She hated lying. From an early age it had been drilled into her by her parents and teachers. Lying was wrong, it was bad, it was a sin. Even though she knew and believed this, more than anything she hated how easily they could slip from her lips, lies that were sweet like honey and black like tar.
Did that mean she was a bad person? Lauren wasn't sure. She tried not to see it as lying; rather she considered it as more like omitting the truth.
Her mind conjured up the image of her old high school English teacher, standing at the front of the class with a knowing smile on his face. Someone had asked him if he though lying was ever acceptable. With a smirk he had answered, 'Sometimes not telling people anything is a good thing.' Which, in hindsight, Lauren now realised was an incredibly creepy response for a high school teacher to make.
It had made little sense to her at the time, she had always been told not telling the truth would get her in trouble, but now she understood what Mr Richardson had meant. Sometimes the truth isn't a good thing, sometimes people don't want to hear the truth, and sometimes the truth sucks.
Today, she had already been asked by Ally, Normani, the hotel receptionist and for some reason a homeless guy outside Starbucks, what her plans were this evening. She didn't want to lie but not telling people anything is hard to do when you're asked a direct question.
Her, 'Not much,' felt like dust in her mouth, burning truths leaving ashes of lies caked on her tongue. It choked her so much worse when nobody even questioned her.
Knocking for the third time on Camila and Dinah's hotel room door, she heard the muffled yell of Camila, 'Two more minutes!'
She allowed the extra time, it was difficult finding an outfit that looked good but also disguised you from being recognised. Lauren was in ripped skinny jeans and an oversized sweatshirt, teamed with her favourite dark Ray Bans that were currently perched on top of her head. It wasn't exactly date-wear but they were running on limited provisions and this was the best she could do for ice-skating in central park.
She had never been ice-skating and neither had Camila. An image of Camila tripping up earlier over her own feet caused her to knock again, 'Wear something padded!'
She heard Dinah snigger and caught Camila's, 'Excuse me while I die laughing.'
'Can I at least come in and wait?'
'No! You're not supposed to see me before the date.'
Camila seemed to be confusing everything date related to weddings. Lauren let it slide mainly because she found it entirely endearing.
Just as she was about to tell them that she would wait in her room, her name was bellowed from down the hallway. She turned quickly to see Alex storming towards her.
'I need to talk to you.' The blonde stated, anger seeming to radiate from her in waves.
Lauren panicked immediately; her heart seemed to halt in her ribcage. Did she know? Had she somehow found out about them? No, she couldn't have, they had been so careful.
'Wha-'
'Why the hell didn't you tell me?!' Alex cut her off.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
'It's all over Twitter y'know?' The blonde raised her eyebrows at Lauren, silently asking for an explanation.
Shit, this was bad. Alex had found out about her and Camila and now it was all over their social media. Her parents were going to find out she was dating a girl via a hashtag. Fuck.
'I-I wanted to tell you.' Lauren stuttered, tears pricked the corner of her eyes and she felt herself breathing heavily in panic.
Alex's demeanour changed suddenly, 'Whoa, you're not going to cry are you? Because, I'm not good with emotion.'
'I'm sorry.' Lauren whispered, not even sure what she was apologising for, the emotion, the relationship, the lies?
Alex visibly softened, 'Look it's okay, I'm doing damage control. Just, next time, a little heads up would be good.'
Lauren felt lost again, 'Next time?' Next time she what? Decides to date another member of Fifth Harmony?
'Luckily Brad comes off much worse than you.'
Lauren frowned, shaking her head in an effort to clear the confusion, 'Brad...What?'
'His PR team are losing their shit because he was seen with a 'funny looking cigarette,' Alex air-quoted, 'Buzzfeed's words, not mine.' She laughed. Abruptly, it clicked what she was talking about. The party she and Brad had gone to, not her relationship with Camila. The wave of relief that washed over her, felt like a tidal wave of liberation.
'Lauren, I'm not trying to stop you living your life but you're a role model to a lot of young, impressionable kids, and underage drinking and drug use-'
'I wasn't doi-'
'-isn't exactly the image the label are trying to put out.'
'Yeah, I get it. I didn't realise we were being papped. Lesson learned.'
Alex smiled, looking relieved herself, 'So, what's your plan for your last night in The Big Apple?'
The relief from earlier disintegrated once again and the chalky taste of deceit coated her traitorous mouth. 'Not much.'
'Really?' Alex looked sceptical. Lauren decided to change tactics.
'Me and Camz might go to central park later.' The best lies contain the most truth, she tried not to let the thought suffocate her.
'Cool well, have fun,' Alex said, waking backwards down the hallway she just came from, 'try not to end up at any wild parties.'
Lauren was struck with the overwhelming need for Alex to question her, to interrogate her and spot her lies like a flame in the dark. Then pour kerosene on them. She wanted to be found out, she wanted the weight off her shoulders, she wanted to scrape the lies from her throat.
'See you.' The blonde waved, rounding the corner. Lauren waved goodbye, but her gut felt heavy with guilt.
The door in front of her opened, revealing a smiling Camila in jeans, a large knitted cardigan and one of Lauren's beanies. She looked adorable and excited, so for the time being Lauren ignored the heavy weight of guilt coating her insides like lead.
'Ready!'
Lauren smiled, 'Then let's go.'
'Were you just talking to someone?' Camila questioned, reaching for Lauren's hand but only holding the index finger, like that was somehow less conspicuous.
'Nope.' Lauren answered, breathing out the lie with a grin. What was one more lie when she had already choked on so many?