't have been here to tell you this"
"Then why do you want us to not tell this to anyone?" Asks Julian.
"Cause it's personal ! Is it difficult to understand? I don't go around and scream that you experienced an anaphylactic shock Kira"
Her face seems to fall.
"How does it feel?"
"Did you really Kira?" Asks Ally.
"Y-yeah...but-"
"Not buts, it's the same. Is it nice?" I ask and she seems to realize.
"No... you're right...sorry"
"It's alright...today you learnt the most important lesson and I'm proud of me"
"Which one?" Asks Julian.
"The meaning of negligence and emphaty"
Authore's note
Hey guysss how are you?
I hope everything's going alright.
Here's a chapter for all of you.
I believe that this story will be pretty important for me cause I'm putting so many personal things :)
I hope you guys liked this chapter and I wish to see as many comments as always.
I'm open for questions, I don't mind at all :)
Remember always stay safe and smile, cause you're beautiful <3
Love ya -F