"Haz? What's going on?" Zayn asked. When Harry looked away, he turned to his dad. "Dad?"
"I think its best Harry tells you himself." Yaser said looking at his son in law.
Zayn's heart started beating fast when Harry just gave him a hug. They were so many bad news lately, he can not handle anymore? "What is it? Harry?" He asked pulling back to look at him trying not to look anxious.
Harry leaned forward to kiss him softly on the lips to settle Zayn's nerves, he loved him so much. "Its, erm_ I don't know where to start."
"Better not be a surprise." Zayn didn't understand why he felt the need to cry but he did, he licked his bottom lip, inhaling deeply to control himself. "You know I hate surprises, Haz." He said softly. Had Harry not been sitting close he wouldn't have heard him.
Harry swallowed a lump in his throat as Zayn looked at him with bright big eyes, reminding him when they first met all those years ago. Zayn was gorgeous but his eyes was what pulled him in. And he was hooked. He couldn't possibly imagine life without him. He prays they grow old together.
"I love you." Harry whispered.
"You're scaring me." Zayn whispered back.
"The cancer is back."
"Quit bullshitting." Zayn whispered again.
"I'm not_"
"You are in remission, Harry. Three years. Don't joke about something like that." Zayn said. His heart was hammering dangerously on his chest. "Its not funny. Not one bit."
Harry grabbed both of Zayn's hands, "I will never joke about cancer. It is back and spread to my stomach_"
"Stop. Stop." Zayn covered his ears not wanting to hear no more. "How do you even know its spread? You haven't been told results of the scan yet. You said they were not available. You said it, Harry. So how do you know? Do you feel like its spreading, is that it? Or..or you are psyching yourself for bad news? I tell you what if you are, stop it. You're fine. You don't look ill. You are fine. The cancer is not back. You are fine. Alright? You're fine," he didnt realise tears were falling down his cheeks until Harry wiped them with a thumb.
"Im so sorry, baby_"
"No. No. No." Zayn's whole body shook as he trembled uncontrollably. He moved away from him and went to kneel infront of his Yaser. "Its not true right, dad? He's just_" he sniffed. "Please tell me its not true."
Yaser ran his hand through Zayn's hair. "I cant do that, son."
"Is that why you're here? You know? Harry told you?"
Yaser nodded. "Early this morning he did. He couldn't sleep and called. I promised to be here for both of you. I'm afraid it is true. No bullshitting."
"Is he dying?" Zayn hiccuped asking his dad, he rather hear the horrible news come out of another person's mouth than Harry as that would kill him inside.
Yaser sighed. "You have to ask him, beta."
Still on his knees, Zayn turned around to face his husband. "Haz? You're dying? Are you going to leave me alone?"
Harry saw those beautiful hazel eyes he loves staring back at him filled with hurt and pain. "I_" he tried to speak but his voice cracked as his throat tightened with emotions.
That was enough admission for Zayn. He sat back on his heels and bowed his head down feeling winded. He always felt restless when Harry went for scans, always fearing the worst. But he'd also assure him should the worst come, they would deal with it head on.
That was wishful thinking it would seem the worst has come and he cant deal. He not cried but a wail came out of him, a prolonged high pitched cry of pain and of anguish as realisation hit him hard. Harry was dying.
Harry felt Zayn's cry. It pierced through his chest into his heart. Zayn crying and breaking down while on his knees on the floor was worse that being told the cancer was back.
The need to protect him was overwhelming, he got up and perhaps hadn't realised how affected he was by Zayn's cries until it took few quivering steps to reach him. His legs like jelly. He made it, matched Zayn's position kneeling before him, their knees touching. His hands went on Zayn's shoulders to steady himself as his whole body trembled.
"Zee, I'm not_" Before Harry finished explaining he wasn't dying Zayn decided to lie on the floor curling up in a ball. "Baby, come on. Get up please. The boys are at home and could walk in here any minute. You don't want them seeing you like this_fuck." He muttered a curse under his breath as on cue Elijah and Mason entered the room, concern on their faces. He glanced at Yaser with a pleading look to help with the situation.
"Boys." Yaser stood up making his way to them before they walked any further. "Back to your rooms. Nothing to see here."
"Daddy?" Mason managed to squeeze past gravitated towards Harry. "What's happening with Baba?" He asked, bottom lip quivering. He hated seeing anyone hurting but was also clingy and emotional when sick.
Harry sighed having to get up to give him a hug. "Its okay, Mase. Don't get yourself worked up. Its fine."
"But daddy_" Elijah frowned looking at Zayn who he could hear was sniffling. Like Harry he had protective instincts and couldn't help himself going over to kneel beside Zayn to check on him. "Baba, are you alright?" He asked placed a comforting hand on Zayn's back.
"I'm fine." Zayn nodded sitting up. He dried his tears with the sleeve of sweats. "I'm sorry, Eli. Mase, babe, I'm fine."
"You're on the floor, crying. You're not fine. I'll help you up." Elijah grabbed Zayn's hands pulling him onto his feet. Being athletic and playing football in school meant he had good physique and was strong. It helped he matched Zayn's height, helped him up with ease.
"My strong boy." Zayn smiled kissing both of Elijah's hands. "I'm sorry. I overreacted about something your grandpa said. Okay?" He flung an arm over his son's shoulders, kissed him on the temples before walking them towards Harry and Mason. "Come here, Mase."
He let go of Elijah to give Mason a warm embrace. "What I did was silly. I didn't mean to upset you, bub."
Mason sniffled against Zayn's chest. "Why were you crying? What did grandpa say?"
Zayn glanced at his dad. He gave him an apologetic look as he was about to lie. He wasn't ready for the boys to know the truth about Harry. "He told me that, um, Nana Trisha had, erm, an attack. A heart attack."
"A heart attack?" Yaser said. When Zayn cleared his throat, he sighed. "Yeah. She had a heart attack. Bad. Bad one."
"Oh." Elijah gasped going over to Yaser and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry. Nana Trisha is dead?"
"What? Dead?" Yaser couldn't help a loud laugh escaping him. When Zayn cleared his throat again he looked over at him. "She is not. Unfortunately."
"Dad, really." Zayn pretend to scoff to hide his own laugh. "Mom is not dead and thats unfortunate?"
"I didn't say that's unfortunate? Did I?" Yaser asked looking at Elijah.
"Yes you did, gran." Elijah said with a smile. He often called Yaser gran instead of grandpa to tease him.
"Elijah you cheeky rascal. I told you to stop calling me gran." Yaser said squeezing him tightly in a hug, Elijah laughed trying to break free. It looked like they were wrestling as Yaser retaliated to Elijah fighting his grip.
Harry smiled going to take a seat on the sofa, watching the scene unfolding infront of him. Zayn giggling along Mason as Yaser and Elijah wrestle. They were going to be fine. He nodded when Yaser stole a glance at him.
"Time out." Yaser said letting Elijah go. "Why arent you at school anyway? Both of you."
Elijah shrugged. "Flu problems. Both of us."
"How's nana?" Mason asked. "Is she okay? Is she in hospital?"
"She was never in hospital_" Yaser looked at Zayn who was shaking his head. "I meant she wasn't there long. She is fine. Now I think about it, she could feel better being among her grandchildren. I'll suggest to her we come over this weekend." He smiled looking at Harry then Zayn. "Your husband could take me golfing."
Zayn nodded. His dad was bargaining for lying for them. "How's that, Haz? Up for golfing this weekend?"
Harry smiled. "That sounds relaxing."
"Sorted." Zayn smiled at his dad.
Yaser smiled back relieved Zayn had a wide smile on his face. "Okay. Sorted. Now everyone is fine. How about hot chocolate?" He suggested. "What do you say, Mase? That sound good?" He opened his arms wide for him, held him in a tight embrace when Mason walked into his arms.
"With marshmallows?" Mason asked.
"With marshmallows." Yaser smiled. "Come on, boys. I'll make the hot chocolate." He slung each arm over them, "Lets leave your daddies alone for a minute."
Elijah and Mason looked at their fathers then at each other as they walked out of the room.
"We can't lie to them." Harry said once they were alone. Zayn just stared at him said nothing.
Harry sighed. "Come here." He said patting his lap.
Zayn slowly walked over to him and settled himself on Harry's lap, snaking his arms around him.
Harry wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist. "Its going to be okay." He said.
Zayn didn't respond snuggling his face on Harry's neck instead. They remained quiet for a minute.
Harry sighed kissing Zayn's hair. "Say something."
"I don't want you to die." Zayn said quietly.
"Im not dying, baby."
Zayn moved his head back to look at him. "But you said the cancer is back."
Harry nodded. "Yes it is. But it is operable. I will need surgery and cycles of radiotherapy again. I think. I'm not sure how many cycles. But I am not dying_" he paused when Zayn suddenly sat up to straddle him.
"You're not dying?"
Harry pulled him closer, his arms around him. "Not yet, baby. We can fight this. It will be tough. But I've got you, right?"
"Always." Zayn gave him a tender kiss, before resting his forehead on Harry's. "You cannot leave me alone. If you die. I die with you."
"What about the kids?"
"I die with you, Harry." Zayn said wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and kissed him gently along the jaw. "Death won't do us apart."
•••
•••
"Stop shaking your leg you're making me nervous, Haz." Zayn whispered. They were at the doctor's office.
"Sorry." Harry anxiously ran a hand through his hair.
"Look at me." Zayn said when Harry turned his head to face him he kissed him on the lips. "Everything will be fine okay?"
Harry smiled but gulped, anxious when the doctor walked in the room. They were told them the plans.
Harry needed surgery and soon. Followed by chemo. After which it would be regular quarterly checks. The
cancer was caught is in its early stages. Fortunately.
Prognosis was good. Harry had good years on him. With medication and routine checks he would live to old age.
Zayn cried tears of joy. "He's not dying?" He asked when the doctor open the floor for questions.
"Your husband is not dying. He'll have to put up with what we call a sloppy diet for three months though." The doctor said.
"What's a sloppy diet?" Zayn asked.
"Mash and gravy diet. Like soft foods with no bits in them. As well as no alcohol at all until the all-clear." The doctor explained.
"I'm fine with that." Harry said.
"I'm fine with that too." Zayn smiled leaning in to kiss him on the lips. Harry instinctively kissed back his tongue finding Zayn's who suppressed a moan and first to pull back. "Later." He whispered in Harry's ear before turning to the doctor. "Sorry about that."
The doctor smiled at both. "No need to apologise. I understand. And you will be relieved to know we will get the ball rolling straightaway. The surgery would be scheduled a week from today. The start date for chemo depends on recovery from the surgery afterwards. Now if there's no more questions." He looked at Harry. "The nurse is ready to take your routine blood test."
"Haz, any questions?" Zayn looked at him.
"Everything is clear. Thank you." Harry said shaking hands with the doctor. "Actually I have a question. Do I really need blood test done?"
"In preparation for the surgery, yes you do. See you in a week, Mr Styles."
••
••
"When are you going to tell your mom?" Zayn asked playing with the thread of Harry's shirt.
They were home, instead of going inside stayed in the parked car outside the gates of their house discussing how to break the news to everyone. They'd moved to the backseat, Harry lying on his back, Zayn on top of him.
Harry sighed. "Soon. I will tell her soon."
Zayn sighed too. "If we tell the kids before her make sure to call soon after, you know Amelia will call her."
"I know."
Zayn kissed him along the jaw before resting his head on Harry's chest. "You comfortable as we are? Is your back okay?"
"This is a range Rover, baby. I'm comfortable." Harry replied. And wasn't lying. The plush leather seats of their Range Rover were comfortable. Yes he was tall, but with one leg bent at the knee, the other spread out there was enough room for Zayn to easily slot himself between his legs. "Are you comfy?"
Zayn hummed feeling very comfortable. "You are like a big pillow. I'm comfy thanks."
"Good." Harry said playing with Zayn's hair. "And can I say, you scared me earlier, the way you cried. When I told you the cancer is back."
"I was scared, Harry. I thought you were dying and my life without you flashed infront of my eyes. I didn't like what I saw."
"I'm not dying. I'm here for the long haul, baby." Harry said kissing him on the forehead. "Your cries when you thought I was brought the house down. Lucky your dad was there to settle the boys. They were scared."
"Perhaps I shouldn't be there when you tell them the real reason I was upset not to scare everyone with my cries. Got it."
"Please don't do that." Harry tightened his grip around him to keep him still when Zayn tried to sit up. "I need you. Don't run away from me_" He stared at him as Zayn's nose flared, his mood changing like a weather, Harry kept quiet not wanting to upset him further.
"And don't you fucking do that, Harry. Thinking the worst about me_"
"Why would you even think I'm thinking the worst about you, Zee? 'Cause I'm not_"
"Who said I'm running away?" Zayn frowned staring at him. "I only want to sit up, look at you while talking. Am I allowed to do that? Is that fine with you?"
"Baby, please let's not fight."
"Then stop biting your tongue when it comes to me, Harry. I need to know the fuck you're feeling and what is going on in your head. We are a team, aren't we?"
"Yes."
"Then make me feel like I'm part of the team, Haz. I am sorry I couldn't go with you for the appointment yesterday but I should have been the first person to know the cancer is back. You should've came home to me, told me that, not call dad and led me to believe the worst of the situation and then I wouldn't have cried the house down and scared our boys_"
Harry stopped him with a kiss. "Lets not argue, please. Half the time I haven't a clue what we're fighting about anyway but I know it's my fault."
Zayn pouted looking at him. "Right it's your fault. And I am sorry too. My feelings go off sometimes. I cant control them. I mean, what are we arguing about?"
"Don't ask me." Harry smiled and kissed him again. "I would like to give Elijah a mention. He was scared but handle himself well, don't you think so?"
"Yes he did."
"And I want to suggest telling the older kids the truth first. Then later after the surgery tell the girls?"
"Mh-mm." Zayn bit his lip. "But Amelia and Toni will figure it out. They're like persistent Enola Holmes, up in their brother's businesses. The jig will be up when they see Mason breaks into tears every time he sees your face."
Harry laughed. "True that. They are little detectives."
"I am actually worried about Mason. I should make an appointment with the therapist for the whole family. That way the kids can openly talk about their fears. What do you think?"
"I think that's a good idea. We've been through so much lately. With Brooklyn gone and Niall having a nervous breakdown." Harry shook his head. "Maybe the kids can have separate sessions that way they feel free to talk without us there. Agree?"
"Absolutely." Zayn agreed nodding. "Elijah handled himself well but he can be evasive when it comes to talking about feelings."
"Yaz is the same." Harry added. "You noticed she has
taken to her room lately not coming out except for school and meals? Sometimes she brings food to her room."
"Oh I've noticed and found dirty plates under her bed. How disgusting is that? Cleaning her room is her only responsibility. Anyway, I threatened to take away the car we bought her when she turned 16 because I can. I'm the parent. And mostly because I pay for the fuel and insurance it runs on. So faced with that, she finally confessed she's going through something personal." Zayn said.
"What something personal is it? A boyfriend? She's thinking about doing it? Did you tell her no?" Harry fired with questions thinking the worst.
"Oh my god, Haz, why did your mind go to sex? And no, she is not thinking about doing it. She's done it_"
"Why are you telling me that for? I don't wanna know."
Zayn chuckled. "You asked. Don't worry she won't do it again anytime soon she thinks she is asexual but she's not labelling herself until she is certain she is."
Harry frowned. "But..how is she going to know for certain she's asexual?"
"By trying it out with someone else_"
"Oh god." Harry cringed. "I can't bear listen to you talking about our daughter doing it so...brazenly."
Zayn laughed not offended at all because he wasn't being truthful to him. "She hasn't done it yet. She kissed someone but felt nothing when she's at an age hormones starts peaking, her words not mine. Why didn't she feel anything? Her heart did not skip a beat, and there were no butterflies in her stomach. Quote unquote. Now she's worried and think maybe she's asexual. She asked me if she will be normal like her younger brothers who already have a love life at 14_"
"You told her, her brothers were the abnormal ones right? Who has a love life at 14?"
"Of course I did. Then also reminded her I didn't have sex or shown interest until I was 21. My heart did not beat erratically or butterflies fluttered in my stomach until I met you. And that is not a lie. I was a virgin when we started dating." Zayn smiled fondly at him.
"I broke your cherry." Harry said giving him a lip bite.
"You did, daddy,"
"Yes. I did, baby."
They shared a heated kiss steaming up the windows until Harry pulled back gently dragging Zayn's swollen bottom lip with his teeth. "I love you."
Zayn smiled. "I know."
Harry rolled his eyes. "You told Yaz she's normal right?"
"I told her maybe she has a type. That perhaps the boy she kissed wasn't it and she might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find her prince_"
"Or princess." Harry said. "Perhaps boys aren't her type at all."
Zayn shrugged. "Could be. I told her to allow natural instincts to guide her. She doesn't have to force a spark and to just let the fire ignite on its own."
"You see, this is why I cant have you breaking down. The kids open up to you more than me. With all that's been happening our house is in order because you are like the glue that keeping us together. Our kids know that. We are talking in a car right now because Alfie attaches himself to you all the time feeding off your strength, love and ability to have a smile on your face even when I'm sure you feel like crap inside." Harry took a pause to kiss him. "I feed off your strength and love too, baby and become scared when you're crying cause I know if you start to feel deflated then we're all fucked. Do you understand that?"
Zayn sniffed. 'I understand. But am I supposed to act like I don't feel like my world is crumbling down? Like I'm not scared when I am fucking petrified. I can't handle losing you_" he dropped his head down on Harry's chest. "I won't cope with that. I'm sorry if I sound selfish cause I know it must be hard for you_"
"It must be harder for you, Zee. You are my rock. I lean on you when I feel like I'm falling. How do you handle all that weight? I'm bigger than you." Harry smiled heart melting when Zayn kissed his forehead, nose and cheek three times mumbling, you're not that big and I love you. "I was scared shit telling you the cancer is back. My heart is pounding thinking about it_So bad I think I'm having a heart attack." He said then laughed.
"You have to fucking ruin the moment." Zayn pinched him on the arm. "I had to think on my feet. Is that a thank you? You are welcome. Mom having a heart was the best lie I could think of, I know dad would back it up. It worked didn't it? Mom would back us up too if the boys call her. She loves it when I owe her a favour and that is not always in my favour unfortunately." He sighed. "I owe her now. I could send her golfing with you and dad if she didn't loathe golf."
"Whatever she wants I've got you babe. I am glad you can think on your feet. I swear I get butterflies in my stomach watching you flip what could be a negative into a positive. I admire your ability to do that. So yeah, thank you."
"No thank you for the compliment, Haz. I have to say I do rely on your ability to always be in control of your emotions all the times. Especially where it matters."
"With Louis as our neighbour I can assure you that's a learned skill." Harry said chuckling, "But I am scared shit about telling the kids whats going on. I dont know if I can keep control so I will need you to be less scared than me, okay, Zee?"
"I will try. I might need something for Dutch courage when we tell them though." Zayn said letting out a loud sigh.
"Are you sure you'll be fine without alcohol when I'm not allowed to drink? You don't have to do that for my benefit I know alcohol settles you sometimes."
Zayn looked at him with a frown. "I'm not an alcoholic, Harry. I'll do just fine without a drink in my system thanks."
Harry pulled him down to kiss him all over the face until Zayn let out little giggles. "I didn't mean you were." he gave him a tender kiss on the lips. "Alcohol settles my nerves I know that. And I will drink half a bottle of whisky before talking to the kids."
"Spoken like a true alcoholic." Zayn chuckled. "Make
sure to eat before you do that or you will get drunk. Old age has made you a lightweight remember?"
"Are you okay with growing old with me?" Harry asked.
Zayn bit his lip. "Not if you go bald. I can't deal with that_." He laughed when Harry tickled him.
"Take that back. Or face punishment." Harry growled.
"I will take punishment please." Zayn said staring at Harry's eyes then trailed down to the lips.
Harry stared at Zayn's lips, he got hard at the thought of them wrapped around his_
"Did your dick just twitched?" Zayn asked biting his lip.
Harry smirked. "Wanna have a look see?"
Well it doesn't take much to get them started.
Minutes later they fumbled with their trousers and underwear. Zayn got out of his completely, feeling naughty and reckless while Harry pulled down his pants and boxers to his knees. They moaned kissing passionately, tongues moving in sync, licking. Harry moaned out loud hip bucking up when Zayn's mouth wrapped around his hard member, taking all of him, minus a gag reflex. His hands grabbed Zayn's hair and yanked knowing the pain would get Zayn worked up.
Zayn grunted in pleasure, Harry feeling the vibrations from his tip, the length of his dick to his balls. Precum poured out of him, Zayn lapped it up, licking, sucking, teasing the top, cheeks hollowing.
They were in a confined space and risk jail for public indecency foreplay was limited, quickie was the name of the game. Zayn licked Harry's fingers for lube, he moaned, pushing on three long fingers that worked on stretching him fast.
"Ride me." Harry breathed against Zayn's lip, "Fuck."
He threw his head back when without warning Zayn sat on him, bottoming out. "Fuck. Fuck. Move." His hips bucked up for extra friction as Zayn's hips moved in that rhythm he loved. Slow, steady circular roll of the hips. Maybe it was thrill of getting caught it didn't take long for him to feel that familiar heat on his belly. "I'm coming_" He breathed heavily.
"Wait..." Zayn panted, palm of his hand planted on the ceiling of the car, the other hand gripped the headrest of a seat for leverage as he picked up pace, bouncing up and down, his walls clenching erratically on Harry's dick as he approached his orgasm. "Haz..wait."
Harry's eyes clamp shut as his balls tightened readying to download its contents on Zayn. "Baby..please."
"Not yet.." Zayn panted not there yet. When Harry thrusted forcefully upwards hitting his prostate dead on he cried out spilling on Harry's stomach. "Fuck.."
They kissed, laughing, breathing heavily not believing what they'd just done. Having sex in the car. In the middle of the day.
Perhaps they should have thought that through. Yazz came home early not feeling well to find her parent's car partially blocking entrance to the house. And it was clear as day what the steamed windows and rocking of the car meant.
"You are ruining sex for me." She yelled honking the horn as she drove to Louis's house deciding to check on her friend Bella who had been skipping classes.